Realization

I had an epiphany today- It's usual perception that the toughest part of the marriage vows to adhere to is one of these three: (1) "for better or for worse" - because life does have its healthy (and sometimes unhealthy) share of difficulties, and sometimes it's far too tempting to walk out and go ; (2) "for richer or for poorer" - more or less same reasons as (1) ; (3) the fidelity clause - also self-explanatory

I realized today another part of the marriage vows that may not be as much of a deal-breaker as the first three I mentioned, nor does it seem to be that big of a deal because it sounds so mundane and a bit obvious. But I think it's the one part in the marriage bond that will probably be challenged the most often and hence deserves attention too. While it may not be devastating in huge, earth-shattering, marriage-threatening ways, I think it's just as difficult to overcome. Major loads of maturity are needed, if you want to stay sane. And stay married.

This such part is where you vow to love the ones that he loves, on the day you agree to become his wife and swear in front of God and all your loved ones that you will be together forever and ever. It's a promise that can easily escape your lips, again because it sounds so obvious and hence so easy (oh how naive you are, dear bride!). After all, his family is good to you and they approve of your marriage. He loves them, and hence how hard could it be to love them too?

Suffice it to say that I've had a fair look at the challenges that can rock this particular corner of the matrinomial vow. It's not as easy, in fact it's probably one of the biggest and hardest adjustments to make. You can bounce back from a fight with your own mother, because she gave you life and can forgive you for anything and everything. Someone else's mother though, even if she happens to be your husband's mother, is an entirely different story. Whether you annoy her or she annoys you, the loser in the battle ends up being your husband. It's rarely about who's right and who's wrong, mind you. Almost all of the time, it's about two different upbringings, two different queens and two different emotional states. So declaring a clear winner in such battles is rather gray. But what's crystal clear is the suffering husband in the middle.

So, I lectured myself today on this particular issue and told myself that, for as long as the matter at hand is not that of life and death, or anything concerning children, values, religion, and deeply personal parts of our lives, I will let these "difficulties" roll off my back and focus on what's critically important - that I have a peaceful relationship with my in-laws and that my (soon-to-be) husband can sleep soundly at night. In Tagalog, kung hindi ko naman ikamamatay yung ipinaglalaban ko, wag nalang ilaban. Choose your battles carefully, because there are battles you need to lose, so you will win the war. And mind you, by "war", I honestly don't refer to my mother in law. Hahaha!

Another point I'd like to make: I believe in karma. I know that my family, with all their virtues, is far from perfect and in the future, two daughters-in-law would also have to "pakisama" with them. I would hope and wish that these two girls would also extend to my family a rich amount of patience, understanding and love. Because I'll be leaving my family behind soon. I'd want these two girls to care for them as if they were their own blood and flesh. To do that, I'd have to "plant" seeds of karma now. How can I expect from others what I cannot ask of myself?

Lastly, at the end of the day, I love him. And part of that love is loving those he loves. Maybe at the start, I'm loving them because he loves them. But hopefully, as we go through life together as family, I'll grow to love them without needing any other reason.

:)