That's the best way I can describe this 2013. This has been a year of letting go, letting God, and letting be.
Whether it's with my career (taking a huge leap into a different industry -- one I would not have otherwise gotten into on my own), with my health (especially with getting pregnant) and with my mindset (less of trying to control things and planning every single detail). 2013 may not have been an exciting year for me in the sense that it was really quite steady, it also taught me to be patient and to be more trusting. Trust that good things happen to good people, trust that life will always be a bit uncertain and trust that, in the end, things will happen in the manner and timing that they are supposed to. No use wringing around in frustration or rattling cages (exag but you get the point)...
For instance, while I was busy looking at the calendar and pressuring myself before on getting pregnant, I realized I almost forgot that I was also hitting way ahead of schedule other milestones that I thought would take more time. I did get promoted and went up the career ladder much earlier and faster than I expected. All this exposure to senior management is something I thought I would have to work another decade for, in order to get.
We also paid off our loan with the condo and bought our 2nd unit much sooner than I would have thought had you asked me when we were about to get hitched in 2010. Life is funny, I guess. And sometimes, all you really need is a healthy dose of perspective. Don't get too caught up looking for what you do not have. There is really no point to it. Let things be.
So there. That's what 2013 has meant for me.
That said, I'm ready for you, 2014. Please be kinder. :)
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Friday, December 20, 2013
Viral exanthem and an unexpected long holiday
Atty contracted a nasty viral fever and rash combo last week (Dec 12) and it resulted to an unexpectedly long holiday for us. While I wouldn't want him to get sick anytime of year, I'm grateful it happened during this time when work really winds down anyway and he can rest at home without compromising his work commitments and requirements. And since I was already on leave, liquidating my unused 2013 days off, I was able to care for him without feeling guilty about missing work or leaving my boss hanging. So I guess there's not much to complain about. Being stuck at home for days and days also felt like a mini holiday, plus with the horrendous traffic outside, it wasn't so bad at all to be cooped up inside.
And the good thing is, according to the doctor yesterday, his rashes should fully clear up by the 22nd or 23rd, just in time for Christmas! Woohoo!
So, the end of 2013 looms nearer and nearer. Time for my annual reflection post. Will put it together in the next few days, along with our yearly FILC survey :)
Thursday, November 28, 2013
So apparently....
1. We have an infection again. This time, the doctor assured us these are "post-party" organisms and can be expected to show up after the bigwigs are deado. So in a way, it's an improvement. Sort of.
Dennis is really so much steadier and more level-headed than me. I was initially feeling dejected by the news but he assured me it was okay and we're just not meant to finish by 2013. Okay...... Fine.....
2. My progesterone and estradiol levels post-ovulation may be within normal range but are sub-optimal. This means that to satisfy our objectives, I need to be hitting the upper portion of the range. And my results, sadly, fall more on the lower side. Another big sigh.
Not much can be done on this end though, apart from acupuncture. I am too scared to be tampering with hormones.
So there. A little update on our baby-wishing quest.
Haha! Listen to me. I better switch on the positive mood before the weekend kicks in!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
PARASOL
The business is up! Moving slower than I would have wanted, but my business partners and I are all fulltime professionals, so it's also expected. But finally, it's up, and hopefully it works out! Please support! :)
We've got beautiful laces and fabric, perfect for made-to-order gowns! Visit us at
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Parasol/167639230110967
:)
We've got beautiful laces and fabric, perfect for made-to-order gowns! Visit us at
https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Parasol/167639230110967
:)
Monday, November 11, 2013
Heart
So, I took a hysterosalpingogram last Saturday in Makati Med. A bit of a backgrounder, back in Feb 2012, when I first went to see a fertility specialist, I was told that one of the first steps in determining what I'll need to do in fertility work-ups is to get my fallopian tubes tested, to see if they are patent (meaning they are open and there are no obstructions for egg meeting the sperm). There are 2 ways to go about this: doing it via sono (meaning an ultrasound probe goes inside along with a catheter through which water will pass) or via hystero (meaning an x-ray procedure where a dye is pushed up via catheter). The good thing with the latter is it gives the OB an aerial shot of your uterus and tubes, and be able to see much more than a sono does. The bad thing with it is it's much more costly than the sono and if your doctor doesn't suspect any uterine abnormality like fibroids or endometriosis, then the sono can do. Back then, we decided on the sono, since we were still very optimistic that it will only take a few months before we successfully get pregnant and because our doctor then said it should be good enough.
Fast forward to July 2013 when I go see a different OB - this time someone who is both an infertility and a high-risk pregnancy specialist. He recommends that I do the hystero procedure to be absolutely sure. The thing with the sono, which wasn't explained to me before, is that any positive outcome there will only indicate that at least 1 tube is open. It doesn't necessarily mean that both tubes are viable. Since I'm having trouble conceiving, if one of the tubes are not patent, it means I'm only eligible to even fight the good fight only half the time (or 6 cycles per year -- a small chance, if you ask me).
So I put myself in his good hands, and had it scheduled last Saturday. I prayed to Buddha and asked for His divine grace and protection to make sure things go smoothly and I don't end up doing more harm than good in having the procedure done.
So off I went last Saturday, having fasted since midnight the night before. My amazing husband lovingly joined me as I fasted, out of solidarity and love. So I got to doc's clinic at 12noon, and was assisted by the nurse to the operating room area. Another nurse got me hooked up to an IV - which kind of unnerved me as the last time I was on one, I wasn't even old enough to remember the experience - then she had me strip and prepped on the OR table. My mom came by and had all these questions to make sure I was prepped correctly. Then the anesthesiologist arrived, asked me a few questions, then honestly, that's the last thing I remembered before dozing off.
After what seemed to me to be a few seconds, I woke up being wheeled off into the recovery room with Dennis' and my mom's faces smiling in front of me. Essentially, the doctor had good news and not-so-good news. The good side is that my tubes are both patent and are in order. The bad news is that I have a heart-shaped uterus, or more scientifically known as a bicornuate uterus, which would pose some difficulty in conceiving (well, well, well....) and even more difficulty in carrying a pregnancy to term and healthily.
To be honest, I was so shocked to get the news. I was prepared for there to be tubal problems, which seem to me to be more "overcome-able" due to the many advances in IVF. I was not at all prepared to hear that my uterus had abnormalities -- and abnormalities that have serious consequences to a pregnancy. I feel that it's 'worse' than any tubal defect, because it kind of takes IVF off the table, hence it takes out a lot of what I felt science could help us with. It made me feel more hopeless, to be honest, and my heart broke a whole lot more. I knew Buddha told me that there was something I needed to know, so I needed to take the test. (Honestly, it was also why I delayed actually doing the procedure. Dr Manahan recommended it to me way back in July and it took me almost 5 cycles to get it done) But I felt He was overestimating my strength of resolve in throwing me this curveball. I had always assumed my challenge was in conceiving. I didn't know even carrying will most likely be difficult as well.
Don't be so shocked by my reaction though. I've always been more a realist than an optimist.
My husband, on the other, God bless his heart, is so much more of a positive-looking, glass-half-full kind of dude. He reassured me that we will face this together, whatever and wherever it may mean for us down the road. It may mean I'll be on bedrest for the entire pregnancy, it may mean that our baby/ babies will be smaller than ideal and will spend more hospital time -- Whatever it may be, we can overcome it.
As I said, I'm so full of love, even my uterus is heart-shaped.
So there. While we did consider IVF and were even making plans of going to Taiwan next month to do initial tests and consultations, it's now off the table and off our plans. Since my uterus has less space than normal women and will be unable to stretch as far out as a normal uterus would in a pregnancy, then obviously, carrying multiples (twins) which is what IVF usually targets to produce will be dangerous for me.
Next step now is to go back to Dr Manahan this week and see what our game plan will be. I read online that some women have to undergo surgery to try to make their bicornuate more workable. But there are risks associated with that too, and not everyone will be cleared for the surgery. So, we'll see what the next step for me will be.
Whatever the requirements may be, I solemnly swear to go through all that is required of me, even including quitting my job or letting go of anything I may need to, to be able to conceive, carry and deliver a healthy child. I am bargaining, I know, with the universe and with the heavens. But if you've gone through what we have and are still fighting, you use every last card you have and every ounce of courage left, to be able to realise your dream.
I'm ranting.
OK, back to work.
Fast forward to July 2013 when I go see a different OB - this time someone who is both an infertility and a high-risk pregnancy specialist. He recommends that I do the hystero procedure to be absolutely sure. The thing with the sono, which wasn't explained to me before, is that any positive outcome there will only indicate that at least 1 tube is open. It doesn't necessarily mean that both tubes are viable. Since I'm having trouble conceiving, if one of the tubes are not patent, it means I'm only eligible to even fight the good fight only half the time (or 6 cycles per year -- a small chance, if you ask me).
So I put myself in his good hands, and had it scheduled last Saturday. I prayed to Buddha and asked for His divine grace and protection to make sure things go smoothly and I don't end up doing more harm than good in having the procedure done.
So off I went last Saturday, having fasted since midnight the night before. My amazing husband lovingly joined me as I fasted, out of solidarity and love. So I got to doc's clinic at 12noon, and was assisted by the nurse to the operating room area. Another nurse got me hooked up to an IV - which kind of unnerved me as the last time I was on one, I wasn't even old enough to remember the experience - then she had me strip and prepped on the OR table. My mom came by and had all these questions to make sure I was prepped correctly. Then the anesthesiologist arrived, asked me a few questions, then honestly, that's the last thing I remembered before dozing off.
After what seemed to me to be a few seconds, I woke up being wheeled off into the recovery room with Dennis' and my mom's faces smiling in front of me. Essentially, the doctor had good news and not-so-good news. The good side is that my tubes are both patent and are in order. The bad news is that I have a heart-shaped uterus, or more scientifically known as a bicornuate uterus, which would pose some difficulty in conceiving (well, well, well....) and even more difficulty in carrying a pregnancy to term and healthily.
To be honest, I was so shocked to get the news. I was prepared for there to be tubal problems, which seem to me to be more "overcome-able" due to the many advances in IVF. I was not at all prepared to hear that my uterus had abnormalities -- and abnormalities that have serious consequences to a pregnancy. I feel that it's 'worse' than any tubal defect, because it kind of takes IVF off the table, hence it takes out a lot of what I felt science could help us with. It made me feel more hopeless, to be honest, and my heart broke a whole lot more. I knew Buddha told me that there was something I needed to know, so I needed to take the test. (Honestly, it was also why I delayed actually doing the procedure. Dr Manahan recommended it to me way back in July and it took me almost 5 cycles to get it done) But I felt He was overestimating my strength of resolve in throwing me this curveball. I had always assumed my challenge was in conceiving. I didn't know even carrying will most likely be difficult as well.
Don't be so shocked by my reaction though. I've always been more a realist than an optimist.
My husband, on the other, God bless his heart, is so much more of a positive-looking, glass-half-full kind of dude. He reassured me that we will face this together, whatever and wherever it may mean for us down the road. It may mean I'll be on bedrest for the entire pregnancy, it may mean that our baby/ babies will be smaller than ideal and will spend more hospital time -- Whatever it may be, we can overcome it.
As I said, I'm so full of love, even my uterus is heart-shaped.
So there. While we did consider IVF and were even making plans of going to Taiwan next month to do initial tests and consultations, it's now off the table and off our plans. Since my uterus has less space than normal women and will be unable to stretch as far out as a normal uterus would in a pregnancy, then obviously, carrying multiples (twins) which is what IVF usually targets to produce will be dangerous for me.
Next step now is to go back to Dr Manahan this week and see what our game plan will be. I read online that some women have to undergo surgery to try to make their bicornuate more workable. But there are risks associated with that too, and not everyone will be cleared for the surgery. So, we'll see what the next step for me will be.
Whatever the requirements may be, I solemnly swear to go through all that is required of me, even including quitting my job or letting go of anything I may need to, to be able to conceive, carry and deliver a healthy child. I am bargaining, I know, with the universe and with the heavens. But if you've gone through what we have and are still fighting, you use every last card you have and every ounce of courage left, to be able to realise your dream.
I'm ranting.
OK, back to work.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Bittersweet dream
I had a dream the other day. Dennis and I were together in the bathroom (I know, weird right? But continue reading, this won't be a TMI post), and I was about to take a pregnancy test. We both watched as the liquid slowly went up to the testing window of the small plastic panel, and revealed two dark lines. Positive, in other words. I remember the feeling of bliss, joy, elation, happiness and all other words synonymous to pure happiness so vividly, I had tears in my eyes when I woke up. The feeling still felt so so so so real hours and days after that morning. I hadn't experienced anything like that before -- that kind of unadulterated, almost out-of-body sense of pure happiness, and it was unlike any pain I've also ever felt in my entire life.
OK, I'm probably bringing you way way down on this Friday afternoon with this kind of sharing... but anyway, I wanted to document it so I can hold on to that bittersweet feeling of having a dream come true, in a dream. Hopefully it carries me through all these next months until that dream can finally become true in reality as well.
As an aside, we are now studying our IVF options. More on that in a later post.
OK, I'm probably bringing you way way down on this Friday afternoon with this kind of sharing... but anyway, I wanted to document it so I can hold on to that bittersweet feeling of having a dream come true, in a dream. Hopefully it carries me through all these next months until that dream can finally become true in reality as well.
As an aside, we are now studying our IVF options. More on that in a later post.
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Busy-bored
Realized something yesterday. While this line of work is very busy (busier in some ways than my previous job, because it covers 3 separate companies and involves shadowing a very busy man), I am also tremendously bored by it. As in I-can-fall-asleep-as-I-talk-or-think-about-it bored.
This may be why I've been reading more books lately. Haha! Trying to fill my brain, at least in part, with ideas that interest me, to counteract the fact that most of my working hours are not as intellectually stimulating as I would want them to be. Don't get me wrong, the work is challenging, and the targets at hand are more than enough to keep me busy. But I am learning that just because your hands are full doesn't mean your mind and your heart are as well. And I yearn to be working on something that gets my blood pumping in my veins and my brain cells overwhelmed with excitement. This is obviously not it. This industry may be a lot of things, but it's not rocket science and it's not for me.
You may say, why not change things? Walk away? Look for something else?
Alas, reality bites. It's not like I can afford to walk away from this and pursue my heart's true passion by tomorrow. There is this big-ass bonus we're waiting for in 2015, and I've worked 2/3rds of the way into it already and can honestly say I deserve that payout. Also, I know enough about what's going on on the other side of the fence for me to conclude that I don't want to go back there anyway. That leaves no other option. So stay put I will.
Busy-bored. Who would've thought I'll ever find myself in this position? Strange territory.
This may be why I've been reading more books lately. Haha! Trying to fill my brain, at least in part, with ideas that interest me, to counteract the fact that most of my working hours are not as intellectually stimulating as I would want them to be. Don't get me wrong, the work is challenging, and the targets at hand are more than enough to keep me busy. But I am learning that just because your hands are full doesn't mean your mind and your heart are as well. And I yearn to be working on something that gets my blood pumping in my veins and my brain cells overwhelmed with excitement. This is obviously not it. This industry may be a lot of things, but it's not rocket science and it's not for me.
You may say, why not change things? Walk away? Look for something else?
Alas, reality bites. It's not like I can afford to walk away from this and pursue my heart's true passion by tomorrow. There is this big-ass bonus we're waiting for in 2015, and I've worked 2/3rds of the way into it already and can honestly say I deserve that payout. Also, I know enough about what's going on on the other side of the fence for me to conclude that I don't want to go back there anyway. That leaves no other option. So stay put I will.
Busy-bored. Who would've thought I'll ever find myself in this position? Strange territory.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Thoughts
Okay, so everyone knows I'm about as corporate as they come, and while there have been some low points in my career so far, I need to remind myself that, for the most part, I have been extremely blessed. Probably 90% of my 10 years of working have been good- and the 10% that haven't been tiptop good were, at the very least, bearable. I've had only good bosses in my working life so far -- mentors that have made me learn & grow, not just slave away and work at their mercy. I have been financially and intellectually rewarded, and have handled some really good people as subordinates.
However, lately, I must confess I've been thinking about alternative paths -- paths that do not necessarily involve a corporate contract, a set 9-5 (or 6 or 7) time-in-and-time-out and a steady 15-30 paycheck. I don't know exactly what led to this, but I cannot deny the temptation to veer away from the path I've been on and check out what other options there are, in the name of having more flexible hours, applying my MBA degree to real life and being able to dedicate more time to other personal pursuits. I've been toying with the idea of delving into entrepreneurship - 3 business ideas so far, actually - and maybe going into consulting. My parents are also asking if I am interested in helping out my dad. To be honest, the idea is both attractive to me (because I would love to help out my dad and possibly lower his stress level) and stressful at the same time (because after all, he is STILL my dad and I long to keep our conversations work-free the way they are now). Options, options.
It doesn't help constrain my wandering mind to have a husband also contemplating the same train of thought. He is virtually on the same boat as me - meaning, we have nothing really bad to complain about in our professional lives, but we are both thinking of where else we can be of value and how else we can feel more maximized. He has considered many options so far - going back to school for a Public Management/Administration degree (but to what end - does that mean he wants to go into public service?), considering going into independent practice (in which case the overhead expenses become his sole responsibility), etc.
I guess another side effect of waiting to get pregnant is to keep planning around it -- specifically, planning to earn more free time for a baby that is yet to come.
So there are these thoughts. They're just thoughts, really, but I figured why not jot them down for future reference :p
Thanks for reading!
However, lately, I must confess I've been thinking about alternative paths -- paths that do not necessarily involve a corporate contract, a set 9-5 (or 6 or 7) time-in-and-time-out and a steady 15-30 paycheck. I don't know exactly what led to this, but I cannot deny the temptation to veer away from the path I've been on and check out what other options there are, in the name of having more flexible hours, applying my MBA degree to real life and being able to dedicate more time to other personal pursuits. I've been toying with the idea of delving into entrepreneurship - 3 business ideas so far, actually - and maybe going into consulting. My parents are also asking if I am interested in helping out my dad. To be honest, the idea is both attractive to me (because I would love to help out my dad and possibly lower his stress level) and stressful at the same time (because after all, he is STILL my dad and I long to keep our conversations work-free the way they are now). Options, options.
It doesn't help constrain my wandering mind to have a husband also contemplating the same train of thought. He is virtually on the same boat as me - meaning, we have nothing really bad to complain about in our professional lives, but we are both thinking of where else we can be of value and how else we can feel more maximized. He has considered many options so far - going back to school for a Public Management/Administration degree (but to what end - does that mean he wants to go into public service?), considering going into independent practice (in which case the overhead expenses become his sole responsibility), etc.
I guess another side effect of waiting to get pregnant is to keep planning around it -- specifically, planning to earn more free time for a baby that is yet to come.
So there are these thoughts. They're just thoughts, really, but I figured why not jot them down for future reference :p
Thanks for reading!
Friday, September 06, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
FIBA
OK, there are many highlights to the 2013 FIBA Asia held in Manila. Gilas placed 2nd and booked a spot to FIBA 2014 in Spain. Manila did an amazing job hosting the tournament. Lots of game highlights can be found on youtube. But I only want to remember this one particular personal highlight: I was able to bring my family, especially my dad, to the FIBA games. My brothers loved the sport, and my dad loved the opportunity to be in the patron area and hobnob with the people he calls "VVIP". My dad is a starstruck corporate & political-scene fan, on top of being a basketball lover. The look of joy in his face was indescribable and the heart of a daughter beating inside my chest kept swelling up with pride and happiness. He got to take so many photos with these "VVIP"s and got to shake so many hands. He had a front-row seat to the feat that Gilas landed, and was among the thousands of cheering fans when they won that match against Korea. He was so happy and sent me a text last night expressing this joy and his gratitude.
You see, my dad is highly "choosy"-- it's supremely hard to excite him and elicit a reaction, and that makes this "achievement" mean so much more to me. Yes, it did cost me quite a lot of money to make it happen, but it was money so well spent. It's rare for me to have an opportunity like this. And I'm also grateful to have such a supportive and loving husband who didn't mind the expense and recognized what we were actually buying with that amount.
Love you, Papa - so much more than I can ever express.
You see, my dad is highly "choosy"-- it's supremely hard to excite him and elicit a reaction, and that makes this "achievement" mean so much more to me. Yes, it did cost me quite a lot of money to make it happen, but it was money so well spent. It's rare for me to have an opportunity like this. And I'm also grateful to have such a supportive and loving husband who didn't mind the expense and recognized what we were actually buying with that amount.
Love you, Papa - so much more than I can ever express.
Thursday, August 08, 2013
A bit of TTC humor
Here's a bit of TTC humor to jumpstart this long weekend. I got my period yesterday and was feeling kinda low, as I was hoping the extreme relaxation at Siem Reap would've helped us bag our first pregnancy. Oh well, it's not meant to be. Dennis did cheer me up though by trying to act out a mini skit (I know, it's hard to imagine my teddy bear husband doing this but that's how much he loves me) showing how our baby is choosing to play peek-a-boo with mommy and daddy and teasing us before he/she makes the grand entrance.
The same idea is shown in this pic :p
Happy long weekend!
The same idea is shown in this pic :p
Happy long weekend!
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Siem Reap
is the "place we haven't been to before" vacation of 2013. We agreed that we will try our best to visit one "new place" every year, and there happened to be a great deal on airfare to Siem Reap (only 3,500 per person, yay!) so off we went to have a delayed celebration for Dennis' birthday.
And it turned out to be one of our favorite vacation spots. SR has a good mix of enough places to see and visit, and not too many distractions that will make you feel like sitting idly in a cafe and people-watching would be a waste of vacation time. It was a very chill kind of place, and we loved it! I think this was our most well-rested vacation, where upon arrival to Manila, we did not feel like we needed another vacation to recover from the vacation we just went on.
Food is cheap and good. The place is safe for tourists and there are many hotel options that don't break the bank (ours was a 4-star hotel at only $60 per night with so many free inclusions like free round-trip airport transfers, free laundry, free minibar, free breakfast & free room upgrade!). Shopping is a bit limited though, but the nice ones that are worth your dollars are also quite affordable. Tuktuks everywhere also make going around easy.
And of course, the reason one would go to SR would be to see the biggest religious complex in the world and one of the Wonders of the World - the Angkor Wat complex. It IS a must-see, at least once in your lifetime. It's marvelous how the complex was put up and how it remains so well-preserved until this day.
In fact, the Philippines can learn so much from SR. They maintained their best features / sites so well, and they take care of their tourists. Even their airport can kick all of our 3 NAIA's butts. Tsk tsk. To think this country just completely ended civil war about 12 or so years ago, and how well they have recovered and gotten back up. Galing!
So yes, visit Siem Reap when you can! :)
And it turned out to be one of our favorite vacation spots. SR has a good mix of enough places to see and visit, and not too many distractions that will make you feel like sitting idly in a cafe and people-watching would be a waste of vacation time. It was a very chill kind of place, and we loved it! I think this was our most well-rested vacation, where upon arrival to Manila, we did not feel like we needed another vacation to recover from the vacation we just went on.
Food is cheap and good. The place is safe for tourists and there are many hotel options that don't break the bank (ours was a 4-star hotel at only $60 per night with so many free inclusions like free round-trip airport transfers, free laundry, free minibar, free breakfast & free room upgrade!). Shopping is a bit limited though, but the nice ones that are worth your dollars are also quite affordable. Tuktuks everywhere also make going around easy.
And of course, the reason one would go to SR would be to see the biggest religious complex in the world and one of the Wonders of the World - the Angkor Wat complex. It IS a must-see, at least once in your lifetime. It's marvelous how the complex was put up and how it remains so well-preserved until this day.
In fact, the Philippines can learn so much from SR. They maintained their best features / sites so well, and they take care of their tourists. Even their airport can kick all of our 3 NAIA's butts. Tsk tsk. To think this country just completely ended civil war about 12 or so years ago, and how well they have recovered and gotten back up. Galing!
So yes, visit Siem Reap when you can! :)
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Mom-in-waiting
Both my sisters in law were briefly pregnant and are now both not pregnant anymore. One had a chemical pregnancy so wasn't technically pregnant, but hey a conception is a conception, regardless of whether or not it was able to implant. My other sister in law had a more painful experience -- getting confirmed to be pregnant, hearing the heartbeat, being told to go on bedrest then finding out that the baby no longer had heartbeat on its 8th week. I am only observing from the outside but even I felt immense sadness and can only imagine the pain of hearing the heartbeat only to have it taken away. I don't even want to think about it. How can a baby be there one second and be gone the next?
That's why sometimes I wonder if I am better off in my current situation of not having anything happen at all, rather than fall pregnant, be over the moon about it, get all excited and hopeful, only to come crashing down to earth.
Then again, I guess all this is still worth it to go through, if only to learn from the experience, have a better chance next time and hopefully be able to give birth to a bouncing, beautiful baby.
To each her own path, I guess.
I pray for all broken-hearted moms-in-waiting.
Sunday, July 07, 2013
:-/
Trying not to be too let-down, even if we did get a tip already before to manage expectations. It's just so tough.
I wish.
I wish many things.
Oh well.
Monday, July 01, 2013
Halfway through 2013
It's July 1, so that means we just passed the halfway mark through 2013. Lots to look forward to : Siem Reap in July, China in September, Bangkok in October and Baguio again in December. We would've added another trip in August but well, that didn't work out hehe. Also look forward to my husband pursuing hjs acqdemic plans-- which I prefer and support over the foreign-service idea before. Then before we know it, the year will be over and it'll be 2014! How fast!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I am only human so let me get this off my chest....
Whenever I see posts from pregnant women who are whining, complaining or bitching (the stages of complaining) about their symptoms, whether it's morning sickness, fatigue, bodyaches, zits, etc., I feel like telling them, "Ok I'll take all your symptoms away but can that mean I take on your pregnancy for you too?" I know that I feel this way because they have something I don't have, but it just strikes me as.... Okay, since I'm getting ultra honest here.... as unbelievably ungrateful to be complaining about temporary discomforts when these are a small price to pay in exchange for a blessing that some women would PAY to have. The way I see it, the aches and pains come with the territory --- a territory that you presumably wanted to enter in the first place. You've been blessed with a gift-- a gift not everyone gets to have-- so take it lock, stock and barrel.
Because really, at the end of the day, women like me would KILL, PAY and BEG (choose whichever desperate action you prefer) to be in your acne-laden, nauseous, bloated and overly fatigued positions. We'll take all that in exchange for a baby on the way. We'll take your OB checkups over our fertility consults and invasive procedures. We'd rather be in your shoes. And you wouldn't want to be in our symptom-free, baby-free ones. If you knew just how closely infertile women stalk symptoms, magnify every little ache or nausea, in the hopes of joining your club, I believe you'd see your symptoms for the blessings that they truly are.
It's like rich people telling poor people the hassles of having money. Or privileged kids in school whining about homework to street children. Or that they don't like the baon that was packed for them. Earns the "tang ina naman" response, right?
So please. Please choose which side you wanna be in. And take all that that side entails. You will not be uncomfortable forever. But you will be someone's mom forever. Some of us are still waiting if our turn to be that will ever come.
Ok, glad that's off my chest. If you're one of these women, please don't take offense. Nothing personal. Just a general sentiment.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Monday, June 03, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
MD
So, it's the second year in a row that I got my period on Mothers' Day. Last year was pretty rough on me, but this year, there's been an improvement in how I received this, well, unwelcome visitor. I guess what's different now is that I am letting time & fate do their jobs.
But still hoping and praying that I get the one promotion I've been praying for and the one completely and utterly out of my hands.
Happy mothers' day to all moms out there. Hopefully, it's in my fate to join your ranks by next year.
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Bye for now
Bye for now to this super-convenient setup I have with my condo and my office. Bye for now to the hours of my life saved by just being 3 minutes away from my work. Bye for now to the peace of mind from being able to go home anytime I need to, whether my maid has a health emergency (one time she had a severe allergic reaction to tuna) or if I need to go home an d rest because I don't feel well. Bye for now to eating lunch at home, leisurely watching tv or catching a short nap before heading off to work. Bye for now to not minding OT work because I am just a stone's throw away from my condo (and my waiting husband).
I know it may seem like a small thing but I really do love this setup I've had for over 2 years now. It makes everyday just a sliver better. I need to say a proper good ye to this super convenient setup and start acclimatizing again to riding a vehicle to and from the office :p
Monday, May 06, 2013
Trips for balance year!
Apart from the annual Co Family trip to China every September, we have the following trips lined up for 2013 :
1. Siem Reap in July for Dennis' birthday
2. Bangkok in October with FILC and husbands
Yay!!!!
1. Siem Reap in July for Dennis' birthday
2. Bangkok in October with FILC and husbands
Yay!!!!
Thursday, May 02, 2013
I'm in Chuvaness!
Haha! This really cracked me up. I was in Grace Park the other day, with a good friend of mine, and upon sitting, I already noticed the party in front of us, composed of Chuvaness, her husband and their really loud friends. I didn't really mind them anymore afterward though I noticed they seem to be in celebration mode.
Then 2 days later, voila! I'm famous. Haha!
Then 2 days later, voila! I'm famous. Haha!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
More changes a-coming....
So, apparently, the grand plan does not end at me changing bosses, which happened a bit under 2 months ago. This plan of epic genius-levels also involve me changing companies, along with my boss. This new change is still quite new and I'm not yet done processing how I feel about it, but with divine help, I am able to chart a course for myself and be entirely, utterly, 100% sure of where I want to go (and where I don't want to stay). I am so so so so so thankful for having this "tip" and being guided and protected and blessed by Buddha. Thank you, thank you. I acknowledge that not everyone has the same opportunity and not everyone will have their choice followed, and for this I am deeply grateful.
I also cannot help but concede, life really isn't about OUR plans. This is a tall order for me, because I am such a planner and a meticulous planner at that. I like to be prepared and I prefer to ready myself before making big leaps and changes in my life. But now I understand and accept that not everything can be controlled at my level. We may make our overall plans and direct our lives a certain way, but that has a limitation. It ends at the same spot where divine plans start. And I am in complete awe of this plan that Buddha has for me, to enable the course of my life to go in my favor and to protect me.
There are still many uncertainties, and the details have yet to be filled up and accounted for. But for now, what matters most is I am at peace with my decision and there's no turning back.
I also cannot help but concede, life really isn't about OUR plans. This is a tall order for me, because I am such a planner and a meticulous planner at that. I like to be prepared and I prefer to ready myself before making big leaps and changes in my life. But now I understand and accept that not everything can be controlled at my level. We may make our overall plans and direct our lives a certain way, but that has a limitation. It ends at the same spot where divine plans start. And I am in complete awe of this plan that Buddha has for me, to enable the course of my life to go in my favor and to protect me.
There are still many uncertainties, and the details have yet to be filled up and accounted for. But for now, what matters most is I am at peace with my decision and there's no turning back.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Time for a deadline?
They say a goal without timelines is just a dream. Recently, I've begun to wonder if we should start setting a deadline for... nature to run its course and set a point when we start going back to embracing the wonders of sciece.
It's a treacherous path to traverse. On one hand, you don't want to "run out of time" and feel that you should get your ass moving to be able to achieve this dream (or goal) that you have. On the other, you also think maybe some things aren't meant to be rushed and are not meant to be decided upon by anyone else but God.
What to do... What to do...
It's a treacherous path to traverse. On one hand, you don't want to "run out of time" and feel that you should get your ass moving to be able to achieve this dream (or goal) that you have. On the other, you also think maybe some things aren't meant to be rushed and are not meant to be decided upon by anyone else but God.
What to do... What to do...
Friday, March 29, 2013
Alabang staycation
We checked into B Hotel in Alabang yesterday and are staying until tomorrow. So far so good! We realized that this may just be the best staycation spot for us because:
- The hotel we found had a reasonable set of room rates, but more importantly,
- Alabang is near enough to Makati yet far enough to make us feel that we actually went somewhere. This is important to instill a "we're on vacay" mindset.
- Alabang is not a usual destination for us. We probably only come by once or twice in a year. It's not only against Dennis' principles to pay so much in toll and other fees just to go to a city within Metro Manila's jurisdiction but also because there's not much to come for here that you can't get in Makati.
- Alabang is deserted during vacations such as Holy Week. Residents are either just at home or are out of town.
- I do love the wide, palm tree-lined streets and the fresh air. And the urban planning within the what I call "nice Alabang" is good and makes it easy to navigate.
- All the major facilities are available and a quality hospital is nearby in case you need to rush to the ER. We did today. Long story.
- There are some good eats to be had! A major selling point.
- Most importantly.... The vibe is so chill -- perfect for staycations. And the service crew are so nice and friendly. Thumbs up! Such a great place to spend this long break in. It has really recharged us, reset our brains and taken all our stress away. We do feel as refreshed as if we went away for a vacay. But less tired and less poor than if we went abroad.
So I guess we'll be back! ;)
- The hotel we found had a reasonable set of room rates, but more importantly,
- Alabang is near enough to Makati yet far enough to make us feel that we actually went somewhere. This is important to instill a "we're on vacay" mindset.
- Alabang is not a usual destination for us. We probably only come by once or twice in a year. It's not only against Dennis' principles to pay so much in toll and other fees just to go to a city within Metro Manila's jurisdiction but also because there's not much to come for here that you can't get in Makati.
- Alabang is deserted during vacations such as Holy Week. Residents are either just at home or are out of town.
- I do love the wide, palm tree-lined streets and the fresh air. And the urban planning within the what I call "nice Alabang" is good and makes it easy to navigate.
- All the major facilities are available and a quality hospital is nearby in case you need to rush to the ER. We did today. Long story.
- There are some good eats to be had! A major selling point.
- Most importantly.... The vibe is so chill -- perfect for staycations. And the service crew are so nice and friendly. Thumbs up! Such a great place to spend this long break in. It has really recharged us, reset our brains and taken all our stress away. We do feel as refreshed as if we went away for a vacay. But less tired and less poor than if we went abroad.
So I guess we'll be back! ;)
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Mother-and-child
Once I laid eyes on this beauty, it immediately grabbed me and made me fall in love with it. For two days afterward, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Something in the tender way the mom caresses the child... The way the colors depict the warmth of her love.. The way the many layers of cloth wrapped around them make the viewer feel the same comfort... The way you see her skin, so open and available, the same way she will be to her child.. Love love love. So, it was decided, I had to have it.
So tadaaaaa.... Yey! Love love love!!!!
A friend of mine also told me to treat it like a vision board :) Why not?! Let's also pray this will bring magic into our lives and let the vision come to fruition :)
So tadaaaaa.... Yey! Love love love!!!!
A friend of mine also told me to treat it like a vision board :) Why not?! Let's also pray this will bring magic into our lives and let the vision come to fruition :)
Our home
Our home is now officially ours!!! As of last Friday, that is. We handed over the last cheque to close our mortgage, release the title in our name and officially own our home and very first real property! It's one of the best days of 2013 already!:)
I'm so very proud of us for this achievement. Not only have we finished paying for this home, we've started on our second property and have also gotten a second car. We've dabbled more in stocks and have also (as of yesterday) bought our second piece of art (which I love love love, but will be discussed more in a separate entry). I'm so proud, and I'm even more thankful. Attitude of gratitude, as I like to say, is what I'm all about lately. I can't say thank you enough to Buddha for these blessings and for giving me the world's best husband. I know I complain sometimes and I pine for what (or rather who) I do not have, but deep down, I'm a million times thankful for the life I do have.
Thank you!!!!!!
I'm so very proud of us for this achievement. Not only have we finished paying for this home, we've started on our second property and have also gotten a second car. We've dabbled more in stocks and have also (as of yesterday) bought our second piece of art (which I love love love, but will be discussed more in a separate entry). I'm so proud, and I'm even more thankful. Attitude of gratitude, as I like to say, is what I'm all about lately. I can't say thank you enough to Buddha for these blessings and for giving me the world's best husband. I know I complain sometimes and I pine for what (or rather who) I do not have, but deep down, I'm a million times thankful for the life I do have.
Thank you!!!!!!
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Domestic Diva
Lately, I've been really into preparing delicious meals for my husband. I know that I'm as corporate as they come, and I really am, but there's really that special flavor of fulfillment when you excel in the homefront and are able to put a satisfied smile on your husband's face after a good meal. Especially now that he's on a diet and I want to encourage him to stay on it, I keep my eye open for recipes that are friendly to his diet's principles but are also yummy to the palate. So far so good! He's loving the dishes and I'm loving the fact that he's loving them! Hurray!
Who is this person I'm turning into? Hahaha!
#achievementsofadomesticdiva
Who is this person I'm turning into? Hahaha!
#achievementsofadomesticdiva
Monday, February 25, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Here we go...
So I guess my new role starts today. With no prior notice and no warning, my (new) boss just invited me to the ManCom meeting today and I guess that was supposed to be my cue to start this new role.
It's just a bit offfooting, to report to someone so senior. Half the time I'm just guessing what I should do next, or if a certain question in my head even warrants being spoken out loud to him. Since his rank is so much higher and he is not the type (and shouldn't anymore be) to delve into operational details, I'm left wondering how to figure out the kinks and the details without his explanation.
Hmmm..
Such strange territory.
Guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along.
Oh and in other news, I got my period on Chinese New Year Eve. As I tweeted, it was such a poetic ending to the Dragon year - the year that was supposed to be "against" my sign. I was counting on it arriving tomorrow, actually, but no no no, as is the tradition between me and my lovely time-of-the-month, "she" just had to show up on such a poignant time. In the past, "she" also never passed on the chance to show up on a big day. When I was younger and in school, she would show her face on exam day or a big day like a student council election when I was running for office, or prom night, or the first day of school. When I started working, it would show up on my first day on the job or during a particularly stressful day. When I started wanting to get pregnant, it showed up on Mothers' Day.. and just recently, at the close of the Dragon Year. Hay. You little period, you. If I didn't know better, I would think you're picking on me. :p
It's just a bit offfooting, to report to someone so senior. Half the time I'm just guessing what I should do next, or if a certain question in my head even warrants being spoken out loud to him. Since his rank is so much higher and he is not the type (and shouldn't anymore be) to delve into operational details, I'm left wondering how to figure out the kinks and the details without his explanation.
Hmmm..
Such strange territory.
Guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along.
Oh and in other news, I got my period on Chinese New Year Eve. As I tweeted, it was such a poetic ending to the Dragon year - the year that was supposed to be "against" my sign. I was counting on it arriving tomorrow, actually, but no no no, as is the tradition between me and my lovely time-of-the-month, "she" just had to show up on such a poignant time. In the past, "she" also never passed on the chance to show up on a big day. When I was younger and in school, she would show her face on exam day or a big day like a student council election when I was running for office, or prom night, or the first day of school. When I started working, it would show up on my first day on the job or during a particularly stressful day. When I started wanting to get pregnant, it showed up on Mothers' Day.. and just recently, at the close of the Dragon Year. Hay. You little period, you. If I didn't know better, I would think you're picking on me. :p
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Time to get kikay-- 31 is around the corner!
Inspired by the Yahoo article, I want to get this from Benefit!!! It'll help me in the quest to stay "31-looking". Hehehe.
It's all clear to me now.
It's clear to me now which choice to make. Thank you, SSK, for the clarity and the sense of peace. I really cannot have everything. Sometimes, it's a matter of what kind of (potential) regret you will be more willing to live with. It helps decide which sacrifice is best to be made, for the sake of which blessing or choice you would rather have.
Thank you.
Truth be told, the decision was easy to make. Once I got a clearer view of the possible repercussions of each path, it was a NO-BRAINER.
But that's not to say there was no mourning to be done. There was. A good deal of it. For the professional in me. For the part of me that longs for achievement and professional actualization. For the part of me that LOVES this kind of work and LOVES the team I work with. For the part of me that has always been such a go-getter and never a by-stander. For the part of me that attaches a lot of self-worth to my work.
But maybe, all things need to end. Or at least you need to change some things around to get some things to change.
Get it? :p
Now, can we get a move on and get this done?! Game na ako! :)
Thank you.
Truth be told, the decision was easy to make. Once I got a clearer view of the possible repercussions of each path, it was a NO-BRAINER.
But that's not to say there was no mourning to be done. There was. A good deal of it. For the professional in me. For the part of me that longs for achievement and professional actualization. For the part of me that LOVES this kind of work and LOVES the team I work with. For the part of me that has always been such a go-getter and never a by-stander. For the part of me that attaches a lot of self-worth to my work.
But maybe, all things need to end. Or at least you need to change some things around to get some things to change.
Get it? :p
Now, can we get a move on and get this done?! Game na ako! :)
Monday, January 28, 2013
"I Don't Know How She Does It"
If you've seen this movie, you know that strange feeling of wanting to be in 2 places at once, doing 2 things at once, and just basically wishing you can split your body into 2 and fulfill 2 roles.
I know that, in my last blog post, I wished for an opportunity to arrive, to get me excited again in my work days. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my team. But I realized that I feel like I've outgrown my current capacity and that I can still do more. I think this also started from my "subbing" for my boss when she is not around. I'm her right-hand (wo)man, and the time she was on ML and the times she would not be around, I would slip into her role as brand head like fish does to water. And while this makes me feel good that I am able to stretch myself to the next role, it also makes me think, "If I can fulfill that function and work at that (next) level, then how come I'm not yet there officially?"
Anyway, I know that I wished for an opportunity, and I guess when God hears a prayer, he REALLY hears it. Two opportunities are about to cross my way, and I thank the chance to be given a heads-up before I need to make a final decision. Route #1 presents the growth I wanted - to head a brand and be in charge of a business from start to end. Route #2 presents growth that I did NOT anticipate at all, but presents the possibility of a bigger growth trajectory. It is an opportunity with so much potency, which presents a stark contrast from route #1 which is so filled with certainty for me -- I can do that job from Day 1 and hit the ground running. This unexpected route #2 takes me out of my comfort zone and out of the career track I had built for myself. It also means it carries risk that I'm not sure I am prepared for - taking myself out of the "action" and being more consultative than executive. It's so far off from what I'm used to, and it's more full of "maybe"'s than anything.
And today, given that I am who I am, I became struck with an option. As opposed to just Route #1 VS Route #2, WHAT IF... Just WHAT IF... I ask for BOTH!
Wild, right?
I know.
I'm probably the only one who'd even consider such a thing.
But I am excited. It's the best of both worlds! Right?
And also scared. What if the "worst" of these 2 worlds prove to be more than I can handle? It's either I will high-five myself for a good choice made or I will kick myself for getting spread too thinly.
What about my personal dream of being a mother? What if these 2 jobs end up taking me farther away from that?
But then again, if I had to choose, which one?!
And since the BIG boss will be offering me the Route #2, is it even possible to turn it down?!
So many thoughts in my head right now. The overarching feeling is this excitement.. and hunger.. hunger to take it all on and not miss on an opportunity. Yet there's also this fear.. of biting off more than I can chew and being in over my head, and missing out on my personal dream. It's either I go for #1, #2 or a combo of both.
The combo sounds good..
Then again...
There's only 24 hours in a day and only 5 days in a working week. There are limits to my capacities, yet these are the same limits I am excited to push and see how far I can go. I studied so much and worked so well all these years, that I'm so excited to see where it can all take me.. how far up I can go and how much I can accomplish. Then again, when I do get pregnant and have a wee one, will I still relish the fact that my job is so challenging? Or will I curse the day I took it?!
Omg.
I am not making sense. How do high-flying career mothers do it?!?
Wild.
After everything I said, I still have no answer.
:-/
I know that, in my last blog post, I wished for an opportunity to arrive, to get me excited again in my work days. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my team. But I realized that I feel like I've outgrown my current capacity and that I can still do more. I think this also started from my "subbing" for my boss when she is not around. I'm her right-hand (wo)man, and the time she was on ML and the times she would not be around, I would slip into her role as brand head like fish does to water. And while this makes me feel good that I am able to stretch myself to the next role, it also makes me think, "If I can fulfill that function and work at that (next) level, then how come I'm not yet there officially?"
Anyway, I know that I wished for an opportunity, and I guess when God hears a prayer, he REALLY hears it. Two opportunities are about to cross my way, and I thank the chance to be given a heads-up before I need to make a final decision. Route #1 presents the growth I wanted - to head a brand and be in charge of a business from start to end. Route #2 presents growth that I did NOT anticipate at all, but presents the possibility of a bigger growth trajectory. It is an opportunity with so much potency, which presents a stark contrast from route #1 which is so filled with certainty for me -- I can do that job from Day 1 and hit the ground running. This unexpected route #2 takes me out of my comfort zone and out of the career track I had built for myself. It also means it carries risk that I'm not sure I am prepared for - taking myself out of the "action" and being more consultative than executive. It's so far off from what I'm used to, and it's more full of "maybe"'s than anything.
And today, given that I am who I am, I became struck with an option. As opposed to just Route #1 VS Route #2, WHAT IF... Just WHAT IF... I ask for BOTH!
Wild, right?
I know.
I'm probably the only one who'd even consider such a thing.
But I am excited. It's the best of both worlds! Right?
And also scared. What if the "worst" of these 2 worlds prove to be more than I can handle? It's either I will high-five myself for a good choice made or I will kick myself for getting spread too thinly.
What about my personal dream of being a mother? What if these 2 jobs end up taking me farther away from that?
But then again, if I had to choose, which one?!
And since the BIG boss will be offering me the Route #2, is it even possible to turn it down?!
So many thoughts in my head right now. The overarching feeling is this excitement.. and hunger.. hunger to take it all on and not miss on an opportunity. Yet there's also this fear.. of biting off more than I can chew and being in over my head, and missing out on my personal dream. It's either I go for #1, #2 or a combo of both.
The combo sounds good..
Then again...
There's only 24 hours in a day and only 5 days in a working week. There are limits to my capacities, yet these are the same limits I am excited to push and see how far I can go. I studied so much and worked so well all these years, that I'm so excited to see where it can all take me.. how far up I can go and how much I can accomplish. Then again, when I do get pregnant and have a wee one, will I still relish the fact that my job is so challenging? Or will I curse the day I took it?!
Omg.
I am not making sense. How do high-flying career mothers do it?!?
Wild.
After everything I said, I still have no answer.
:-/
Monday, January 21, 2013
Meaning
As I read in a blog, "HAPPINESS fades away, MEANING is enduring."
I've been hoping to "stumble" upon what I hope can be my next professional step. It can be a new position in a new company, thereby replacing my current day-job, or a new project or sideline that can lead to something substantial, thereby adding an extra oomph to my usual day, especially when my day-job gives me the headaches.
I hope to be able to find it soon. I've been so inspired by my brother and sister-in-law, both of whom are happy to report that they've made a business venture out of their respective passions. I must admit it gives work a different dimension -- to be doing something that makes your heart sing and fills up your pocket as well.
Hope to get struck by my own lightbulb moment soon :)
I've been hoping to "stumble" upon what I hope can be my next professional step. It can be a new position in a new company, thereby replacing my current day-job, or a new project or sideline that can lead to something substantial, thereby adding an extra oomph to my usual day, especially when my day-job gives me the headaches.
I hope to be able to find it soon. I've been so inspired by my brother and sister-in-law, both of whom are happy to report that they've made a business venture out of their respective passions. I must admit it gives work a different dimension -- to be doing something that makes your heart sing and fills up your pocket as well.
Hope to get struck by my own lightbulb moment soon :)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Quite nothing like this
Have you ever wanted something with every fiber of your being? Dreamed of it, prayed for it, planned for it, hoped for it, visualized it almost every day. Asked for it, pleaded for it to the point of begging, willing to trade God all other blessings in exchange for this one gift. Knocked on the door of chance relentlessly and get no response. Then see other people get welcomed into the fold seemingly effortlessly.
Today, I hit a different kind of low in this quest to make our dream come true. I was hit by a thought -- I wish I can find a way to want this a little bit less. I wish there was some kind of lever I can maneuver-- a knob of some sort that I can twist downward-- just to minimize this yearning a little, tiny bit. Just enough to give me some respite from the emotional turmoil. I wish I have a way to want it less, so my heart can break a little bit less as well. Unfortunately, in a thing like this, there's no halfway mark. It's either you want it or you don't. And once you want it, there's no unwanting.
My heart is just so tired. It has sustained so much bruising I fear it has changed color already. It has cried a whole river and a half. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow but for now, I just wish there was a parking bay I can take my heart to.
Today, I hit a different kind of low in this quest to make our dream come true. I was hit by a thought -- I wish I can find a way to want this a little bit less. I wish there was some kind of lever I can maneuver-- a knob of some sort that I can twist downward-- just to minimize this yearning a little, tiny bit. Just enough to give me some respite from the emotional turmoil. I wish I have a way to want it less, so my heart can break a little bit less as well. Unfortunately, in a thing like this, there's no halfway mark. It's either you want it or you don't. And once you want it, there's no unwanting.
My heart is just so tired. It has sustained so much bruising I fear it has changed color already. It has cried a whole river and a half. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow but for now, I just wish there was a parking bay I can take my heart to.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Paying it forward...
I've been blessed to have very good bosses in my 10 years of working, and at this point in my career, I care more about paying this "goodness" forward, rather than managing upwards and impressing upper management. I care more about mentoring young people, caring for their professional development and making sure that they stay inspired. Perhaps this is also why I enjoy teaching so much. For me, there is much more fulfillment in enabling others, rather than helping myself. Of course, this is not to say I don't do anything for myself in the corporate arena. It's just that I derive so much more contentment from the former.
Since I was on leave the last 5+ working days of 2012, I had missed receiving personally the gifts of my team. I'm attaching some of the notes that my younger guys had written me. It warmed my heart to read these notes this morning. What a great way to jumpstart 2013. You know you're doing a good job as a boss when someone refers to you as their "good karma." Being Buddhist, this compliment means 1,000,000 times more to me.
This is the best payoff for all that work done in 2012 :)
Since I was on leave the last 5+ working days of 2012, I had missed receiving personally the gifts of my team. I'm attaching some of the notes that my younger guys had written me. It warmed my heart to read these notes this morning. What a great way to jumpstart 2013. You know you're doing a good job as a boss when someone refers to you as their "good karma." Being Buddhist, this compliment means 1,000,000 times more to me.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Hello, 2013!!!
You've been pretty eventful, 2012. Please stand up and take my grateful applause for a job well done. You saw me through the last stretch of MBA school and even gave me the lone distinction honor in my graduation batch. You had us go to HK twice, then to Singapore to catch Wicked, Bangkok to discover beautiful temples and to China with my family. You also pointed us towards the direction of The Grove and gave us enough prosperity to buy our second condo unit. You marked my 5th year as a Marketing Manager and surprised me with unexpected career highlights : a promotion to Senior Manager and the YMMA award! The 5th manager-year also gave me a new Innova (again, prosperity). You also made me a godmother the second time around, and gave my lola's health her nth wind. My brother married the love of his life, and my youngest brother is on his way to jumpstarting his dream business venture. You continued to bless my parents and my husband, especially in terms of their health and respective financial standings. You also gave me a rambunctious new bunch of students to teach, and new colleagues to mentor. You saw me mark my 30th year of existence and allowed me to spend it with my one true love. You brought fulfillment, prosperity and love. Thank you.
You were uneventful in only 1 area of my life -- my sweetest dream -- and while the fruit of this dream didn't materialize this year, you did pepper it with a lot of learning and personal realizations. I am grateful for the new knowledge and the comfort it brings.
And with that, I am fully ready for you, 2013. I know you bring more blessings with you. Always keep my loved ones safe and healthy, happy and together.
And my dream, please. Please let this be THE year. My heart is bursting with longing and excitement. You have no idea just how loved this child will be. Loved beyond your wildest intention and welcomed with the most open arms ever (remember, we are a tall couple with wide arms :p ).
Cheers!!!!!
You were uneventful in only 1 area of my life -- my sweetest dream -- and while the fruit of this dream didn't materialize this year, you did pepper it with a lot of learning and personal realizations. I am grateful for the new knowledge and the comfort it brings.
And with that, I am fully ready for you, 2013. I know you bring more blessings with you. Always keep my loved ones safe and healthy, happy and together.
And my dream, please. Please let this be THE year. My heart is bursting with longing and excitement. You have no idea just how loved this child will be. Loved beyond your wildest intention and welcomed with the most open arms ever (remember, we are a tall couple with wide arms :p ).
Cheers!!!!!
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