Goodbye, 2015!

Recap of this eventful year:
- I opened this year pregnant. What a great way to kick of 2015.
- I spent the first 5 months of the year still pregnant, happily waiting for our little fighter to come out on his planned birthday, June 12. Then, surprise surprise, he pops out on May 30th, only a day after my last working day at TV5.
- I spent the next 7 months being a fulltime mom and enjoying every minute of it. Breastfed Griffin all the way too, I am so proud to say.
- I also did well financially, despite the sabbatical and lack of paycheck for about 3 months. I chalk this up to being prepared for this change in our lives and for, well, bootstrapping as much as I can. For instance, I hardly shopped for myself and did not buy anything luxurious at all.
- We went to Singapore on a short trip, just us two, and it felt great to take a break from the sleepless nights (though the requisite pumping still meant I could only sleep max of 6 straight hours, but hey I'll take that!)
- I close the year with a heart full of joy and contentment. Life is best lived this way, I realize :)

2015 brought me the best and greatest gift of my life. I now understand how much of a struggle it is to focus on the marriage and the husband, when there is a little, vulnerable one needing you more. Griffin is undoubtedly the biggest treasure in my life and I don't know how I ever lived without him.

Happy New Year! <3 br="">

Holiday update

I'm writing this as I lounge in bed in my mom's house. We just got back from Tagaytay with the Chans and we're back at my mom's where we will stay until Jan 2. 

I can lounge here because there's a lot of people here willing and able and very very willing (did I say willing enough?) to carry G, entertain him and watch him. So mommy can take a breather and rest her poor aching back, which took a beating in rocking-chair-less Tagaytay while carrying a 22-pound heavyweight of a 7-month-old. He's turned 7 months- today! More on that later hehe. 

I just want to post some thoughts lingering in my head while I have the time:

1. I'm lucky to have my parents. I think they're the best, especially my mom, in helping raise Griffin. 

2. We learned this holiday just how much babies love wide open spaces. Griffin visibly loves the airy garden here at my mom's house and he super enjoyed the cool wide open spaces in the Tagaytay house we rented. Makes us think about our condo and that, while it's centrally located and lets us cut traffic out more than other people can, it is devoid of open spaces unless you count the Salcedo Park as our space. Hehe. But, until we agree on where to buy a house (he wants the accessibility of the North, I prefer the suburb feel of the South), Easton is where we will be. Neutral ground. Hehe. 

3. We recently shared with each other our individual observations that we've been avoiding mentioning to one another for fear of the other's feelings being hurt. Turns out we both observed the same thing and really don't mind it, save foe the possibility that it hurt the other. Here's the revelation: My in-laws love both their grandchildren but they really do love Fuji a little bit (sometimes a lot) more. It is quite obvious, really. Especially my MIL. She picks up Fuji first, looks for her when she's out of sight, "takes charge" over her care like feeding her, for instance, even when her parents are around, talks with pride about things she does, etc. there's just a special twinkle in her eye or a special tone in her voice when it concerns Fuji. I suppose it's because she's the first apo and it's almost like a law of nature to love your first apo more. 

And I sincerely do not mind. Partly because I suspect the same of my parents (but this time, in my favor as G is their first apo) and also because I know she loves Griffin and it's not diminished in any way because she loves Fuji more. Also the mom in me doesn't mind her non-interference in my parenting, mostly because she's focused on the little girl and not on my boy.  I thought it would offend Dennis though, so I never mentioned it until yesterday on our way home when we were discussing a recent family drama over xrays and quarantining from children (haha long story). Turns out Dennis also noticed it and thought not to mention it to me because I may get jealous. Hello! Haha! Anyway, it's good that he doesn't mind. Because I really don't.

4. Having a good yaya is almost as critical to staying a happy mom as a good husband is. If not more. Haha! And I'm thankful for ours. 

5. Elian is here! My SIL gave birth to him after 24-hours of grueling labor (long story!) and finally, my parents' first Co apo was born on December 27. Hooray!

Ok, time to get ready for the day. Will continue my updates and thoughts-jotting later. Hehe. Life of a mom. 

Christmas thoughts

Griffin's 6th month and my first time away from him

So, my baby turned 6 months, coming in at a whopping 21 pounds, and spent the day taking his first ever swimming class. 

Then later that week, we took him to Guama's house to stay for 5 days because Dennis and I will leave him for 3 days to take a short trip to Singapore. Dennis and I booked our tickets at the travel fair about two months ago and flipflopped on whether we should bring him with us. We finally decided it would be a good chance for us to take a short break, reconnect and sort of cap off our exciting year together. It's only been a night away from G so far and Mommy already misses him loads. Waiting at NAIA for our boarding time was the toughest for me-- leaving him minutes ago was still fresh in my mind and there were limited ways of distracting myself at the old rickety airport. Good thing our flight was on time and by mid-morning we were already at the land of the Merlion. 

We also realized it's quite fitting for SG to be our first trip together as parents. It was our first trip together as well as a married couple. And we intend to make it our first trip abroad with Gboy as well, when he's a bit (or a lot bigger). I know my in laws plan a US holiday next year but I'm referring to our first trip as our nuclear family. Wouldn't that be nice? :)

Miss you so much, baby. 

Griffin's 5th month!

Update

Ok, this blog is feeling pretty neglected. Haha! In the short hiatus, the following things have happened:

1. Gboy got baptised! We held it on Sept 26, a week after our 5th wedding anniversary. We kept the whole affair pretty simple and low-key, only inviting our immediate families and the godparents.  Griffin cried the whole ceremony long, only to stop as soon as it was done. Haha!

Griffin all calm once the ceremony ended. Haha!

Btw, many people have asked why we got him baptised, when we're Buddhist. First off, baptism is not banned in Buddhism. And we quite like what it symbolizes. Plus, we figured we needs the baptismal certificate anyway when he goes to big school. Might as well get the ceremony done now:)

2. Griffin breached the 20-pound mark before he hit 5-months old. Nuff said. Haha! He now wears 12-18 month onesies, some even 24 month ones. 

3. Griffin has rolled over about 3-4 times so far but seems to prefer to be assisted to stand up. 

4. We brought him out for the first time without a yaya last weekend and to a mall for the first time two weekends before that. Griffin loves to go out. What a lakwatsero. Haha!

That's it so far. It's my 33rd birthday tomorrow and I can't believe I'm welcoming it as a mom. Griffin is the biggest blessing I've ever received and I'm forever changed by his entry into my life. Thank you, baby boy. You've made Mommy complete and fulfilled. I can't ask for more. 

What I wish I could tell myself 3 months ago...

Griffin turned 3 months last Sunday. What a whirlwind first quarter of life. It got me thinking of how much I've grown and how much I've changed in the past 90 days. Here's a list of what I wish I could've advised my new-mom self, who got a 2-week advance leap into motherhood last May 30. In other words, things I wish I knew:

1. You will get used to the sleepless nights. 

Before Griffin, I would need about 8-9 hours of sleep a night. This is what a "good night's sleep" would mean to me. Hence my body's shock at this new sleep schedule-- even worse when he was on his first month-- of waking, feeding, burping, sleeping and again and again. But now, I think I've gotten the hang of the feeling already, that it's much easier now to do tasks and function like an adult during the day, despite the sleeplessness. But there was a time when I felt the physical toll and doubted how people could possibly survive it for so long. 

2. He will get neonatal acne / rashes on his first month. Don't panic. It is normal. 

3. He will be very gassy and he will have trouble pooping... but he will get the hang of these sensations more and more as he grows. Just be patient. Stop googling. 

4. He will grow so fast. Lightning speed for 3 months. This is Griffin when he was first discharged (and lost lots of weight):

This is him at the cusp of 3 months:

On the first pedia checkup, you will be told he is underweight. Chill and let your baby catch up. Because he most definitely will. :p

5. You will discover your protective maternal side. It will come out each time he is uncomfortable, irritable or miserable. I don't even know how I'll

be when he does get sick for real (knock on wood).

6. Your husband will have his own way of parenting, different from yours. Let him discover it and practice it. Try not to control everything or get all helicopter-mom. Let him love Griffin in his own way. The baby won't break. 

7. Diaper changing is a pain. No shame in admitting that. 

8. Griffin will not like bundling up. He is like a radiator--- easy to sweat, slow to feel cold. The blankets are not needed most of the time.

9. Ease up on the 3-months clothes. He will take after his dad. He now wears 9-month or 12-month onesies.

10. Being on fulltime mommy mode will get boring sometimes and overwhelming on other times. Just go with the flow and remember that at the end of the day, all this goes by so fast. The days may be long but the months definitely go by in a blink. You now have 4 solid months left of being a mom and nothing else. Savor it.

Happy 3 months, love! And happy 3 months of motherhood to me :)

A post-pregnancy milestone

My first mani-pedi in almost 10 weeks. Haha!

New at this mothering thing...

I'm barely two months into this character-changing thing called mothering, and one word can clearly describe the experience so far: Overwhelming. 

How, you ask?

Overwhelming to be worried about every single little thing and every single (seemingly) big thing about a tiny little person. Throughout Griffin's first few weeks, we've had the following big and small worries:

1. His pectus excavatum: Griffin was born with a condition whereby his chest concaves inward. The counterpart of this condition is pectus carinatum where the chest wall concaves outward, or what people usually call pigeon-holed chests. Griffin's curves the other way, and colloquially, people call this "sunken chest". It made his breathing problems (see Griffin's blog for more details) seem more drastic than they were and I think this made the IMCU nurses and doctors panic when he stayed there and made them refer him to the NICU- which started our hellish introduction to neonatal intensive care. 

This is how it looked at its worse, taken on his second day of life:

From my research, this is a congenital "deformity" just like the opposite condition and often doesn't need treatment, unless it interferes with his breathing as he grows bigger. As you can imagine, this brought us a lot of worries until Griffin's super capable pediatric pulmonologist came into our lives and allayed our fears. 

2. Griffin also has what's called hydrocele or a collection of fluid in the balls, emanating from water from the abdominal cavity that leaked into the balls due to the unclosed openings in his groin from which the balls descended. His pedia diagnosed this on his second checkup and referred us to a pediatric surgeon (two very scary words when brought together). The surgeon confirmed Dr Nuguidms suspicion and asked us to come back in October to see if the swelling worsened or if the water dissipated back into his body. 

3. Griffin has colic. And very bad gas. And a very bad temper when he has these two things, which of course attack together. Sometimes constipation (or at least backed-up poop) comes in and joins the party as well! This is what constitutes "everyday worries" for me. 

It's also been overwhelming to have so many things occupy my mind on a daily basis. I dunno how moms do it. I am thinking of Griffin and what he's feeling for the day, planning that evening's menu, working out whatever domestic issue needs resolving (at the moment, it's the broken dryer and the huge water bill), thinking of when to have his baptism, making the grocery list, trying to catch some zzz's during the day, etc. All this while being on leave from work. I can't imagine adding work stress to the already full list. OA. 

Overwhelming to have so many questions about babycare, wondering which concerns are legit and which are just silly, and mostly, figuring out my preference on certain things, as I realize few things baby-related are clearly black and white right or wrong. They're mostly belonging to the "up to you" column. Like should I continue breastfeeding or maybe formua feeding can give me more sleep and him longer sleep (since he'll always be full). Or should I use the babycarrier now or it's too early? Is it ok to give him antiflatulent meds so often or should I use the more natural Gripe Water? (Doc days use my judgment- this vague answer that leaves a lot of doubt in my mind annoys me haha)

Motherhood. What an overwhelming ride. I am overwhelmed at how overwhelmed I am. Does that make sense?

Ok. Baby is up. Time to feed!

Griffin's birth story

Is over at his wordpress blog :)

Instead of writing about what happened here, I figure I might as well write it over at Griffin's page so that he can read it when he's older. 

It's been 5 weeks since, and I still remember all the details. Decided to fight through the fatigue and put it down in writing to make sure my memory doesn't betray me later on. Hehe. 

Head on over there if you want to read up on my baby boy's entry into the world :)

May 30, 2015

The best day ever. 

Countdown (to my last working day)

I have 7 remaining days at work.

Hooray!

As in, seriously.

Haha!

I know some people think that going on leave a good week before is premature and 'sayang'. On one hand, I do see where they're coming from. On the other, if you knew the issues going on at work, you'd understand why I'd prefer to be away. I just don't want to think about this network's problems anymore, as they never ever end and never seem to get anywhere. I just want to be at peace and think about the coming arrival of my baby Griffin.

So, yes, I'm officially off starting June 1st. No more making board presentations, talking about issues that drag on forever, etc. I'm on Mommy Mode for the rest of the year! :) Yay! It's a privilege, I know, and a huge luxury (ask our bank account later on, if you want to verify) but I am eternally grateful and know that this time will not come by again.

7 days to go!

Griffin's corner :)

I set up a blog to chronicle anything and everything Griffin.

https://ourlittlewarriorgriffin.wordpress.com/

:)

31 weeks!

Here's my belly :p

Update! We have a date!

So, we consulted fengshui for the best times to bail Griffin out of my uterus and we were given three dates:

June 12

June 16

June 19

Then we asked Buddha (SSK) for the best option among the three. June 9 is also actually a good date but it was "counter" (or kontra) to my sign so that made it a non-contender. 

He chose.... Are you ready....

June 12! Hooray!

For some reason, even back in October when I found out I was pregnant and that my due date was June 30, I had a feeling already about June 12. As early as then, I started thinking (and even told Dennis once) what if I give birth on June 12 instead. Isn't this so cool?

So there you have it. We have about 6-ish weeks left to go. 

Makes me want to go shopping for baby stuff now. Haha!

Yay! See you soon, baby boy! :)

Update!

Got an interval ultrasound yesterday as ordered by Dr Manahan and was pleasantly surprised (or shocked may have been the better word) to hear that my darling little fighter has breached the 3 pound mark in just 2 weeks! He is now on the 65th percentile for his gestational age. I'm so proud! And grateful for Magnum (the ice cream) and this oppressive heat! Hooray!

So Dr M checked all his other measurements and was very happy with them. He also looked over my bloodwork and reiterated I need to eat more sodium-laden food. Omg. I dunno how much more salt I need to add to my diet! 

Oh and he broached the topic of a CS delivery yesterday. He said that while he think it's not impossible for me to do this the normal way, I do have the three criteria that he uses to recommend CS:

- Precious baby (usually referring to a much-awaited baby often resulting from invasive fertility treatments)

- Immune condition of the mother 

- Special uterine shape of the mother

So medyo check na check ako for all three. He also explained that while normal is easier on the mother, it is harder on the baby physically-speaking. The burden of being birthed falls on him. Since my baby is a "precious baby" as defined above, he said doctors usually take extra precaution and go for CS. This way, baby enters the world in the most peaceful way (peaceful from his perspective because he just goes from warm, dark womb to lighted, cold OR in a span of 1 second, VS being squeezed for hours in every contraction, finding his way to the cervix, and then finagling his head through the small opening). He also said that my specially shaped uterus may pose pathway challenges to Griffin if I try to push him out. The surface may not be smooth and he may run into structural impediments that "trap" him no matter how I push. Some of his patients with a specially shaped uterus who insist on a vaginal birth end up CS anyway when the labor results in fetal distress. So why risk it?

At first, I was saddened because in my head, giving birth meant doing the whole water bursting, contractions coming, pushing in the DR, etc. I even asked Dennis if I should feel "robbed" of the experience. He waved me off and reminded me the priority is Griffin and we have long surrendered the "ideal" when we accepted we needed science's help to have a baby. So keep on embracing science and just focus on the upside. 

Well, I suppose there are upsides. We get to choose his birthday - Dr M said as early as June 9, I can hold my baby in my arms already! And being Chinese, we can look up the best day and time. I can take my last shower (last in a whole month) leisurely without any pain of contractions, I can plan my hospital stay, etc. Having known variables is a big advantage. 

Dr M also said a CS is less tiring, so I can devote my energy to the latching and breastfeeding right after, if the baby is given the go-signal. Which I so want. One thing I was dreading about the possibility of a long drawn-out labor and delivery was being too zapped to apply the breastfeeding principles I've read up on. And while I didn't have this baby the conventional way, I do want to feed him the way nature intended. At least I do want to give it the best try I can. 

So next question was where to give birth. MMC was my original choice assuming a normal delivery. I felt much more confident in the staff there. And I heard the anesthesiologists in SLMC are not very good. 

Dr M allayed my concerns by telling me that he only has to use the anes on duty in SLMC only for epidurals in normal deliveries. For CS, it is patient's choice. So I will use his partner anesthesiologist who is a champ! And SLMC's facilities are better and newer. So it is really my choice. No special advantage now for MMC, which is actually more expensive pa than SLMC. 

So now I'm torn - even leaning towards the newer hospital. Might as well, right? 

Which brings me to a pedia conundrum. The pedias I talked to were both MMC-based. So now I have to expand my search to those that practice in SLMC because I want a pedia to catch my baby. Again, precious baby and all. 

No dull moment with this pregnancy, huh? 

So how does a June 12 birthday sound, Griffin? Assuming it's fengshui-approved, having a holiday for a birthday means daddy and mommy will always be available the whole day + traffic in the metro will always be light. Haha!

Dear Griffin,

You're officially 30 weeks and 1 day in Mommy's tummy, my love. I've felt you become stronger and bigger just through feeling your kicks and tumbles - once as soft as a feather and now powerful enough to make my clothes move and to make me catch my breath. I love every single minute of knowing I'm the only one in the world right now who knows your every move. 

We've started getting ready for your arrival. AhMa got you your bedside crib already and Guama got you a white noise machine that will hopefully help you go to sleep. Ahchiak will give you the stroller and car seat that Achi Fuji used. And your baby showers are being planned already too - you'll realize when you're bigger just how much fun it is to receive and open gifts. For now, your only job is to grow healthily and steadily and to please reach fullterm. 

That's it. That's really all Mommy wants for you- to be as healthy as possible. I know your environment may not be the most optimum, Griffin, because Mommy's uterus space is smaller than others and my blood may clot faster than other moms'. But hopefully you won't feel the difference much and the interventions that our doctors have done and will do end up being enough. These daily injections and all these tests are nothing- I can get through them all and more, for you. So please be healthy. 

Mommy can't wait to meet you, my love. Hopefully not before the next 7 weeks and even more hopefully in 10 weeks' time. This means you would've gotten as big as possible and have had enough time to mature your lungs. 

In the meantime, just keep growing. And keep moving. Kick, tumble, elbow... Whatever you like. Mommy doesn't mind. In fact, I love it. I often stop what I'm doing when you make those big jabs, because I want to savor your every single move. Even at just under 3 lbs., you're already the biggest force in Mommy's life and you already occupy the biggest space in my heart. Can I tell you a secret? Sometimes I get scared I just might love you so much more than I love your Daddy. Not because I don't love him enough. But because I love you at depths I never knew existed, even for your Dad who already really is the original love of my life. I literally think of you every minute of every day, and I haven't even met you yet! Isn't that amazing?

I think you're sleeping now as I haven't felt movement for a while. Sleep tight, my little big love. And grow some more. Mommy loves you. 

My baby's beautiful face.... Who looks like....

Mommy!!

And Daddy agrees! Hehehe.

We got a 3D scan right before the Easter break at In My Womb. My OB referred us there, vs the one done at the hospital, because they take their time to get the best possible shot, compared to hospitals who really focus on the medically necessary aspects instead. I'm glad we followed his advice because this place got us this beautiful full-frontal shot of my Griffin --

Love love love. 

Don't you agree he looks like me?

Spurt!

This is me now. 

Hiccups!

I woke up this morning to a weird sensation. One side of my tummy was moving softly every 1-2 seconds. This went on for about 2-3 minutes, then stopped. I realized midway that Baby Griffin was hiccuping! How adorable! I woke up his sleepyhead daddy so he can feel the little hiccupy movements. Love love love.

That's all I wanted to say. Haha!