......

My ultimate fear and what would be the greatest failure in my life is being unworthy of you. You're offering me your everything, yet I don't know why it doesn't seem to be enough for me. I don't know why I feel this way, but I'd rather sound cruel than be a liar.

I'm scared to death to find out that, in the end, this beautiful thing we have will die not because of what you don't have, but what I can't give. Contrary to what you think, it's my own limitations, my own weaknesses and my own cowardice that's keeping us apart this way.

How's that possible-- I know I can't lose you, yet I don't know how to keep you. Maybe my problem really stems from focusing on what I'll lose, rather than on what I'll be gaining at its cost.

Postscript: When all in the world seems to look wrong and you feel like your insides are being torn up to shreds and you dread looking at yourself in the mirror in case you'll see someone you never wanted to end up being, it sure does feel good to have real friends you can depend on, who will take the time to listen to your ramblings, despite running only on a couple hours' sleep, and who will not judge you, no matter how despicably you judge yourself. It may not solve the problem or take your troubles away, but it sure does make you feel less alone. Especially on days when you feel so damn crappy, you can barely keep your head above water. Thanks, friends, your support is my lifeline.