We spent the entire weekend talking about this idea of going-away.. of his going-away... of his going somewhere far away from me, where his luck might be lying, waiting for him... of him going and taking that luck as far as it brings him, then coming home to get me so we can have the life we envisioned together... He talked about sacrifice, about the idea of foregoing the present so we can have a good future...
I had so many mixed feelings about it, I can't even begin to start detailing the why's and the why not's. I don't want to stand in the way of a potentially bright future, especially of someone whom I care so much.. and someone whom I know deserves it more than anyone else in this world. Yet, how can I ever stand going day after day without you here with me? How do I go about my daily life and fill the void you will inevitably cause... and how on earth will I ever stop myself from feeling like you left me here... like you left me behind.... and hold on to the promise that you will come back for me?
It's still an idea far far away in the future.. at least I hope so. I know this kind of thing takes a long time to get done, and I sure hope that the process stays that way. Because until I've figured out how to get used to walking down life's road without you beside me, I pray you never let go of my hand. I pray you never have to leave until I'm ready to see you go. A moment too soon and I'm afraid I'll fall apart like a house of cards.
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