sad news to open the new year

Still can't believe it. A friend of mine lost his mom and two younger brothers when their house burned down last night. He was in Boracay at the time and his dad was at their store in Alabang when it happened. The fire reportedly started when their Christmas tree caught fire. His mom and two brothers were trapped in the second floor.

What tragic news indeed, especially at this time of the year. My deepest condolences to you and your dad, Hans :(

a little holiday glitch

Of course, my perfect holiday just had to have a little icky blemish on its pretty little face. Was forced to come in to the office on the 27th and 29th (yes, today) to implement a rate reduction that the Senate/Malacanang just felt like imposing on the telcos right smack in the middle of the holiday break, and to make sure our ad comes out nicely and correctly in time for the 1st. I hate it when these things come up, and the call of duty is just way too strong for you to ignore. The responsible side of me (or was it just the OC side of me?) just couldn't bear to give instructions and directions from the comfort of my home. Also, due to the Taiwan earthquake, the internet service at home was down, so I couldn't really work from home either. Hassle, man, hassle!

I'll end this day with a pampering massage, using the GC I won in the Christmas party. Was planning to get it this morning, followed by a pedicure and manicure at Nail Spa. But work just had to railroad my beautiful plans. Oh well. I'll settle for the massage nalang. At least it's something :P After that, maybe my beau can get off work early and we can have a nice dinner date to cap off this day.

Happy New Year, everybody!

beautiful christmas 2006

Had a rockin' rockin' Christmas!

Besides the fact that I ate and drank way too much (hehehe), I loved loved loved this Christmas holiday. All my gifts rocked, especially the best one of them all-- My darling beau gave me this beautiful pair of hoop earrings--



I love it, I love it, I love it! :)

I loved that Dennis got to spend part of it with me and my family. I loved the grand reunion we had with my dad's side of the family-- the games, the food, the "raffle", the dance, everything! My darling beau was the star of charades, it was so cute! Hahaha! Oh, and he managed to out-win everybody in the mahjong game. My Uncle Robert lost P600! Hahahaha!

We must have taken thousands of pics that day. I love it, I love it, I love it!

Merry Christmas, all! :)

tada... bonus!

One thing all Smart employees look forward to is the annual company Christmas party. No matter what the theme may be, what group presentation your team has to come up with, what caterer they got, etc etc, only one thing really matters-- the bonus. It's an unspoken yet very-much-felt fact that people attend the party only to hear how many months of additional pay they'll get to spend on their families this Christmas.

So, the mighty boss, fondly referred to by his initials MVP, went onstage tonight and announced that this year, they're keeping the employees' total takehome pay to 21 months. Yahoo!!! It's my first full-year of service with Smart, and that means I finally finally get to experience how it feels to have your bank account go ka-ching-ching on Christmas day :-)

I love SMART! :-)

weekend recap

This weekend was special because I didn't really do anything special. Haha, that may sound strange, but let me explain.

This weekend was all about me and Dennis, just hanging out together, just having fun, just "being." Friday night was spent at a good ol' Chinese restaurant where we stuffed ourselves silly with noodles, dimsum and more dimsum! I've been craving noodles all week, and it felt so good to finally get my wish!

We spent Saturday morning lounging around and having a lazy breakfast at home, then we headed off to the mall where we did some Christmas shopping (or just shopping, period). After walking around so much, we finally decided to eat at another good ol' Chinese place where we again had (guess what) hot, comforting bowls of noodles, a platter of dimsum and my favorite raddish cakes. Chinese food, back-to-back, now that's what I call fine dining! :P

After going to the temple on Sunday morning with my family, Dennis went with me to get my nails done (what did I tell you, nothing spectacular or news-worthy about this weekend, really...) He also graciously drove me to Karl Edwards, where I got some last-minute trinkets for people at the office, and then we headed back to my house for a gift-wrapping session. There's something strangely therapeutic about wrapping gifts. Something about transforming a plain, white box into a beautifully-shelled and beribboned package feels calming and... well, fulfilling. Knotting that final bow or sticking that final giftag just feels like a solid accomplishment. I love it!

We then had dinner here at the house, where we had... tadaaa... more Chinese food. Hahahaha! This weekend reminded me again of how much I loooove my beau, how well we mesh together and just how incredibly incredibly incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life.

Really, nothing earth-shattering happened to me this weekend. The crazily intoxicating gift came last year pa when attorney introduced himself into my life. Hopefully, he'll stick around forever and ever.

:)

god bless budget airlines

Thanks to Jetstar for offering round-trip tickets to Singapore for only 7k pesos! Managed to book peak-season flights (Holy Week dates!!!) dirt-cheap, and since we'll be staying over at Baby Bay's pad, we'll also save on hotel accommodations! More money for shopping, food and going-out!! YEBAH!

Singapore, here we come! (next year, that is.. :-)

buddha bowl

Isn't this cool, a ceramic bowl with the little nook which lets you rest the entire bowl on the palm of your hand... Ideal for lounging on the couch or for walking around aimlessly while eating. No more spillage! This would be perfect for my dad, who always manages to somehow tip over bowls while eating or let food drip onto his shirt.

sunshine, rain, or clouds?

Recently discovered a good source of weather forecasts-- www.wunderground.com
They're more precise than PAG-ASA, and nothing beats their 5-day forecasts when planning an out-of-town trip. Try it! :-)

I wish....

Being so far away from you doesn't mean you're away from my thoughts or my prayers. Please always know that I think of you and your family all the time, and always keep you guys in my prayers. I pray for things to take a huge turn for the better, for the pressure to let up on you just a little bit, for the every-day side of things to become easier for you... I pray every day that life becomes just a little bit lighter, just a little bit easier to live. Nothing pains me more than to know you're suffering, millions of miles away from me, and not being able to stand next to you to help you through.

On the other hand, I am also very thankful that you have such a great great great guy beside you, holding your hand, keeping you strong, and holding you up whenever you're too drained, physically or emotionally, to carry on. I derive a lot of comfort from knowing God doesn't let you live through these tough times all alone, that he granted you a support system, a pillar of strength on which you can rely in times of weakness.

This would be your first Christmas with this situation. I know this would be the first of many tough holidays, the first of many challenging occasions to come. I know this is the first holiday to be marked with such difficulty, such pain, such burden... And I cannot even begin to tell you how bad it makes me feel not to be by your side.

I just wish I can be there, I wish we can talk more often, I wish things were different, I wish it never happened... I wish a lot of things. I wish I were a better friend, a friend who's more there than I can ever be right now, given the constraints... I wish my prayers had some sort of express-lane in the land of prayers, so they can granted right away and you would be freed from all this. By being my dearest friend, you carry a part of my heart with you wherever you go... so your pain will always be my pain too.. somehow.

I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make everything bad just go away... just go away forever...

I wish, I wish, I wish.

I wish.

it's a miracle!

I have finished a good load of my Christmas shopping! I have presents na for my family (save for my parents who are always a challenge to buy for), my boyfriend, my friends and my teammates! The only people left to buy for are, apart from my parents, my officemates and Dennis' family (which means his parents and his brother-- thank God for small families!). Once that is done, I'm done! I'm free! Free to spend the remaining shopping days scouring for deals for my most favorite gift-recipient--- Moi!

Hahahaha! Thanks to Dennis for being in China this weekend and giving me the free time to complete my Christmas list. :p

Such a relief! :)

shmarty!

I've never encountered anything more intellectually, emotionally and socially challenging than my current job. I feel if I survive all this, I can do anything! You don't just grow day on day here eh... You mature tenfold by the hour and you age (not physically, I hope) way beyond your years. Para kang rubber band kung i-stretch at para kang sponge kung ma-overwhelm ng stuff to absorb.

Hay buhay...

a really good weekend and a real downer of a monday

Saturday--
Went to UA&P in the morning to give a short talk in their recruitment event. I'm always glad to do those things, even if sometimes they require me to wake up at an ungodly hour on Saturdays. Not only do I enjoy giving these talks, I also feel like I'm giving back to the school in my own little way.

Anyway, Dennis picked me up afterwards and we headed to Guia's house to look at jewelry. Hay, there's this one pair that was super duper pretty. I was tempted like you wouldn't believe to buy them, but my mom disagreed with the price. Oh well. Don't fret, there will always be a next time.

Went on to watch 007, which I thought was a cool and a really good depiction of how Bond, James Bond started out in his career as a secret agent. I thought it explained clearly why he turned out the way he did in the succeeding installments. After the movie, we walked around Podium for a bit, then headed to Cookbook Kitchen for dinner. Can I just say again just how much I looooove that place? It's so cozy, so romantic, and the food is heavenly. The price is so right too. For dinner for two complete with a dessert course, we only spent P600.

Dennis then dropped me off at Mia's party at Beers Paradise, where the beer is plenty and plenty expensive. (hahaha!) As usual, Martin and Rap chugged the stuff down like it was water. Too bad Dennis wasn't there; he would've loved the place. He later on picked me up so I can follow to Derrick's firm's first-anniv party.

Sunday--
Considering the late-night on Saturday, Sunday had me up bright and early to get a headstart on my Christmas shopping. It was quite successful, in that I got presents na for my brothers and for Dennis. But it was also quite a failure, in that I ended up spending a lot of money on myself too, by buying more clothes and a really pretty pair of shoes from Nine West. Hay.

Then we spent Sunday night watching Friends with Money (the Jennifer Aniston movie made shortly after her breakup with the Pitt) here at home, before the rerun of the Pacquiao fight started. My family made such an event out of it (none of us caught the live telecast during the day), it was so cute. Good thing it finished quickly though, I rarely have patience for these long dragged-out sporting matches. Hehehe.

Monday--
Woke up with a slight fever and a really bad headache, which led me to confine myself to bed and skip work. Though I admit it's quite nice to escape the ol' ball and chain called Smart for a day, I hate being sick. I hate feeling sluggish from all the extra hours napping and I especially hate the funny feeling you carry in your gut after ingesting antibiotic after antibiotic. Eeew.

On the flip side, the Glamour magazine and the DVD of The Producers from Dennis kept me entertained. I looooved the movie/musical! I could totally see it staged live in my mind, and I especially looooooove the end-sequence. Hehehe. I would love to see it on Broadway sometime in my life :-) A total killer of a performance. Everyone should get a chance to see it :-)

OK, time to watch old Friends reruns now... and trying not to go back to sleep again, lest I stay up awake all night tonight.

her letter from mommy J

Someone I love wrote this to another person I Iove. I just think it's so apt for her situation, and knowing that these words were said with as much love and as much hope there can ever be, I'd like to post this for everyone to read ----

There has to come a point when you drop all the big words and the big concepts and strip down to the bare, naked truth. It's always nice to keep your head high up in the clouds, but make sure both your feet stay firmly on the ground and you don't forget the realities of life you cannot help but face. Nobody benefits from being in denial and filling your head with nice-to-hear-but-don't-mean-anything-til-you-back-'em-up stuff like "it's gonna work out somehow" or "just believe and have faith in (insert person or dream here)." If life worked that way, nobody would need to work for a living, nobody would have to starve, beg or cry, and most certainly, the word failure will not be in the dictionary. If life worked that way, hearts will never break and dreams will always come true and people will never let you down. Sure, it's good to shoot for the ideal and you should in fact keep hoping for the best of the best to happen, but honey, they call it "ideal" for a reason. Life's not like that. People change, time passes and sometimes, most painfully, we discover that words are just words. Things seldom turn out the way we thought they would, and sometimes, the best-laid plans are the worst-laid plans. Rarely does the picture in your head become the life that you live.

Consider this the little knock on the side of your head from a mom who's been there, lived that. Love you, girl!

waaaaaaah!

This entire office can surely use a healthy dose of maturity. Shake off the ego, learn to think and work as a team, look at the bigger picture and transcend one's personal agenda in favor of the greater good.

Just grow up, guys.

Please.

Everyone will be happier. Promise.

weekend!

Had a fun fun weekend!

Saturday --
Got a treat at The Spa for an aromatherapy message. Divine! Granted, the place was a little small (went to The Spa in GB1) and there were only about 10-12 rooms in total. But the massage was great and the service was excellent. Kulang nalang buhatin ka nila to the room. Hahaha! :) After the massage, Dennis and I watched School for Scoundrels, which is your typical loser-gets-a-grip-and-goes-for-the-girl type of movie. Funny flick, especially with Ben Stiller's cameo role. After the movie, we hiked off to Metrowalk for dinner & drinks with Anna and Ian, Kaye and Rap. Twas fun, though the place had to close early and Kaye had one of her infamous tummy troubles.

Sunday --
After going to the temple, Dennis and I hung out at his house while we waited for his cousin Ven to text us when they're ready to go. Ven and her hubby are visiting from Taiwan and we were gonna take them out in the afternoon before the family dinner at night. Twas so traffic, that we ended up in Gateway around 4pm na. We ate a bit (Ven is 5-months preggy and is constantly hungry) and shopped around a bit too. Ven is so daldal, she's so cute. She had, like, a million questions for me, and was delighted to discover I could speak conversational Mandarin. Her hubby, who couldn't speak a word of English, showered me with compliments, like how I was very pretty, very classy and I was the epitome of the type of girl Taiwanese moms were hunting down for their sons to marry. And he even cautioned Dennis, in all seriousness, that if he doesn't hold on to me, take care of me and marry me, thousands (OA noh, thousands!) will swoop down ready to take over his place. Hahaha! Dennis' face was priceless-- he looked so disbelieving that this guy whom he just met had all that to say to him. Kulang nalang ung thought bubble na:"What the?!" Haha!

The family dinner afterwards was fun too. Dennis' mom was on a roll, telling us stories of Dennis and his brother as little kids. Hahaha! And Ven kept injecting "So when are you getting married?" every 5 minutes or so that Dennis whispered to me, "Why is she so insistent on us getting married? It's freaky!" Hahaha!

In short, I had a blast of a weekend. Wish every weekend was like that. :-)

love @ first sight

Had my eye on you ever since I saw you launched in HK earlier this year. If I had the full-amount in cash, I'd buy you right now. But alas, for now, you're but a dream---

Presenting, the OMEGA Constellation My Choice Iris watch in two-toned white & yellow gold with diamonds and multi-colored precious stones. Beautiful---

i don't get you, girl...

My friend K (hmm.. seems like I have lots of friends with names beginning in K to write about, hehehe) told me yesterday that she and her long-time boyfriend have just paid the reservation fee on a condo unit in the Fort that's pre-selling now, for turn-over in 2009. I immediately asked a couple of questions, just to ensure she knows what's she's getting herself into). I asked, firstly, if plans for an engagement are underway.. Really underway-- in the truest meaning of the word. For her sake, I wanted her to have something concrete to hold on to. It doesn't have to be a rock. Just his word. And maybe some demonstrations to prove that he's serious.

I was disappointed. He hasn't given her any concrete assurances about marrying her. The ONLY thing he's said and has therefore committed to is the purchase of this condo unit. He hasn't even told his parents he's buying property with K, which K (rather fumbly, I thought) excused him for by saying they both (really, them both?) didn't want to upset his parents by telling them they don't plan on joining the family compound. I don't care if the freakin' parents get upset; I want him to tell them he intends to marry her. If he can't even utter the words, how in heaven's name will he be able to walk down the aisle?

She told me too that they'll be splitting the condo costs. He'll pay the first 6 amortizations, while she pays the second half. Admittedly, the payments will drain her funds and will even require her to downsize her life for a while, just to keep afloat. She has also enlisted her parents to lend her some money to pay for her share of the reservation fee. All that is okay with me, don't get me wrong. Nowadays, I know how expensive property is, and I know that it's only realistic for her to put in her share too. BUT ONLY if she's definitely, 100% sure that he will not leave her hanging 12 months from now. Darn it, she expects a proposal before 2006 ends and she's already anticipating her wedding next December (even to the extent of telling her boss she'll be on leave December of 2007). My worries even go beyond superstition at this rate. It's not about jinxing things anymore-- it's about jumping in blind faith, with no safety net.

Desperation is what I saw in her eyes and in every word she uttered in her attempt to convince me (or was it really me she was trying to convince?). I felt so bad for her, but hey, what else can I say? What else can I say that will not make this thing even more embarrassing for her, even more painful, even more scarring? She knows all the risks; she's not dumb.. She's just wishing against all odds, hoping against all hopes, that despite her greatest fears, he will pull through for her in the end. Maybe it's not the way I would've dealt with this had this be happening in my life and not hers. Maybe I'd choose to go a different route instead. Maybe I'd gamble my remaining reproductive months or years just to insure my heart and my sense of dignity. I may want to do it another way but hey, bottom line, this is her life and her choice on how to live it. Being her friend, I can hope for her best fortune and can only be there for her if her dreams don't come true.

I really really hope I'm wrong. They say a leopard cannot change its spots and that old habits die hard. Please let him be an exception to the rule.

customized M&Ms

Ain't these cute? Presenting.. customized M&Ms.

You can put anything you want in your own personal version of M&Ms chocolates-- you can put a logo or brand name if you want them as corporate giveaways or a message if you want to give them as a personal gift. You can also choose if you want certain colors only or if you want them all jumbled up in the bag.

Would have loved ordering a couple of bags of these to give as Christmas gifts this season... Too bad they don't ship to places outside of the US and Canada...

In front you have-->


Then flip to the back and you'll see-->

pig-out day

I love days like today where I can just lie in bed, nap for hours and hours on end, lazily read books and magazines, watch old Sex & the City and Friends re-runs, and pig out to my heart's content. It's been a while since I've done this, and I was definitely reminded of how good it feels to just do nothing.

True, I'm probably a few calories heavier now and there are probably a ton of zits waiting to pop out under my skin, from all the chips and cookies I consumed. I think a few brain cells have committed suicide for the lack of intellectual stimulation today, and I'm also feeling a bit sluggish and lethargic from all the napping. It's been truly a day full of everything-you-shouldn't-do-if-you-don't-want-to-grow-old-and-fat. But hey, I may not want to do this everyday of my life, but once in a while, it sure does rock. Who says a girl can't take a break? :-)

La Cocina

Still on a high from my fabulous birthday weekend---

I have just decided now: I'll set aside a portion of my yearend bonus to treat my beloved beau to a romantic dinner at La Cocina de Tita Moning. For a change, ako naman ang magtetreat sa kanya to a five-star, two-thumbs-up kind of place.

It's a super-fine-dining restaurant set in an ancestral home within the vicinity of Malacanang. It's supposedly frequented a lot by Pres. GMA... Not that I put premium on what she thinks, but hey, it's interesting to note.

More details here in case you want to know more: http://www.lacocinadetitamoning.com/

You will see if you look at the menu listings that the dishes there are ordered in sets or in full courses.. and they are not very shy to reflect the skyrocketing costs of each menu. Obviously, it's for a special occasion. ... Or for a special person, whichever the case may be.

Great, now I have a reason to save and not spend my money on the trinity of clothes/bags/shoes... (wink wink) Lord please give me the willpower to see this through.

:)

birthday weekend

Had the most perfect, perfect, perfect birthday!

The eve of the big day was spent with my darling FILC girls and their respective mates. Except for Anna, that is, because she suddenly got these strange red spots all over her body, which later on turned out to be measles (Get well soon, Anna! Let us know when we can visit!) The evening was full of good conversation and lots of laughs. It was so good to see the guys getting along very well. :)

The main day kicked off to a good start with a phone convo with my bestest friend. Despite the challenges facing her daily life, Li still took time to greet me and to spare a few minutes of precious free time to have a little birthday chat. I miss her no less after the talk and I know nothing beats physical togetherness, but still, it felt really good to hear her voice on my birthday..

Presents abound from all corners, of course-- But by far the best present of all came from Dennis, who gifted me with a beautiful exquisite Swarovski crystal necklace ---


Nothing has ever hung prettier on my neck :)

Wrapped up the evening with a quiet dinner for two and a kick-ass movie. (Watch The Prestige when you can. You won't be disappointed!).

Today, on the other hand, was spent at the temple and with my family. As usual, I'm as full as ever from the enormous dinner feast we had :)

Thank you so much for the gift, babe, I looooooove it! You're the best boyfriend ever!

hmmm.....

Today got me thinking again--

I know I have a future in the corporate world in the sense that I know I can survive (and most probably thrive) in it for most of my productive years. I know that I have enough skills to really last here and make my living out of making companies more profitable... I can probably stay here for a good 10 or 20 years and retire with a hefty pension.. There is stress, for sure, and pressure to make the numbers, but the risk is contained within the company. I will never have to worry about where the business is headed, where to get more investors, who among my children will succeed me, etc. I can enjoy all 15 of my vacation days, and I can live through my weekends in peace.

On the other hand, my brother broached the topic again today of setting up my own business.... It may not make the billions and billions of revenues that my present company makes but at least it's my own.. It's my own labor of love, and it will allow me to take more control of my time and my resources. True, it entails more risk and more worries and pressure, but at least, at the end of the day (or decade), I have a legacy to pass on.. If you gotta be stressed anyway, might as well be stressed over something that's yours, as opposed to getting worried over the revenues of a company who might redundate you once you become too expensive.

Ay ewan!

the stuff ain't old.. they're CLASSIC...

In spite of the holiday tomorrow, I didn't feel like going out tonight coz I'm still getting over the weekend. Feel like we filled it with too many things.. My body is still aching from all the walking and walking and... you get my drift... My beau feels the way too, so I think I have a valid point..

Anyway, spent a good portion of this evening looking through old stuff.. That is, apart from watching MSKM (Don't get what that means? Don't worry, it's a code only the super cool people alive understand).

By "old stuff", I don't mean ancient stuff hiding in my closet or stuffed under the bed. I mean "soft copy" stuff-- i.e. emails, files, documents in my aging, hanging-in-there-with-age laptop, written or created many many months or years ago... that I still find so meaningful to this day.

They're not meaningful as in tear-jerking stuff. They're meaningful in a that's-so-classic-of-me (or insert loved one/friend's name here). They're frozen in time, only relevant in that span of time it transpired, but still convey as much punch tonight as they did then. It's so cool to go back to old conversations, copies of old YM conference trails, files of old emails and notes that paint a perfectly faithful picture of instances in the past that are so much fun to wist over now. I love it!

Much like how tangible gifts or items can bring back such vivid memories of the past, so can their not-so-tangible, soft-copy versions. These are definitely stuff to cherish, for they are not "old" nor "worthless". They're classic.

Favorite line in a certain email shared with me by a friend -->
We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. So find a partner who will honor that and cherish the fact that you're the kind of person who knows who she is and refuses to live life any other way.

=)

I wonder how it feels...

to feel like the world is your oyster? To grow up never having a reason to think otherwise?

I was chatting with my friend K earlier this morning.. She talked about settling into her new life in Harvard Business School.. furnishing her brand-new apartment, organizing a block get-together for her new classmates, shopping for fall and winter clothes, preparing for her first Christmas in her new home, excitedly going on and on about her new classes, her casebooks, her new schoolmates... her new world... She even showed me some pictures online, but they were not necessary to help me get a picture of the spanking new, spanking cool life she's effortlessly stepped into.

Hay... My friend K... whose freedom and the resources I've always envied ever since we were little tots. The sheer lack of anything to tie her down, the lack of worries on how to afford it all, the lack of accountabilities for being the big financial overhead she's been to her parents all this time... it's such a precious privilege-- and a privilege she's had all her life. She embarks on various adventures and experiences with that characteristic carefree outlook of hers. She lives life to the hilt-- in fact, living it up has been the only way she's ever lived.

I'm sure anyone else would love to be like that. To always feel on top of the world and have all its possibilities at the tips of your fingers. To feel like anything is possible, that the entire world is up for your taking, that you can make dreams come true at will... That you can be anyone you want to be, when you want to be.

I envy her for the rich experiences she's had in her young 24 years of life. At this young age, she's already seen three-fourths of the world. I envy the opportunities she's been presented with by her parents, who demand nothing and give everything. Sometimes I fear she's grown up carrying a false impression of the world and of life, that she thinks everything is so easy to get and so easy to let go of, that everything and everyone will always be available to her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That when a day comes that her parents can no longer be there for her, someone else will step up and fill their shoes. That she'll never be left wanting, or wishing, or needing. I hope that day never comes, but it sure is going to be a cold awakening. When you've been built up so high and you've been configured to expect the sky's the limit, the crash down is going to be a hard hard fall.

I love her with all my heart, and I truly truly hope this day never comes. Because always feeling like the world's your oyster has got to be the best feeling in the world. And all my friends deserve that. :)

Have a blast in HBS, K!

FILC + boys :)

Had a blast of a Saturday. After a full day implementing a TV launch and a full late-afternoon judging an IMC presentation, I wound down my tired brain with a good dinner and a few drinks with my FILC girls and our S.O.s (plus one British guy). This is the first time we set up plans that included the boys....

The funny thing with that evening, though, was that the four of us didn't really spend as much time catching up with each other and talking as we did checking out how the boys were doing and getting all giddy over the fact that they got along well. Hahaha! It was a riot! Hahaha!

But it was cute to realize how much it really mattered for us to see our boys getting along well and enjoying each other's company. For a first get-together of the 4 of them, it was a smashing success. Dennis doesn't usually warm up to people until, like, the 3rd or so meeting.. but that night, he was on a roll! I was so surprised to see him joking around and laughing with guys he met for the first time that night (well, except for Rap, who's like a regular gym buddy to him now, haha!) The boys totally didn't disappoint! How cool! :-)

lori + gladys = spending money

To maximize the remaining days of Loraine being my officemate, we played hooky this lunchtime and hiked off to Rockwell for a good 2.5 hours just walking around, eating and.. of course.. shopping.

That is, apart from the fact that I had bought a pair of sandals from her earlier that morning-->



Ikaw.. Nadali mo na naman ako-->



And so a number of bills vacated their short-lived spots in my wallet yet again... Hahaha! Oh well... My rationale is: I won't get to see Loraine everyday anymore pretty soon.. so might as well get a few souvenirs to remember the last days by...

YEAH RIGHT! What a load of B.S. Hahaha!

here we go again....

the jologs part of me only comes out when this happens...

JL has another soap out! YEAH!

After insisting to my boyfriend the other day that we MUST be at home by the time 9:30pm rolls in, because it's the premiere of Maging Sino Ka Man, I was soooo not disappointed. It may very well have no relation to the story, to the production, to the other actors.. but the very fact that my most favorite actor is there... that's enough for me. I was totally unfit for any kind of human interaction all throughout the show-- you could be talking to me, screaming into my eardrums... I wouldn't mind you. My eyes were transfixed onto the screen until the credits rolled.

Haha! This all sounds so pathetic!

But what can I say... I'm addicted. I love JL!

For all you closet jologs out there, you can check out Maging Sino Ka Man via---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNILibA2o0w

citi gals!!

Met up with my Citi gals last night to say so long and farewell to our little Baby Bay. As usual, the night was full of laughs, of jokes, of stories and of little anecdotes about Citi and beyond. Though there was a tinge of sadness at the thought of one of us leaving, the night was still lots of fun. Nothing less usually happens when I'm with this round of friends. Especially now that Dang-dang has a little baby Anton! Welcome to the world! :)

Of course, now that she's no longer preggy, Dang sure made up for 9 months worth of alcohol abstinence that night. Hahahaha!

To Baby Bay: good luck, and may your best life await you as you return to Sing. Love you, girl!

I’m back!

Back from the sunny beachy paradise called Honolulu!

But before I get to that, can I just say that… there’s no better way to travel than via business class. Granted, it costs double a seat in coach, but heck, it’s worth every penny. Not only do you get express lane when checking in and when boarding, the food is great, the drinks unlimited, the movies all-you-can-watch, and the seats are as good as my lazy boy back home. No annoying crying babies here, mind you (my ultimate pet peeve when traveling), and you can practically dance and do cartwheels with all that legroom. (Sigh)… One of the best things about traveling for work is really the company policy that all international travel going for 5 hours or more automatically entitles you to a business class seat. After several work trips out of the country, I don’t know how I’ll ever go back to economy now. :-p

Anyway, so I landed in Honolulu, and discovered, to my pleasant surprise, that the secretary mistakenly booked my trip two days before the actual conference starts. That means I had two full days of total freedom in Honolulu-- free to do as I please, free to tour and to gallivant to my heart’s content. So off I went, of course, to do some shopping!! :-)

Though I didn’t have as much cash as I would’ve wanted, and though the sales were not as many as I expected, I still managed to make a decent haul. Thank God for Ala Moana Shopping Center and the outlet stores outside of town. Got a Dooney bag on 30% sale as well as a nice black beaded dress originally tagged $250 and marked down to $99. Managed to also get some pasalubong shopping done, too.

The beach was next. It’s true what they say that nothing can ever compare to the sands of Boracay. Even Hawaii’s famed beaches were no match. The only thing, I think, that they have going for them is the cleanliness. Cops are everywhere and ever-so-watchful to make sure you don’t litter. No cigarette butts here lying around in the sand, buddy, and no random candy bar wrapper washing up to you as you swim.

Met lots of Pinoys there too. Well, figures.. since about 35% of the total population there is Filipino. Met a lot of them who see Hawaii as their homeland now, and only look back at the Philippines on a once-upon-a-time basis.. That’s sad, I think.. To water down your own history and to relegate your mother country to an almost non-existent status..That’s just really sad.

I could understand though why they chose to stay and to become immigrants/citizens. Life is so much more peaceful, so much more organized, so much more.. maayos. The systems all work for you—the healthcare system, the banking/credit system, the government systems, etc. Your work always leads to the fulfillment of basic needs and to the enjoyment of life’s little pleasures. I met a restaurant hostess there who’s 2 years younger than me, who was earning $14 an hour and has already managed to buy her own car (paid completely already), can live on her own and can support herself fully. I also met another lady who, at 30, was able to fully pay for her own home and lot. That’s virtually impossible in Manila unless you come from a well-off family, or you got a big inheritance, or you work for the government (hehehe).. It’ll take you, what, 10 or 20 years to pay off a house and lot. It’s because we don’t have a robust banking and credit system here. Nor do we have a good social welfare system. In the US, you can get unemployment insurance which will pay you the monthly salary you enjoyed when employed, for a maximum period of 6 months upon losing your job. In Manila, if you lose your job or your source of livelihood, that’s it. You fend for yourself. The government isn’t going to be of help at all. Heck, our SSS system is about to go bankrupt.

So there… Add those insights to some rather-boring work stuff that thankfully finished much sooner than I hoped, some nights out on nice bars... A fruitful trip, wouldn’t you say? :-p

OK, back to reality, back to work. The good news is, seems like I may have a chance to go back to Hawaii early next year.

But before I get excited about that, I must first work with the situation at hand. Seems like a trip to the Middle East is in my immediate future. AFRAID!

one trip down, another one to go

Just got back from a pilgrimage in China. For some reason, even if my family goes every year, I get amazed each time I land on that oriental piece of soil. As this province we went to is as rural as rural can possibly get, the city gal in me just can't help but get disoriented everytime.

I imagine, what if my grandpa didn't make it out of China? I would've grown up in that place, had grown up as unrefined and "in the rough" as all the other girls there.... I would think a clean comfort room is an impossibility and that releasing one's mucus onto the street is as normal as anything. I would think shaving under my arms is a strange thing to do and I would think screaming is the normal way of conversing with people.

It's strange-- I grew up being told that I'm Chinese-- who happens to be born in the Philippines. Granted, my Chinese upbringing has pretty much dictated the way I'm wired-- I find more comfort in Chinese medicine, prefer Chinese food to anything else, go pretty much with the Chinese way of thinking... Just like anyone who prefers to stick to the familiar, I spent my first 16 years of life being at ease with Chinese people and Chinese people only.

However, my college years adjusted that. I learned to associate with the non-Chinese, embrace other cultures apart from my own and find beauty in the unfamiliar. Someone once told me, don't you feel like you're really Filipino-- who just happens to be born into a Chinese family?

After some thought, I came to a conclusion. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why does one have to be the overall definition of who I am, and the other cast aside as a mere incidental, as a small coincidence? When, really, both cultures-- Filipino and Chinese-- make up the person I am today. It's these two parts that make up the whole that is me. Granted, there are times (most of the time, actually) that I feel more Chinese than Filipino, but if I were to be really honest, there are also times when the Filipino in me overrides the Chinese too. Who says these two things have to be mutually exclusive anyway? If they were, I'd be a very confused individual right now :P

Oh, on a small note: Seems like I have premature arthritis. It came as a shocker to me, because I always thought the big A was something that afflicted the elderly. But, oh well, the doc gave me some pills to take and told me to give a status report when I get back from Honolulu. Oh well.

OK, this oldie is signing off na! Time to cram in as much work as can possibly be done today, because I'm off to Hawaii tomorrow! :)

filc days again?! :)

It's nice to hope that there will come a time when FILC days can be replicated.... here naman in my current place of work. It would be nice to have my girls here working at the same place I do... This place can then feel more like home and like a safe haven... :)

Maybe one day, who knows...

a house of cards

We spent the entire weekend talking about this idea of going-away.. of his going-away... of his going somewhere far away from me, where his luck might be lying, waiting for him... of him going and taking that luck as far as it brings him, then coming home to get me so we can have the life we envisioned together... He talked about sacrifice, about the idea of foregoing the present so we can have a good future...

I had so many mixed feelings about it, I can't even begin to start detailing the why's and the why not's. I don't want to stand in the way of a potentially bright future, especially of someone whom I care so much.. and someone whom I know deserves it more than anyone else in this world. Yet, how can I ever stand going day after day without you here with me? How do I go about my daily life and fill the void you will inevitably cause... and how on earth will I ever stop myself from feeling like you left me here... like you left me behind.... and hold on to the promise that you will come back for me?

It's still an idea far far away in the future.. at least I hope so. I know this kind of thing takes a long time to get done, and I sure hope that the process stays that way. Because until I've figured out how to get used to walking down life's road without you beside me, I pray you never let go of my hand. I pray you never have to leave until I'm ready to see you go. A moment too soon and I'm afraid I'll fall apart like a house of cards.

my lucky's

For some reason, I have such an addiction for Lucky magazines. Ever since the first time I went through one while getting a foot spa, I loved Lucky mags. Every new issue is packed full of clothes, shoes, bags and everything shopping-related... and even if most (if not all) of the stuff is beyond my reach (both in terms of affordability and availability), I can't help but get excited everytime I crank open a brand new issue. My eyes gloss over and get all glittery with all the eye candy inside---



What can I say... when you love it, you love it :P

hawaiiiiiiiii!!!!

One of the perks of this job is the travel... Oh, I looooove travelling! :P

And 2 weeks from now, this job takes me to.... HAWAII! A week of glorious glorious Hawaiian sun. Who cares if I'm supposed to be there to attend a convention?! There's always time to sneak in a few sunshine rays and/or a shopping trip here and there....

Super cool! I'm so excited! Can barely wait....

Is it, is it??

Sometimes I don't know if I'm asking for too much.. Or if I'm asking for it all too soon... Maybe everything really happens in due time, if at all they're meant to happen. Maybe the more you're searching for something, the more you can't find it. Maybe you should just sit still, and somehow, good things will come and find you instead.

People have been known to surpass the odds and go beyond the initial cards life deals them.

Yet again, people have also been known to disappoint. Horribly and heartbreakingly.

I don't know.

online window-shopping

Recently discovered this blog, and I love it! It's so full of gorgeous & interesting bags that I often turn to it whenever I feel a shopping urge which MUST be contained. Hehehehe.

Check it out: http://www.purseuing.com

......

My ultimate fear and what would be the greatest failure in my life is being unworthy of you. You're offering me your everything, yet I don't know why it doesn't seem to be enough for me. I don't know why I feel this way, but I'd rather sound cruel than be a liar.

I'm scared to death to find out that, in the end, this beautiful thing we have will die not because of what you don't have, but what I can't give. Contrary to what you think, it's my own limitations, my own weaknesses and my own cowardice that's keeping us apart this way.

How's that possible-- I know I can't lose you, yet I don't know how to keep you. Maybe my problem really stems from focusing on what I'll lose, rather than on what I'll be gaining at its cost.

Postscript: When all in the world seems to look wrong and you feel like your insides are being torn up to shreds and you dread looking at yourself in the mirror in case you'll see someone you never wanted to end up being, it sure does feel good to have real friends you can depend on, who will take the time to listen to your ramblings, despite running only on a couple hours' sleep, and who will not judge you, no matter how despicably you judge yourself. It may not solve the problem or take your troubles away, but it sure does make you feel less alone. Especially on days when you feel so damn crappy, you can barely keep your head above water. Thanks, friends, your support is my lifeline.

teaching assistant

In a twist of life, I've somehow found myself in a weird position. For 2nd sem of SY 2006-2007, yours truly shall be the teaching assistant of Mr. Bong Mojica, who will teach the class Brand Management to UA&P IMC seniors, who incidentally also happens to be my boss here at SMART.

Ultimately, it's a non-paying job that will expose me to additional hours with my boss outside of the work setting. Great. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing... :P

obsession, compulsion and me....

I don't know what's wrong with me----

1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...

2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.

Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!

Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....

presenting...

the new Sony VAIO FJ Series



Isn't it cute? :-p

not a wasted holiday

Unlike every other working person in the Philippines, I had a non-holiday weekend. Due to a pre-arranged seminar at AIM, I had to attend a lecture today instead of lounging around with my family. At first, admittedly, I dreaded it. Blasted international school--- they don't honor special holidays.

But, I was pleasantly surprised and won over by the very articulate, very enlightening marketing professors. Today proved not a total waste of a holiday after all! The topics were very interesting, and the insights were very valuable to a department such as yours which values niche markets more than the mass-based groups. Oh, and for the case-study workshop, we were even grouped with the people working for the arch-nemesis, and guess what, we were able to collaborate and come up with a collective answer to the problem! Who would've thought! :-p

Apart from the seminar (which continues onto tomorrow and Wednesday too), my weekend went really great. Saturday was spent exclusively in the company of my beau, with the evening filled with great food paired with great conversation by great company. I must admit, my boyfriend's friends are seriously starting to grow on me. I find that, underneath all the lawyering shit-shit, they're pretty cool! :)

Oh, and how can I forget-- Sunday. The day where I again spent more than I intended (which is PhP0.00) I ended up visiting Lori at the Rockwell Vintage Bazaar and instead of just showing support, I found myself leaving the venue 30 minutes later carrying 1 top and 3 pairs of shoes. So much for not shopping anymore :-p

The non-holiday weekend was ended with a flourish by a grand family dinner. Even if I gained 3 pounds post-celebration, I had lots of fun. I love my family, I love my beau, I love my job... What else can I ask for? :)

Oh, and my boss told me today that I can take a leave anytime I want this week or next week to make up for the holiday I spent working today. SWEET!

nice!

I like, I like, I like!

life lessons

Just doodling random thoughts---

Ang buhay, patibayan lang ng loob, patigasan lang ng mukha, at pagalingan lang ng diskarte.

1. Patibayan lang ng loob
Real life is not for the faint-hearted. Success is dependent on your resilience and your ability to take the hits and survive the blows, whether deserved or not, anticipated or not. What can help is the strength derived from a good family, a good set of friends, a good relationship with God, and a good sense of self. These are armors to protect you from setbacks and misfortune. Oh, and of course, a good upbringing is amunition so rare these days.

2. Patigasan lang ng mukha
This does not mean rudeness or thick-facedness in the crass, tactless way. This pertains to your ability to swallow your pride and resist the temptation of "face-saving" when doing what's right or when righting a wrong. It also refers to your ability to balance confidence with humility, and your adamant refusal to let yourself cross the line over to arrogance. For a swollen ego can blind you like you wouldn't believe.

3. Pagalingan lang ng diskarte
Life lessons are not learned from books nor are they obtained through lectures or sermons. Life is like a chess game where only strategy matters. You may have certain advantages gifted to you prior to the start of the race, like good looks, an established family or even a big fat inheritance. But once the race starts and the game is played, what will get you through the finish line is not any of the frills you donned, but the way you go through the hoops, jump through the hurdles and crawl through the maze. There's no hard-and-fast rule-- no set formula. There are a million ways to navigate through life, and no one holds the secret to the winning recipe. We all have to find it ourselves. Or get lost trying.

In that sense, life is fair.

=)

missed those banking halls for a little while there...

Earlier this week, an FGD happened to coincide with the day I decided to take some hours off from work, so I figured, I should join. Why not? The token pay was P800 and the topic was something I could discuss for hours. The point of discussion (or research, in this case) is related to my previous job, and given this background of mine, I had a wealth of inputs to give to anyone who'll listen.

The token pay was good-- hey, who wouldn't appreciate pocketing P800 for 2 hours of talking and giving your opinion?-- but more than that, I picked up a sense of nostalgia towards my old job. It was not enough of a nostalgic sense to want to go back but just a warm feeling of appreciation for my first professional pitstop. That place, for all its limitations & faults, was a good one to learn the basics and grow corporate legs in. I appreciate it all the more vis-a-vis by my current work, because without that initial exposure to corporate life, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground running in this place. I'd probably be eaten alive by the politics, scared shitless and unsure of the when, where, how or why.

Just wanted to say thank you. To the people filling up those hallowed banking halls. Spending my professional infancy in your care is proving to be the best move to set-off my career. You're such an underrelated corporate launching-pad. I don't think I ever appreciated you this much. It's true what they say-- hindsight is always 20-20.

Well, better late than never :)

more prayers needed

My dear friend, I will continue to pray for your brother. He's in my nightly prayers ever since the accident happened. I know things look dim right now and the doctors' diagnosis looks bad, but keep up your faith-- people defy the odds and prove doctors wrong all the time. I know he'll pull through, I just know it.

To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.

working smart vs working at smart

Just found out that a friend's business grosses 500k a month-- about 6M a year. It's divided among her and her two partners, sure, and they mostly bankroll it back to their business as working capital, but still.. that's still a lot better than her current paycheck. The long-term promise of this is also better than staying in the corporate world. At least her business will always be hers; it will never fire her or treat her badly.

My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...

That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)

growing up at the speed of light

The past week was composed of the following: one baby shower, one bridal shower, one baptism and one hecka shopping trip hunting down gifts for the three events mentioned above. I can't believe how fast life is going for these friends of mine. On top of these three, I have three more who are getting married in the next 12 months, and one who's seriously considering/discussing the prospect with her significant other, and two who're worrying about the feasibility of their ever-getting-hitched before 2008.

As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"

There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.

Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!

promoted!

I didn't think it would actually happen this early. As a friend warned me, in this company, it's rare to have people promoted upon regularization. Given the level of politics that's at play within these halls, it's challenging to rise one-rung up without jumping through unbelievably fiery hoops.

But it did. It happened!

I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.

I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.

love, people, love!

A lot of people downplay attraction, intensity and passion in a relationship. A lot of reading materials and a lot of advice out there center on the security, practicality and compatibility in a relationship. They insist these things matter more, and that the stuff that makes your eyes glitter and your heart flutter is all fluff and nothing else.

I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?

I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.

That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.

I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.

my birthday beau

My beau is now 27 years old. Hehehe. We celebrated yesterday by taking leaves from our respective jobs, and having a super-dragged-out lunch buffet at Spiral. Armed with my dad's privilege card that entitled us to 50% discount, we stuffed our faces silly of food, food and more food at the buffet spread at the Philippine Plaza. I don't remember eating that much in my entire life.... this year. Hehehe. Ooof-- the diet goes out the window.

We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.

Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.

If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:



I love you.

need your prayers...

Shoutout to everyone viewing this page:

My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.

Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.

I've never known distance to be this frustrating.

How I wish I can be there with you right now.

a heartbreaking story

I have a friend who's been ready to be married since I'd met her two years ago. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years now, and has been waiting so badly for him to take the plunge and propose to her already. She wanted to have kids already and was ready to settle down and give up her career to have a family.

February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.

Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.

Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.

After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.

She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?

I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.

Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.

My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?

It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.

this is the real thing...

You know you have real friends when they defend you to the ground in front of anyone who dares attack your good name. You know you have real friends when they cry as you cry and they hurt as you hurt. Good times do not mark true friendships. It's the bad ones.

Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.

I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.

relationships, relationships...

Relationships are complicated.

That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.

First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!

Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.

OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.

cool weekend

Sad to see that the weekend has passed, because I loved it!

Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.

After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)

Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p

The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.

Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.

let's see the world

I only have one friend who not only has the passion for travel (as in, 100% real, honest-to-goodness love for seeing & exploring the world) but also has the resources to make her travel dreams a reality. She's definitely one of a kind! She not only loves the idea of trekking different places of planet Earth, she also loves meeting new people and living new cultures. And, clicking through the pics from her recent jaunts, I couldn't help but wish I could be like her--a true-blue globetrotter, who can pack up and leave for any destination the next day without any reservation for cost or danger, without anything holding her back (no one and nothing she'll miss too much) and without any qualms about dropping all notions of comfort and luxury.

I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.

You go, girl. Conquer the world!

the shame letter

I know you will never get to read this... Ignorance is indeed bliss. I at least find absolution and relief in knowing none of this ever hurt you, because you never knew about it. It's actually the only reason I can forgive myself for this....

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry for two things.

1. I thought I was being the realistic and practical one for worrying about it the way I did. I thought I was just being responsible and grounded for focusing on the practical side of life, when really I've never been more deluded.

The reality is that when you love someone, you love them through and through. Completely. You don't cherry-pick only the parts that you like. Selectively loving is not loving at all.

It's not fair of me to pick and choose the good sides to you and then reject or resent the parts of your life that I do not want. When I choose a man, I have to be able to stand next to him-- and stand proudly at that.

And I know I love you, that's why I have to be honest-- I have yet to make peace with the parts of your life that are less than ideal. It's going to be a process, I know, but I will do it, because that's the only way I can do justice to this relationship.... and in fact, that's the only way I can prove to myself that I love you. That I accept you heart and soul-- both the good and the bad.

2. I'm also sorry for believing that some prophecy was more important and more indicative of this relationship's potential than what we've been through. I was wrong in letting some man's allegations and predictions precede what my heart tells me. Leafing through past emails to friends and past blog entries made me realize that. What we have is real, and that prophecy isn't. Whether it does foretell things to come is out of the question. It was stupid of me to think the fate of this relationship is anything but ours to create. Our story is ours, D. We write it. Nobody else. It develops and matures the way we let it; if it does end, it will end because we chose it to. Nobody else. Again, I was deluded enough to think otherwise.

I've been unfair and I'm sorry. I wronged you in ways so fundamental, I feel like the biggest fraud in the universe of girlfriendhood. I'm sorry. You love me more than anything in the world and you've done nothing but devote yourself to me every day that God creates. In return, the best assurance I can give is the promise to try-- to try to cherish you in all the ways I can, to make peace with all the baggage you come with and to stand by you through the peaks and valleys of life.

That's the best I can do for now, and the bittersweet part of this is I know you'll be okay with that. I revel at how nothing I do to you can ever be too wrong-- too unforgivably, irreparably wrong. You will never take all this against me, and I love you even more because of that.

And you know what, no matter how life turns out, I'll love you forever for that.

tell me how and i'll do it

If your feelings for someone seem so intertwined with his, how do you know where his love ends and yours begins? Does the way your love had come to life dictate how it's going to end?

If he hadn't knocked at your life so insistently, would you have opened the door and allowed a space in it for him? If he had turned and walked away at the initial no, would you have called him back? Or would you have gone on, none the wiser about what you missed?

.. and if the stars say he's not the one for you, how do you tell your heart you're wrong? How? How? How do you change what seems meant to be and make it adapt to the choices you've already made-- the same choices you want oh-so-desperately to hold on to? How do you twist the shape of fate into what you think it ought to be?

At times like this, I miss my best friend. I wish she were back here at home with me, and not miles and miles away.

guilty as charged

I'm guilty. I did it. I was wrong.

For the past few days, I've been terribly guilty of committing the crime of not appreciating the blessings I have. Particularly when it comes to this wonderful wonderful man who loves me more than life itself.

I've been wrong in seeing the shortcomings and focusing on what he doesn't have, instead of appreciating the good traits he has and the good things he brings into this relationship. No other person has given me so much security, so much love, so much faith and so much devotion. He would gladly take a bullet for me, would be honored to offer his life in exchange for mine and wouldn't hesitate to give up everything for me. He'll get me the world if I wanted it and would also let it all go, if I so wished.

Instead of always being thankful and always appreciating all this, I've been so unwise and so immature as to complain inwardly about the things he lacks, when, really, this relationship is so rich in the good stuff that love is made of. I'm the girl with the cake who's looking for the cherry on top.

Good thing, though, I wasn't so unwise as to verbalize those complaints and risk hurting this one angel in my life. Good thing, I wasn't that stupid.

Sigh...

I know better now, though. And I vow to always know better-- everyday of my life.

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lifestyle change

The halls of Smart are about to be transformed by the entry of our new boss today, who shall assume the role of marketing director. Contrary to his predecessors, this new boss times in at 7:30am, thereby adjusting the body clocks of everyone in the marketing department. Now, everyone has to time in at 9am!

Hahahaha! Today is his first day; hence also the first day of this new time-in policy. I came into work with a full-on headache, having been forced to wake up 2 hours earlier. About half of the floor felt the same way. The other half had really swollen eyes badly abused by excessive rubbing-away of sleep.

It was so funny. Our floor was full of life already at 10am, when it was meet-and-greet sessions with the new boss. However, now at about 2:30 in the afternoon, everyone's already low-batt.

HAHAHAHA! Oh well... This must be how little kids feel on the first day of class after being on vacation and sleeping-in for the longest time.

:-p

waaaaah! BLOOPER!

FUCK!!!

I can sooooo stab myself right now-- I can't believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate I was today!

OK, it all started two weeks ago when Dr. T called me to set up a breakfast date. He called later that day to move it to two weeks later, because another thing came up. So we set it up for Monday, May 29, 8:30am in Bizu Greenbelt. I had even jotted it down in my notepad at home, so I would be reminded on Sunday night to leave earlier than usual.

Fast forward to last night: I did not get the reminder, because the maid moved the notepad's location (previously easily within eyesight range when I get ready for work). So I went along my usual business today-- logging in at work at 10am, working all day long, getting home at 10pm, eating dinner, taking a shower...

While I was in the shower, BAM! It hit me like a tidal wave. FUCK!!! For a moment, I hoped that I had remembered the appointment wrong-- that it was supposed to be Tuesday (hence, tomorrow) and I did not just stand up the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences of UA&P who has to-date been nothing less than SUPERB to me.

No, no, no...

I hurriedly jumped out of the shower, covered myself in a towel, and ran with lightning speed across the room to look for that damn little notepad.

FUCK!

There it was: May 29, Monday, 8:30 at Bizu. Be there!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I flushed red with shame as I picked up my cellphone and called the first man I had stood up in my entire life.

"Doc! Kill me now! I'm soooo sorry!!!" was the start of my 5-minute apology. Hyperventilation, here I come!

As usual, he was very gracious about it, telling me not to worry, that he had used the time to work and that nothing was really to be sorry about. He tried to call me earlier this morning but my Globe line (he only has my Globe number) was out of reach.

AAAH! FUCK GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! I HATE GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! GO TO HELL, GLOBE!

So anyway, after apologizing profusely, we set another appointment -- for DINNER this time, and I gave him my Smart number, which, I said, I use all day, everyday, and NEVER LOSES SIGNAL!

I love Doc. He was super gracious about everything-- even made fun of me giving myself a heart attack (because I was near hysterical when apologizing). I mean, if I were him, I'd be pissed off.

Hay nako.... My face is fire-engine hot right now just recapping what happened. Waaah! KAKAHIYA!!

i love this song...

When You Know
Shawn Colvin


When You Know
That you know
Who you love
You can’t deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

When you feel
In your skin
In your bones
And the hollows
Of your heart
There’s no way
You can wait
Till tomorrow

When there isn’t any
Doubt about it
Once you come this close
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

You can feel
Love's around you
Like the sky
Round the moon

This is how
Love has found you
Now you know
What to do

When you know
That you know
Who you need
You cant deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You’ll never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

And its time
You come in
From the cold

And you know
That you know

the stain in my little white sheet

Most days, I love working here. Judging from the workplaces I've seen in my short professional career thus-far, this by far offers the most extensive, most intensive marketing experience. In the span of time I've been here, I've never seen a more dynamic work environment. Things move so fast it makes your head spin. The pace not only hones your ability to adapt, it also sharpens your skill set in record time.

I love it here because it's real marketing, in real-time. The work is more than I can ever hope it to be. I wanted marketing, and I got it here.

The only blemish in this otherwise utopian place is the amount of social politics going on. There have been one too many times when I was shocked stiff by the intrigues and the pulitika going on. Coming from my old company, it was indeed a rude awakening-- to see the desperate lengths people go to protect their agenda, the backbiting and the mudslinging that would've put the showbiz scene to shame. I guess it's a slice of real life also-- it's part of the real world to contend against people who are willing to stab whomever and whatever necessary to get ahead. Style na bulok, I know, and it's just so sad to see that some people believe that the only way to get ahead is to abandon loyalties and con their way up.

And, I may be naive, but I find it really pathetic. It's pathetic because victory obtained through those means just seems so empty. That's truly no way to work (not to mention no way to live). How can you enjoy your title when you can't look at yourself in the mirror or sleep soundly at night? How can you truly relish your success when it was won at the expense of others? Wouldn't a clean conscience and a clean name be deemed as a worthier prize to covet?

However, I'm trying to be realistic with this too-- in the sense that I know I have to play this game, whether I like it or not. Playing this game does not mean stooping to their antics and jumping into the foray. For me, playing this game is just being careful and watching my own back-- knowing that in this dog-eat-dog world, nobody is ever truly my friend... and hope against hope that my gut will tell me when it's time to fight back, when it's time to back down, and when (hopefully it never happens) it's time to step out of this jungle because enough is enough.

No job is ever worth your integrity.

amazing cebu!

I'm back from amazing, amazing Cebu!

I love being on vacation. I did nothing but eat, sleep, swim, (a little) shopping, and just rest. I looooved our hotel and our 7,000-a-night room, which we paid nada for. There's nothing better than Cebuano lechon! I love it, I love it, I love it!

I can't believe I have to go back to work again tomorrow.. Back to the daily grind..

However, on the bright side, Doc Torralba called me this morning and asked me for a meeting. Hmm.. I smell an upcoming project in the horizon! :) Hope it's something exciting :)

calculated risk

I'm very amused with a friend of mine right now. As a backgrounder, she is what one would call a sigurista. She prefers to have a strong footing over a situation before putting one step forward into it. She's cautious with herself and guarded as to who gets real close. This is not to say, though, that she is untrusting or perpetually suspicious. It's just a sense of self-protective wariness that stems from not wanting to be hurt. A perfectly human thing.

I don't blame her. In fact, there are times I see myself in her, but there are also times when I wish I could have her strength. I admire her for her natural instinct of self-preservation. I admire how she's sure enough of herself to expect a level of quality in people and in situations that, when the gauge falls below the bar, she can walk away from whatever is being offered, knowing that she deserves more than that.

There have been times, I admit, that I didn't calculate risk as much as I should've. I ended up getting disappointed, hurt or angry-- more at myself than at another person. Pissed at myself for knowing I was worth more but succumbing anyway.

But this friend of mine currently finds herself at the cusp of something that has all the potential of being great. She's at the brink of having something that, not only has she never had before, she's always wanted. She's made enough security measures, that's for sure. Nothing less is expected of her. But as she faced me yesterday and asked me questions on how to know if something is real, or how long is long enough.. I couldn't help but laugh.

The thing is, when it comes to love and relationships, nothing is ever for sure. You can try everything in your power to stack up the odds in your favor. Calculate the risk, project the probability of failure, measure the length and breadth of his emotions, and all you'll end up with are logical conclusions which, in the final analysis, have no relation to love anyway. In the end, you just have to believe. Believe that you've seen all that can be seen, he's shown all that can be shown, and that the rest is simply a leap of faith. Know that there's a risk involved, but hey that's life, and nothing in life is worth having if it's not something you can lose.

You can win, you can fail. You can reap the rewards of your faith, or you can stumble and fall face-first into the puddle of your mistake. There's no guarantee you won't be lied to, you won't get hurt, you won't be left behind... But that's the beauty of it. There's no guarantee. Everything is up to you and him. It's about what you two make of this great possibility that lies before you.

The ultimate crime will be not trying.

cebu escapade

In spite of myself, I'm really looking forward to my upcoming vacation in Cebu this weekend. The flight and accomodations were free (long story how we got it), so Giselle and I are embarking on a three-day, two-night escapade this weekend.

And guess where we're staying....





Presenting Hilton Cebu Resort and Spa Hotel. It's a resort nestled right on a private beach in Lapu-Lapu City in Cebu. At first, when I saw the hotel confirmation sheet, I wasn't sure if it's gonna be a good place, since our benchmark was Mactan Shang... But after checking out their website... how cool does that look?! I was suddenly washed over with excitement and enthusiasm over this impending trip. I've been lamenting the fact that I haven't gone on vacation yet this summer season and the fear that the sunshiney season will come and go without me ever enjoying its benefits..... and then, this gift lands on my lap! How lucky is that? :)

Too bad lang that my beau won't be able to join us. For one thing, he can't take a leave on Friday. Another thing, if he comes with us, he'll be bunking alone, 'coz Gis and I are sharing a room... So oh well, next time nalang.

I can't wait to go on vacation!!!! :)

credit shmedit

I called HSBC earlier to inquire about the balance my credit card has racked up so far. It will be due sometime towards the end of this month na, and I have a feeling it will be bloated really really badly, so I was thinking of preparing already beforehand, i.e. making deductions from my two bi-monthly payslips to settle the amount.

When the digits were read out to me by their IVRS machine, I nearly fell off to the floor. P33,640!!! WTF?!?! I've never ever seen a figure that high on my credit card bill -- any bill with my name on it, for that matter.

Hay...

update!

The anniversary

Last Friday marked the 365th day I've been in this fun-filled and love-filled relationship. And I'm lovin' it.

To be honest, when we were first going out, I have to admit that the attraction wasn't instantaneous for me. Sure, I liked the attention (what girl doesn't?) and his persistence in doing everything and anything that would please me. But, learning from experience, much as these things are enjoyable (what girl minds being waited on hand-and-foot?), I reserved judgment until I could see something more substantial-- a sense of commitment and security, as well as a connection charged with enough potential that a good future is in sight. A lot of "now" and not enough "tomorrow" just strikes me as a total waste of time.

So time passed by, and we got to know each other a bit more. This stage is under-rated, in my opinion-- as this is the most crucial. What's more commonly known as ligaw shouldn't be misinterpreted as a period where the man proves himself to the girl. It's a mutual thing, I believe-- what's being tested is not one person's sincerity but the bond and connection between both parties.

In the end, it was the build-up of great dates, great conversations and the rolls and rolls of laughter that finally got me sold. Sure, he was very persistent in impressing upon me, his diligence and consistence in that effort, and his unrelenting desire to please me. But, more than anything else, it's the personality of this great great guy that did me in at the tailend.

So, here I am, one year of loving him and being with him..


and I'm lovin' it.

The new toy

After some difficulties in setting it up and getting used to it, my little new toy and I are finally getting along!


Welcome, Gladys, to the world of mobile music!

The new film

Just finished watching a new DVD-- another really dorky film, something only I would find so much interest in. I don't know exactly where the allure of this comes from, but I guess it's just because, deep down, I'm just ... a dork. A nerd.



Oblige me, please. It's a good film. :)

The new books

I have a new favorite author-- Jodi Picoult-- and a new favorite book:


Borrowing the synopsis written in her webpage, this book is about Anna, a young girl of 13, who is not sick, but who might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister, Kate, can somehow fight the leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis, Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate - a life and a role that she has never questioned… until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister - and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable… a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for the sister she loves. My Sister's Keeper examines what it means to be a good parent, a good sister, a good person. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another? Is it worth trying to discover who you really are, if that quest makes you like yourself less?

The conclusion
As you can see, these past few days have been very eventful-- lots of new things happening and a celebration of something that, though not new per-se, still feels as fresh and exciting as if it started just yesterday.

I love this life! :)