As much as I may hate it sometimes, my mother's is the voice is in my head. No one else in this whole world can bother me as much as her, I'm sorry to say. Though, admittedly, this fact also swings the other way (in that praises somehow ring nicer when they come from her), she can have this annoying choke-hold on me like no other being ever created. It's so frustrating sometimes, especially when she nags me and tries to make 'predictions' about me and my life.
I know she's just looking out for me, and she just wants the best for me. But sometimes, I just wish she'd stop the doomsday monologue and just be supportive. I just wish she'd stop picking on what he doesn't have and focus on the fact that he makes me so happy and that he's the one person who can make me feel like I'm the center of the universe. That's just not something you throw away.
Her little nuggets of irritation (she fancies her method to be 'tough love' when really, it's just 'tough'-- tough to the ears) just keep going on and on about how terrible it would be if I didn't get the life she got from my dad or will get from a "much more deserving" man. Aarrrgh, Lord knows no one can push my buttons better than my mother. She knows just where to hit. How can she not-- I think she programmed me herself!
Inspite of all this, though, I just can't muster enough courage to tell her off. To tell her that, no matter how scary those "hardships" she describes I'll have to suffer through may be, nothing scares me more than not having him in my life.
There, I've said it. Though not to the one person who needs to hear it most. She'll think me foolish for saying that-- naive, really-- but it's the truth. Losing him scares me shitless. And that fear is the only thing now drowning out my mother's voice. I never thought I'd see the day where something will have as much endurance.
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