Motherhoodwinked

It may be really early in the year to proclaim this but this book is perhaps the most remarkable book for me this year. 

I've never finished a book in under 2 hours before, and that's still with some parts reread for emphasis at that. This autobiography gripped me like nothing I've ever read before -- I saw myself in Anne's story, felt everything she felt and cried when she cried. She's right-- infertility is such a rarely-discussed topic and because of that, women suffering from it can feel so devastatingly alone and isolated. It's bad enough to have to cope with such overpowering emotions all the time -- anxiety, doubt, anger, disappointment, envy and fear -- it is even worse to have to bottle them up for fear of being misunderstood. 

I could relate to so many things she mentioned and went through. There were times I found myself nodding along or laughing out loud or just stopping -- because she had pointed out something I also felt or did but didn't quite notice. For instance, she talked about infertile women putting their lives on hold, not planning long-haul trips or making commitments months down the line, in consideration of the possibility of being pregnant. Life can tend to revolve around a future state, rather than being enjoyed at its current (though childless) glory. I can also relate to not shopping for clothes, or more often in my case not buying anything too formfitting or unstretchy like slacks, assuming it will be a waste because I'll eventually get pregnant and cannot wear them anymore. These adjustments, no matter how small, are peculiar to women dealing with infertility, and it's high time they see the light of day, because keeping them under wraps just make a hard situation unnecessarily tougher. 

I cried with her too as she went through the many let-downs and the journey through two rounds of IVF. I cried too, this time with joy as if I knew her personally as she discovered she was pregnant after the second try. I sobbed as well as she discovered the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks and had to be taken out through D&C. It's such a scary journey -- this one I'm (and lots of other women are) on -- and it's one filled with more questions than answers, more doubts than guarantees and riddled with physical, emotional and mental strain-- both on you and your marriage. Science is only one part of it. That's the part people who are spared from this usually know about. All the other tests -- tests of love, tests of faith, tests of priorities, among others -- comprise the other unspoken and unseen ones. They can be much, much harder to navigate; sometimes it's hard not to think maybe this quest is starting to take on a cost you are not be willing to bear. 

Great book by a great writer, who bravely shed light on such a difficult topic. Reminds me of this woman I met a few weeks ago during a session on fertility fitness. She suggested us starting a support group about infertility, as she shares my feelings about how isolating this journey tends to be. Maybe I should give her a call....