My dear friend, I will continue to pray for your brother. He's in my nightly prayers ever since the accident happened. I know things look dim right now and the doctors' diagnosis looks bad, but keep up your faith-- people defy the odds and prove doctors wrong all the time. I know he'll pull through, I just know it.
To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
working smart vs working at smart
Just found out that a friend's business grosses 500k a month-- about 6M a year. It's divided among her and her two partners, sure, and they mostly bankroll it back to their business as working capital, but still.. that's still a lot better than her current paycheck. The long-term promise of this is also better than staying in the corporate world. At least her business will always be hers; it will never fire her or treat her badly.
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
growing up at the speed of light
The past week was composed of the following: one baby shower, one bridal shower, one baptism and one hecka shopping trip hunting down gifts for the three events mentioned above. I can't believe how fast life is going for these friends of mine. On top of these three, I have three more who are getting married in the next 12 months, and one who's seriously considering/discussing the prospect with her significant other, and two who're worrying about the feasibility of their ever-getting-hitched before 2008.
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
promoted!
I didn't think it would actually happen this early. As a friend warned me, in this company, it's rare to have people promoted upon regularization. Given the level of politics that's at play within these halls, it's challenging to rise one-rung up without jumping through unbelievably fiery hoops.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
love, people, love!
A lot of people downplay attraction, intensity and passion in a relationship. A lot of reading materials and a lot of advice out there center on the security, practicality and compatibility in a relationship. They insist these things matter more, and that the stuff that makes your eyes glitter and your heart flutter is all fluff and nothing else.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
my birthday beau
My beau is now 27 years old. Hehehe. We celebrated yesterday by taking leaves from our respective jobs, and having a super-dragged-out lunch buffet at Spiral. Armed with my dad's privilege card that entitled us to 50% discount, we stuffed our faces silly of food, food and more food at the buffet spread at the Philippine Plaza. I don't remember eating that much in my entire life.... this year. Hehehe. Ooof-- the diet goes out the window.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
need your prayers...
Shoutout to everyone viewing this page:
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
a heartbreaking story
I have a friend who's been ready to be married since I'd met her two years ago. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years now, and has been waiting so badly for him to take the plunge and propose to her already. She wanted to have kids already and was ready to settle down and give up her career to have a family.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
this is the real thing...
You know you have real friends when they defend you to the ground in front of anyone who dares attack your good name. You know you have real friends when they cry as you cry and they hurt as you hurt. Good times do not mark true friendships. It's the bad ones.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Monday, July 03, 2006
relationships, relationships...
Relationships are complicated.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
Monday, June 26, 2006
cool weekend
Sad to see that the weekend has passed, because I loved it!
Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.
After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)
Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p
The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.
Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.
Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.
After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)
Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p
The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.
Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
let's see the world
I only have one friend who not only has the passion for travel (as in, 100% real, honest-to-goodness love for seeing & exploring the world) but also has the resources to make her travel dreams a reality. She's definitely one of a kind! She not only loves the idea of trekking different places of planet Earth, she also loves meeting new people and living new cultures. And, clicking through the pics from her recent jaunts, I couldn't help but wish I could be like her--a true-blue globetrotter, who can pack up and leave for any destination the next day without any reservation for cost or danger, without anything holding her back (no one and nothing she'll miss too much) and without any qualms about dropping all notions of comfort and luxury.
I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.
You go, girl. Conquer the world!
I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.
You go, girl. Conquer the world!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
the shame letter
I know you will never get to read this... Ignorance is indeed bliss. I at least find absolution and relief in knowing none of this ever hurt you, because you never knew about it. It's actually the only reason I can forgive myself for this....
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry for two things.
1. I thought I was being the realistic and practical one for worrying about it the way I did. I thought I was just being responsible and grounded for focusing on the practical side of life, when really I've never been more deluded.
The reality is that when you love someone, you love them through and through. Completely. You don't cherry-pick only the parts that you like. Selectively loving is not loving at all.
It's not fair of me to pick and choose the good sides to you and then reject or resent the parts of your life that I do not want. When I choose a man, I have to be able to stand next to him-- and stand proudly at that.
And I know I love you, that's why I have to be honest-- I have yet to make peace with the parts of your life that are less than ideal. It's going to be a process, I know, but I will do it, because that's the only way I can do justice to this relationship.... and in fact, that's the only way I can prove to myself that I love you. That I accept you heart and soul-- both the good and the bad.
2. I'm also sorry for believing that some prophecy was more important and more indicative of this relationship's potential than what we've been through. I was wrong in letting some man's allegations and predictions precede what my heart tells me. Leafing through past emails to friends and past blog entries made me realize that. What we have is real, and that prophecy isn't. Whether it does foretell things to come is out of the question. It was stupid of me to think the fate of this relationship is anything but ours to create. Our story is ours, D. We write it. Nobody else. It develops and matures the way we let it; if it does end, it will end because we chose it to. Nobody else. Again, I was deluded enough to think otherwise.
I've been unfair and I'm sorry. I wronged you in ways so fundamental, I feel like the biggest fraud in the universe of girlfriendhood. I'm sorry. You love me more than anything in the world and you've done nothing but devote yourself to me every day that God creates. In return, the best assurance I can give is the promise to try-- to try to cherish you in all the ways I can, to make peace with all the baggage you come with and to stand by you through the peaks and valleys of life.
That's the best I can do for now, and the bittersweet part of this is I know you'll be okay with that. I revel at how nothing I do to you can ever be too wrong-- too unforgivably, irreparably wrong. You will never take all this against me, and I love you even more because of that.
And you know what, no matter how life turns out, I'll love you forever for that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry for two things.
1. I thought I was being the realistic and practical one for worrying about it the way I did. I thought I was just being responsible and grounded for focusing on the practical side of life, when really I've never been more deluded.
The reality is that when you love someone, you love them through and through. Completely. You don't cherry-pick only the parts that you like. Selectively loving is not loving at all.
It's not fair of me to pick and choose the good sides to you and then reject or resent the parts of your life that I do not want. When I choose a man, I have to be able to stand next to him-- and stand proudly at that.
And I know I love you, that's why I have to be honest-- I have yet to make peace with the parts of your life that are less than ideal. It's going to be a process, I know, but I will do it, because that's the only way I can do justice to this relationship.... and in fact, that's the only way I can prove to myself that I love you. That I accept you heart and soul-- both the good and the bad.
2. I'm also sorry for believing that some prophecy was more important and more indicative of this relationship's potential than what we've been through. I was wrong in letting some man's allegations and predictions precede what my heart tells me. Leafing through past emails to friends and past blog entries made me realize that. What we have is real, and that prophecy isn't. Whether it does foretell things to come is out of the question. It was stupid of me to think the fate of this relationship is anything but ours to create. Our story is ours, D. We write it. Nobody else. It develops and matures the way we let it; if it does end, it will end because we chose it to. Nobody else. Again, I was deluded enough to think otherwise.
I've been unfair and I'm sorry. I wronged you in ways so fundamental, I feel like the biggest fraud in the universe of girlfriendhood. I'm sorry. You love me more than anything in the world and you've done nothing but devote yourself to me every day that God creates. In return, the best assurance I can give is the promise to try-- to try to cherish you in all the ways I can, to make peace with all the baggage you come with and to stand by you through the peaks and valleys of life.
That's the best I can do for now, and the bittersweet part of this is I know you'll be okay with that. I revel at how nothing I do to you can ever be too wrong-- too unforgivably, irreparably wrong. You will never take all this against me, and I love you even more because of that.
And you know what, no matter how life turns out, I'll love you forever for that.
Monday, June 12, 2006
tell me how and i'll do it
If your feelings for someone seem so intertwined with his, how do you know where his love ends and yours begins? Does the way your love had come to life dictate how it's going to end?
If he hadn't knocked at your life so insistently, would you have opened the door and allowed a space in it for him? If he had turned and walked away at the initial no, would you have called him back? Or would you have gone on, none the wiser about what you missed?
.. and if the stars say he's not the one for you, how do you tell your heart you're wrong? How? How? How do you change what seems meant to be and make it adapt to the choices you've already made-- the same choices you want oh-so-desperately to hold on to? How do you twist the shape of fate into what you think it ought to be?
At times like this, I miss my best friend. I wish she were back here at home with me, and not miles and miles away.
If he hadn't knocked at your life so insistently, would you have opened the door and allowed a space in it for him? If he had turned and walked away at the initial no, would you have called him back? Or would you have gone on, none the wiser about what you missed?
.. and if the stars say he's not the one for you, how do you tell your heart you're wrong? How? How? How do you change what seems meant to be and make it adapt to the choices you've already made-- the same choices you want oh-so-desperately to hold on to? How do you twist the shape of fate into what you think it ought to be?
At times like this, I miss my best friend. I wish she were back here at home with me, and not miles and miles away.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
guilty as charged
I'm guilty. I did it. I was wrong.
For the past few days, I've been terribly guilty of committing the crime of not appreciating the blessings I have. Particularly when it comes to this wonderful wonderful man who loves me more than life itself.
I've been wrong in seeing the shortcomings and focusing on what he doesn't have, instead of appreciating the good traits he has and the good things he brings into this relationship. No other person has given me so much security, so much love, so much faith and so much devotion. He would gladly take a bullet for me, would be honored to offer his life in exchange for mine and wouldn't hesitate to give up everything for me. He'll get me the world if I wanted it and would also let it all go, if I so wished.
Instead of always being thankful and always appreciating all this, I've been so unwise and so immature as to complain inwardly about the things he lacks, when, really, this relationship is so rich in the good stuff that love is made of. I'm the girl with the cake who's looking for the cherry on top.
Good thing, though, I wasn't so unwise as to verbalize those complaints and risk hurting this one angel in my life. Good thing, I wasn't that stupid.
Sigh...
I know better now, though. And I vow to always know better-- everyday of my life.
For the past few days, I've been terribly guilty of committing the crime of not appreciating the blessings I have. Particularly when it comes to this wonderful wonderful man who loves me more than life itself.
I've been wrong in seeing the shortcomings and focusing on what he doesn't have, instead of appreciating the good traits he has and the good things he brings into this relationship. No other person has given me so much security, so much love, so much faith and so much devotion. He would gladly take a bullet for me, would be honored to offer his life in exchange for mine and wouldn't hesitate to give up everything for me. He'll get me the world if I wanted it and would also let it all go, if I so wished.
Instead of always being thankful and always appreciating all this, I've been so unwise and so immature as to complain inwardly about the things he lacks, when, really, this relationship is so rich in the good stuff that love is made of. I'm the girl with the cake who's looking for the cherry on top.
Good thing, though, I wasn't so unwise as to verbalize those complaints and risk hurting this one angel in my life. Good thing, I wasn't that stupid.
Sigh...
I know better now, though. And I vow to always know better-- everyday of my life.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
need shopping updates, tips and more?
I know a great resource...
http://shopcrazy.com.ph
Check it out now and then for the latest shopping tips, news, articles and more :)
http://shopcrazy.com.ph
Check it out now and then for the latest shopping tips, news, articles and more :)
Thursday, June 01, 2006
lifestyle change
The halls of Smart are about to be transformed by the entry of our new boss today, who shall assume the role of marketing director. Contrary to his predecessors, this new boss times in at 7:30am, thereby adjusting the body clocks of everyone in the marketing department. Now, everyone has to time in at 9am!
Hahahaha! Today is his first day; hence also the first day of this new time-in policy. I came into work with a full-on headache, having been forced to wake up 2 hours earlier. About half of the floor felt the same way. The other half had really swollen eyes badly abused by excessive rubbing-away of sleep.
It was so funny. Our floor was full of life already at 10am, when it was meet-and-greet sessions with the new boss. However, now at about 2:30 in the afternoon, everyone's already low-batt.
HAHAHAHA! Oh well... This must be how little kids feel on the first day of class after being on vacation and sleeping-in for the longest time.
:-p
Hahahaha! Today is his first day; hence also the first day of this new time-in policy. I came into work with a full-on headache, having been forced to wake up 2 hours earlier. About half of the floor felt the same way. The other half had really swollen eyes badly abused by excessive rubbing-away of sleep.
It was so funny. Our floor was full of life already at 10am, when it was meet-and-greet sessions with the new boss. However, now at about 2:30 in the afternoon, everyone's already low-batt.
HAHAHAHA! Oh well... This must be how little kids feel on the first day of class after being on vacation and sleeping-in for the longest time.
:-p
Monday, May 29, 2006
waaaaah! BLOOPER!
FUCK!!!
I can sooooo stab myself right now-- I can't believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate I was today!
OK, it all started two weeks ago when Dr. T called me to set up a breakfast date. He called later that day to move it to two weeks later, because another thing came up. So we set it up for Monday, May 29, 8:30am in Bizu Greenbelt. I had even jotted it down in my notepad at home, so I would be reminded on Sunday night to leave earlier than usual.
Fast forward to last night: I did not get the reminder, because the maid moved the notepad's location (previously easily within eyesight range when I get ready for work). So I went along my usual business today-- logging in at work at 10am, working all day long, getting home at 10pm, eating dinner, taking a shower...
While I was in the shower, BAM! It hit me like a tidal wave. FUCK!!! For a moment, I hoped that I had remembered the appointment wrong-- that it was supposed to be Tuesday (hence, tomorrow) and I did not just stand up the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences of UA&P who has to-date been nothing less than SUPERB to me.
No, no, no...
I hurriedly jumped out of the shower, covered myself in a towel, and ran with lightning speed across the room to look for that damn little notepad.
FUCK!
There it was: May 29, Monday, 8:30 at Bizu. Be there!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I flushed red with shame as I picked up my cellphone and called the first man I had stood up in my entire life.
"Doc! Kill me now! I'm soooo sorry!!!" was the start of my 5-minute apology. Hyperventilation, here I come!
As usual, he was very gracious about it, telling me not to worry, that he had used the time to work and that nothing was really to be sorry about. He tried to call me earlier this morning but my Globe line (he only has my Globe number) was out of reach.
AAAH! FUCK GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! I HATE GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! GO TO HELL, GLOBE!
So anyway, after apologizing profusely, we set another appointment -- for DINNER this time, and I gave him my Smart number, which, I said, I use all day, everyday, and NEVER LOSES SIGNAL!
I love Doc. He was super gracious about everything-- even made fun of me giving myself a heart attack (because I was near hysterical when apologizing). I mean, if I were him, I'd be pissed off.
Hay nako.... My face is fire-engine hot right now just recapping what happened. Waaah! KAKAHIYA!!
I can sooooo stab myself right now-- I can't believe how irresponsible and inconsiderate I was today!
OK, it all started two weeks ago when Dr. T called me to set up a breakfast date. He called later that day to move it to two weeks later, because another thing came up. So we set it up for Monday, May 29, 8:30am in Bizu Greenbelt. I had even jotted it down in my notepad at home, so I would be reminded on Sunday night to leave earlier than usual.
Fast forward to last night: I did not get the reminder, because the maid moved the notepad's location (previously easily within eyesight range when I get ready for work). So I went along my usual business today-- logging in at work at 10am, working all day long, getting home at 10pm, eating dinner, taking a shower...
While I was in the shower, BAM! It hit me like a tidal wave. FUCK!!! For a moment, I hoped that I had remembered the appointment wrong-- that it was supposed to be Tuesday (hence, tomorrow) and I did not just stand up the Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences of UA&P who has to-date been nothing less than SUPERB to me.
No, no, no...
I hurriedly jumped out of the shower, covered myself in a towel, and ran with lightning speed across the room to look for that damn little notepad.
FUCK!
There it was: May 29, Monday, 8:30 at Bizu. Be there!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!
I flushed red with shame as I picked up my cellphone and called the first man I had stood up in my entire life.
"Doc! Kill me now! I'm soooo sorry!!!" was the start of my 5-minute apology. Hyperventilation, here I come!
As usual, he was very gracious about it, telling me not to worry, that he had used the time to work and that nothing was really to be sorry about. He tried to call me earlier this morning but my Globe line (he only has my Globe number) was out of reach.
AAAH! FUCK GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! I HATE GLOBE! GLOBE SUCKS! GO TO HELL, GLOBE!
So anyway, after apologizing profusely, we set another appointment -- for DINNER this time, and I gave him my Smart number, which, I said, I use all day, everyday, and NEVER LOSES SIGNAL!
I love Doc. He was super gracious about everything-- even made fun of me giving myself a heart attack (because I was near hysterical when apologizing). I mean, if I were him, I'd be pissed off.
Hay nako.... My face is fire-engine hot right now just recapping what happened. Waaah! KAKAHIYA!!
Friday, May 26, 2006
i love this song...
When You Know
Shawn Colvin
When You Know
That you know
Who you love
You can’t deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it
When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
When you feel
In your skin
In your bones
And the hollows
Of your heart
There’s no way
You can wait
Till tomorrow
When there isn’t any
Doubt about it
Once you come this close
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
You can feel
Love's around you
Like the sky
Round the moon
This is how
Love has found you
Now you know
What to do
When you know
That you know
Who you need
You cant deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it
When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You’ll never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
And its time
You come in
From the cold
And you know
That you know
Shawn Colvin
When You Know
That you know
Who you love
You can’t deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it
When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
When you feel
In your skin
In your bones
And the hollows
Of your heart
There’s no way
You can wait
Till tomorrow
When there isn’t any
Doubt about it
Once you come this close
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
You can feel
Love's around you
Like the sky
Round the moon
This is how
Love has found you
Now you know
What to do
When you know
That you know
Who you need
You cant deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it
When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You’ll never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know
And its time
You come in
From the cold
And you know
That you know
Monday, May 22, 2006
the stain in my little white sheet
Most days, I love working here. Judging from the workplaces I've seen in my short professional career thus-far, this by far offers the most extensive, most intensive marketing experience. In the span of time I've been here, I've never seen a more dynamic work environment. Things move so fast it makes your head spin. The pace not only hones your ability to adapt, it also sharpens your skill set in record time.
I love it here because it's real marketing, in real-time. The work is more than I can ever hope it to be. I wanted marketing, and I got it here.
The only blemish in this otherwise utopian place is the amount of social politics going on. There have been one too many times when I was shocked stiff by the intrigues and the pulitika going on. Coming from my old company, it was indeed a rude awakening-- to see the desperate lengths people go to protect their agenda, the backbiting and the mudslinging that would've put the showbiz scene to shame. I guess it's a slice of real life also-- it's part of the real world to contend against people who are willing to stab whomever and whatever necessary to get ahead. Style na bulok, I know, and it's just so sad to see that some people believe that the only way to get ahead is to abandon loyalties and con their way up.
And, I may be naive, but I find it really pathetic. It's pathetic because victory obtained through those means just seems so empty. That's truly no way to work (not to mention no way to live). How can you enjoy your title when you can't look at yourself in the mirror or sleep soundly at night? How can you truly relish your success when it was won at the expense of others? Wouldn't a clean conscience and a clean name be deemed as a worthier prize to covet?
However, I'm trying to be realistic with this too-- in the sense that I know I have to play this game, whether I like it or not. Playing this game does not mean stooping to their antics and jumping into the foray. For me, playing this game is just being careful and watching my own back-- knowing that in this dog-eat-dog world, nobody is ever truly my friend... and hope against hope that my gut will tell me when it's time to fight back, when it's time to back down, and when (hopefully it never happens) it's time to step out of this jungle because enough is enough.
No job is ever worth your integrity.
I love it here because it's real marketing, in real-time. The work is more than I can ever hope it to be. I wanted marketing, and I got it here.
The only blemish in this otherwise utopian place is the amount of social politics going on. There have been one too many times when I was shocked stiff by the intrigues and the pulitika going on. Coming from my old company, it was indeed a rude awakening-- to see the desperate lengths people go to protect their agenda, the backbiting and the mudslinging that would've put the showbiz scene to shame. I guess it's a slice of real life also-- it's part of the real world to contend against people who are willing to stab whomever and whatever necessary to get ahead. Style na bulok, I know, and it's just so sad to see that some people believe that the only way to get ahead is to abandon loyalties and con their way up.
And, I may be naive, but I find it really pathetic. It's pathetic because victory obtained through those means just seems so empty. That's truly no way to work (not to mention no way to live). How can you enjoy your title when you can't look at yourself in the mirror or sleep soundly at night? How can you truly relish your success when it was won at the expense of others? Wouldn't a clean conscience and a clean name be deemed as a worthier prize to covet?
However, I'm trying to be realistic with this too-- in the sense that I know I have to play this game, whether I like it or not. Playing this game does not mean stooping to their antics and jumping into the foray. For me, playing this game is just being careful and watching my own back-- knowing that in this dog-eat-dog world, nobody is ever truly my friend... and hope against hope that my gut will tell me when it's time to fight back, when it's time to back down, and when (hopefully it never happens) it's time to step out of this jungle because enough is enough.
No job is ever worth your integrity.
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