spoiled

Got the new Joss Stone CD and I am in love with her music. I love her voice, and I especially love this song (for obvious reasons, I think):

I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself
I've never been so wrong before
You made it impossible for me to ever
Love somebody else
And now I don't know what I left you for
See I thought that I could replace you
He can't love me the way you do
'Till now I never knew
Baby

I'm spoiled
By your love boy
No matter how I try to change my mind
What's the point it's just a waste of time
I'm spoiled by your touch boy
The love you give is just too hard to fight
Don't want to live without you in my life
I'm spoiled

great weekend

My weekend started off great with back-to-back interviews and a Madagascar premiere on Friday. I skipped work altogether and decided to devote the entire day to 2 things. One is to career advancement (more details about this next time) and two is to my boyfriend, who I haven't seen in 3 days (haha, kala mo matagal na matagal na.. wala lang....) Plus, Madagascar was such a cute movie. I loooooved David Schwimmer as the giraffe :)

Friday was followed by a nice, relaxing Saturday lunch with my girls, with a bit of shopping on the side. When my boy finally came to pick me up, he surprised me with a huge bouquet of red roses. Oh my gohd, it's been a month na pala and I forgot about it. (hehe, who says these things are the exclusive turf of girls? I hardly even remembered!) Afterwards, went to Mass at VV3 and finally got to introduce my boy to G (and vice versa). Glad to see that they hit it off enough for me to leave them alone for a bit :) Then it was off to a nice, cheap dinner at Seaside with a few rowdy frat boys and their girlfriends...

Today was a perfect cap to such a perfect weekend. It started slow, with me finally getting 10 hours of sleep.. then a lazy lunch with my brothers, then off to a store opening with my boyfriend in the afternoon. An uncle of his opened a shop along Wilson, and I got to meet a few more Chan's in the little salu salo there. Afterwards, got to do a little window-shopping and more eating as we hung out in Greenhills, chatting about random shtuff while waiting to meet with a certain person..

Then it was dinner with my family at night. As usual, my grandma stuffed Dennis silly-- she kept putting food on his plate and insisting he wasn't full yet, when I knew he was already eating to the brim. Haha! But aside from that, I loved seeing that he enjoyed my family's company, especially my brothers. The thing with boys, I notice, is that sports will always be the perfect ice-breaker.

After dinner, we weren't ready to part ways just yet, so we hung out at Baywalk for a while. Did more talking pa, as if we haven't spent the last 3 days together. I love lazy moments with him... not really doing anything... just talking... As we discussed different issues & scenarios, I saw even more just how in sync we were-- in terms of life goals, priorities, values, opinions, non-negotiables, etc.

I know it's only been a month, but I feel like I've known him for forever and that I've loved him for far longer than I actually have. I don't know exactly where this feeling comes from, but it just makes me feel really really secure. No matter how much things change (and pretty soon, I'm expecting a big career change), I know that I won't be making decisions alone and facing obstacles/ problems alone. I'll have him with me... him who takes me for what I am and celebrates my weak points as much as he does my strengths. Someone whom I can talk to about anything and everything... Someone I trust with my heart and with my life... Someone who'll be the staunchest supporter of everything I do and the firmest believer in what I can do... All in all, just someone who loves me. Loves me with a love that makes me feel I can conquer the world. I know blessings come in many forms, but by far this is the best one of all.

almost home free...

Just one more leg, and then it's all systems go.

Lord, I know you've been showering me with enough blessings to last a lifetime.. but I hope you won't mind me asking for another one.. Just this one last thing, Lord.. Just this one last thing to seal the deal. Hope it goes the way I want it to...

After that, it's done! :) (fingers crossed) If it's meant to be, it will happen...

(Please tell me it's meant for me!)

wish me luck

Big day tomorrow. I don't know why I'm so nervous. As in, I've never been anxious like this before. I mean, my friend Guia even credits me (justly or not) for my BS powers...

C'mon, BS powers, I'm channeling you.. I need you right now.

Oh dear Lord, if it's for me, please please please just give it to me. Please let everything go well....

Oh dear.... wish me luck!

weekends

I need weekends now more than ever, I realize.

Before, they were times to rest, relax, unwind... They were good for me, but I didn't need them. I mean, during 4th year college, I barely felt the weekends.

But now, I neeeed them. They're like a lifeline for me now. Something that I need desperately to finish a leg and move on to the next. Maybe it's coz they're spent with him.. or maybe because my current state is something that needs changing (and changing soon!).

God bless weekends.

turn ahead?

If it's meant for me, please just make everything go smoothly and easily... Please let it all fall nicely into place and fit into my life like hands to a glove... That's the only sign I ask to tell me that this is the right corner to turn at... I've been asking for a change for so long, and I just need some sort of validation that this is the answer I'm waiting for. I'll wait, no problem... Ikaw na bahala...

it's final...

I'd rather turn it down and stay here than to leave, lose you and regret it for life. Yes, it used to be something I strove and reached for, but what we have is so much more priceless, so much more special, and so much more worthy of keeping. I've made up my mind, and no, no gratitude is expected from it. Just believe it, and never ever change. That's all I need. Just never ever change. Love me always as you love me now.

HP4 the movie

I can't wait!

existential dilemma

Ever since my friend passed away, I've been feeling my motivation to work deteriorate bit by bit as the days went by.. Hard as that may be to admit, especially for someone like me, it's true. And it's high time I recognize it for what it is.

My wakeup call was a one-on-one talk with my boss recently, where he pointed out the areas where he thought I was starting to 'slip on'. He noted recent projects and tasks that I had worked relatively 'slower' on, with considerably less focus, less concentration and less attention. He gave these comments with the aim of getting a re-commitment... a re-affirmation that I will get back on my feet and work like a horse.. as I did before.

But to be honest, I couldn't care less. Which took even me by surprise... For people who are close to me, they'd know that this kind of reaction is uncharacteristic. Usually, I'm a person who takes her performance seriously, who sees her output as a reflection of who she is. But somehow, those words of feedback from the boss sounded hollow and empty to my ears. As I said, I really couldn't care less.

I don't know exactly what it is that's making me feel this way, but I just don't quite see the 'point' in working so hard anymore, in putting in the extra hours, in climbing the corporate ladder, in raking in the recognition and in bagging the great deals.

After seeing how well my friend lived her life, simply because of the amount of love she gave and the amount of love she got in return, things such as work seem so trivial. All of a sudden, the only value it has is just to give us a means to exist. Not some life-enriching, character-affirming commitment. In any given week, most of my time is spent in the office, earning money for an institution that would scarcely care if my health suffers as a result of dedicated service. Most of my time in a given week is spent accumulating stress, derived from pushing myself to climb the promotion ladder in a company that may very well find me redundant 10-20 years down the line. Not to mention derived from dealing with some people I don't even want to be stuck with in an island.

All those ambitious dreams and driven dedication to my work seem like a pointless endeavor now. It all just lost its steam in one fell swoop. If tomorrow is the last day of my life, would I be happy to realize in the end that I had spent it in the office?

I should just shut up and go to bed.

day for mothers

I never understood women who go for high-powered careers and aggressively climb the corporate (or social) ladder, only to find that, in the process, they left their family life in ruins.

I've always believed that no success in work compensates for failure in the home.

And I've never found anything wrong with dedicating your life to family. I remember a discussion not too long ago with a colleague, who is also Chinese, who was raised in an environment of achievers-- that is, achievers in the corporate league. Women who are strong-willed, unable to be 'tied down' by marriage or 'ordered around' by husbands. Women who left their children to 'learn on their own', which sounded like an empty excuse to me for neglecting the care and attention a child always needs. She argued that these days, women have to care for themselves, have to look out for #1 (which is yourself), and not be lured into the deceptive joys of wifery and motherhood.

I thought that whole argument to be incredibly selfish. First of all, if you don't intend to serve your husband, then why get married in the first place? Besides, while it is true that the woman should live for the man, the man should also live for the woman. Isn't that what love is about anyway?

And, hello, if your kids won't be #1, why even have them in the first place? Such thinking is as selfish as selfish can ever get. I have to say, such women have no right to be wives. And mothers.

Shoutout: Hooray to my mom who's always juggled work with home life with amazing finesse and grace.. who's always willing to drop a few profit margins, just to be there for a school play or to rush home to care for a sick little Co.. who takes time to sit and talk, who takes time to know our friends and the little details of our lives.. who knows when to keep asking and when to back off.. who gets kilig when her daughter gets flowers... who gets offended when her boys get basted (How dare she?! My son is a prime catch!)...

For all the things you do and for the things you've foregone just to be our mother, thank you. You'll always be the mother I'll someday aim to be.

update!

I feel that the past few days just whizzed by, and feel the need to write them down:
Friday- Dennis picked me up from the office so we could go meet up with his buddies for a late dinner. Went to Market Market, and toured it in its entirety. I couldn't believe Dennis had never been there. (Haha! Sosy!) But we ended up eating in Dampa, which was cool, kahit sobrang init!

Saturday- Dennis and I spent yet another day together-- first we saw a movie and then went to a frat party afterwards. Met even more people (whose names I'm still struggling with 'til now) and heard some stories on how my boyfriend is the best friend of all, the best blockmate, the best fratmate, the best everything. :)

Sunday- Spent this with my brothers, which felt really nice. It felt good to bond again with them and spend time just talking and laughing. Great day all-in-all...

Monday- Spent all day with Dennis again.. We went to Blue Wave and hung out for the longest time! I love it there, especially the 'plaza' in the middle, where you can just sit and talk, with the breeze cooling you off (because it was just so damn hot!) without having to spend on anything! Isn't that the best?! :) We were together for 12 hours, but again, it didn't feel that long at all :)

Tuesday- Citigroup Quality Excellence Awards night was held in Manila Penn. This is a semi-annual awards ceremony that honors and recognizes performers in the past 6 months. Got nominated (and won) for the project I headed last Q4. It was my first CQEA (yez, I intend to get more, hehe..) and it was exciting to see what a big deal the entire affair was.. People were in suits, gowns, etc. All spruced up to the nines! My gosh! At may buffet dinner pa! :)

'Twas fun to go up on stage, accept the award and take pictures. It was even more fun taking souvenir photos with my colleagues outside the ballroom. Then Dennis came over around 9 from Rockwell to pick me up so we can have our own little celebration :) Went to Old Swiss Inn, which is a quaint little restaurant behind Manila Penn. M, my boss, actually wanted to meet him that night. But since Dennis came at mga 9 na, and M had to leave right after the awards were done, d sila nag-abot. M couldn't stop ragging me about it this morning. Haha!

Don't worry, boss, there's next time :)

If you notice, most of these logs are of days spent with my dear boyfriend. As happy as it makes me, apparently it's been making my dad feel neglected. He made sumbong to my mom that my face can rarely be seen around the house. "If it isn't work, it's that boy. If it isn't that boy, it's her friends. If it isn't her friends, it's work." Hahahaha! O, daddy, you are so cute! On Sunday, we'll spend the day together. Promise.

(Can Dennis come with us too, though?)

(Haha, kidding!!)

DH fever

I'm sooooo addicted! I love Desperate Housewives! It's a great combo of Sex and the City and Melrose Place. Brimming full of adultery, of lies and of truths, of the eternal tug-of-war between the sexes, of the best-laid plans (that usually go awry), of teenage love (or lust), of scandal and rumors... Just the way I like my soaps! Haha! :) And I liked how it depicted suburban life in a realistic light-- plagued by the same basic problems as city dwellers. That's actually part of the charm, I think. The fact that such a simple place as Wysteria (spelling?) Lane can be just as complicated as Manhattan...

Sometimes I'm so engrossed by the series that I forget Dennis is already downstairs waiting for me. For a split second, I get tempted to stay and watch some more. But then I snap quickly out of it. Hello?! =S

Hehe... Basta I love it! I hear they're bringing it here.. either by Star World or Studio 23 (I forget which one). Great news, para I can talk about it with more people naman. Haha! :)