LIT session #3, donor session #1

Donor needed

So, the LIT didn't work, at least not with Dennis' blood. The doctor reassured us it's quite common among the Chinese, maybe because Chinese couples tend not to intermarry, for many many generations, hence our blood may be a bit too alike. So the next course of action is to get donated blood from someone not Chinese and see how I respond after 2 sessions. The theory is the more foreign the blood source, the better the reaction.

At first we thought of who among our friends can be asked to donate. But then when you take into account the preparation, screening of blood (also an extra expense), additional time and the drive to Katipunan, times 2 for 2 sessions, it's quite a lot to ask of someone as a favor. So we opted to go with the clinic's stable of donors, who sell their blood for 1,000 per session, and who have already been screened. And this way, only my and the doctor's schedule will be taken into account. The donor will usually just follow the sched. 

So there you go. I'll do the first session tomorrow. Another 17k (times two!) about to go down the drain. I don't mean to complain but a part of me is frustrated it didn't work with Dennis when I had such high hopes it would. Although, I did mention here that the second round using Dennis' blood didn't seem to register much of a reaction. Maybe that was a clue. 

On the other hand, my thyroid seems to have responded to medication and has improved and decreased to the acceptable level. So it's the LIT nalang and we should be good to go back to Kato. 

Yesterday we were at a birthday party with Dennis' law school friends and I realized with sadness that out of about 12 couples, it's just us and another couple (who incidentally is also doing LIT and acupuncture in the same places that we go to!) that have yet to have a little one. Infertility can be horribly and painfully isolating, and that was probably one of the worst isolation moments for me. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it. It seems like everyone has eventually gotten there at one point or another, even those that had a bit of difficulty too and used to consult me on treatment options. Then there's us. Can't help it, it also feels really unfair and very cruel. Of all people, why us? 

Ok, pity party is over. It's a holiday today and we're doing a GoT marathon. Happy vibes only. While I can't change our situation, I can always manage my attitude about it. It's normal to feel down but there's always the choice not to stay down. 

Fight! LIT, be nicer to me this time around!

Downton Abbey and The White Queen

A bit of a break from the infertility talk, lest people think I am not capable of thinking of or talking about other things apart from infertility :p Let's talk about TV series!!!

I've recently discovered two titles that I couldn't stop watching. I couldn't believe I've gone on without seeing them earlier! One is the White Queen, a British television drama series with just 10 episodes, written as a combination of the bestselling historical novels of Philippa Gregory -- The Cousin's War, composed of three installments The White Queen, The Red Queen and the Kingmaker's Daughter. A mix of love story, magic, medieval royalty and war, it was so engaging from start to finish that I often sneaked in an episode or two in the evenings before I slept even if I could barely keep my eyes open :p

The other one is Downton Abbey, a multiawarded British costume drama television series, set in a fictional country estate of the same name. It tells the story of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants, set in the picturesque and elegant post-Edwardian era, with big events in world history set as the backdrop of the storytelling. For instance, the first episode was told as an offshoot of the sinking of the Titanic while the last episode of Season 1 was set amidst the start of the first world war.

I love how the era is presented in this series in such an elegant and beautiful way, with social graces being a top priority in the way people dealt with each other, where men were all gentlemen regardless of rank, and all women were ladies. Please do watch it!

Sharing...

I shared our story under a pseudonym and through BabyHopeful, to try to raise awareness and help other people out. 

Also want to share this photo I found online and I felt is such an apt answer to my boss who recently asked me at what point do I give up on my dream--

I know he is very professional, sometimes to the point of being cold, and he never underwent anything remotely near what we're going through. But still. Insensitivity is one of society's worst crimes against infertility sufferers. This is a good answer to that question. 

Hey, hubby, it's your birthday! :p

It's my darling husband's birthday today. I don't know where I'd be without him -- he who has stood by me, loved me, accepted me, cherished me, believed in me through both the best of times and the worst of times. So on the occasion of his 35th birthday, I :

- thank the good God above for leading me to him and for paving the very smooth way for us to get together and be together.

- thank him for :
(1) loving my family and taking them as his own
(2) loving me through our bout with infertility, which has yet to mark its happy ending, and for wanting it to conclude happily as much as I do
(3) always giving me the benefit of the doubt, sometimes even when I don't deserve it
(4) always making me feel beautiful, even in those first few minutes in bed after waking up wherein I know I am nowhere near presentable
(5) making me laugh, making me smile and making me blush
(6) thinking of me first and foremost, in everything in life
(7) providing for me and our home
(8) dreaming the same dreams as I do and working his hardest to make them come true

- promise him even happier and fuller next 35 birthdays and beyond (all the way up to 90!)

This is for you. The perfect song for our perfect love :)

All of Me

Happy birthday, my love!

Photo with Fuji on her baptism :)

LIT working....? I hope....

I just notice today that my second LIT is not making a mark. Literally. My skin is just a tad reddish but apart from that, nothing else. Here it is at Day 5 post-injection -

In fact, the two little red dots you see there are leftover marks from my first session. Then you see a little reddish area with a greenish bruise-like tinge, then that's it! No bump. No irritation. No itch. 

I wonder what this means. I hope it bodes well for me. 

Updates

Had our second LIT session last Saturday --

Dr Aleta gave me instructions to do another blood test in two weeks so we can see if the treatment is working. If not, we would need to look for another donor. Apparently, some patients who have friends who are also undergoing the same thing can swap blood samples. This makes things easier because at least you know your donor and the donor won't feel so inconvenienced since it's an x-deal. Good thing, Dennis and I both have friends who are doing LIT too. So if ever we need more sessions and a different  donor, we have standby already. 

In other news, it was baby Fuji's baptism the other day. Here she is in her pretty pink lacey dress :)

Love love love!

More surprises. And confusion.

So the other day, I got my NK cells results and wanted immediately to go see Dra Velez to get an interpretation. Recall that as of my first visit to her, I was still lacking my NK panel results. So, when I got them the other day, I sent her the results via email and texted her to see if I can meet her that day. I quite liked her during our first meeting, so I was hopeful to get the same reception and same level of care. More than that, I was hopeful that my results meant I don't have to deal with NK issues, as they are the mother-fucker of fertility immunology conditions and are SO expensive to hurdle.

Lo and behold, she told me that judging from my results, I would need intralipid infusion therapy, hereby defined as: "Intralipid infusion therapy is a treatment, which is administered through an IV drip in the arm made from soya bean oil, egg yolk, glycerin and water. Intralipid Infusion therapy provides the body with essential fatty acids that help to lower the activity of Natural Killer (NK) cells." I started to worry, first about what this means for our IVF attempts then secondly about what it means financially. Each infusion costs a pretty significant 5-digit figure each time, and from what I know, I'll need several rounds to keep the NK cells from acting up. She said that a certain CD36 level was high, so I needed these treatments to stabilize them. I didn't quite understand. The text was short and didn't really provide enough explanation.

So I texted her back and asked if I could see her. I also called her landline to ask the nurse if I can get squeezed in. At this point, there was a good hour before her appointment schedule was over for the day.

Then I got brushed off - she essentially asked me to ask my LIT doctor about it since she may also perform it anyway. Whuuuut?! Is this because I chose not to get my LIT injections through her clinic, which was charging a good 8-9k MORE than the clinic in Katipunan?! Is this politics at work?! OMG.

Anyhow, I decided to ignore her and made a plan to see a different doctor - Dra Aleta, who held clinic in RAI Center in SLukes. Incidentally, this is also the doctor who gave me the LIT injections and who I think owns the Katipunan blood lab. Her appointment schedule was that same afternoon, so I figured I'll just go to her to get the results explained. I couldn't wait another day before getting the interpretations and the implications.

This is when I started getting really confused. Dra Aleta basically had opposite interpretations and recommendations as Dr Velez, save for the LIT which they both agree I needed. Dra Aleta told me that she is concerned about my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) levels because while they are normal for an average adult who is not trying to get pregnant, the levels are also way beyond the maximum of 2.0 that is optimal for those who do want to get pregnant. So she recommended that I took thyroid hormones to lower this level of TSH so I can reach the optimum level before I restart IVF. She also told me I didn't need intralipid infusions because the NK cells level result I have is within range. She also asked me to do 2 more tests, because all the paperwork I showed her still lacked 2 more tests to complete the fertility immunology workup.

I was stumped. How can two doctors say exactly the opposite things when looking at the same sheets of paper!?

I then turned to Dr Google - aka the repository of knowledge when one is stumped and has no one (at least no living, breathing person) to turn to.

So far, my research has supported Dra Aleta's assertions. My TSH level is indeed below fertility-optimal levels. I also read that the NK cells level she was reading seems to be within normal range. So so far, Dr Google affirmed Aleta's reading and not Velez's. I don't know what to make of this.

Even my husband, who is a biology major, is stumped. He doesn't want me taking hormones until the recommendation is validated by a 2nd opinion. So I made an appointment with another immunologist, who is actually my sister-in-law's immunologist, to get his reading on the matter. Hopefully he aligns with Aleta too so that I can move forward with her recommendations, because I am sick of just standing in place! Part of me wants to get moving already with our embryos and start trying again. But the other part does understand that I need to sort out these immunology stuff to better optimize my system to receive my embryos. But waiting sucks! This third doctor, Dr Gloria, is apparently super duper busy and is only available next Wed. Next Wed! A full week from now. A full week wasted. Grrr. The OC in me is not pleased.

But Dennis is adamant that I get his opinion first. So wait is all I can do for now. And research.

Hay.  Waiting sucks. Being confused sucks.

:-S