May 10th

It's not my intention to make this a political blog. I just realized that this 2010 elections is probably my first time to feel this strongly about a candidate, believe in him so much and want him to win so badly I'm thinking of ways on how I can volunteer for him without compromising my safety or my schedule. Whenever I listen to Gibo, I am in awe of his vision for the Philippines and inspired by the clean, honest and respectful campaign he has run to date. I am not surprised at all at his 90% conversion rate- meaning, when people listen to him in any forum, they are convinced 90% of the time that he is the best man for the job. And truly, if you are open-minded and you give him the opportunity to tell you what he has planned, you will be just as convinced as me that he is the best option we have. I think he will represent us very well internationally, and he has a plan on how to move this country forward. He also oozes with sincerity whenever he speaks and I think it's commendable that he has mounted this campaign WITHOUT mudslinging, digging up dirt about opponents or talking badly about them. He keeps positivity at the heart of his campaign and as such, he has garnered the support of the youth. It's also worth considering that not one of his opponents have anything bad to say about him. In the way that Phil politics goes in this country, that is a feat in itself.

I wish soooo badly that he wins on May 10th. To the point that I pray to God that He helps Gibo win. I want this country to be better, to be safer, to be richer and to be stronger for my and everyone else's sakes, including my future kids. Let's vote green! :)

5 years na!

By next Wednesday, Atty and I would have been together for 5 years already. This will also be our last boyfriend-girlfriend anniversary, and that makes me feel a bit sentimental. I remember when we first started going out, the little discoveries we made of each other and the little adjustments that we had to make to make space for each other in our (already quite full) lives. I remember the days when we just met each other, our long talks that go late into the night, our first dates, the first time he met my family, the first time I met his and the first time we went to the temple together. I'm getting a bit wistful going through memory lane, thinking of the journey we've had and how everything has brought us to this point in time, 5 months from getting married and moving into our first home. I'm so grateful I met him. Life certainly became a whole lot more worth living :)

this week...

was one of the most tiring weeks of my life. Emotionally tiring, that is. I hate politics.

the big picture

You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you find, you get what you need :)

The past few days have really been a growing-up period for me. First off, I had to adjust with the revelation at work that meant I had to get out of my comfort zone and dive in head-first into an unknown area of business and try to perform as well as I possibly can. All this while juggling my other considerations and leaving behind the team that I love so dearly.

Then yesterday was a day of reckoning in terms of my personal life, specifically our expenses and how our financial outlook as a couple will be in the next few years. I crunched some numbers and had the sinking realization that I could either get the honeymoon of my dreams or keep significant cushion money (aka buffer money) for our little nest egg to grow, given that the expenses we'll have when we get married practically equal what we bring home on a net basis. I knew I had a choice-- either I push for the honeymoon I want but pay for the price of uncertainty because that amount of money could've been our safety net... or I could postpone this dream of a trip and relish the security of knowing that I have some stash of money hidden away for a rainy day. I had to weigh my options and to be honest, at the core of me, I knew what the right thing to do was. It's the bratty side of me that was adamant on being able to go where we intended to go, but the mature me already knew what I had to do. Also, when I talked to Dennis, I was also given some discoveries, such as the fact that he had actually not minded where we go for our honeymoon, it doesn't have to be NYC. He just wanted to celebrate being married to me, and he only wanted to go to NYC because he knew how much I wanted it. Even if it meant forcing the issue financially, he would do it because he knew I wanted it and he already felt like I made so many compromises by agreeing to marry him (which, for the record, is sooo untrue). He said he understands our predicament but would support me in any choice I make.

I felt so bad that I had kept my eyes solely on the goal of going to NY that I had totally forgotten about the big picture. That we are in this to build a life together, not just a measly 7 or 8 days abroad. And I realized that the dream already is right in front of me, which is the dream of building a life together with the man I love and putting up a home to house that love. Everything else is a bonus, an optional thing, gravy or the cherry on top. I already have everything I need when I have this man who's willing to do anything he can to make me happy.

So without even waiting for him to ask me again, I've decided to forego the original plans and go for our Plan B, which, I must remind myself, is not that bad and is in fact pretty cool. We've decided to go to Japan instead, and this may actually end up being as good an option as NY, because not only will we be able to indulge in our favorite food (after Chinese, of course), we'll still be able to go to a cold place (which is what Dennis loves) and we will actually be going to a place that neither of us have ever been to. The downside of our original plan of Sing + NY was that both places are not new to me. With this new plan, we get the best of both worlds- Singapore is the place mired with personal history for me, yet we also share the experience of first-time travel in Japan. I don't at all feel shortchanged that the original plans won't push through. I have to admit, I spent the better half of yesterday and today feeling like I lost a dream, but now that I've allowed reality (and maturity) to sink in, I actually feel really good about this decision. This whole thing may turn out to be a blessing through and through after all. I not only feel better because I'm being more responsible, I am actually starting to get excited :) Which is what any honeymoon should be about anyway.

So yeah, this brings me back to the first sentence that starts this post. In the process of not getting what you (originally) wanted, you may just find that you instead just got what you really really needed. And at the end of the day, you find that what you've been reaching so far out for has always been within your reach. Right by your side.

:)

change is good? always?

A new change is upon me. Just when I thought I had enough on my plate, I now have to adjust to a TOTALLY new job effective April 15. I honestly feel torn over my reaction. On the "happy" side lies the opportunity for learning and the chance for professional growth. On the "unhappy" side lies the following:
- The new job is TOTALLY out of my comfort zone, i.e. I may not like it.
- The new job may entail A LOT of local travel, for which I'm not excited. It also can potentially be unfriendly towards my MBA schedule. Not to mention my bridal errand schedule.
- I am required to leave behind my team- composed of people who are not only dependable and loyal but who have become very good friends of mine over the years. This physically pains me, as in I feel a sharp ache in my heart when I think of the prospect of leaving them behind.

I've heard that change is good more times than I care to count, but sometimes I'm not too sure it's always applicable. I'm not sure if change for the sake of change can still be good, because I fail to see how having no rhyme or reason over a certain change can bring about any kind of (deliberately planned) good. It may accidentally become beneficial in the end, but would it be responsible to leave such a consequence to mere chance?

Ohwell. It's not like I have a choice in the matter. The alternative (i.e. protesting against the change or fighting for the status quo) will only make me look immature, not to mention unprofessional. So I just have to suck this up and HOPE that it goes well in the end.

i think i found my wedding shoes!

*just us*

I have a confession to make. These days, the wedding doesn't excite me very much. At least not in the way people would normally expect it to excite a bride-to-be. I don't know if it's because it involves so much stressful discussions, like what color does my MIL want for her dress or whether the cake we're eyeing is worth the cost or when the suits of the male entourage must get done. It may also be because I feel like the wedding is a (happy) occasion that we have no choice but to share with others. Don't get me wrong; I do not feel forced to share our big day with others. It's just that I'm taking it as a matter of fact (and a matter of life) that it's not just the 2 of us who're invested in the wedding. Our parents top the list of "other people who care about the wedding", followed by close family members and friends. And I don't mind that at all. I really don't. I love the fact that there are a lot of people who can't wait til our wedding. It would be really sad if otherwise. But, I can't help but feel then that the wedding is not "just ours", and to be honest, these days, the details about the wedding don't get a "woohoo" out of me as they would normally do.

What does get me excited though is the honeymoon. Imagining us on going to Singapore for the first phase of our honeymoon gets me excited like you wouldn't believe. Dreaming (and hoping against hope) that we get ourselves to NYC shortly thereafter gets me even more excited! So excited I could jump out of my bones in joy! Apart from the honeymoon, I can't help but find myself planning future trips together- I imagined going to Macau for Valentine's weekend next year or maybe even Japan for Holy Week 2011, if we can afford to. I guess it's also partly because up until we're married, Dennis and I haven't been anywhere (far) together, much less abroad. The farthest we've been to together is Tagaytay, and that was just a day trip. Because of our culture and the conservatism it espouses, we've really had overnight trips anywhere, so I guess this also contributes to my enthusiasm that, after Sept 19 this year, we can go anywhere we want to together :) The freedom and the opportunities it offers just can't help but get me really riled up! I can't wait!

Another reason is, because of how certain things panned out in Dennis' life so far, he hasn't really been to many places. In fact, when it comes to going abroad, he's only been to Taiwan and the States, and these trips happened when he was a little boy. He's never been to Singapore or even HK, much less other places I've been to like Canada, the Middle East, Australia, Hawaii or even China or Malaysia. Part of me feels really bad for him, because it seems unfair for him not to have had those experiences I've been fortunate enough to have. I know he doesn't agree, because those hard times in his past fortified him and made him every bit of the great guy he is now. I know those times were instrumental in making him the responsible, strong and grounded person I love so very much, and I'm very grateful. But all that doesn't change the part of me that wants to let him in on those travel opportunities I've had. I want him to see why travel is such a passion for me, how travel can change perspectives and mindsets, and what travel does to a person. I want us to jumpstart our marriage with adventures and discoveries- kickoff our union brimming full of experiences and rich memories. It's not about luxury, that's the least of my concerns, nor is it about indulgences. Far from it. I want to infuse travel into the early part of our marriage, because I know it'll be good for us. It'll be a great foot to start our life off on. I know it'll only be "just us" for a short while, before concerns about baby formula or playschool fill our conversations. So I'll know we'll be grateful to have had a good run at "just us", when we could :)

I don't know where all that outpouring of thoughts came from. I just updated our travel itinerary to Singapore (actually, I just bought us reserved seats), and got to surfing through the rest of Cebu Pac's website. And I got to thinking about this picture in my head of us having the adventure of a lifetime.

I love him. So very much. And I can't count down the days enough until "just us" starts :)