In a twist of life, I've somehow found myself in a weird position. For 2nd sem of SY 2006-2007, yours truly shall be the teaching assistant of Mr. Bong Mojica, who will teach the class Brand Management to UA&P IMC seniors, who incidentally also happens to be my boss here at SMART.
Ultimately, it's a non-paying job that will expose me to additional hours with my boss outside of the work setting. Great. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing... :P
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
obsession, compulsion and me....
I don't know what's wrong with me----
1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...
2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.
Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!
Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....
1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...
2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.
Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!
Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....
Friday, August 25, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
not a wasted holiday
Unlike every other working person in the Philippines, I had a non-holiday weekend. Due to a pre-arranged seminar at AIM, I had to attend a lecture today instead of lounging around with my family. At first, admittedly, I dreaded it. Blasted international school--- they don't honor special holidays.
But, I was pleasantly surprised and won over by the very articulate, very enlightening marketing professors. Today proved not a total waste of a holiday after all! The topics were very interesting, and the insights were very valuable to a department such as yours which values niche markets more than the mass-based groups. Oh, and for the case-study workshop, we were even grouped with the people working for the arch-nemesis, and guess what, we were able to collaborate and come up with a collective answer to the problem! Who would've thought! :-p
Apart from the seminar (which continues onto tomorrow and Wednesday too), my weekend went really great. Saturday was spent exclusively in the company of my beau, with the evening filled with great food paired with great conversation by great company. I must admit, my boyfriend's friends are seriously starting to grow on me. I find that, underneath all the lawyering shit-shit, they're pretty cool! :)
Oh, and how can I forget-- Sunday. The day where I again spent more than I intended (which is PhP0.00) I ended up visiting Lori at the Rockwell Vintage Bazaar and instead of just showing support, I found myself leaving the venue 30 minutes later carrying 1 top and 3 pairs of shoes. So much for not shopping anymore :-p
The non-holiday weekend was ended with a flourish by a grand family dinner. Even if I gained 3 pounds post-celebration, I had lots of fun. I love my family, I love my beau, I love my job... What else can I ask for? :)
Oh, and my boss told me today that I can take a leave anytime I want this week or next week to make up for the holiday I spent working today. SWEET!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
life lessons
Just doodling random thoughts---
Ang buhay, patibayan lang ng loob, patigasan lang ng mukha, at pagalingan lang ng diskarte.
1. Patibayan lang ng loob
Real life is not for the faint-hearted. Success is dependent on your resilience and your ability to take the hits and survive the blows, whether deserved or not, anticipated or not. What can help is the strength derived from a good family, a good set of friends, a good relationship with God, and a good sense of self. These are armors to protect you from setbacks and misfortune. Oh, and of course, a good upbringing is amunition so rare these days.
2. Patigasan lang ng mukha
This does not mean rudeness or thick-facedness in the crass, tactless way. This pertains to your ability to swallow your pride and resist the temptation of "face-saving" when doing what's right or when righting a wrong. It also refers to your ability to balance confidence with humility, and your adamant refusal to let yourself cross the line over to arrogance. For a swollen ego can blind you like you wouldn't believe.
3. Pagalingan lang ng diskarte
Life lessons are not learned from books nor are they obtained through lectures or sermons. Life is like a chess game where only strategy matters. You may have certain advantages gifted to you prior to the start of the race, like good looks, an established family or even a big fat inheritance. But once the race starts and the game is played, what will get you through the finish line is not any of the frills you donned, but the way you go through the hoops, jump through the hurdles and crawl through the maze. There's no hard-and-fast rule-- no set formula. There are a million ways to navigate through life, and no one holds the secret to the winning recipe. We all have to find it ourselves. Or get lost trying.
In that sense, life is fair.
Ang buhay, patibayan lang ng loob, patigasan lang ng mukha, at pagalingan lang ng diskarte.
1. Patibayan lang ng loob
Real life is not for the faint-hearted. Success is dependent on your resilience and your ability to take the hits and survive the blows, whether deserved or not, anticipated or not. What can help is the strength derived from a good family, a good set of friends, a good relationship with God, and a good sense of self. These are armors to protect you from setbacks and misfortune. Oh, and of course, a good upbringing is amunition so rare these days.
2. Patigasan lang ng mukha
This does not mean rudeness or thick-facedness in the crass, tactless way. This pertains to your ability to swallow your pride and resist the temptation of "face-saving" when doing what's right or when righting a wrong. It also refers to your ability to balance confidence with humility, and your adamant refusal to let yourself cross the line over to arrogance. For a swollen ego can blind you like you wouldn't believe.
3. Pagalingan lang ng diskarte
Life lessons are not learned from books nor are they obtained through lectures or sermons. Life is like a chess game where only strategy matters. You may have certain advantages gifted to you prior to the start of the race, like good looks, an established family or even a big fat inheritance. But once the race starts and the game is played, what will get you through the finish line is not any of the frills you donned, but the way you go through the hoops, jump through the hurdles and crawl through the maze. There's no hard-and-fast rule-- no set formula. There are a million ways to navigate through life, and no one holds the secret to the winning recipe. We all have to find it ourselves. Or get lost trying.
In that sense, life is fair.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
missed those banking halls for a little while there...
Earlier this week, an FGD happened to coincide with the day I decided to take some hours off from work, so I figured, I should join. Why not? The token pay was P800 and the topic was something I could discuss for hours. The point of discussion (or research, in this case) is related to my previous job, and given this background of mine, I had a wealth of inputs to give to anyone who'll listen.
The token pay was good-- hey, who wouldn't appreciate pocketing P800 for 2 hours of talking and giving your opinion?-- but more than that, I picked up a sense of nostalgia towards my old job. It was not enough of a nostalgic sense to want to go back but just a warm feeling of appreciation for my first professional pitstop. That place, for all its limitations & faults, was a good one to learn the basics and grow corporate legs in. I appreciate it all the more vis-a-vis by my current work, because without that initial exposure to corporate life, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground running in this place. I'd probably be eaten alive by the politics, scared shitless and unsure of the when, where, how or why.
Just wanted to say thank you. To the people filling up those hallowed banking halls. Spending my professional infancy in your care is proving to be the best move to set-off my career. You're such an underrelated corporate launching-pad. I don't think I ever appreciated you this much. It's true what they say-- hindsight is always 20-20.
Well, better late than never :)
The token pay was good-- hey, who wouldn't appreciate pocketing P800 for 2 hours of talking and giving your opinion?-- but more than that, I picked up a sense of nostalgia towards my old job. It was not enough of a nostalgic sense to want to go back but just a warm feeling of appreciation for my first professional pitstop. That place, for all its limitations & faults, was a good one to learn the basics and grow corporate legs in. I appreciate it all the more vis-a-vis by my current work, because without that initial exposure to corporate life, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground running in this place. I'd probably be eaten alive by the politics, scared shitless and unsure of the when, where, how or why.
Just wanted to say thank you. To the people filling up those hallowed banking halls. Spending my professional infancy in your care is proving to be the best move to set-off my career. You're such an underrelated corporate launching-pad. I don't think I ever appreciated you this much. It's true what they say-- hindsight is always 20-20.
Well, better late than never :)
Monday, July 31, 2006
more prayers needed
My dear friend, I will continue to pray for your brother. He's in my nightly prayers ever since the accident happened. I know things look dim right now and the doctors' diagnosis looks bad, but keep up your faith-- people defy the odds and prove doctors wrong all the time. I know he'll pull through, I just know it.
To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.
To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
working smart vs working at smart
Just found out that a friend's business grosses 500k a month-- about 6M a year. It's divided among her and her two partners, sure, and they mostly bankroll it back to their business as working capital, but still.. that's still a lot better than her current paycheck. The long-term promise of this is also better than staying in the corporate world. At least her business will always be hers; it will never fire her or treat her badly.
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
growing up at the speed of light
The past week was composed of the following: one baby shower, one bridal shower, one baptism and one hecka shopping trip hunting down gifts for the three events mentioned above. I can't believe how fast life is going for these friends of mine. On top of these three, I have three more who are getting married in the next 12 months, and one who's seriously considering/discussing the prospect with her significant other, and two who're worrying about the feasibility of their ever-getting-hitched before 2008.
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
promoted!
I didn't think it would actually happen this early. As a friend warned me, in this company, it's rare to have people promoted upon regularization. Given the level of politics that's at play within these halls, it's challenging to rise one-rung up without jumping through unbelievably fiery hoops.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
love, people, love!
A lot of people downplay attraction, intensity and passion in a relationship. A lot of reading materials and a lot of advice out there center on the security, practicality and compatibility in a relationship. They insist these things matter more, and that the stuff that makes your eyes glitter and your heart flutter is all fluff and nothing else.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
my birthday beau
My beau is now 27 years old. Hehehe. We celebrated yesterday by taking leaves from our respective jobs, and having a super-dragged-out lunch buffet at Spiral. Armed with my dad's privilege card that entitled us to 50% discount, we stuffed our faces silly of food, food and more food at the buffet spread at the Philippine Plaza. I don't remember eating that much in my entire life.... this year. Hehehe. Ooof-- the diet goes out the window.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
need your prayers...
Shoutout to everyone viewing this page:
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
a heartbreaking story
I have a friend who's been ready to be married since I'd met her two years ago. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years now, and has been waiting so badly for him to take the plunge and propose to her already. She wanted to have kids already and was ready to settle down and give up her career to have a family.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
this is the real thing...
You know you have real friends when they defend you to the ground in front of anyone who dares attack your good name. You know you have real friends when they cry as you cry and they hurt as you hurt. Good times do not mark true friendships. It's the bad ones.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Monday, July 03, 2006
relationships, relationships...
Relationships are complicated.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
Monday, June 26, 2006
cool weekend
Sad to see that the weekend has passed, because I loved it!
Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.
After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)
Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p
The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.
Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.
Saturday was FILC lunch (minus Kaye :( but it's all right, she had a family thing). Though it was marked by an unfortunate development in the life of one of FILC's members, it was fun to be with girlfriends and talk about girl stuff. Even the confession was entertaining to discuss. I guess girls will always be girls, and this is stuff we'll only talk more about in the years to come.
After lunch with the girls is shopping and a splendid little dinner with my beau. Lovely, lovely! We went back to the venue of our first dinner date. It wasn't planned or anything, which made it extra-nice :)
Sunday was mass with my family, a super duper HUGE lunch at Sugi, then some more shopping. After walking around with tired feet, my beau and I treated ourselves to a little foot pampering. D was so cute, he fell asleep on the couch about 5 minutes into the treatment. Tuloy, he couldn't appreciate the massage to its entirety-- he missed most of it! Hahahaha! I, on the other hand, enjoyed every single minute. My feet were begging for some relief! :-p
The weekend was simple in the sense that I didn't really do anything extraordinary. But it was filled with all the people I love, and I can only ask for more weekends just like it for the rest of my life.
Side note: I SHOULD STOP SHOPPING & SPENDING MONEY. My wallet is suffering from intense, severe, chronic hemorhaging. (But, there's an upcoming Zara sale!) WAAAAH! Poverty is such an impediment to cultivating good fashion sense.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
let's see the world
I only have one friend who not only has the passion for travel (as in, 100% real, honest-to-goodness love for seeing & exploring the world) but also has the resources to make her travel dreams a reality. She's definitely one of a kind! She not only loves the idea of trekking different places of planet Earth, she also loves meeting new people and living new cultures. And, clicking through the pics from her recent jaunts, I couldn't help but wish I could be like her--a true-blue globetrotter, who can pack up and leave for any destination the next day without any reservation for cost or danger, without anything holding her back (no one and nothing she'll miss too much) and without any qualms about dropping all notions of comfort and luxury.
I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.
You go, girl. Conquer the world!
I wish I could be like that, one day. For now, I live vicariously-- oh so vicariously!-- through her.
You go, girl. Conquer the world!
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