We're here in China!

Not in the pic are Kendrick, Ellen and Dennis :)

Bag love

I have a lot of bags, and I love them all. So why not start a chronicle of them?

Here's the first bag I'll feature. This bag is about my age and belonged to my grandmother. She's a very simple woman, mind you, so she didn't buy this for herself. Her sister who is based in the US and has much grander tastes gifted it to her. She has never used it though and the bag stayed in its box throughout more than 2 decades. This is why the leather is still so perfect - it still smells delicious, feels so soft, has no scratches and is just perfect! My grandma gave this to me when I got engaged, for it to form part of my dowry. It was the star, actually, because it was the most beautiful thing I owned.

I love it so much because it's something I'll always remember my grandma by, even next time when she's no longer physically with us. I also love it because it's so pretty and I would never otherwise get to carry one had it not been an heirloom.

❤❤❤

Hanging issue laid to rest

I mentioned a few posts ago that there's a career opportunity that I got really excited about - it's actually the one opportunity that got me psyched, in all these 7 years I've worked in Smart. Anyway, I'm officially giving up on the opportunity. It's been more than a month since the last update and I'm guessing that, while I may have made the cut in terms of qualifications, my pay grade may have been way beyond the level they need. Admittedly, if I were honest with myself, I'd say that I am overqualified for the position. I was just really interested because the training I would receive in that place was worth more than the incremental pay I would get. In fact, I was willing to take a paycut, can you imagine! It was that exciting to me. But I guess it's not meant to be. For better or worse, I guess it wasn't meant to be my next professional stop.

I am going for an interesting meeting tomorrow though. I hope that one pans out. :)

China!

Off to China next week for our annual family pilgrimage ;)

Thank you for my family, my husband and Santo Singkong.

2nd year!

Atty surprised me with this today ❤

Thank you, Lord, for him.

Domestic issues

So much issues with our housegirl -- health issues, actually. Praying everything gets resolved soon.

D&G II

In a week's time, we would hit our second wedding anniversary. 24 months of wedded bliss. I'm so grateful to have married the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate and my perfect complement. The past 24 months were not 100% perfect, of course. There were low moments, or more like moments when we were on opposite sides of the fence. But, as I said, these were just "moments", not even days, or mornings or evenings. Moments like an hour... a few minutes... And for that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful to have a respectful, loving marriage, to a respectful, loving person - someone who strives to understand my perspective and who is willing to let his pride and his guard down so we can come to a compromise and come together after taking opposite stands. I strive to be the same type of partner to him, and I hope I succeed more than I fail.

These 24 months were in part totally honeymoony - your typical "I can't believe you're mine forever" feeling whenever I wake up and see him beside me, the random discoveries about each other, the little things that we do for each other "just because" and the totally opposite but totally compatible bursts of realizations that "I can't believe it's already been 24 months" and "I can't believe it's only been 24 months!" Being married to Atty has been the best thing I've done.

These 24 months were also full of learning - about each other and about life. It is of no secret to anyone who reads this blog that we've been praying for our own little miracle to grace our married life. Sure, we did "not try" for the first 6 months of marriage, but the past 18 months have been almost exclusively focused on this dream. And this "dream", by any measure, has been the hardest struggle and harshest trial to-date. Apart from the financial costs associated with reaching for this dream, it is the costs to the heart that ask for a lot of recovery time and recovery love. While the wait and the monthly failure that we've faced so far do take a toll, I have decided with all my heart and mind that there is definitely one casualty that I am not willing to accept or sacrifice - and that is our relationship. I refuse to let our marriage disintegrate into clinical, almost sterile attempts to procreate and I refuse to give in to the negativity that sometimes feels like a magnetic pull. It's hard, I tell you, and sometimes I'm afraid I ask for so much of his patience and understanding, and that I may not be giving him the same amount in return. At times, I'm afraid that I may be pulling away from him whenever I take on the pressure myself or feel that he cannot possibly understand fully how I feel, because his body does not undergo what my body does. I feel those fears whenever I get tempted to shut him out, not bothering to explain how I feel, thinking that no matter how many words I use, he cannot possibly understand how it feels to have a bloated uterus from injection shots or super sore boobs for 8 days only for the soreness to disappear a day before the goddamn bleeding arrives. Or that even if you try to manage your expectations, the PMS-y symptoms buoy up your hopes for good news, and when that comes crashing down, the pain feels like an underwater current pulling you into a deep, unexplainable sadness that, in my head, someone without a uterus or a vagina cannot possibly understand. I try to catch myself though, whenever I feel like this, and try to snap out of the self-pity fog and realize that maybe his pain may actually be much bigger than mine, precisely because he cannot feel what I feel. The mystery behind how things actually feel inside a wife's body may translate into a wholly different level, but just as acute, pain to a husband. I cannot claim monopoly of pain, and he needs comforting as well. I've come to learn this and respect it these past 2 years.

These past 24 months were also about a lot of fun and a lot of blessings. We've been blessed to have visited a lot of places and taken a lot of trips. We've gone to Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, KL, Paris, Rome, China and Thailand. We've also visited Boracay, Cebu and Davao, watched Broadway plays, tried out new places to eat and reached career goals. We've been able to enrich our savings account and even bought a second condo unit. We've been able to pay down our housing loan to the last 22%, and are on track to finishing the loan by end-2013. So many blessings. So much more than what we expected.

Truly, the past 24 months have been special - both for the good things they have brought (mostly for that!) and even for the tough times that came. I hope the next 24 months will be even happier, and (I just need to say it) also see the arrival of our dream.

Cheers to D&G II! :)

Waiting

Was told over the weekend, through a Buddha-mankind messaging system that we observe in our religion, to wait. To be patient. To know that there is a season for everything. To learn to stay still. To learn to let go, sit back, and... there it is again, wait.

I've been trying, and sometimes I think I'm successful, but there are times when waiting is just too hard and almost feels cruel. Time passes so painfully slowly when you are itching to get moving but you're obliged to stay put and.... wait.

OK, so let's wait.

Thankful for

My team, my boss and my job :)

Sofitel getaway

Had a short staycation at Sofitel from Sunday to Monday -- a way to "delay" the short holiday by way of changing our surroundings and hibernating, at least for about 20 hours straight. Loved it! First off, our room was upgraded to the next level up and to a bay-facing one, to my delight since I had only booked the cheapest room. Second, the room was newly renovated - another plus! The hotel wasn't too full too, I guess coz people felt the 1-day extra day off was "bitin". Glad they felt that way :p

We enjoyed the grounds, lounged around, swam a bit, had a long, leisurely dinner and watched 2 episodes of Suits in our room. This morning, instead of availing of the usual buffet breakfast, we opted for a simple, plated Pinoy meal. Loved the simplicity of the holiday, the serenity and quiet, the seclusion and the really comfortable room. My kind of staycation :p

Promotion treat!

I was not supposed to buy anything anymore, until my birthday when we go to HK. That was what I told myself the other day, after buying myself a top at Tala.

Then, today, while waiting for Atty to finish his meeting, I saw this ballet Mary Janes at Repetto. They had this in a red color and a really light taupe color that was to-die-for. I tried them on and miraculously the biggest size fit me. I was so surprised, because usually Repetto's biggest size would still be a bit of a snug fit on me. Curses, those tiny French feet! But these fit like a glove....

And they were on 45% sale, aka 5,400 pesos cheaper!

Temptation....

Temptation....

Temptation....

Then I told myself, this will be my treat to myself for my well-deserved, long-overdue promotion. I got the salary increase credited to my account last week, and the company kindly gave me the increase retroactive to January -- so 8 months worth of the increase! Told myself I will charge this beautiful pair to that increase, and promise to save the balance. I'll do that first thing tomorrow morning -- that is, withdraw the balance from my payroll and deposit it into our savings account. Promise!

So, yay! New shoes! Love love love. Been wanting a pair of Repetto's since I saw them in Paris when we went last year. Good thing I didn't buy then, and found these today.

Yay!

A promotion and a hanging opportunity

As of yesterday, my promotion to Sr Manager is official. I say it was only official as of yesterday and not as of two weeks ago when my boss told me, because I finally saw it in my payslip. Haha! Let's tell the truth, a promotion is only real when you see the moolah.

Anyway, the moolah ain't that big. It is actually pretty insignificant, I guess because I just got an 8% increase last month due to my annual performance evaluation. Needless to say, it is an achievement I'm proud of, not only because in my heart of hearts, I know I have worked hard for it but also because many people in the organization, and senior people at that, have affirmed it to me. I know that sounds kinda funny because if I already knew I deserved it, why do I need other people's validation? That is true. But I will not hide the fact that hearing it from other people has a different sense of fulfillment :)

There's also a hanging opportunity in the air! Of course, life has to have some sort of suspense!!

I interviewed for an opportunity late last year with a multinational company that has interested me for a while. Nothing materialized then, after that initial meeting. Until about 6 weeks ago, that is. I got a call and was asked to come in to meet several people in the brand management hierarchy. I met with them and am happy to discover that, despite my lack of experience in the area, was accepted into the position.

Alls well that ends well? Not quite yet. It's been about a week since the big boss has come back, and I was told she needs to approve my job offer, which was checked and rechecked by the HR manager to make sure that the salary level I asked for is truly based on my current scheme in Smart. No feedback yet until now. I honestly do not know what to think. I have also flipflopped several times in the past few weeks on whether this is still something I'm interested in. Now that my promotion is in place, I also feel like there's "kahiyaan" also mixed into the equation now.

So what now?! As I said in the title, it's a hanging issue. No resolution yet. I want to and am hoping to see an actual offer to respond to, so I can close out this chapter in my life and move on. I'm counting on this company to be professional and extend me the courtesy of rounding up our discussion and not leaving me hanging. Let's see! For now, yay on the promotion!:)

Ops Smile update!

We received the update from Operation Smile about the little girl who benefited from our donation. Warms the heart in ways that no amount of self-indulging spending can do. :)

We plan to do this regularly, with the next one in October when I celebrate my big 3-0! :)

Exciting purchase

Atty and I went over to the sales office last Saturday, intending only to inquire about the new promotion on payment terms. Little did I know, the visit will end with us confirming our interest and telling the agent that we will be back the following Monday to place our reservation fee.

Yay!

We bought a studio unit at the Tower E of 

Double yay!

I'm excited!! Not only is the property beautiful, it is also poised to rise in value once the turnover is completed in late 2015. The agent also told us that Rockwell bought the adjacent lot to the Grove and will be developing a smaller version of the Rockwell Center there. This assured the logical side of my brain which was trying to forecast the risks and returns of this investment. The emotional side of me was doing cartwheels though, because to be honest, this emotional side of me was envisioning never having to sell the unit and just using it as a half-way house of sorts -- a nearby Anvaya, where we can rest and relax, just to get away from our usual surroundings, without having to leave Metro Manila. All the comforts of "away" without the hassle of travel. Triple yay!

So psyched :D

And so thankful too, for the blessings in our lives that enable us to make this purchase.

:)

Opportunity (like life) is unfair.

Okay, the main thing that marred this past week (the first full week of August 2012) is the rain-with-no-name --- the nameless devil of a waterworld that took Metro Manila by surprise. My family and I were fortunate enough not to be affected by the bad weather. In fact, the second day, Wednesday, my youngest brother even stayed with us in our condo, because I refused to have my dad drive all the way from Laguna to pick him up in Makati then drive back to Paranaque. Not in the middle of that scary-looking 5pm-looking 3pm sky and the relentless rain. I count us to be so incredibly lucky, to have a solid roof above our heads, no water on our feet and enough food in our ref. We have enough resources to get back to normal, even assuming we get affected. I have colleagues who actually got flood damage, but I also still count them as lucky because they are able to get back to normal AT WILL. Choice is really something so crucial and so important in this life, because it's something majority of Filipinos do not have.

There were also a number of relief operations, one of them held in my alma mater and where I currently teach part-time. While I felt bad for the people who lost their homes, I have not been compelled to take action, mostly because I didn't particularly like the idea of providing temporary relief, to tide hunger over, etc. Not that these are not important, take note. I know that they are. But I guess with our many other disasters, and many to the point that they are probably semi-annual at this point, I am guilty in saying I've been a bit desensitized in terms of making the effort and helping out.

That is, until today.

I walked in to my classroom, prepared to start my lecture for the day. Then I realized one of my most diligent students, who always sits on the front row, was absent. I asked his best friend why this is so and she sadly told me that he is currently still stuck in the evacuation center in Marikina and is unable to come to school, because he has no money for fare, no school shoes, no things and no clothes. This is because his family lost everything (whatever small 'everything' that they had) in the flood. He is also unsure as to how to rebuild their lives. I would say that coming back to school is probably not the biggest priority right now.

My heart bled for this kid. You see, he is a full scholar and comes from very humble beginnings. In a school like mine, he is the overwhelming minority. Most of the kids who go to this school come from very comfortable homes, born into this world with a chockful of opportunities, theirs for the taking. I am one of these kids, so I am comfortable in saying that these kids have never had to want for anything. On the other hand, here is this full scholar, a bit awkward and intimidated in this classroom-full of well-dressed, well-heeled students, who speak English more like a primary language than anything else, and who probably never even gave a second's thought to things that constantly worry him. It seems so unfair, for Cris (that's his name) to have worked so hard so far in his life, to be able to go above his humble past and carve out a path for himself, to be forced by circumstances to start all over again. Whereas his other classmates probably relished the 2 days with no classes because they didn't have to endure any major personal damage by the bad weather. To use an analogy, his other classmates have had all resources at their disposal all this time, to build a tower worth of blocks. On the other side is Cris, who is building his tower with dilapidated blocks and an uneven floor. Then nature comes by and knocks Cris' tower down, and nary a block out of place among the towers of the other kids. Makes me want to throw things and scream right into Life's ear. WTF.

I'm not judging rich kids, take note. I'm just saying how badly I feel for kids like Cris, who have had to fight tooth and nail to get opportunities that come so easily and almost automatically for other chidlren. As someone said before, it's the luck of the draw at birth - to get the kind of cards you're dealt.

So I plunged into action and collated monetary help (which is what he needs the most) to give to him to help his family rebuild... and hopefully get him back to school ASAP. I have also offered to buy him new shoes and new school supplies. The last thing I want is for this calamity to affect his studies -- the one way he can work at to improve his family's way of life. I want to do what I can to make sure he gets back on track ASAP. It's not been fair, so I'd like to try to help him get back up.

Just a bitch-out post, I guess. I wish life were just a tiny bit kinder to kids like Cris.

My brother's wedding, some advice and hopes on moving-forward

Some updates of late:

It was my brother's wedding last Saturday. Boy was it an emotional day for me! I cried twice during the ceremony and again during the reception when I gave my speech as matron-of-honor. I couldn't help it - I kept getting overwhelmed by the fact that my baby brother was getting married, and that things are not going to be the same. Granted, they will change for the better, but still, I guess nostalgia is really a huge-assed tearjerker.

The wedding was beautiful! I can't sing enough praises about my new sister-in-law, who was really a master organizer. Every little detail was accounted for and thought about, and she made sure that suppliers really made her dream a reality, all within reason, of course. She's such a joy to watch and to observe, and I really give it to her because I think most of the wedding was prepared by her and not my brother (really, it's brides in charge of the wedding for the most part :p)

It was also a day marked with lots of "are you pregnant yet?" questions. Of course, I expected these and hence was able to take them in stride. I think Atty didn't though (I guess coz boys don't really think of that consciously) and hence was getting agitated whenever a well-meaning (or otherwise, as he would sometimes insist) relative or friend would touch my belly and ask if there's "laman". Sometimes, just to make light of the situation, I say, "oo, may taba". Hehe.

We also got very good advice from the sister (and brother-in-law) of the bride, whom incidentally are also good friends of ours. The BIL of the bride is actually Dennis' good friend from law school. They talked about their journey to parenthood and gave us lots of insights to chew on. Really helpful perspectives, especially coming from a couple who struggled for 7 years before finally conceiving. She's due on Friday. So excited for her!

It's also been a really grueling past couple of days at work for me. These few days were also marked with lots of realizations, on top of lots of stress. My boss is currently on maternity leave and as a result, I am filling in for her as OIC and am getting lots of upper-management exposure. Some people would term this time as a good opportunity for me career-wise. Generally, I would agree. However, with what I've seen these days of what upper management is really like, I think I've most much of my innocence in terms of shedding any romantic ideas I may have had before about our bosses.  And I am now even more hopeful and anxious regarding the next path that I can take, given what I have seen and how I feel about those things. Sorry for not getting into much detail, but just be content in knowing that I am very disillusioned. And I've always said that career movements always have 2 components: a push and a pull. There is a force that is pushing you away from your current capacity and there is another force that will pull you toward it. Simply put, you often have a reason to leave and a reason to join. I'm hoping that the latter can be crystalized soon, as the former is definitely in the bag after what I went through these past 3 days.

Please!!!

That's it. July is about to be done, then it'll be August soon, and then... the BER months will be here! Time flies! 2012, I have high hopes for you! Please bring me everything I wish for!!!! :)

Oh, wait, one more update. This year, for Atty's birthday, since our trip was really ultra cheap (less than 2k for our tickets and free hotel accomodations), he decided to further celebrate by doing a life-changing good deed for someone. So we decided that it will be a child, and the life-changing help will be in the form of sponsoring his/her operation to take out a cleft lip. This led us to Operation Smile, to whom we donated 15k for the full sponsorship of 1 cleft operation. We're expecting the full report tomorrow or Friday, and I can't wait to see it and see the face of the little kid whose life has been improved vastly through our donation. It feels really good to bestow a gift as life-enhancing as this, to a child who does not have the financial means to have this corrective surgery. I also cannot think of a better way to thank God for having brought Atty into my life. Without him, I really cannot imagine how life would be like.

:)

Mini break :)

We went to Cebu last weekend to celebrate Dennis' birthday. While it was probably the shortest (and nearest to Manila) break that we had, it was good enough and it came at the right time. Dennis was having a really long, stressful week before we went, and the trip became the best chance for him to recuperate without the physical stress of travel. He was so relaxed during our trip, and even if some clients still insisted on calling and texting while we were there, I could see that he was still detached from work.
It was a good break made up of good food, lots of downtime, and a precious visit to the temple where we got the best answer EVER! Will share this in the coming months when it does come true :)

Happy birthday to my Atty! :)

13 days to go...

til my brother's wedding!

Excited! :D

Teaching SY2012

Last Saturday was the first day of my teaching stint for SY2012-2013. This is a particularly huge class - I have 43 students!!! That would be challenging in terms of cramming in all of them to do the presentations and output in class within 3 hours, and challenging (on a more basic level) to remember names and faces. Oh well. I can do this!!!!!! (I hope!)


Anyway, just wanted to add that I discovered something a bit peculiar last Saturday. I don't know if it's because this is my 4th batch and I'm gaining a bit of reputation, but I gathered some feedback (both through directly asking and indirectly sourcing) and discovered the ff:


1. The kids are intimidated by me. I officially have a rep for being a tough teacher.


2. The kids think I'm some kind of marketing genius. Apparently, there is a story circulating that to-date, I hold the highest IMC GPA record. I have NO idea if this is true. I only know that I topped my batch in terms of GPA when we found out we made it to the 5th year. Apart from that, who knows?! I actually kinda don’t appreciate this sort of thing going around, especially if the story came from the school itself. I have a feeling it did, because.. really, how else!? I really wish this wasn’t going around.


3. The kids are all happy to have "gotten" me or my class.


4. All my previous batches feel like experts after finishing my class. Last year's class even regard some of their current 4th-year classes as easy, after going through me. This is my fave feedback and makes my heart swell with joy :) The third one is quite cool too. It's really good for self-esteem to find that kids hope to land in my class. But feedback 1 and 2 are really quite strange for me. I already explained why I don’t like feedback 2. But as for feedback 1, I'm now examining myself if I do exude any "terror" or "tough teacher" vibe. All this time, I felt I was a fun teacher. Hindi ba?! Haha!!


This class will be a big challenge for my teaching skills, I know it. But I'm also excited. Last Saturday, I caught some of the usual expressions of comprehension I normally look for when I lecture. And I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels whenever I see that I'm getting through to a student, or that I've imparted something they've never thought of before. It's value-adding and life-enriching, and I'm eternally grateful for this opportunity. Because of that gratitude, all my future students can be rest assured I'll keep trying to improve my teaching so that I can always be a better teacher than the previous year's.

Life's work

My brain (and body) have been so overworked this whole week. Even if there was a holiday on Tuesday, I still feel so overstretched and overworked, having worked on strat documents befitting executives several notches and levels above me. I'm still happy about it though, tired muscles and brain cells and all... Because I got validation that I am : (1) f*cking good at my job ; (2) enjoying my job immensely. With all the crap that goes with it, with the compromises and agreements that the marketing purist in me resists, I really do love my work. And this is the kind of work I've always been meant to do. There's such a sense of accomplishment, of validation and of identity in discovering that where you are professionally is where you are really meant to be in. There's also that special spring in step and special bundle-of-excited-nerves feeling after presenting a deck successfully. There's that sense of pride in having applied what you learned and practiced what you love. In the end, practice is repetition and doing what you love repeatedly can only bring you repeat joy. This is indeed my life's work. No matter how much I may whine sometimes about being a fulltime wife (and even a fulltime mom in the future), I know in my heart of hearts that my happiness will not lie there. There is a big part of me that relishes engaging in marketing work, and I fear that compromising that part, even if it is for personal quests like family, will ultimately lead to a boring, unfulfilled life.

And for that, I'm grateful that this week happened. It feels good to know that my spot under the sun is where I really belong. :)