obsession, compulsion and me....

I don't know what's wrong with me----

1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...

2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.

Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!

Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....