calculated risk

I'm very amused with a friend of mine right now. As a backgrounder, she is what one would call a sigurista. She prefers to have a strong footing over a situation before putting one step forward into it. She's cautious with herself and guarded as to who gets real close. This is not to say, though, that she is untrusting or perpetually suspicious. It's just a sense of self-protective wariness that stems from not wanting to be hurt. A perfectly human thing.

I don't blame her. In fact, there are times I see myself in her, but there are also times when I wish I could have her strength. I admire her for her natural instinct of self-preservation. I admire how she's sure enough of herself to expect a level of quality in people and in situations that, when the gauge falls below the bar, she can walk away from whatever is being offered, knowing that she deserves more than that.

There have been times, I admit, that I didn't calculate risk as much as I should've. I ended up getting disappointed, hurt or angry-- more at myself than at another person. Pissed at myself for knowing I was worth more but succumbing anyway.

But this friend of mine currently finds herself at the cusp of something that has all the potential of being great. She's at the brink of having something that, not only has she never had before, she's always wanted. She's made enough security measures, that's for sure. Nothing less is expected of her. But as she faced me yesterday and asked me questions on how to know if something is real, or how long is long enough.. I couldn't help but laugh.

The thing is, when it comes to love and relationships, nothing is ever for sure. You can try everything in your power to stack up the odds in your favor. Calculate the risk, project the probability of failure, measure the length and breadth of his emotions, and all you'll end up with are logical conclusions which, in the final analysis, have no relation to love anyway. In the end, you just have to believe. Believe that you've seen all that can be seen, he's shown all that can be shown, and that the rest is simply a leap of faith. Know that there's a risk involved, but hey that's life, and nothing in life is worth having if it's not something you can lose.

You can win, you can fail. You can reap the rewards of your faith, or you can stumble and fall face-first into the puddle of your mistake. There's no guarantee you won't be lied to, you won't get hurt, you won't be left behind... But that's the beauty of it. There's no guarantee. Everything is up to you and him. It's about what you two make of this great possibility that lies before you.

The ultimate crime will be not trying.