If you've seen this movie, you know that strange feeling of wanting to be in 2 places at once, doing 2 things at once, and just basically wishing you can split your body into 2 and fulfill 2 roles.
I know that, in my last blog post, I wished for an opportunity to arrive, to get me excited again in my work days. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my team. But I realized that I feel like I've outgrown my current capacity and that I can still do more. I think this also started from my "subbing" for my boss when she is not around. I'm her right-hand (wo)man, and the time she was on ML and the times she would not be around, I would slip into her role as brand head like fish does to water. And while this makes me feel good that I am able to stretch myself to the next role, it also makes me think, "If I can fulfill that function and work at that (next) level, then how come I'm not yet there officially?"
Anyway, I know that I wished for an opportunity, and I guess when God hears a prayer, he REALLY hears it. Two opportunities are about to cross my way, and I thank the chance to be given a heads-up before I need to make a final decision. Route #1 presents the growth I wanted - to head a brand and be in charge of a business from start to end. Route #2 presents growth that I did NOT anticipate at all, but presents the possibility of a bigger growth trajectory. It is an opportunity with so much potency, which presents a stark contrast from route #1 which is so filled with certainty for me -- I can do that job from Day 1 and hit the ground running. This unexpected route #2 takes me out of my comfort zone and out of the career track I had built for myself. It also means it carries risk that I'm not sure I am prepared for - taking myself out of the "action" and being more consultative than executive. It's so far off from what I'm used to, and it's more full of "maybe"'s than anything.
And today, given that I am who I am, I became struck with an option. As opposed to just Route #1 VS Route #2, WHAT IF... Just WHAT IF... I ask for BOTH!
Wild, right?
I know.
I'm probably the only one who'd even consider such a thing.
But I am excited. It's the best of both worlds! Right?
And also scared. What if the "worst" of these 2 worlds prove to be more than I can handle? It's either I will high-five myself for a good choice made or I will kick myself for getting spread too thinly.
What about my personal dream of being a mother? What if these 2 jobs end up taking me farther away from that?
But then again, if I had to choose, which one?!
And since the BIG boss will be offering me the Route #2, is it even possible to turn it down?!
So many thoughts in my head right now. The overarching feeling is this excitement.. and hunger.. hunger to take it all on and not miss on an opportunity. Yet there's also this fear.. of biting off more than I can chew and being in over my head, and missing out on my personal dream. It's either I go for #1, #2 or a combo of both.
The combo sounds good..
Then again...
There's only 24 hours in a day and only 5 days in a working week. There are limits to my capacities, yet these are the same limits I am excited to push and see how far I can go. I studied so much and worked so well all these years, that I'm so excited to see where it can all take me.. how far up I can go and how much I can accomplish. Then again, when I do get pregnant and have a wee one, will I still relish the fact that my job is so challenging? Or will I curse the day I took it?!
Omg.
I am not making sense. How do high-flying career mothers do it?!?
Wild.
After everything I said, I still have no answer.
:-/
No comments:
Post a Comment