cool weekend

Sad to see that the weekend has passed, because I loved it!

Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.

After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)

Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p

The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.

Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.

let's see the world

I only have one friend who not only has the passion for travel (as in, 100% real, honest-to-goodness love for seeing & exploring the world) but also has the resources to make her travel dreams a reality. She's definitely one of a kind! She not only loves the idea of trekking different places of planet Earth, she also loves meeting new people and living new cultures. And, clicking through the pics from her recent jaunts, I couldn't help but wish I could be like her--a true-blue globetrotter, who can pack up and leave for any destination the next day without any reservation for cost or danger, without anything holding her back (no one and nothing she'll miss too much) and without any qualms about dropping all notions of comfort and luxury.

I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.

You go, girl. Conquer the world!

the shame letter

I know you will never get to read this... Ignorance is indeed bliss. I at least find absolution and relief in knowing none of this ever hurt you, because you never knew about it. It's actually the only reason I can forgive myself for this....

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry for two things.

1. I thought I was being the realistic and practical one for worrying about it the way I did. I thought I was just being responsible and grounded for focusing on the practical side of life, when really I've never been more deluded.

The reality is that when you love someone, you love them through and through. Completely. You don't cherry-pick only the parts that you like. Selectively loving is not loving at all.

It's not fair of me to pick and choose the good sides to you and then reject or resent the parts of your life that I do not want. When I choose a man, I have to be able to stand next to him-- and stand proudly at that.

And I know I love you, that's why I have to be honest-- I have yet to make peace with the parts of your life that are less than ideal. It's going to be a process, I know, but I will do it, because that's the only way I can do justice to this relationship.... and in fact, that's the only way I can prove to myself that I love you. That I accept you heart and soul-- both the good and the bad.

2. I'm also sorry for believing that some prophecy was more important and more indicative of this relationship's potential than what we've been through. I was wrong in letting some man's allegations and predictions precede what my heart tells me. Leafing through past emails to friends and past blog entries made me realize that. What we have is real, and that prophecy isn't. Whether it does foretell things to come is out of the question. It was stupid of me to think the fate of this relationship is anything but ours to create. Our story is ours, D. We write it. Nobody else. It develops and matures the way we let it; if it does end, it will end because we chose it to. Nobody else. Again, I was deluded enough to think otherwise.

I've been unfair and I'm sorry. I wronged you in ways so fundamental, I feel like the biggest fraud in the universe of girlfriendhood. I'm sorry. You love me more than anything in the world and you've done nothing but devote yourself to me every day that God creates. In return, the best assurance I can give is the promise to try-- to try to cherish you in all the ways I can, to make peace with all the baggage you come with and to stand by you through the peaks and valleys of life.

That's the best I can do for now, and the bittersweet part of this is I know you'll be okay with that. I revel at how nothing I do to you can ever be too wrong-- too unforgivably, irreparably wrong. You will never take all this against me, and I love you even more because of that.

And you know what, no matter how life turns out, I'll love you forever for that.

tell me how and i'll do it

If your feelings for someone seem so intertwined with his, how do you know where his love ends and yours begins? Does the way your love had come to life dictate how it's going to end?

If he hadn't knocked at your life so insistently, would you have opened the door and allowed a space in it for him? If he had turned and walked away at the initial no, would you have called him back? Or would you have gone on, none the wiser about what you missed?

.. and if the stars say he's not the one for you, how do you tell your heart you're wrong? How? How? How do you change what seems meant to be and make it adapt to the choices you've already made-- the same choices you want oh-so-desperately to hold on to? How do you twist the shape of fate into what you think it ought to be?

At times like this, I miss my best friend. I wish she were back here at home with me, and not miles and miles away.

guilty as charged

I'm guilty. I did it. I was wrong.

For the past few days, I've been terribly guilty of committing the crime of not appreciating the blessings I have. Particularly when it comes to this wonderful wonderful man who loves me more than life itself.

I've been wrong in seeing the shortcomings and focusing on what he doesn't have, instead of appreciating the good traits he has and the good things he brings into this relationship. No other person has given me so much security, so much love, so much faith and so much devotion. He would gladly take a bullet for me, would be honored to offer his life in exchange for mine and wouldn't hesitate to give up everything for me. He'll get me the world if I wanted it and would also let it all go, if I so wished.

Instead of always being thankful and always appreciating all this, I've been so unwise and so immature as to complain inwardly about the things he lacks, when, really, this relationship is so rich in the good stuff that love is made of. I'm the girl with the cake who's looking for the cherry on top.

Good thing, though, I wasn't so unwise as to verbalize those complaints and risk hurting this one angel in my life. Good thing, I wasn't that stupid.

Sigh...

I know better now, though. And I vow to always know better-- everyday of my life.

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lifestyle change

The halls of Smart are about to be transformed by the entry of our new boss today, who shall assume the role of marketing director. Contrary to his predecessors, this new boss times in at 7:30am, thereby adjusting the body clocks of everyone in the marketing department. Now, everyone has to time in at 9am!

Hahahaha! Today is his first day; hence also the first day of this new time-in policy. I came into work with a full-on headache, having been forced to wake up 2 hours earlier. About half of the floor felt the same way. The other half had really swollen eyes badly abused by excessive rubbing-away of sleep.

It was so funny. Our floor was full of life already at 10am, when it was meet-and-greet sessions with the new boss. However, now at about 2:30 in the afternoon, everyone's already low-batt.

HAHAHAHA! Oh well... This must be how little kids feel on the first day of class after being on vacation and sleeping-in for the longest time.

:-p

waaaaah! BLOOPER!

FUCK!!!

I can sooooo stab myself right now-- I can't believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate I was today!

OK, it all started two weeks ago when Dr. T called me to set up a breakfast date. He called later that day to move it to two weeks later, because another thing came up. So we set it up for Monday, May 29, 8:30am in Bizu Greenbelt. I had even jotted it down in my notepad at home, so I would be reminded on Sunday night to leave earlier than usual.

Fast forward to last night: I did not get the reminder, because the maid moved the notepad's location (previously easily within eyesight range when I get ready for work). So I went along my usual business today-- logging in at work at 10am, working all day long, getting home at 10pm, eating dinner, taking a shower...

While I was in the shower, BAM! It hit me like a tidal wave. FUCK!!! For a moment, I hoped that I had remembered the appointment wrong-- that it was supposed to be Tuesday (hence, tomorrow) and I did not just stand up the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences of UA&P who has to-date been nothing less than SUPERB to me.

No, no, no...

I hurriedly jumped out of the shower, covered myself in a towel, and ran with lightning speed across the room to look for that damn little notepad.

FUCK!

There it was: May 29, Monday, 8:30 at Bizu. Be there!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

I flushed red with shame as I picked up my cellphone and called the first man I had stood up in my entire life.

"Doc! Kill me now! I'm soooo sorry!!!" was the start of my 5-minute apology. Hyperventilation, here I come!

As usual, he was very gracious about it, telling me not to worry, that he had used the time to work and that nothing was really to be sorry about. He tried to call me earlier this morning but my Globe line (he only has my Globe number) was out of reach.

AAAH! FUCK GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! I HATE GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! GO TO HELL, GLOBE!

So anyway, after apologizing profusely, we set another appointment -- for DINNER this time, and I gave him my Smart number, which, I said, I use all day, everyday, and NEVER LOSES SIGNAL!

I love Doc. He was super gracious about everything-- even made fun of me giving myself a heart attack (because I was near hysterical when apologizing). I mean, if I were him, I'd be pissed off.

Hay nako.... My face is fire-engine hot right now just recapping what happened. Waaah! KAKAHIYA!!

i love this song...

When You Know
Shawn Colvin


When You Know
That you know
Who you love
You can’t deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

When you feel
In your skin
In your bones
And the hollows
Of your heart
There’s no way
You can wait
Till tomorrow

When there isn’t any
Doubt about it
Once you come this close
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

You can feel
Love's around you
Like the sky
Round the moon

This is how
Love has found you
Now you know
What to do

When you know
That you know
Who you need
You cant deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You’ll never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

And its time
You come in
From the cold

And you know
That you know

the stain in my little white sheet

Most days, I love working here. Judging from the workplaces I've seen in my short professional career thus-far, this by far offers the most extensive, most intensive marketing experience. In the span of time I've been here, I've never seen a more dynamic work environment. Things move so fast it makes your head spin. The pace not only hones your ability to adapt, it also sharpens your skill set in record time.

I love it here because it's real marketing, in real-time. The work is more than I can ever hope it to be. I wanted marketing, and I got it here.

The only blemish in this otherwise utopian place is the amount of social politics going on. There have been one too many times when I was shocked stiff by the intrigues and the pulitika going on. Coming from my old company, it was indeed a rude awakening-- to see the desperate lengths people go to protect their agenda, the backbiting and the mudslinging that would've put the showbiz scene to shame. I guess it's a slice of real life also-- it's part of the real world to contend against people who are willing to stab whomever and whatever necessary to get ahead. Style na bulok, I know, and it's just so sad to see that some people believe that the only way to get ahead is to abandon loyalties and con their way up.

And, I may be naive, but I find it really pathetic. It's pathetic because victory obtained through those means just seems so empty. That's truly no way to work (not to mention no way to live). How can you enjoy your title when you can't look at yourself in the mirror or sleep soundly at night? How can you truly relish your success when it was won at the expense of others? Wouldn't a clean conscience and a clean name be deemed as a worthier prize to covet?

However, I'm trying to be realistic with this too-- in the sense that I know I have to play this game, whether I like it or not. Playing this game does not mean stooping to their antics and jumping into the foray. For me, playing this game is just being careful and watching my own back-- knowing that in this dog-eat-dog world, nobody is ever truly my friend... and hope against hope that my gut will tell me when it's time to fight back, when it's time to back down, and when (hopefully it never happens) it's time to step out of this jungle because enough is enough.

No job is ever worth your integrity.

amazing cebu!

I'm back from amazing, amazing Cebu!

I love being on vacation. I did nothing but eat, sleep, swim, (a little) shopping, and just rest. I looooved our hotel and our 7,000-a-night room, which we paid nada for. There's nothing better than Cebuano lechon! I love it, I love it, I love it!

I can't believe I have to go back to work again tomorrow.. Back to the daily grind..

However, on the bright side, Doc Torralba called me this morning and asked me for a meeting. Hmm.. I smell an upcoming project in the horizon! :) Hope it's something exciting :)

calculated risk

I'm very amused with a friend of mine right now. As a backgrounder, she is what one would call a sigurista. She prefers to have a strong footing over a situation before putting one step forward into it. She's cautious with herself and guarded as to who gets real close. This is not to say, though, that she is untrusting or perpetually suspicious. It's just a sense of self-protective wariness that stems from not wanting to be hurt. A perfectly human thing.

I don't blame her. In fact, there are times I see myself in her, but there are also times when I wish I could have her strength. I admire her for her natural instinct of self-preservation. I admire how she's sure enough of herself to expect a level of quality in people and in situations that, when the gauge falls below the bar, she can walk away from whatever is being offered, knowing that she deserves more than that.

There have been times, I admit, that I didn't calculate risk as much as I should've. I ended up getting disappointed, hurt or angry-- more at myself than at another person. Pissed at myself for knowing I was worth more but succumbing anyway.

But this friend of mine currently finds herself at the cusp of something that has all the potential of being great. She's at the brink of having something that, not only has she never had before, she's always wanted. She's made enough security measures, that's for sure. Nothing less is expected of her. But as she faced me yesterday and asked me questions on how to know if something is real, or how long is long enough.. I couldn't help but laugh.

The thing is, when it comes to love and relationships, nothing is ever for sure. You can try everything in your power to stack up the odds in your favor. Calculate the risk, project the probability of failure, measure the length and breadth of his emotions, and all you'll end up with are logical conclusions which, in the final analysis, have no relation to love anyway. In the end, you just have to believe. Believe that you've seen all that can be seen, he's shown all that can be shown, and that the rest is simply a leap of faith. Know that there's a risk involved, but hey that's life, and nothing in life is worth having if it's not something you can lose.

You can win, you can fail. You can reap the rewards of your faith, or you can stumble and fall face-first into the puddle of your mistake. There's no guarantee you won't be lied to, you won't get hurt, you won't be left behind... But that's the beauty of it. There's no guarantee. Everything is up to you and him. It's about what you two make of this great possibility that lies before you.

The ultimate crime will be not trying.

cebu escapade

In spite of myself, I'm really looking forward to my upcoming vacation in Cebu this weekend. The flight and accomodations were free (long story how we got it), so Giselle and I are embarking on a three-day, two-night escapade this weekend.

And guess where we're staying....





Presenting Hilton Cebu Resort and Spa Hotel. It's a resort nestled right on a private beach in Lapu-Lapu City in Cebu. At first, when I saw the hotel confirmation sheet, I wasn't sure if it's gonna be a good place, since our benchmark was Mactan Shang... But after checking out their website... how cool does that look?! I was suddenly washed over with excitement and enthusiasm over this impending trip. I've been lamenting the fact that I haven't gone on vacation yet this summer season and the fear that the sunshiney season will come and go without me ever enjoying its benefits..... and then, this gift lands on my lap! How lucky is that? :)

Too bad lang that my beau won't be able to join us. For one thing, he can't take a leave on Friday. Another thing, if he comes with us, he'll be bunking alone, 'coz Gis and I are sharing a room... So oh well, next time nalang.

I can't wait to go on vacation!!!! :)

credit shmedit

I called HSBC earlier to inquire about the balance my credit card has racked up so far. It will be due sometime towards the end of this month na, and I have a feeling it will be bloated really really badly, so I was thinking of preparing already beforehand, i.e. making deductions from my two bi-monthly payslips to settle the amount.

When the digits were read out to me by their IVRS machine, I nearly fell off to the floor. P33,640!!! WTF?!?! I've never ever seen a figure that high on my credit card bill -- any bill with my name on it, for that matter.

Hay...

update!

The anniversary

Last Friday marked the 365th day I've been in this fun-filled and love-filled relationship. And I'm lovin' it.

To be honest, when we were first going out, I have to admit that the attraction wasn't instantaneous for me. Sure, I liked the attention (what girl doesn't?) and his persistence in doing everything and anything that would please me. But, learning from experience, much as these things are enjoyable (what girl minds being waited on hand-and-foot?), I reserved judgment until I could see something more substantial-- a sense of commitment and security, as well as a connection charged with enough potential that a good future is in sight. A lot of "now" and not enough "tomorrow" just strikes me as a total waste of time.

So time passed by, and we got to know each other a bit more. This stage is under-rated, in my opinion-- as this is the most crucial. What's more commonly known as ligaw shouldn't be misinterpreted as a period where the man proves himself to the girl. It's a mutual thing, I believe-- what's being tested is not one person's sincerity but the bond and connection between both parties.

In the end, it was the build-up of great dates, great conversations and the rolls and rolls of laughter that finally got me sold. Sure, he was very persistent in impressing upon me, his diligence and consistence in that effort, and his unrelenting desire to please me. But, more than anything else, it's the personality of this great great guy that did me in at the tailend.

So, here I am, one year of loving him and being with him..


and I'm lovin' it.

The new toy

After some difficulties in setting it up and getting used to it, my little new toy and I are finally getting along!


Welcome, Gladys, to the world of mobile music!

The new film

Just finished watching a new DVD-- another really dorky film, something only I would find so much interest in. I don't know exactly where the allure of this comes from, but I guess it's just because, deep down, I'm just ... a dork. A nerd.



Oblige me, please. It's a good film. :)

The new books

I have a new favorite author-- Jodi Picoult-- and a new favorite book:


Borrowing the synopsis written in her webpage, this book is about Anna, a young girl of 13, who is not sick, but who might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister, Kate, can somehow fight the leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis, Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate - a life and a role that she has never questioned… until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister - and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable… a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for the sister she loves. My Sister's Keeper examines what it means to be a good parent, a good sister, a good person. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another? Is it worth trying to discover who you really are, if that quest makes you like yourself less?

The conclusion
As you can see, these past few days have been very eventful-- lots of new things happening and a celebration of something that, though not new per-se, still feels as fresh and exciting as if it started just yesterday.

I love this life! :)

another book down...

Just finished this..


Such a fun, light read! Sometimes, I take 30-minutes off my lunch hour and steal off to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to read a few pages of this and take the pressure of work off my shoulders for a few minutes. I love chick-lit, especially by Jane Green, because her protagonists are so adorably imperfect that you can't help but root for them to win in the end.

Now, it's off to a semi-serious read, The Tipping Point. My dorky self is taking over my system again. :-p

the dork that is me

Because I'm such a dork, I actually spent money to buy this DVD in HK and spend 2 hours of precious rest time to watch it. And, predictably, I loooved it! Hehehe..

I'm such a dork. I can't imagine people my age liking this stuff..



It's a real good story though-- It detailed the whole background of and reasons why the Enron bubble burst... and burst real big.

Apart from this, the dorky side of me is rearing its ugly head again... I heard of this certificate course in accountancy you can take to get a license in accounting. Not exactly the same as a CPA, but a level below it. It takes 6 hours of classroom time per session, over a period of 8 weeks, with a grand finale of a government-issued licensing exam.... and guess what, I'm interested! Like, seriously interested.

How nerdo / weirdo is that?!?!

HK!

Loved the family vacation to HK! Was able to rest, shop, bond and EAT to our hearts' content. And the weather cooperated too! At first, I was wary of heading to HK, because I was afraid it was going to be as hot, if not hotter, than Manila. God knows we don't need that. But as soon as we landed, we discovered the weather was an airy and cool 19 degrees. And it proceeded to fall lower and lower in the following 3 days we were there. Glorious :)

I gained 8 pounds in the 4 days I was there. But hey, got some nice new clothes, got to see some relatives I haven't seen in a while, got to bond with my brothers as the 3 of us shared 1 room (just like old times when we were little kids and could all fit in 1 queen-sized bed), and reveled in the cool weather. Priceless :)

s'pore!

Just came back from Singapore, and let me start my update with the most important part of it all.

I now know why God sent me to work in Smart. It's just so this would finally happen---



I know it sounds so baduy, but who cares! I'm so happy! :) I only managed this picture with him while he was signing autographs after our launch in Fort Canning Park-- because I said it was for documentation! I had to appear nonchalant when I asked for a pic (which took all my energy)... wait wait, I'm getting ahead of myself..

It all started on Saturday early early morning, when I found myself lining up at the check-in counter with Bea and her assistant. Where the hell is JL? He was late, not surprisingly (according to other people there, he is often late). But when I saw him, he's immediately forgiven. Lord, how could you have made a person so unbelievably good-looking?!

I was tongue-tied and didn't say much throughout the trip. Halfway through the way to Singapore, I realized how the hell am I supposed to actually get my work done if I can't even say two words to him without blushing like a damn beet? So, once landed, I just switched with my officemate and took charge of Richard Gutierrez instead. (BTW, that boy is so pretty, he's almost a girl.) Have some kuwento about Richard and Anabelle too, but nothing as important as JL. (Although, I was surprised to discover that Anabelle is actually a very very nice woman, contrary to her image in showbiz...)

Sunday was the big day, and as expected, the crowd came in droves. Arnel was so funny & lively as a host-- I'm tempted to always get him to host all our events. After the launch was the picture-taking and autograph signing, where yours truly finally finagled a photo with the love of my life. Thank God for the need for documentation =P

PLDT Singapore hosted a big dinner at the end of the day. Frustrated to see that I won't be seated in the same table as JL, I kept bugging the manager of PLDT Singapore that my trip won't be complete without another encounter with him. I mean, I was there already so might as well milk the opportunity. When saying this, though, I was half-joking-- Little did I know that she will actually do it. When JL stood up to leave (he had another engagement so had to leave early), Edith tells him "How can you leave so early, when it's her birthday today?" referring to me as the fake-birthday girl!

JL then gave me this laglag-panty, super cute look for, like, 5 seconds... then said "awww, I didn't know, I made plans already.." After which he greeted me happy birthday, MADE ME BESO AND LEFT ME HIS CELLPHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right at "awwww", I felt all my blood rush to my face. I must've looked so stupid, unable to say anything more than the feeble "thank you"..

It may not have been my real birthday, but with that JL experience, it's even better than if it were actually my birthday. Hahahaha! What a trip!

Okay, JL aside, I had tons of fun in Singapore. Spent a little more than I should have (hehe, who's surprised by that, huh?) but it was all worth it :) Got to taste good ol' Singaporean food once again, and passed by my old primary school. Also got to meet up with Cia, Ferds and Kenny, as well as my old friend from school. Fun fun fun!

I hope there'd be more business events in Singapore soon. In the meantime, I'll be working on the business proposal to make JL the permanent spokesperson for the brands I'm handling. Hahahahaha! :)

Singapore, here I come!

My supposed trip last weekend to Singapore got moved to this weekend instead, so I'm flying out this Saturday to once again set foot in the place I called home for about 10 months when I was a kid...

I'm excited-- though that excitement is tempered by a tinge of disappointment. My boyfriend's bar exam results are coming out on Thursday, and I know he planned to celebrate this weekend. But, because of my new travel plans, the celebration would have to go on without me..

Hay..

Oh well, will make it up to him somehow...