overwhelm

These past few days, I've definitely been feeling the strain... that weighty, overwhelming feeling that I've been bracing for ever since I realized the multiple balls I'll be juggle throughout late 2009 to early and mid 2010. I am on the bridal gown stage of wedding preps, which probably is the most attention and thought requiring part of the process, apart from the main items otherwise known as date, time, church and venue. Met with some designers, the experience of which I realize can be both confusing, tiring yet fun, exciting and very giddyness-inducing. It's also finals time for my darling students, so I have to finish grading all the papers and prepare for my final day in class, as well as do the prep work to compute for their grades. I also launched a new product recently, one that requires a lot of attention given the sales/trade work it needs. It was also budget season a while back. The stress it causes needs no explanation. MBA is also still ongoing, with some of my classmates being a bit "difficult" to work with, esp with regards to our often conflicting work schedules.

So many things, so little time. In fact, the only other "ball" I have that I do not need to "juggle" yet right now is house decorating. It's a task for early 2010, when we have to start (and finish) the repair work at the condo, and design ideas and decorating concepts will be angling for space in my brain, versus all the other things I listed above. I am super excited for that stage of my "fiancee"-ness, but I also know I want enough time to enjoy the process.

I remember telling Dennis recently that, for the first time since we got engaged, I am truly, truly, truly grateful to have this much leadtime before our big day. I am not the type to cut corners, or to close my eyes and do eenee-meenee-minee-mo with my choices. I am soooo the type to think it over, consider different angles of the decision, before settling down with my choice. I also dislike the feeling of being rushed. So, with all these other things going on in my life, I definitely love the fact that I have time. Enough time. To breathe. To relax. To take things one at a time. To enjoy and have fun. To be. Just be.

I've been thinking of and doing so many things that time seemed to fly by and before I know it, my 27th birthday is upon me. Tomorrow, I turn a year older. And I realize that my 27th year on this planet is perhaps the most exciting and life-changing year of my existence just yet. It's a year full of firsts- of the start of my official life as the wife of my beloved and the start of my full-fledged independence. By this time next year, I would've been a wife for a little over a month. Hopefully I'll also be doing wifely things such as cooking for my husband, preparing things for him, talking about expenses, trips together, wedding gifts unopened, etc. I'll also be entering the third and final stage of my MBA life. And hopefully something good at work is also in store for me, God-willing..

There's so much growing up to do next year... I can't help but feel nostalgic... The next 12 months are definitely something to savor and to cherish. To enjoy and to remember. This sort of thing only happens once.

OK, I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. I feel so much better :p Which is a good thing. My birthday is in a few hours :) Can't be in a funk on my day. :p

little details here & there...

but at the end of the day, it's me and you. Me and you. Me and you.

Handle With Care

I love this book. I love the story, the characters and the twists and turns. Jodi Picoult does it again. She writes about life, about love, in such a poignant, sensitive way. I'd read this book over and over again.

:-)

2009, what's wrong????

Is it just me or is 2009 probably the toughest year we've had in a long long time? I've personally never seen a year more filled with challenges... so many deaths, mishaps, accidents, disappointments.. a year more riddled by would-have-been-but-never-was... It's just so strange.

Well, that is, except for the fact I got engaged (super high "high"), my overseas trips and the salary adjustment I got mid-year...

Gotta mention those, in case I begin to sound ungrateful. I'm still very thankful for my blessings, universe. It's just that I can't help but think 2009 seems to be a year people would rather forget once it's over.

Strange.

one random day...

He was just being himself...

Chattering on about something at work...

Feeding himself in between sentences...

Being all animated, using all the intonations and hand gestures in the world...

And I thought to myself...

I want to be with you forever.

:D

ok so new date 09/19/2010

OK, so now we have a new date, which the MIL seems to like a lot better, plus it gives way to an evening reception. Everybody happy, perhaps? Well, not just yet. We've already landed a church, but we have yet to get a reception space that fits all the requirements. Gosh, if you want to know what stress feels like, try planning a Chinese wedding.

Abangan....

:-p

spoke to soon

Apparently, churches do not allow Sunday morning weddings anymore, to make way for back-to-back masses and encourage parishoners to attend mass. Well, good for them but bad for us. With the rule, we have one of 2 choices: Get married in a garden or anywhere except a church; or, Change the date.

I guess we're changing the date.

I'm kinda tempted with the first option though.

:p

Trying to keep positive and avoid the control freak in me from..... well, freaking out.

Wooooooozaaaaaaaaahhhhh.....

10-10-10 at 10am!

We have our date!!! :P

When Dennis first told me the date that was found to the best schedule for us to be married, I was initially excited by the 10-10-10 proposition, but found the 10am a bit too early... I had always imagined our wedding reception to happen at night... So all the way home that evening, I tried to adjust the way I looked at this new development..

Then, I remembered something! When I was freshly out of college and one of our college friends got married (Cia), the rest of us were talking about how only one to two of us should get married per year, because at that time, we felt it was expensive to buy wedding gifts, so this expense should be spaced apart :p (haha, I know... when you earn minimum wage, you count your pennies very ver well)... Since there's quite a number of us in the digdipper group, we took turns "claiming" years and/or dates. I remember saying 10-10-10 will be mine, because it's a Sunday and it seems auspicious. This was back when: (1) I was just 21 years old and didn't know any better about anything in life ; and (2) I was super single and wasn't even really dating anybody. Wala lang. I think it's interesting and quite a story for it to turn out that I will indeed get married on this date. At may extra 10 pa for the time :p hehehe..

So, next year, 10-10-10 at 10am! :D

house hunting

One of my favorite things to do on a weekend these days is to go house hunting with my fiance. It's such an adventure. We'd choose a certain spot, drive around and look for possibilities. Today, we found the best one we've seen so far. It's so spacious and well designed, and it's in a really good neighborhood. I could practically imagine us living there when we were being taken for a tour this afternoon. I love it!

I wish money grew on trees so we can buy it on the spot.

tick tock.... tinghun!!!

We have an official tinghun (Chinese engagement) date! December 19, 2009 :D

Action items for the next few months:
- Finalize the details (venue, etc) of the tinghun
- Plan my attire (always a happy thing for any girl... and her mom.. Hehehe, my mom is already planning to visit designers in the next few weeks)
- Choose the gifts we want (at least the ones we can have a hand at deciding :p)

I'm excited!!!!! :D

WED TV

Hehehe, must be because of my current life stage of being a bride, but I've really taken to watching Wed TV episodes. They're like capsule features of the considerations of a bride-to-be, from dresses to videographers to pamamanhikan rituals, etc. It's a lot of fun! :p

tick tock!

This Sunday is our pamanhikan, the official day that our parents (plus my lola) will first meet each other. By then, it'll already be August 2, which means one month to go til September, when we'll have a wedding date, and the whole wedding prep frenzy begins. In more than one occasion, I've been told that my engagement seems anti-climactic since it wasn't followed immediately by a dizzying schedule of meetings with suppliers and a crazy lineup of wedding errands. Strange, because while that kinda makes sense, I really don't feel that it's anything bad. I like how we've been able to really enjoy being engaged, to regale in the fact that we've just made a 'tender reservation' on each other, to spend forever together, and just "be engaged." I'm grateful that we've had this time to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime crossroad. Not everyone has the same experience. I've also had the pleasure of slowly going through supplier options, without the pressure of the deadlines, and find out slowly what I really want. Now that I realize I only have 1 month of full, unadulterated peace, until the frenzy begins, I suddenly feel nostalgic.. and a bit like I wanna turn back the hands of time and go back to the moment when I had just said yes to his offer of forever-ever-after. I want to carry that image, the memory of that moment, from the starting line of the process all the way to the starting point of our life together :)

teacher teacher

Darling Beau and I are both part-time professors, on top of everything else happening in our lives. In fact, he's more of one than me, because he teaches in all the semesters of law school, and more importantly, at least for this term, he teaches 3 loads (meaning 3 classes) of students versus my lone class on Saturday mornings. His classes are all on weeknights, which to me are even more tiring, because not only will you have traffic to contend with at rush hour, you also tend to be low-batt already and talking for hours on end to a group of youngsters may not be the ideal way to end the day. And let's not even talk about compensation. This is not one of those jobs that slap your face with moolah to shut your gripes up. Indeed, teaching is more a calling than a profession. In fact, Dennis and I have come to see it more like charity work or volunteer work rather than a sideline or a job. Let me explain why.

Granted, teaching does bring in some dough, though not earth-shattering, that can offset some expenses. For instance, we computed that, from our teaching, we can likely pay off basic utilities like electricity and water every month. That's something, right? Or if we save it in a fund, it can buy a nice appliance after 4-5 months. But if you're one to put a value to your hours, then teaching may feel like a rip-off. Then again, if you think about it, when your company asks you to do overtime, it doesn't always pay you accordingly. At least this does. If you while away your time at the mall or surfing lazily at home, that doesn't pay either (in fact, it may even cost ya!) At least with this, your time goes to a good use.

On the flip side, teaching does take a lot out of you in the ff sense:
1. The hours you spend in class are about 80% you talking and 20% your students reciting. This means a stretched voice, lower back and legs a bit sore from standing and walking in the classroom, and the risk of wrinkles from the grief and undue stress if your students frustrate you. Multiply this by 4 for weekly classes to get a sense of the toll it takes on you per month. Multiply it by 3 then by 4 to get a sense of what Dennis goes through.

2. More than the hours spent in the classroom, the pre-work takes a longer toll on your time and energy. It's not just the research, mind you. It's the planning of the lesson plan, the syllabus and the actual teaching material. It's also making sure there's a healthy balance of theory and practice in the material, then also incorporating some time for free discussion. The good news is once you get one sem's worth of material done, all you have to do in succeeding semesters is to update it a bit. Then you're off. So it's more worth it when you intend to teach over a long period of time. If you only plan to do it in one semester, then the pre-work will definitely be a bitch.

3. There is a value to added sleep hours that you just can't put a number on :p And of course, if you're one to relish taking beach trips on the weekends, going on quick and unplanned excursions out-of-town or hibernating at home when there's no work, then teaching will feel like punishment. Don't even think of getting into it.

So, why do we do this? Again, as I said, we've come to see this as volunteer work, as a way of giving back to the world, to God and to the institution of education, for the blessings we've received in our lives. Just like other volunteer work, it is very rewarding, especially when you realize you're getting through to the kids and that they actually emerge better people as a result of your class. There is an immense satisfaction in seeing that, even if you don't have kids yet, you've helped somehow in the raising of someone else's child-- in the molding of his or her mind for the eventual pursuit of a meaningful profession. There's a palpable sense of fulfillment and a great pride in seeing your efforts bear fruit. Sometimes, I even think of it as a rehearsal for parenthood. Last night, I bumped into some students while walking to Greenbelt. They're working now, either as 5th year residents or as fresh graduates, and I felt some strange mix of pride and nostalgia as though they were my own kids. In fact, I still find myself interested in what they're doing and how they're doing. And I told my class earlier that if they need help on anything, they know how to reach me. And I meant it.

Also, there are other selfish motivations. For instance, working as a marketer and being immersed in a materialistic, overly commercialized world, I find a unique sense of sanity in the classroom-- it reminds me that not everything is about making revenues or increasing sales. There are better and more noble jobs out there. And since teaching is one of them, it gives me a sense of purpose and a different sense of calm to top off the week. I feel better, in other words. Less stressed. More balanced out. Another motivation is it's a reminder to me that meritocracy still exists in this world. That in the sanctity of the four walls of a classroom, if you put in the work and the effort, it will pay off. It doesn't matter who you know, how rich you are, or if you can suck up really well. A level-playing field is not extinct after all. A third motivation is sometimes, your students actually end up teaching you. They let you in on what the new generations are about, what they are into, how they think and how they feel. They also force you to go back to basics and lose all the complications that adult life can sometimes push you to take on. Life can be and should be easy. And fun.

So all in all, it's not a bad gig. It's destressing, it's calming, it's fun, and it's fulfilling. Sure, it means waking up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning or getting home at 9 on a weeknight. It can also mean a few hours every week updating notes or a powerpoint file. But all in all, the fruits come weightier than the costs. And the teaching part makes the working part of life much more bearable. It's not for everyone, of that I am very sure, but it's definitely for us.

Teacher, teacher! :)


P.S. I'm just on my 2nd sem as a teacher, but I realize I've come to really "own" this thing. In fact, when considering getting married around Sept next year, one of the things Dennis & I immediately considered were our classes, i.e. Oh no, we won't be able to teach... Hahaha! Intense! :p

There are 5 people in my life to whom this will forever and ever apply:

You are what home means to me. You're my heaven.

Today really reminded me of that.

if you want suffering, enroll yourself in MBA

This is really one of those days when I curse myself for enrolling in an MBA program. It takes up so much energy, so much time and so much brain cells-- added on top of work, teaching and my personal life. During these days, I have to revisit all my reasons for doing post-grad studies, plus consider all the resources used up to get this far in the program. Which will go down the drain if I bow out. Plus, I have never quit on anything. At least not yet. (there's always a first time, hek hek hek...)

I have to consciously and deliberately remind myself that I'm doing this for the future- meaning, for career advancement (because some positions just give an extra boost for an MBA-degree holder; plus, it's easier to justify a pay increase or other benefits) and, more importantly, to guide myself and lessen mistakes when I put up my own business. I have to remind myself that I'm going through this "torture" with an end goal in mind. That I'm not just doing this for the heck of it or just to fill up idle energy (which I really do not have anyway). That someday, I will say the words "thank God I did my MBA"......

OK, let's think of why this whining happens... It's usually triggered when I have an unbelievably tough quantitative class, like this one I'm taking now called Management Science, and all the numbers, figures and formulas are driving me nuts!!!! It's also strange to me why such quantitative classes have such lengthily written books and references, full of texts and paragraphs! I thought numbers were supposed to replace words, eh how come my quanti books usually outweigh my quali ones?! :(

This also usually happens when I don't like my blockmates. And this is applicable this term. I hate catty girls who are overly competitive and super suplada. Please. If you don't have anything else going on in your life, and that's why you're acting out, please get away from me because I do not give a rat's ass about your problems.

This also happens when work gets unbelievably hectic at the same time that my classes get demanding and challenging. I guess I prefer having only one master at a time-- so it's either it's work or it's school. Can't be both.

Ok, time to stop whining and prepare for my online class.

Oh, that's another thing. Despite the 10-day quarantine that DLSU voluntarily subjected itself into, I just have to be in one of those classes that do online sessions :(

Hay...

Okay, why am I doing this again???

hmmmmm

Is opportunity knocking on the door??? :p

new beginning

OK, I've been negligent in terms of updating this lately. So much has happened. I got engaged. My best friend's wedding got called off. School started again. Work got strangely hectic. Oh, and did I mention I got engaged? :p

Since the engagement, I've received bridal prep stuff from Kaye, as well as some tips and files from other friends. I've also read more bridal magazines than I ever want to (Weird, it gets old after a while...) and I've changed my mind more times than I can remember over aspects of the wedding like my dress, our venue, the color motif, etc. I didn't know being a bride was more than just blushing and smiling and looking really happy.

I know they often say being engaged is the best time of a girl's life. I realize now that I tend to disagree. It may be a unique time of your life, because it only happens once. It may be the time when everyone's focus is on you, but I tend to see the negative side of that coin as well. While it can be many good things, I don't agree it's the best, nor the happiest.

To be quite truthful, while I do look forward to the wedding, I must admit I am more excited about the life after. Sometimes to the point of entertaining thoughts of eloping or getting civilly married, only because what I truly cannot wait for is starting our life together. Our favorite topics of conversation are not about wedding suppliers or catering.. It's about our honeymoon, how we'll fix our first place, how our everyday schedule will be, how we'll set travel goals every other year, etc. And I love it. I love the fact that I want to be his wife more than his bride. Because "bride", for all intents and purposes, is really just a stopover towards something more meaningful.

This doesn't mean I don't care about the wedding at all. I do. I just carry a perspective that, while you only get married once, it's only 1 day out of the many days you two will have. It does deserve to be special, because it marks the beginning of a life together. But the focus shouldn't be on the party, on the band, on the clothes, on the frills and on the superficiality of a wedding. It should be about a love being celebrated and a love being sealed officially. And you should be just as excited (or more excited, in my case) about the morning after... and the morning after that, and the morning after that and the morning after that....

Being a bride is fun. But I think being a wife kicks being a bride's ass.

Hahahaha! :p

Lord, please look after Mia and guide her towards a full recovery.

LV Bloomsbury

Interesting--

maybe i'm not meant to ever enjoy thailand..

The same conditions that marked my first trip there are the same as this second trip tomorrow, i.e. time of the month + hot weather.... Tsk tsk tsk... At least the hotel looks nice.. I'll just bring my laptop and ipod and hope that I won't get too scared sleeping alone...

On the other hand, I can't wait to come home from Thailand (on Friday) because that means....

I can watch JL's new movie! YEAH!

(walang kokontra)