I wish....

Being so far away from you doesn't mean you're away from my thoughts or my prayers. Please always know that I think of you and your family all the time, and always keep you guys in my prayers. I pray for things to take a huge turn for the better, for the pressure to let up on you just a little bit, for the every-day side of things to become easier for you... I pray every day that life becomes just a little bit lighter, just a little bit easier to live. Nothing pains me more than to know you're suffering, millions of miles away from me, and not being able to stand next to you to help you through.

On the other hand, I am also very thankful that you have such a great great great guy beside you, holding your hand, keeping you strong, and holding you up whenever you're too drained, physically or emotionally, to carry on. I derive a lot of comfort from knowing God doesn't let you live through these tough times all alone, that he granted you a support system, a pillar of strength on which you can rely in times of weakness.

This would be your first Christmas with this situation. I know this would be the first of many tough holidays, the first of many challenging occasions to come. I know this is the first holiday to be marked with such difficulty, such pain, such burden... And I cannot even begin to tell you how bad it makes me feel not to be by your side.

I just wish I can be there, I wish we can talk more often, I wish things were different, I wish it never happened... I wish a lot of things. I wish I were a better friend, a friend who's more there than I can ever be right now, given the constraints... I wish my prayers had some sort of express-lane in the land of prayers, so they can granted right away and you would be freed from all this. By being my dearest friend, you carry a part of my heart with you wherever you go... so your pain will always be my pain too.. somehow.

I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make everything bad just go away... just go away forever...

I wish, I wish, I wish.

I wish.