As the day comes to an end and the first day of my 3rd decade on earth will be over soon, I make a fervent wish for the next decade -- for this wish to mark these upcoming 10 years.
Please. Let it come true.
❤
Sunday, October 28, 2012
HBD in HK!
Blogging now from HK! We're resting at our hotel, taking a break before we head out for my birthday dinner. It's been a relaxing trip so far, with the pace being very slow and chill, and the itinerary being wide open for whatever we may fancy. Earlier today, we went to Dialogue in the Dark -- a totally new experience of a tour. You enter a dark room with zero lighting and are guided by a blind tour guide. You are given a cane and instructions on how to navigate the grounds. We found it disconcerting at first since the place was pitch black and it's a bit weird to not see anything at all. But soon enough, the body adjusted and it was interesting to have all other senses heightened to compensate for the lack of vision. The tour started out in a forest garden then to a boat then to market, a normal street crossing, a store and finally a cafe. It was such a refreshing and humbling experience to step into the shoes of a blind person for 75 minutes. It made us more grateful people too. A nice way to start a birthday.
Then we explored Langham Mall - an innovative concept and an interestingu architectural building. We had a lunch feast of one of my all-time favorite food -- tonkatsu! Brilliant choice! Loooved it!!
Then we did some street shopping along Kowloon and Nathan Roads then it's back to the hotel for a bit of rest. Dinner tonight will be at Morton's. I'm excited.
❤
Then we explored Langham Mall - an innovative concept and an interestingu architectural building. We had a lunch feast of one of my all-time favorite food -- tonkatsu! Brilliant choice! Loooved it!!
Then we did some street shopping along Kowloon and Nathan Roads then it's back to the hotel for a bit of rest. Dinner tonight will be at Morton's. I'm excited.
❤
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Project30 launches tomorrow!
So we're off to HK tomorrow for a 5-day trip to celebrate my birthday! Yay! I initially planned to go somewhere farther, specifically Australia. But with our recent medical bills, it wasn't very prudent to splurge that much. I figured HK is still a good option since: (1) the food is goooood ; (2) weather will be nice and autumn-y ; (3) pretty good place to shop, eat and sightsee - a good travel itinerary mix. So off to HK we go!
I also already know what my birthday gift from Dennis is. And I love love love it!!!! I'll attach a sneak peek slash clue below on what it is :)
I am very, truly, deeply grateful. I know that being pregnant is one of the dreams I asked to be realized before I turn 30, but even if that blessing wasn't given in the time frame I asked, I believe and humbly pray that it will come true soon. I guess timing really is out of our hands.
Nonetheless I do feel so blessed. I feel I've used the last decade very fruitfully, responsibly and lovingly. Let's review a bit on how the past 10 years have been like for me:
- Education : I graduated college at the top of my class and bagged a pretty good job afterwards. I also embarked on post-graduate studies and finished it with distinction honors, while still maintaining a fulltime job and teaching on the side.
- Love and Family : I met and married the love of my life. I left the care of my parents but continue to be just as devoted to them. I am still my brothers' big sister on whom they know they can always rely.
- Money and Career : Dennis and I have been able to start a good nest, and are on track to paying off our mortgage by 2013. I also now have a car in my name, at a cost that's almost free. I worked hard and took great care of my career; I have been very fortunate too to see my labor bear early fruit. I am thoroughly satisfied with my career progression, having bagged a manager position at age 25 and managing to end my 20s with a senior marketing position. I am also poised to be my boss' replacement / successor and I do feel valued by my bosses. I've been lured enough by other offers outside and this increases my confidence that the work I put in throughout these 9+ years have been worth it.
I also began a different career - teaching. While it means taking out 3 hours every Saturday for 5 straight months every year, I love teaching and I love my students. The pay is minuscule, if you only consider the paycheck as the payback. But if you count the joy, fulfillment and peace that comes along with the task of being a professor, you'll find that the exercise is worth it thousand times over.
- Travel : The past 10 years featured travel to the US/Canada, Middle East, Europe and Asia. Travel really is a great teacher and I'm grateful to have had these opportunities.
- Friendship : I forged 3 of my most solid friendships during this decade. Filc is one of the blessings in my 20s and I'm so thankful to have these girls in my life. I also met Jane and Karen - my two "ate"'s who guide me and have been the ate's I never had. I stayed in touch with old friends I met as a child and I'm thankful for them. I have the best professional team in TNT too! So all around, this arena of my life has been a resounding success.
I thank God / Buddha so fervently for all the above. It has been a good ride- my 20s. My 30s definitely have large shoes to fill. Pressure! Haha! I hope I've done my share - charity, giving back to my school/s and upholding a good spiritual life- in deserving all these blessings. I promise to not take anything for granted.
Happy birthday to me! :)
I also already know what my birthday gift from Dennis is. And I love love love it!!!! I'll attach a sneak peek slash clue below on what it is :)
I am very, truly, deeply grateful. I know that being pregnant is one of the dreams I asked to be realized before I turn 30, but even if that blessing wasn't given in the time frame I asked, I believe and humbly pray that it will come true soon. I guess timing really is out of our hands.
Nonetheless I do feel so blessed. I feel I've used the last decade very fruitfully, responsibly and lovingly. Let's review a bit on how the past 10 years have been like for me:
- Education : I graduated college at the top of my class and bagged a pretty good job afterwards. I also embarked on post-graduate studies and finished it with distinction honors, while still maintaining a fulltime job and teaching on the side.
- Love and Family : I met and married the love of my life. I left the care of my parents but continue to be just as devoted to them. I am still my brothers' big sister on whom they know they can always rely.
- Money and Career : Dennis and I have been able to start a good nest, and are on track to paying off our mortgage by 2013. I also now have a car in my name, at a cost that's almost free. I worked hard and took great care of my career; I have been very fortunate too to see my labor bear early fruit. I am thoroughly satisfied with my career progression, having bagged a manager position at age 25 and managing to end my 20s with a senior marketing position. I am also poised to be my boss' replacement / successor and I do feel valued by my bosses. I've been lured enough by other offers outside and this increases my confidence that the work I put in throughout these 9+ years have been worth it.
I also began a different career - teaching. While it means taking out 3 hours every Saturday for 5 straight months every year, I love teaching and I love my students. The pay is minuscule, if you only consider the paycheck as the payback. But if you count the joy, fulfillment and peace that comes along with the task of being a professor, you'll find that the exercise is worth it thousand times over.
- Travel : The past 10 years featured travel to the US/Canada, Middle East, Europe and Asia. Travel really is a great teacher and I'm grateful to have had these opportunities.
- Friendship : I forged 3 of my most solid friendships during this decade. Filc is one of the blessings in my 20s and I'm so thankful to have these girls in my life. I also met Jane and Karen - my two "ate"'s who guide me and have been the ate's I never had. I stayed in touch with old friends I met as a child and I'm thankful for them. I have the best professional team in TNT too! So all around, this arena of my life has been a resounding success.
I thank God / Buddha so fervently for all the above. It has been a good ride- my 20s. My 30s definitely have large shoes to fill. Pressure! Haha! I hope I've done my share - charity, giving back to my school/s and upholding a good spiritual life- in deserving all these blessings. I promise to not take anything for granted.
Happy birthday to me! :)
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Revelation - the best 30th-bday gift of all!!!
Ok, I just got the best gift to mark my turning 30.
Atty and I went to see a genitourinary doctor yesterday and he gave the best explanation re: infertility that we've ever received. I just think it's very sad how OBs do not work in conjunction with this little-explored medical field. I can imagine how many diseases can be prevented by doing this initial step first. And it's not just for infertility, mind you. Lots of babies are born via going through an infected genital tract of the mom and hence contract many infections that otherwise could've been prevented. Likewise, a lot of things can be impaired by infection. Even the big C is initially triggered by an infection. Sounds so simple yet no one really bothers to get their genitals checked regularly, the way we normally do for our blood or heart or lungs. But the fact is, the genitals are probably the most prone to infection, given the ways and frequency that they are used. Yet maybe it's the lack of awareness plus stigma that's associated with the genital tract that is the culprit for keeping this field under wraps.
Truly, it was a day of revelation and it's the first time that this journey made sense to us. I'm so grateful. There is so much to tell with regards to the background of this field and I'll be too happy to share with anyone who asks.
I'm so grateful. The birthday is complete even before it has happened. Knowledge truly is power.
Another thing that struck me yesterday was the realization that, despite instincts to do otherwise, one should never trust or put faith into a doctor. Not that there's anything malicious with your doctor. It's just that doctors are only human-- busy and distracted by many other concerns just like you and me ; just as potent for mistakes and errors just like you and me. Hence, see your doctor as merely a contracted agent to help you along with your medical situation. Do not put blind faith on him or her, because you will only do yourself a disservice. Try to understand the facts and make your own conclusions, with the help of the medical community. I say "with the help", not the sole responsibility of the physician whose care you are under.
I realized this because I think that's how I saw my past 2 OBs. I saw them as experts in their field; hence, who am I to not fully believe what they say. But all along, my gut was uneasy with the term "unexplained infertility" and while I had bouts of "whatever will be, will be", the nerd in me struggled to put blind faith on anyone. And I'm glad it kinda paid off. I mean, we're not pregnant yet and I'm not saying this is the only answer and we'll be smooth sailing already. It's just that it feels good to have information and gain new understanding (and respect) for our bodies. It's liberating, like a huge weight just came off. Faith implies so much pressure - and unnecessary pressure in this case.
I am breathing really big gulps of relief. The unexplained has gotten a pretty good chunk of explaining. Whew.
Atty and I went to see a genitourinary doctor yesterday and he gave the best explanation re: infertility that we've ever received. I just think it's very sad how OBs do not work in conjunction with this little-explored medical field. I can imagine how many diseases can be prevented by doing this initial step first. And it's not just for infertility, mind you. Lots of babies are born via going through an infected genital tract of the mom and hence contract many infections that otherwise could've been prevented. Likewise, a lot of things can be impaired by infection. Even the big C is initially triggered by an infection. Sounds so simple yet no one really bothers to get their genitals checked regularly, the way we normally do for our blood or heart or lungs. But the fact is, the genitals are probably the most prone to infection, given the ways and frequency that they are used. Yet maybe it's the lack of awareness plus stigma that's associated with the genital tract that is the culprit for keeping this field under wraps.
Truly, it was a day of revelation and it's the first time that this journey made sense to us. I'm so grateful. There is so much to tell with regards to the background of this field and I'll be too happy to share with anyone who asks.
I'm so grateful. The birthday is complete even before it has happened. Knowledge truly is power.
Another thing that struck me yesterday was the realization that, despite instincts to do otherwise, one should never trust or put faith into a doctor. Not that there's anything malicious with your doctor. It's just that doctors are only human-- busy and distracted by many other concerns just like you and me ; just as potent for mistakes and errors just like you and me. Hence, see your doctor as merely a contracted agent to help you along with your medical situation. Do not put blind faith on him or her, because you will only do yourself a disservice. Try to understand the facts and make your own conclusions, with the help of the medical community. I say "with the help", not the sole responsibility of the physician whose care you are under.
I realized this because I think that's how I saw my past 2 OBs. I saw them as experts in their field; hence, who am I to not fully believe what they say. But all along, my gut was uneasy with the term "unexplained infertility" and while I had bouts of "whatever will be, will be", the nerd in me struggled to put blind faith on anyone. And I'm glad it kinda paid off. I mean, we're not pregnant yet and I'm not saying this is the only answer and we'll be smooth sailing already. It's just that it feels good to have information and gain new understanding (and respect) for our bodies. It's liberating, like a huge weight just came off. Faith implies so much pressure - and unnecessary pressure in this case.
I am breathing really big gulps of relief. The unexplained has gotten a pretty good chunk of explaining. Whew.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Yet another "next time"
OK, so last cycle is over. This one wasn't as bad as the Mothers' Day one, but it was definitely one of the hardest. I can't explain it - I guess it's the despair that makes this a bit different. It's my birthday month, i.e. the month I turn 30. I always imagined having a baby on the way (or already out) before this milestone in my life. And the realization that that wasn't going to happen was unlike anything I anticipated. It's a horrible combo of fear, despair, doubt and pain... I would never wish it on anyone.
I also realized something, this being the first time I brought up the idea of assisted methods. I was so "game" for it, seeing it as a possible way to solve this situation and realize our dream. He saw it differently. After all, my reaction was natural - I didn't have to do anything (save for the paying the bill part which we both participate in), I just need to lie down, bear some discomfort, then the procedure is over. For the man, it is an entirely different thing. While natural cycles depend largely on the woman's body, assisted measures depend largely on effort from the man (if you get my drift). Hence, it raises questions for guys, like "Does this make me less of a man?", which would tend to raise to shore varying emotions of pain and fear. So I said, we don't have to if he's not ready. I said early on in this journey that I will not sacrifice any part of my marriage in this quest for a baby, and I meant that. If my husband isn't emotionally or mentally ready for this next step, then we are not taking it. He will always be my first priority. Simple as that. A lot of this infertility thing is not simple - in fact it is so complicated. But this part is so clear to me. Clear as day.
Besides, I do believe that this has nothing to do with what makes a man and what doesn't. If something uncontrollable defined a man, then hair color or skin color would define a man as much as infertility does. Obviously, this makes no sense at all. What defines a man are, among others, how he treats his wife, how he treats people in general, how much love he can give and how much strength he can muster. All I know is THIS does not in any way define a man. Though I can understand where the question comes from, especially since I am all too familiar with the disappointment you cannot help but feel when your body lets you down. All my life, I had the impression that all you had to do was have sex and you'll get pregnant. Little did I know, this was a big fat farce.
So here we are in another cycle... another "next time". Sometimes I fear going through my FB feed, because when I see someone post a picture of a sonogram, or make a happy announcement, I can't help but feel this sinking feeling in my gut, this stab in my chest. But I push myself to do it anyway, because I cannot live in fear of this "thing" all my life. I will be able to beat it, I pray. But I can NEVER ever let it beat me. I can never let it beat out my capacity to be happy for other people and to wish them well. I can never let it make me bitter, angry or fearful. I have to fight it; otherwise, I will let it change me. For the worse. And if that happens, that's when I am truly defeated. So no. I am fighting back.
So, here's to another "next time".
I also realized something, this being the first time I brought up the idea of assisted methods. I was so "game" for it, seeing it as a possible way to solve this situation and realize our dream. He saw it differently. After all, my reaction was natural - I didn't have to do anything (save for the paying the bill part which we both participate in), I just need to lie down, bear some discomfort, then the procedure is over. For the man, it is an entirely different thing. While natural cycles depend largely on the woman's body, assisted measures depend largely on effort from the man (if you get my drift). Hence, it raises questions for guys, like "Does this make me less of a man?", which would tend to raise to shore varying emotions of pain and fear. So I said, we don't have to if he's not ready. I said early on in this journey that I will not sacrifice any part of my marriage in this quest for a baby, and I meant that. If my husband isn't emotionally or mentally ready for this next step, then we are not taking it. He will always be my first priority. Simple as that. A lot of this infertility thing is not simple - in fact it is so complicated. But this part is so clear to me. Clear as day.
Besides, I do believe that this has nothing to do with what makes a man and what doesn't. If something uncontrollable defined a man, then hair color or skin color would define a man as much as infertility does. Obviously, this makes no sense at all. What defines a man are, among others, how he treats his wife, how he treats people in general, how much love he can give and how much strength he can muster. All I know is THIS does not in any way define a man. Though I can understand where the question comes from, especially since I am all too familiar with the disappointment you cannot help but feel when your body lets you down. All my life, I had the impression that all you had to do was have sex and you'll get pregnant. Little did I know, this was a big fat farce.
So here we are in another cycle... another "next time". Sometimes I fear going through my FB feed, because when I see someone post a picture of a sonogram, or make a happy announcement, I can't help but feel this sinking feeling in my gut, this stab in my chest. But I push myself to do it anyway, because I cannot live in fear of this "thing" all my life. I will be able to beat it, I pray. But I can NEVER ever let it beat me. I can never let it beat out my capacity to be happy for other people and to wish them well. I can never let it make me bitter, angry or fearful. I have to fight it; otherwise, I will let it change me. For the worse. And if that happens, that's when I am truly defeated. So no. I am fighting back.
So, here's to another "next time".
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
Another bag love post
Here's another bag I love. It's a Kate Spade Scout crossbody bag in denim, and it's special because Atty gifted me with it when I finished my MBA with honors. This blog held witness to my struggles with finishing the degree, so I think it's fitting that I make this post :)
Friday, October 05, 2012
Giving is indeed better than receiving
God is really a genius!!
I now know why I had that epiphany.
1. Dennis called me the other day, complaining about his blackberry's defective trackball. It's been bothering him for months and that particular day was just the really stressful kind that drives your patience thinner than usual. He wanted to throw the phone out the car window, and probably would have, if it didn't mean not being able to contact me. So it hit me! It was the perfect time to get him the S3 he has been wanting but will never spend so much to buy for himself. My husband is that kind of guy - the one who will spoil his loved ones (esp his wife!) but will hesitate to splurge on himself. It was the perfect idea!!! So after some scouting, I found a great price for the latest color Samsung S3 and surprised him with it tonight before we headed to our dinner and movie date. The look on his face was priceless!! It was a mix of confusion, shock and love. I loved it!!! Sooo much more worth it than any of the things I wanted. And because I will not splurge on those things anymore, the cost of the phone is doable for us. Love love love.
2. One of our kitchen doors got broken, due to age. It was a part of the condo that we opted not to change when we bought the place, since it still looked pretty okay. Hay. One big lesson learned. Better indeed to get everything new. Anyway, I got the work contracted and it seems to also cost quite a lot, since I can't exactly just change 1 door and not the rest. It will look ugly, so to redo the entire thing will cost more. In fact I even have 2 options to think of now : change all 7 lower doors only or change all 15 doors. Obviously all 15 means the most cost. So maybe 7 is a good compromise.
Anyway, so these are the 2 more urgent and more worth-it causes to pour money into, compared to the frivolous list I had. Truly a blessing to have realized and stopped myself before it was too late and we would've spent so much more than we were ready for. Instinct really is heaven's way of communicating with us :)
I now know why I had that epiphany.
1. Dennis called me the other day, complaining about his blackberry's defective trackball. It's been bothering him for months and that particular day was just the really stressful kind that drives your patience thinner than usual. He wanted to throw the phone out the car window, and probably would have, if it didn't mean not being able to contact me. So it hit me! It was the perfect time to get him the S3 he has been wanting but will never spend so much to buy for himself. My husband is that kind of guy - the one who will spoil his loved ones (esp his wife!) but will hesitate to splurge on himself. It was the perfect idea!!! So after some scouting, I found a great price for the latest color Samsung S3 and surprised him with it tonight before we headed to our dinner and movie date. The look on his face was priceless!! It was a mix of confusion, shock and love. I loved it!!! Sooo much more worth it than any of the things I wanted. And because I will not splurge on those things anymore, the cost of the phone is doable for us. Love love love.
2. One of our kitchen doors got broken, due to age. It was a part of the condo that we opted not to change when we bought the place, since it still looked pretty okay. Hay. One big lesson learned. Better indeed to get everything new. Anyway, I got the work contracted and it seems to also cost quite a lot, since I can't exactly just change 1 door and not the rest. It will look ugly, so to redo the entire thing will cost more. In fact I even have 2 options to think of now : change all 7 lower doors only or change all 15 doors. Obviously all 15 means the most cost. So maybe 7 is a good compromise.
Anyway, so these are the 2 more urgent and more worth-it causes to pour money into, compared to the frivolous list I had. Truly a blessing to have realized and stopped myself before it was too late and we would've spent so much more than we were ready for. Instinct really is heaven's way of communicating with us :)
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Mature epiphany
OK, I know this is a funny entry to post right after I make one about birthday and Christmas wish lists. Haha! But just today, while I was having lunch at home, I was struck by a series of thoughts:
1. I don't need a new bag. I definitely have more than a girl's fair share of bags. 'Nuff said.
2. My current macbook, while almost 8 years old, is still functioning. True, it has quite a number of kinks already, has crashed twice and has been hanging more and more often. But strictly speaking, it still works. And for as long as it still does its main functionalities, I do not need a new one. Yes, the new macbook air is really pretty and super duper light (one of my complaints about my current one when I take it to UA&P to teach with), but again, I don't need it.
3. The wallet I'm using now is the bordeaux-colored Gucci one that I snagged on sale about 6 years ago. I love it, despite its looking like it's been through WW3. Being a leather wallet, some corners look very worn down and there are quite a number of scratches. But despite that, on the outside, it still looks really pretty. And the leather still feels soft... Which leads me to my last point, I do not need a new wallet. This LV style that I quite like is also quite expensive - it's about 500 euros, which is incidentally also how much our quarterly SunLife insurance premium costs. Obviously, the latter is more important as it goes towards our future. I'm not sure it's very wise to put in a quarter's insurance money into a wallet, when the one I have is just as luxurious, pretty and, most importantly, functional.
So, I guess what I'm saying is this: It's really tempting to make a gift wishlist, especially when a milestone birthday is coming up. It's even more tempting when your husband is so generous and offers to get you one of these 3 things for your birthday. But I need to take the high road and be more responsible. I have splurged some this year, and I've also saved some. So I need to continue to strike this delicate balance. Enjoy life, yet still be mostly sensible with money and put some away for a better purpose. We've already planned to go to HK to celebrate my milestone birthday, and I don't need to splurge on a material gift on top of that. Besides, a bigger savings account is also kind of like a gift --- a gift that keeps on giving, in fact :)
OK, I think it's off my system already. Yay! :)
1. I don't need a new bag. I definitely have more than a girl's fair share of bags. 'Nuff said.
2. My current macbook, while almost 8 years old, is still functioning. True, it has quite a number of kinks already, has crashed twice and has been hanging more and more often. But strictly speaking, it still works. And for as long as it still does its main functionalities, I do not need a new one. Yes, the new macbook air is really pretty and super duper light (one of my complaints about my current one when I take it to UA&P to teach with), but again, I don't need it.
3. The wallet I'm using now is the bordeaux-colored Gucci one that I snagged on sale about 6 years ago. I love it, despite its looking like it's been through WW3. Being a leather wallet, some corners look very worn down and there are quite a number of scratches. But despite that, on the outside, it still looks really pretty. And the leather still feels soft... Which leads me to my last point, I do not need a new wallet. This LV style that I quite like is also quite expensive - it's about 500 euros, which is incidentally also how much our quarterly SunLife insurance premium costs. Obviously, the latter is more important as it goes towards our future. I'm not sure it's very wise to put in a quarter's insurance money into a wallet, when the one I have is just as luxurious, pretty and, most importantly, functional.
So, I guess what I'm saying is this: It's really tempting to make a gift wishlist, especially when a milestone birthday is coming up. It's even more tempting when your husband is so generous and offers to get you one of these 3 things for your birthday. But I need to take the high road and be more responsible. I have splurged some this year, and I've also saved some. So I need to continue to strike this delicate balance. Enjoy life, yet still be mostly sensible with money and put some away for a better purpose. We've already planned to go to HK to celebrate my milestone birthday, and I don't need to splurge on a material gift on top of that. Besides, a bigger savings account is also kind of like a gift --- a gift that keeps on giving, in fact :)
OK, I think it's off my system already. Yay! :)
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Bag love
I have a lot of bags, and I love them all. So why not start a chronicle of them?
Here's the first bag I'll feature. This bag is about my age and belonged to my grandmother. She's a very simple woman, mind you, so she didn't buy this for herself. Her sister who is based in the US and has much grander tastes gifted it to her. She has never used it though and the bag stayed in its box throughout more than 2 decades. This is why the leather is still so perfect - it still smells delicious, feels so soft, has no scratches and is just perfect! My grandma gave this to me when I got engaged, for it to form part of my dowry. It was the star, actually, because it was the most beautiful thing I owned.
I love it so much because it's something I'll always remember my grandma by, even next time when she's no longer physically with us. I also love it because it's so pretty and I would never otherwise get to carry one had it not been an heirloom.
❤❤❤
Here's the first bag I'll feature. This bag is about my age and belonged to my grandmother. She's a very simple woman, mind you, so she didn't buy this for herself. Her sister who is based in the US and has much grander tastes gifted it to her. She has never used it though and the bag stayed in its box throughout more than 2 decades. This is why the leather is still so perfect - it still smells delicious, feels so soft, has no scratches and is just perfect! My grandma gave this to me when I got engaged, for it to form part of my dowry. It was the star, actually, because it was the most beautiful thing I owned.
I love it so much because it's something I'll always remember my grandma by, even next time when she's no longer physically with us. I also love it because it's so pretty and I would never otherwise get to carry one had it not been an heirloom.
❤❤❤
Hanging issue laid to rest
I mentioned a few posts ago that there's a career opportunity that I got really excited about - it's actually the one opportunity that got me psyched, in all these 7 years I've worked in Smart. Anyway, I'm officially giving up on the opportunity. It's been more than a month since the last update and I'm guessing that, while I may have made the cut in terms of qualifications, my pay grade may have been way beyond the level they need. Admittedly, if I were honest with myself, I'd say that I am overqualified for the position. I was just really interested because the training I would receive in that place was worth more than the incremental pay I would get. In fact, I was willing to take a paycut, can you imagine! It was that exciting to me. But I guess it's not meant to be. For better or worse, I guess it wasn't meant to be my next professional stop.
I am going for an interesting meeting tomorrow though. I hope that one pans out. :)
I am going for an interesting meeting tomorrow though. I hope that one pans out. :)
China!
Off to China next week for our annual family pilgrimage ;)
Thank you for my family, my husband and Santo Singkong.
Thank you for my family, my husband and Santo Singkong.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Domestic issues
So much issues with our housegirl -- health issues, actually. Praying everything gets resolved soon.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
D&G II
In a week's time, we would hit our second wedding anniversary. 24 months of wedded bliss. I'm so grateful to have married the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate and my perfect complement. The past 24 months were not 100% perfect, of course. There were low moments, or more like moments when we were on opposite sides of the fence. But, as I said, these were just "moments", not even days, or mornings or evenings. Moments like an hour... a few minutes... And for that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful to have a respectful, loving marriage, to a respectful, loving person - someone who strives to understand my perspective and who is willing to let his pride and his guard down so we can come to a compromise and come together after taking opposite stands. I strive to be the same type of partner to him, and I hope I succeed more than I fail.
These 24 months were in part totally honeymoony - your typical "I can't believe you're mine forever" feeling whenever I wake up and see him beside me, the random discoveries about each other, the little things that we do for each other "just because" and the totally opposite but totally compatible bursts of realizations that "I can't believe it's already been 24 months" and "I can't believe it's only been 24 months!" Being married to Atty has been the best thing I've done.
These 24 months were also full of learning - about each other and about life. It is of no secret to anyone who reads this blog that we've been praying for our own little miracle to grace our married life. Sure, we did "not try" for the first 6 months of marriage, but the past 18 months have been almost exclusively focused on this dream. And this "dream", by any measure, has been the hardest struggle and harshest trial to-date. Apart from the financial costs associated with reaching for this dream, it is the costs to the heart that ask for a lot of recovery time and recovery love. While the wait and the monthly failure that we've faced so far do take a toll, I have decided with all my heart and mind that there is definitely one casualty that I am not willing to accept or sacrifice - and that is our relationship. I refuse to let our marriage disintegrate into clinical, almost sterile attempts to procreate and I refuse to give in to the negativity that sometimes feels like a magnetic pull. It's hard, I tell you, and sometimes I'm afraid I ask for so much of his patience and understanding, and that I may not be giving him the same amount in return. At times, I'm afraid that I may be pulling away from him whenever I take on the pressure myself or feel that he cannot possibly understand fully how I feel, because his body does not undergo what my body does. I feel those fears whenever I get tempted to shut him out, not bothering to explain how I feel, thinking that no matter how many words I use, he cannot possibly understand how it feels to have a bloated uterus from injection shots or super sore boobs for 8 days only for the soreness to disappear a day before the goddamn bleeding arrives. Or that even if you try to manage your expectations, the PMS-y symptoms buoy up your hopes for good news, and when that comes crashing down, the pain feels like an underwater current pulling you into a deep, unexplainable sadness that, in my head, someone without a uterus or a vagina cannot possibly understand. I try to catch myself though, whenever I feel like this, and try to snap out of the self-pity fog and realize that maybe his pain may actually be much bigger than mine, precisely because he cannot feel what I feel. The mystery behind how things actually feel inside a wife's body may translate into a wholly different level, but just as acute, pain to a husband. I cannot claim monopoly of pain, and he needs comforting as well. I've come to learn this and respect it these past 2 years.
These past 24 months were also about a lot of fun and a lot of blessings. We've been blessed to have visited a lot of places and taken a lot of trips. We've gone to Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, KL, Paris, Rome, China and Thailand. We've also visited Boracay, Cebu and Davao, watched Broadway plays, tried out new places to eat and reached career goals. We've been able to enrich our savings account and even bought a second condo unit. We've been able to pay down our housing loan to the last 22%, and are on track to finishing the loan by end-2013. So many blessings. So much more than what we expected.
Truly, the past 24 months have been special - both for the good things they have brought (mostly for that!) and even for the tough times that came. I hope the next 24 months will be even happier, and (I just need to say it) also see the arrival of our dream.
Cheers to D&G II! :)
These 24 months were in part totally honeymoony - your typical "I can't believe you're mine forever" feeling whenever I wake up and see him beside me, the random discoveries about each other, the little things that we do for each other "just because" and the totally opposite but totally compatible bursts of realizations that "I can't believe it's already been 24 months" and "I can't believe it's only been 24 months!" Being married to Atty has been the best thing I've done.
These 24 months were also full of learning - about each other and about life. It is of no secret to anyone who reads this blog that we've been praying for our own little miracle to grace our married life. Sure, we did "not try" for the first 6 months of marriage, but the past 18 months have been almost exclusively focused on this dream. And this "dream", by any measure, has been the hardest struggle and harshest trial to-date. Apart from the financial costs associated with reaching for this dream, it is the costs to the heart that ask for a lot of recovery time and recovery love. While the wait and the monthly failure that we've faced so far do take a toll, I have decided with all my heart and mind that there is definitely one casualty that I am not willing to accept or sacrifice - and that is our relationship. I refuse to let our marriage disintegrate into clinical, almost sterile attempts to procreate and I refuse to give in to the negativity that sometimes feels like a magnetic pull. It's hard, I tell you, and sometimes I'm afraid I ask for so much of his patience and understanding, and that I may not be giving him the same amount in return. At times, I'm afraid that I may be pulling away from him whenever I take on the pressure myself or feel that he cannot possibly understand fully how I feel, because his body does not undergo what my body does. I feel those fears whenever I get tempted to shut him out, not bothering to explain how I feel, thinking that no matter how many words I use, he cannot possibly understand how it feels to have a bloated uterus from injection shots or super sore boobs for 8 days only for the soreness to disappear a day before the goddamn bleeding arrives. Or that even if you try to manage your expectations, the PMS-y symptoms buoy up your hopes for good news, and when that comes crashing down, the pain feels like an underwater current pulling you into a deep, unexplainable sadness that, in my head, someone without a uterus or a vagina cannot possibly understand. I try to catch myself though, whenever I feel like this, and try to snap out of the self-pity fog and realize that maybe his pain may actually be much bigger than mine, precisely because he cannot feel what I feel. The mystery behind how things actually feel inside a wife's body may translate into a wholly different level, but just as acute, pain to a husband. I cannot claim monopoly of pain, and he needs comforting as well. I've come to learn this and respect it these past 2 years.
These past 24 months were also about a lot of fun and a lot of blessings. We've been blessed to have visited a lot of places and taken a lot of trips. We've gone to Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, KL, Paris, Rome, China and Thailand. We've also visited Boracay, Cebu and Davao, watched Broadway plays, tried out new places to eat and reached career goals. We've been able to enrich our savings account and even bought a second condo unit. We've been able to pay down our housing loan to the last 22%, and are on track to finishing the loan by end-2013. So many blessings. So much more than what we expected.
Truly, the past 24 months have been special - both for the good things they have brought (mostly for that!) and even for the tough times that came. I hope the next 24 months will be even happier, and (I just need to say it) also see the arrival of our dream.
Cheers to D&G II! :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Waiting
Was told over the weekend, through a Buddha-mankind messaging system that we observe in our religion, to wait. To be patient. To know that there is a season for everything. To learn to stay still. To learn to let go, sit back, and... there it is again, wait.
I've been trying, and sometimes I think I'm successful, but there are times when waiting is just too hard and almost feels cruel. Time passes so painfully slowly when you are itching to get moving but you're obliged to stay put and.... wait.
OK, so let's wait.
I've been trying, and sometimes I think I'm successful, but there are times when waiting is just too hard and almost feels cruel. Time passes so painfully slowly when you are itching to get moving but you're obliged to stay put and.... wait.
OK, so let's wait.
Friday, August 31, 2012
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