What I wanted to blog about today doesn't concern infertility. Surprised? Hehe. I'm sorry if this blog has sort of morphed into an infertility memoir but I guess that's unavoidable as it's the single most significant force in my life now. Anyway, there are a lot of other things going on and I feel that maybe this one recent occurence should be written down so I can remind myself in the future why I decided to go a certain route with regard to a certain friend.
Okay, I have this good friend (friend of about 10 years or so) who's always been that girl with issues - aka hyperdriven at work to compensate for loneliness in other parts of her life, who can be a bit judgmental, a bit hard to manage but overall a loving and caring person. I've always sought to understand her as she also endeavored to support and understand me as well. I've always thought we had a solid friendship. Until now.
It started with a phone call. She called me in hysterics and told me she was in my brother's restaurant and was enraged at the staff for refusing to accept her JCB credit card. Backgrounder: She is the country manager for JCB in the Phils and one of their major business challenges is market acceptance and understanding that partner-bank terminals can accept their cards. This has thrown her into a hissy fit before, and I witnessed it myself when we had brunch in a different place about a year ago. Anyway, she told me the server quoted management directions that indicate JCB cards were not accepted in their establishment and since I didn't know the full story why that was the case, I told her I was saddened to hear what happened and that I will ask my brother. I felt at that point, what else was there for me to say? She went on and on though, even going to the point of telling me "I am here altruistically supporting your brother and this is what I get in return? I will never come back here again!"
That got me upset, as you can imagine. But at this point, I still held it together and told her I'll find out what happened.
We then hung up the phone and I whatsapped my brother to ask what happened. While waiting for his reply, I checked the FB notifications I've been receiving this entire time and was flabbergasted to see that this incensed friend had the gall to post about being in my brother's resto and tagged me in the post. Which meant my family and frienda on FB could see it. This by itself is not something to react to, you might say. I would agree, except she updated her status by adding that the place is horrible, she wanted to puke out everything she ate and never wanted to go back there. Basically badmouthing it. To my face, since I was tagged. In front of the world, at least the FB world.
This was the last straw.
By this time, my brother replied. The explanation was that JCB wasn't part of the regular module of their POS provider and while their BDO terminal could accept the charge, it cannot be read by the POS and hence their chits won't tally at the end of the day and the imbalance would mean accounting issues later on. He also said that he has requested for the additional module, which would cover JCB and Amex, but the supplier hasn't sent someone over to install. He went on to ask if my friend was still upset and what he could do to appease her in the meantime. My brother's nice reply made me feel even madder at my friend, as he was extending extra courtesy to her given my friendship, yet she went on to lambast his establishment IN SPITE of our friendship. Anyway, I replied a simple "it's okay, I'll handle it" and left it at that. I went on to FB and untagged myself from the awful post. And replied to my friend via text a seething explanation.
I told her the reason why her beloved card couldn't be accepted. And suggested to her that perhaps instead of blowing her top at merchant partners, her company should just invest in PR with POS providers and in an educational campaign with merchants. I then ended with telling her I did not appreciate her tone, choice of words and actions about this issue. I did NOT owe her anything, and how dare she rub in my face that she was "altruistically" supporting my brother. I never made friends spend money in my family's businesses if they didn't want to and I soooo did not appreciate being made to feel that way. I felt her behavior cheapened our friendship and made it look like it was made of nothing of value. If she didn't care how her words could hurt me and my family, then that says a lot about her, not me.
I remember being so mad, my hands were shaking. Dennis just hugged me to try and comfort me. I felt so attacked. I felt my family was unduly attacked. By a friend, no less.
She then texted back some bullshit message about being stressed at work, pressured to expand the business, etc. even dragged feng shui into it, about it being a bad year for her sign. I don't give a rat's ass. That's not a valid reason to hurt people.
Anyway, cut to a few weeks later where she texts me that our common friend was in town and was in pain over a recent career situation. I knew it was an effort to reach out to me but I wasn't ready to engage with her. Texted back a curt "yes I know. I'm in touch with her. Thanks" to which she replied "okay" and a "sorry na" in reference to what happened. Firstly, "sorry na" ain't an apology in my book. Secondly, what happened isn't something a text could make disappear. I ignored it.
A replay (meaning she texted again when our common friend was about to fly out, saying pretty much the same thing including the apology with matching "it won't happen again") happened about 2 weeks later. Also ignored it.
At this point, I am no longer mad at her as much as I am disappointed and disillusioned. I cannot view our friendship the same way again. How can I just sweep this under the rug?
I still don't know how to talk to her again without thinking of what happened, so I have not talked to her in months. I just can't shake it off. What has been said cannot be unsaid. A line that's been crossed cannot be uncrossed.
And while I may be able to eventually fully forgive her, I cannot forget it. So while I don't harbor bad feelings anymore, I also cannot say I have positive feelings towards her either. No motivation to start up a conversation again, much less a bond. I have no interest in the idea. At all. And without that, how can a friendship survive and move forward? Does that make sense to you?
So there we are. Ex-friends. Not by my design. Sad but I don't know how to change how I feel.
Lesson learned too. Definitely avoid opening your mouth and speaking your mind when you're upset. :-/
