i love this song...

When You Know
Shawn Colvin


When You Know
That you know
Who you love
You can’t deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

When you feel
In your skin
In your bones
And the hollows
Of your heart
There’s no way
You can wait
Till tomorrow

When there isn’t any
Doubt about it
Once you come this close
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

You can feel
Love's around you
Like the sky
Round the moon

This is how
Love has found you
Now you know
What to do

When you know
That you know
Who you need
You cant deny it
Or go back
Or give up
Or pretend
That you don’t buy it

When its clear this time
You’ve found the one
You’ll never let him go
Cause you know
And you know
That you know

And its time
You come in
From the cold

And you know
That you know

the stain in my little white sheet

Most days, I love working here. Judging from the workplaces I've seen in my short professional career thus-far, this by far offers the most extensive, most intensive marketing experience. In the span of time I've been here, I've never seen a more dynamic work environment. Things move so fast it makes your head spin. The pace not only hones your ability to adapt, it also sharpens your skill set in record time.

I love it here because it's real marketing, in real-time. The work is more than I can ever hope it to be. I wanted marketing, and I got it here.

The only blemish in this otherwise utopian place is the amount of social politics going on. There have been one too many times when I was shocked stiff by the intrigues and the pulitika going on. Coming from my old company, it was indeed a rude awakening-- to see the desperate lengths people go to protect their agenda, the backbiting and the mudslinging that would've put the showbiz scene to shame. I guess it's a slice of real life also-- it's part of the real world to contend against people who are willing to stab whomever and whatever necessary to get ahead. Style na bulok, I know, and it's just so sad to see that some people believe that the only way to get ahead is to abandon loyalties and con their way up.

And, I may be naive, but I find it really pathetic. It's pathetic because victory obtained through those means just seems so empty. That's truly no way to work (not to mention no way to live). How can you enjoy your title when you can't look at yourself in the mirror or sleep soundly at night? How can you truly relish your success when it was won at the expense of others? Wouldn't a clean conscience and a clean name be deemed as a worthier prize to covet?

However, I'm trying to be realistic with this too-- in the sense that I know I have to play this game, whether I like it or not. Playing this game does not mean stooping to their antics and jumping into the foray. For me, playing this game is just being careful and watching my own back-- knowing that in this dog-eat-dog world, nobody is ever truly my friend... and hope against hope that my gut will tell me when it's time to fight back, when it's time to back down, and when (hopefully it never happens) it's time to step out of this jungle because enough is enough.

No job is ever worth your integrity.

amazing cebu!

I'm back from amazing, amazing Cebu!

I love being on vacation. I did nothing but eat, sleep, swim, (a little) shopping, and just rest. I looooved our hotel and our 7,000-a-night room, which we paid nada for. There's nothing better than Cebuano lechon! I love it, I love it, I love it!

I can't believe I have to go back to work again tomorrow.. Back to the daily grind..

However, on the bright side, Doc Torralba called me this morning and asked me for a meeting. Hmm.. I smell an upcoming project in the horizon! :) Hope it's something exciting :)

calculated risk

I'm very amused with a friend of mine right now. As a backgrounder, she is what one would call a sigurista. She prefers to have a strong footing over a situation before putting one step forward into it. She's cautious with herself and guarded as to who gets real close. This is not to say, though, that she is untrusting or perpetually suspicious. It's just a sense of self-protective wariness that stems from not wanting to be hurt. A perfectly human thing.

I don't blame her. In fact, there are times I see myself in her, but there are also times when I wish I could have her strength. I admire her for her natural instinct of self-preservation. I admire how she's sure enough of herself to expect a level of quality in people and in situations that, when the gauge falls below the bar, she can walk away from whatever is being offered, knowing that she deserves more than that.

There have been times, I admit, that I didn't calculate risk as much as I should've. I ended up getting disappointed, hurt or angry-- more at myself than at another person. Pissed at myself for knowing I was worth more but succumbing anyway.

But this friend of mine currently finds herself at the cusp of something that has all the potential of being great. She's at the brink of having something that, not only has she never had before, she's always wanted. She's made enough security measures, that's for sure. Nothing less is expected of her. But as she faced me yesterday and asked me questions on how to know if something is real, or how long is long enough.. I couldn't help but laugh.

The thing is, when it comes to love and relationships, nothing is ever for sure. You can try everything in your power to stack up the odds in your favor. Calculate the risk, project the probability of failure, measure the length and breadth of his emotions, and all you'll end up with are logical conclusions which, in the final analysis, have no relation to love anyway. In the end, you just have to believe. Believe that you've seen all that can be seen, he's shown all that can be shown, and that the rest is simply a leap of faith. Know that there's a risk involved, but hey that's life, and nothing in life is worth having if it's not something you can lose.

You can win, you can fail. You can reap the rewards of your faith, or you can stumble and fall face-first into the puddle of your mistake. There's no guarantee you won't be lied to, you won't get hurt, you won't be left behind... But that's the beauty of it. There's no guarantee. Everything is up to you and him. It's about what you two make of this great possibility that lies before you.

The ultimate crime will be not trying.

cebu escapade

In spite of myself, I'm really looking forward to my upcoming vacation in Cebu this weekend. The flight and accomodations were free (long story how we got it), so Giselle and I are embarking on a three-day, two-night escapade this weekend.

And guess where we're staying....





Presenting Hilton Cebu Resort and Spa Hotel. It's a resort nestled right on a private beach in Lapu-Lapu City in Cebu. At first, when I saw the hotel confirmation sheet, I wasn't sure if it's gonna be a good place, since our benchmark was Mactan Shang... But after checking out their website... how cool does that look?! I was suddenly washed over with excitement and enthusiasm over this impending trip. I've been lamenting the fact that I haven't gone on vacation yet this summer season and the fear that the sunshiney season will come and go without me ever enjoying its benefits..... and then, this gift lands on my lap! How lucky is that? :)

Too bad lang that my beau won't be able to join us. For one thing, he can't take a leave on Friday. Another thing, if he comes with us, he'll be bunking alone, 'coz Gis and I are sharing a room... So oh well, next time nalang.

I can't wait to go on vacation!!!! :)

credit shmedit

I called HSBC earlier to inquire about the balance my credit card has racked up so far. It will be due sometime towards the end of this month na, and I have a feeling it will be bloated really really badly, so I was thinking of preparing already beforehand, i.e. making deductions from my two bi-monthly payslips to settle the amount.

When the digits were read out to me by their IVRS machine, I nearly fell off to the floor. P33,640!!! WTF?!?! I've never ever seen a figure that high on my credit card bill -- any bill with my name on it, for that matter.

Hay...

update!

The anniversary

Last Friday marked the 365th day I've been in this fun-filled and love-filled relationship. And I'm lovin' it.

To be honest, when we were first going out, I have to admit that the attraction wasn't instantaneous for me. Sure, I liked the attention (what girl doesn't?) and his persistence in doing everything and anything that would please me. But, learning from experience, much as these things are enjoyable (what girl minds being waited on hand-and-foot?), I reserved judgment until I could see something more substantial-- a sense of commitment and security, as well as a connection charged with enough potential that a good future is in sight. A lot of "now" and not enough "tomorrow" just strikes me as a total waste of time.

So time passed by, and we got to know each other a bit more. This stage is under-rated, in my opinion-- as this is the most crucial. What's more commonly known as ligaw shouldn't be misinterpreted as a period where the man proves himself to the girl. It's a mutual thing, I believe-- what's being tested is not one person's sincerity but the bond and connection between both parties.

In the end, it was the build-up of great dates, great conversations and the rolls and rolls of laughter that finally got me sold. Sure, he was very persistent in impressing upon me, his diligence and consistence in that effort, and his unrelenting desire to please me. But, more than anything else, it's the personality of this great great guy that did me in at the tailend.

So, here I am, one year of loving him and being with him..


and I'm lovin' it.

The new toy

After some difficulties in setting it up and getting used to it, my little new toy and I are finally getting along!


Welcome, Gladys, to the world of mobile music!

The new film

Just finished watching a new DVD-- another really dorky film, something only I would find so much interest in. I don't know exactly where the allure of this comes from, but I guess it's just because, deep down, I'm just ... a dork. A nerd.



Oblige me, please. It's a good film. :)

The new books

I have a new favorite author-- Jodi Picoult-- and a new favorite book:


Borrowing the synopsis written in her webpage, this book is about Anna, a young girl of 13, who is not sick, but who might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister, Kate, can somehow fight the leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis, Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate - a life and a role that she has never questioned… until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister - and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable… a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for the sister she loves. My Sister's Keeper examines what it means to be a good parent, a good sister, a good person. Is it morally correct to do whatever it takes to save a child's life… even if that means infringing upon the rights of another? Is it worth trying to discover who you really are, if that quest makes you like yourself less?

The conclusion
As you can see, these past few days have been very eventful-- lots of new things happening and a celebration of something that, though not new per-se, still feels as fresh and exciting as if it started just yesterday.

I love this life! :)

another book down...

Just finished this..


Such a fun, light read! Sometimes, I take 30-minutes off my lunch hour and steal off to Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to read a few pages of this and take the pressure of work off my shoulders for a few minutes. I love chick-lit, especially by Jane Green, because her protagonists are so adorably imperfect that you can't help but root for them to win in the end.

Now, it's off to a semi-serious read, The Tipping Point. My dorky self is taking over my system again. :-p

the dork that is me

Because I'm such a dork, I actually spent money to buy this DVD in HK and spend 2 hours of precious rest time to watch it. And, predictably, I loooved it! Hehehe..

I'm such a dork. I can't imagine people my age liking this stuff..



It's a real good story though-- It detailed the whole background of and reasons why the Enron bubble burst... and burst real big.

Apart from this, the dorky side of me is rearing its ugly head again... I heard of this certificate course in accountancy you can take to get a license in accounting. Not exactly the same as a CPA, but a level below it. It takes 6 hours of classroom time per session, over a period of 8 weeks, with a grand finale of a government-issued licensing exam.... and guess what, I'm interested! Like, seriously interested.

How nerdo / weirdo is that?!?!

HK!

Loved the family vacation to HK! Was able to rest, shop, bond and EAT to our hearts' content. And the weather cooperated too! At first, I was wary of heading to HK, because I was afraid it was going to be as hot, if not hotter, than Manila. God knows we don't need that. But as soon as we landed, we discovered the weather was an airy and cool 19 degrees. And it proceeded to fall lower and lower in the following 3 days we were there. Glorious :)

I gained 8 pounds in the 4 days I was there. But hey, got some nice new clothes, got to see some relatives I haven't seen in a while, got to bond with my brothers as the 3 of us shared 1 room (just like old times when we were little kids and could all fit in 1 queen-sized bed), and reveled in the cool weather. Priceless :)

s'pore!

Just came back from Singapore, and let me start my update with the most important part of it all.

I now know why God sent me to work in Smart. It's just so this would finally happen---



I know it sounds so baduy, but who cares! I'm so happy! :) I only managed this picture with him while he was signing autographs after our launch in Fort Canning Park-- because I said it was for documentation! I had to appear nonchalant when I asked for a pic (which took all my energy)... wait wait, I'm getting ahead of myself..

It all started on Saturday early early morning, when I found myself lining up at the check-in counter with Bea and her assistant. Where the hell is JL? He was late, not surprisingly (according to other people there, he is often late). But when I saw him, he's immediately forgiven. Lord, how could you have made a person so unbelievably good-looking?!

I was tongue-tied and didn't say much throughout the trip. Halfway through the way to Singapore, I realized how the hell am I supposed to actually get my work done if I can't even say two words to him without blushing like a damn beet? So, once landed, I just switched with my officemate and took charge of Richard Gutierrez instead. (BTW, that boy is so pretty, he's almost a girl.) Have some kuwento about Richard and Anabelle too, but nothing as important as JL. (Although, I was surprised to discover that Anabelle is actually a very very nice woman, contrary to her image in showbiz...)

Sunday was the big day, and as expected, the crowd came in droves. Arnel was so funny & lively as a host-- I'm tempted to always get him to host all our events. After the launch was the picture-taking and autograph signing, where yours truly finally finagled a photo with the love of my life. Thank God for the need for documentation =P

PLDT Singapore hosted a big dinner at the end of the day. Frustrated to see that I won't be seated in the same table as JL, I kept bugging the manager of PLDT Singapore that my trip won't be complete without another encounter with him. I mean, I was there already so might as well milk the opportunity. When saying this, though, I was half-joking-- Little did I know that she will actually do it. When JL stood up to leave (he had another engagement so had to leave early), Edith tells him "How can you leave so early, when it's her birthday today?" referring to me as the fake-birthday girl!

JL then gave me this laglag-panty, super cute look for, like, 5 seconds... then said "awww, I didn't know, I made plans already.." After which he greeted me happy birthday, MADE ME BESO AND LEFT ME HIS CELLPHONE NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right at "awwww", I felt all my blood rush to my face. I must've looked so stupid, unable to say anything more than the feeble "thank you"..

It may not have been my real birthday, but with that JL experience, it's even better than if it were actually my birthday. Hahahaha! What a trip!

Okay, JL aside, I had tons of fun in Singapore. Spent a little more than I should have (hehe, who's surprised by that, huh?) but it was all worth it :) Got to taste good ol' Singaporean food once again, and passed by my old primary school. Also got to meet up with Cia, Ferds and Kenny, as well as my old friend from school. Fun fun fun!

I hope there'd be more business events in Singapore soon. In the meantime, I'll be working on the business proposal to make JL the permanent spokesperson for the brands I'm handling. Hahahahaha! :)

Singapore, here I come!

My supposed trip last weekend to Singapore got moved to this weekend instead, so I'm flying out this Saturday to once again set foot in the place I called home for about 10 months when I was a kid...

I'm excited-- though that excitement is tempered by a tinge of disappointment. My boyfriend's bar exam results are coming out on Thursday, and I know he planned to celebrate this weekend. But, because of my new travel plans, the celebration would have to go on without me..

Hay..

Oh well, will make it up to him somehow...

footwear malfunction

Here I am, cheerfully walking down Ayala Ave on the way to the office, when...

SPLAT!

Footwear strap breaks. Holy crap!

To think this pair of shoes was pretty expensive and from a "reliable" brand. I was so furious-- and since I was in the middle of the walkway, I had to drag my left foot like an injured imbecile all the way to the taxi stand in the next block. People were staring at me like I was an alien from outer space.

Once I found a taxi, I was finally off to an unexpected rendesvous to the mall to buy a new pair. All while already being late to an important meeting. My cellphone was ringing annoyingly from the time I tried on a new pair for size to the very minute I paid and walked out of the store.

Since the big boss who called the meeting is a guy, I couldn't very well explain my predicament. I just smiled and gave my hasty apologies as I sat at the back of the room.

All because of those stupid shoes.

Which I threw away the first chance I got, by the way.

Hay, what a day!!!

A quote for everybody who loves....

Knowing when it's right NOT TO RESCUE has been one> of my greatest lessons. Since my natural tendency is to jump in to the fray and solve problems for my loved ones, it took me many years to learn what a disservice this can be.” — Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line

2 weddings and a planning session...

are what I've been up to lately.

Attended 2 weddings over the weekend- both held at the same venues. Funny, seems like Edsa Shang has become quite popular for wedding receptions..

Anyway, it was such a nice weekend, because it was filled with visions of love, of celebration, of dancing, of speeches & tears, and of friendship. I love weddings! They're just so happy and so full of love, refreshing a mind and body that's been harassed by work all throughout the week. I loved it! :)

The nice relaxing weekend was followed by a hectic 2-day planning session out-of-town, and an even more hectic day back (today). It's incredible how much work can pile up after 2 days, and it's even more incredible how time flies by so fast just when you need it to slow down a bit. Can barely catch my breath.

On the good side, I'm super busy but I'm super having fun too. That's the main difference, I guess, with my old job, where my feet are practically scraping the pavement as I drag myself to accomplish one task after another.

More updates soon... Have to get back to work =P

busy bee...

It's been a hectic couple of days at work-- I hardly even had time for a bathroom break in between board meetings, agency presentations, and project defenses. I feel like I've been here for ages, and not just 3 months. Sometimes, just when I feel like asking people to cut me some slack, due to the fact that I've only been here for 3 months and have barely warmed my bottom in this place, the achiever complex in me refuses to even utter those words of excuse. I'm gonna do this. I've done this before. I can do this.

In other news, I've got myself a new phone! (How sad that a new phone is my perkup for the week). Got a sweeeet deal for it-- I guess that's one of the few perks in working for a telco. Well, at least I have a new toy to tinker with when in transit from one meeting to another =P

Haha, how pathetic! =P

resign to your fate, dear girl...

Doesn’t it stink that no matter how progressive our society claims to have become, the most basic and most primal of human relationships still remains where it was ages ago? Granted, it’s not exactly as bad as it once was—I mean, these days, girls are no longer bartered off at the market like a piece of meat, nor are they forced to bind their feet in an effort to be deemed beautiful. Girls are no longer treated as second-class citizens—in fact, I dare say there’s now a growing % of parents who reckon having female children is as good as having sons.

But, this weekend made me realize the baby steps the people in my culture have actually taken towards progressive thinking—especially (oh, dear lord, especially..) in the topic of marriage.

Imagine, my boyfriend is just starting out to be a lawyer—a baby, really, in his chosen field, for the results of his regulatory exams have yet to be unveiled next month. He’s merely a fledgling in his profession, and already, my family expects to receive some sort of sign that he is serious about me. Take note that, in this culture, being serious is something that can only be proven by a ring. And a dowry. Love and affection, trust and respect—you know, those things that make a relationship work-- don’t count unless you’ve got the rock to show for it.

Their argument: We’ve been dating for almost a year. I am, in their terms, nearing my ‘expiration date’ – an invisible, yet unbelievably palpable, date whereby an unwedded me is officially a cast-off, whom no man in his right mind or ripe age will ever marry, and therefore a forever burden to my family. He, on the other hand, is ‘mature enough to take a wife’—meaning he’s reached the age respectable enough to marry. Upon being bestowed his official title as lawyer, he’s got no other excuse for not offering his hand. Unless, of course, yours truly is not the one he wants.

Hence, they deem themselves reasonable in expecting something to happen—if not now, then in the foreseeable future (read: within 2006). If not, then it’s better that I keep my eyes open and myself available for other ‘takers’—as if I were an item being auctioned off to the public. It’s better, they say, to scope out other options than put all your eggs in one basket, only to realize later on that your chosen one will not choose you for the long haul.

How cruel this fate—they say. Imagine giving the best years of your life betting on a relationship that won’t be yours forever anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I agree with this—in fact, this is also a fear of mine. What I detest about this line of thinking, though, is the pressure they keep laying on—and laying on thick—when, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not something to even think about at this point. I’m not ready to get married, so is he. I know he loves me enough to marry me, but he’s just not settled enough in his field to risk it. I know I love him enough to marry him, but I’m just not yet done with all that I want to achieve as a single person. We’re both not ready, which is not to be confused with not willing. These aren’t excuses or alibis for not getting married. They’re reasons. Legitimate ones.

I guess they think that way because they don’t know what we—the two of us—talk about privately. They don’t hear about the plans we have, the dreams for the future, the vague picture we have in our heads of how our life together will look. I don’t fault them for it, because, after all, how on earth can they possibly know? However, I am very tempted to fault them for thinking there’s no such plan. For assuming that we’re a couple of foolish kids who don’t think about the future, who don’t weigh the possibilities, who don’t look out for ourselves. It’s annoying to be put in that position—to have other people in your life make decisions for you just because they don’t think you’re mature enough or you know enough about the world to navigate your way through life. It’s irritating, because not only does it apply unbelievable heaps of pressure, it also makes you feel like an unnecessary factor, an insignificant detail, a small ant in this process—when it’s your life they’re talking about.

Finally, I just find this entire thing to be such a joke—a joke because it just doesn’t feel real. The whole sentiment that a girl is only as good as her dowry is just plain dumb. I am as traditionally Chinese as the next girl, but I certainly don’t subscribe to the belief that a girl’s sole purpose in life is to be a wife and a mom. Take note, I have nothing against being a wife and being a mom. What I don’t agree with is believing that that is all that a girl should become, or ever hope of becoming. Life doesn’t end with getting married and having kids. And, more importantly, a woman’s worth is not to be measured by how many men want to marry her, or how young she got married, and heaven forbid, how many sons she gave her mother in law.

I’m just frustrated. And really ticked off by all this “is he ever going to marry you? If he is, why hasn’t he said anything? Where is the ring? You’re old na, you should really start getting concerned” talk. AAARG! Leave me alone! Are we in the Middle Ages?!

And, oh, it gets better.

To take it a step further, they sat me down and told me they’re concerned about the frequency of our dates. It’s all related to the argument I cited above. They say it goes against my welfare to be seen in public so often with him, because (here goes..):

A daughter should always be treated with care. When she is seen very often with a man, people make assumptions about her. If she is seen often in public with him, holding hands or being affectionate, they assume that she will end up with him. If she doesn’t, (suppose they broke up), and she is seen out with another man in public in the same manner, they will assume she is a “woman with multiple relations with men” and that’s damaging to her reputation. Hence, if Dennis does not show any intent to marry you, you should think twice about being seen so often with him in public.

Oh my god, you can just imagine my horror. WTF!? I was never informed that there was such a thing! Have you ever heard of such a ridiculous line of thought?! The argument persists:

In fact, until a girl is engaged to the man, she is never to go out-of-town or abroad with him. Even if and especially if it’s with his family. Never. People will assume she is easy, that something has happened to her and the man. So, should they break up or not end up together for whatever reason, no sane man would take her as a wife, for she has ‘already been with another’. In the same manner, if the event is a big celebration where the man’s entire extended family is in attendance, the girl should not attend alone. She must always be with a chaperone, lest she be misunderstood as ‘under the illusion that she is part of the family’, or worse that she is easy.

All this, of course, gets thrown out the window once the man proposes marriage. After which, all events or trips can be attended by the girl.

Again, WTF?!

I can see the hint of wisdom deeply embedded in these words. I agree that a girl should always take good care of herself, to be aware of how she comes off to people and how her actions can be misinterpreted. I agree that a girl should always care for her name and that a girl should never allow herself to be taken for granted in the most humiliating way.

However, I think these words should also be tempered by reason. There comes a point where you shouldn’t care about what other people will say. There is a balance between noting how your actions can come across and doing things that make you happy. As long as you know you’re not doing anything bad or hurting anyone or going overboard with doing as you please, then that should be okay.

It’s just really tiring to live by someone else’s rules, be bound by philosophies that aren’t your own. It gets taxing to act and decide out of tradition and not out of principle. And it gets tiresome to take into account the world’s opinion and ignore your own.

Well…. (Sighs)…

I’ll just take his advice and take it all in stride. After all, in this society, resistance to tradition is futile. Unless you wanna live out in the streets.

Or unless you get married.

Whichever comes first.

Harharhar! Oh well…if you can’t fight them… laugh at them nalang! =P

thinking w/o thinking...

Jumpstarted my love affair with books again recently. Been on a roll, reading one book after the other-- from fiction to a biography back to fiction then this:


I think all businesspeople, marketers and advertisers, especially account planners, need to read this book. It's a revolutionary way of thinking about... well, thinking. It debunks the world's reliance on the spoken word-- on taking people's words with more weight than their actions or their facial expressions or other details and nuances that actually contain more insight into what they truly feel. There was more "aha!" moments from this book than I expected, and I think it's an important piece of lit for anyone who's working in any communication or business field.

memoirs of a geisha

For a book that I loooved from start to finish, I was a little iffy about watching the big-screen adaptation. Usually, based-on-bestseller flicks end up being a delight to non-book readers and an utter disappointment for the book-lovers.

Luckily... this movie wasn't much like those sorry movies. I looooved it! It weaves the story of Sayuri in the same manner as the book-- and conveys the same awe and emotion that the book takes you through page after page.

Memoirs the movie certainly did not disappoint. I can hear Memoirs the book sigh a huge whew of relief for this. =P

yearbook CD

Finally got the much talked-about Continuum yearbook CD today, thanks to my little bro who's still in school.

My favorite part is the prophecy for SDL-- it's hilarious! All the whips and jokes about people were even more endearing, because they're all linked somehow to a memory, a personality trait, a weird quirk, a trademark, or a legacy of each person. It perfectly encapsulates every SDL blockmate, and captures the fun & the richness that's so intrinsic in this ultra-great block :) It does great justice to us. I loooooved it!

And, I must say, the IMC stuff was way more interesting than the other courses' (haha, sorry! Pero sa totoo lang naman...) :P

the last 36 hours, a blow-by-blow...

What happened...

It all started on Tuesday night.

Got home a little later than usual, not because of extended quality-time with my beau, but because of extended time at work. For some reason, work got so hectic towards the latter part of the day. All of a sudden, I found myself juggling multiple tasks-- while keeping an eye at the clock that was ticking 6pm, then 6:30 then 7:00... all the way til about 8.30.

Started feeling a little tightness in the chest area but chalked it up to fatigue and not eating on time.

So when I got home, after resting for a bit and catching up with my family, I went to bed.

Woke up at 1 am in a terrible fright-- I couldn't breath. My chest felt like there was a 2-ton weight pushing on it. I had to fight very hard to get each breath in. I hurriedly called my mom's room. She rushed in with my dad, and they rushed me to the ER.

My dad drove like a madman. He blew the horn on every car that attempted to block his way and he ran every red light we passed. My mom later on realized he shouldn't have driven. We should've just woken the driver and had him take us (in our rush, we didn't even think of that). Since my dad was tense because he's worried about me, he wouldn't have been in tiptop shape to drive.

Western medicine says...
In the ER, the doctor hooked me up to an oxygen tank and gave me a pill to take. Later on, I found out it was valium. No wonder, after a few minutes, I zonked out -- as in, out cold. My body felt like rubber when I woke up.

Later on, when the tightness was considerably ebbed, they confined me to a hospital room for 1.5 days under observation. The tightness was mostly gone, though I had a difficult time taking deep breaths. The cardiologist had me take some heart tests, ruling out the heart-attack option, and some x-rays too.

The tests came back to say that I'm normal, except that one of my heart's valves doesn't open and close properly, thereby causing that feeling when I get tense, stressed or tired. I've apparently had this since birth. The doc though cannot explain why this was only triggered now. He probed me further about the circumstances before this happened, but, to be honest, I really didn't think I was that stressed. I mean, I've been more stressed in the past, and I felt fine.

It's not necessarily about work daw, but work is the largest possible contributor. Other factors are emotional stress, like fighting with someone or feeling bad or, the worst of all, worrying. All that will strain my heart and cause the tightness to happen again.

So now, after I've been discharged, the doc said we'll monitor it and, should the tightness happen frequently after today, I have to go back. Most probably to be hooked up to a heart monitor and/or to take some drugs for the thingie (otherwise called the valve).

Chinese belief says...
Not many people know that my family is devout Buddhist. Partly because my mom's side of the family is brought up in the Buddhist faith (with my mom and her siblings all attending Buddhist schools in their teens) and because both sides of my family is deeply rooted in our Chinese culture, my family attends mass at the Buddhist temple every Sunday morning, no fail (unless, of course, we're out of the country or something...). If it weren't for my friends and for attending an Opus Dei university, I wouldn't come to know the Catholic religion.

Anyway, the buddha to whom we usually pay our respects had earlier warned me (through a medium) that this lunar year is going to be a very bad one for me, especially in terms of my health. He gave me 3 pieces of gold paper to burn for 3 consecutive days, which would lead the holy army to come and protect me from evil spirits. He then also gave me 4 extra pieces of gold paper, with the instruction to burn 1 along with 36 sticks of incense, then call his name repeatedly, whenever I have a problem. Don't be scared, he said, I'll be there when you need me.

For some reason, my parents and I forgot about this Tuesday night as we rushed out of the house. When I got settled na in the hospital room, M, who has a third eye that can see and hear the buddha, asked my mom why we didn't do as told (referring to the instruction above). She also advised me against attending very very happy and very very sad occasions/events, such as attending weddings or grand birthday celebrations, visiting a sick person, attending a funeral, etc. Because my system is very susceptible to attacks of the evil nature. As much as evil is present in bad occasions, evil is lurking around during good times too.

Before dismissing this as hoolabaloo... How else can one explain why that valve thing only happened now? As stressed as Tuesday's work day may have been, I've been through tougher, more stress-packed days. In fact, before Tuesday, I've been quite free at work, and my hours are even shorter now than before in Citi. I've also been through sadder, more emotionally straining moments (my friend's death last year,for instance). I wasn't fighting with anyone that night, and the most I could worry about in my life was the fact I had no money to shop, which I wasn't worrying about-- not that it's really anything to worry about in the grand scheme of things. :P

As I've chosen to do over and over before, I'll just take both explanations to heart and follow them judiciously. After all, it's not like they're contradictory. I just have to take better care of myself, especially throughout this lunar year.

That's all, folks. Now I have to go back to the bed and rest up. :) It's been a long long couple of days..

business, business, business...

Been wanting to start my own business for a while. Shopping around for ideas online led me to stumble on some pretty neat stuff. Case in point: check this operation out-- http://www.tshirtdeli.com/

The concept is, you walk in, tell them what you want made, and they'll make it for you right before your eyes, they pack it up in a nice paper bag, with a complementary bag of chips inside, then off you go! Every shirt is different, just like how you can customize sandwiches or salads in a regular deli.

The owner, some girl from Chicago even got her idea patented, to prevent copycats from even getting any cock-eyed ideas on copying her concept.

I think it's interesting. And unsurprisingly, her shirts are selling like hotcakes.

Or sandwiches, for that matter :-P

it just hit me today....

life will always be best lived if it's lived with you.
=)

love this book!

Been so stressed with work that reading this book on the side has helped me hold on to my sanity. Jemima J is nice and light but fast-paced enough to keep you interested... and keep you laughing. It's about a girl whose never really been noticed, never had a boyfriend, never been in love, come to terms with herself and feel good in her own skin, with a boy in tow or not.

A really good piece of chick lit. A nice book to relax with and have a cup of coffee over. :)


Finally, it's the weekend! Time to rest :) Thought the end of this unbelievably long week would never come. It was filled with endless meetings, discussions, computations, papers, presentations, and then more meetings, discussions, computations, papers, etc... that I felt kinda sick already last night ;) Buti nalang,the weekend rolled in. Hurrah!

On the flip side, the bosses loved my presentation last Monday. The boss of Jane even called her the next morning to ask what my level was because he thought I should get promoted already. Hehehe. For someone who's only been there for 1.5 months, that's really something to be happy about :)

'di ka na bata...

Sometimes I feel like a little kid playing dress-up-- waking in the morning and putting on office attire, walking along the streets of a busy city, going up the elevator of a swanky office building on my way to a cubicle an eighth of my room at home..

Tapping away at the keyboard, typing up proposals on projects and programs costing millions and millions of pesos..

Facing a board meeting to defend a project, absorbing all inputs good and bad (sometimes, getting upset over the bad inputs), dealing with office politics, at times silently taking in harsh words I used to think only my dad had the right to say to me..

Getting a paycheck every 2 weeks, going to the bank to withdraw this hard-earned money, heading to the mall and buying things with this money.. my money.. Going bankrupt more times than I’d care to.. Being more cost-conscious, having to win my own bread this time around..

I’ve been doing this for more than 3 years now but it still feels surreal at times. After being a kid for the first 20 years of my life, without having the littlest care about money, work and politics, it’s taking a while for this adult, grown-up thing to fit like second skin.

Then again, maybe it’s just a matter of time.

Hope the wrinkles don’t get the better of me before that time comes.

Or, better yet, hope the wrinkles never come. Ever.

Hehe. Wala lang. Just musing...

lights, camera, action!

Look out for my first feature interview by ABS-CBN!

Yesterday, in the midst of celebrating the New Year at the temple that my family frequents, the ABS-CBN crew came and took various shots of the temple, as well as testimonials from devotees, to use as material for an upcoming feature on the Santo Singkong temple.

And one of the people featured was yours truly! Put on the spot, I racked my brains furiously to come up with something intelligent to say. Finally, a few seconds to go before the camera was on me, I decided to just, well, speak from the heart. Religion is more of a heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul connection anyway.

My dear beau looked on, along with my family, as I embarked on my 3-minutes of fame. It was only after my turn was done when I realized: "Shet! Ang gulo ng hair ko!" Oh well. =P

In other news, one word that best described the past weekend is: BUSOG. Last night, I went to the new Hyatt hotel and had a buffet feast with my family and beau. The chocolate fountain was my favorite part. Can't remember how many times I went to and from the dessert area =P

Kung hei!

kung hei fat choy!

Happy Year of the Fire Dog!

It's Chinese New Year again! Indeed, time flies. Now the house is full of food once again, with lively chatter and laughs that I feel it's an extension of the recently concluded holiday celebrations.

On the aside, I went on a book-buying binge this afternoon. Hehe.. Took advantage of the 20%-off Powerbooks sale and stocked up on interesting reads. Hope I continue having the time to bundle up and read :)

Oh, and I have major presentation to the top honchos on Monday. I'm standing in for Jane, my boss, and I'll be representing our entire team in the presentation on our 2006 commitments. I found it a little funny that the newest member of the team should present the 2006 key programs, but hey, I welcome the challenge. I know Jane is counting on me, and I guess her appointing me to be the representative, despite my being the newest person around, is something to be happy and honored about.

From the looks of my slides, this is shaping up to be an IMC-esque presentation. Hmm... I hope my skills aren't too rusty =P

Wish me luck!

Kung hei again! :) May you be showered with blessings, blessings and more blessing this coming year!!

....

Finally got to listen to "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam.

Now I understand why you drive slow when I'm in the car with you.

I love you!

love??

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

--Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

If time is the best currency of love, my boss is the greatest love of my life.
Harharhar!

i love this dress!

parting with my money

After being so good over the weekend and successfully keeping myself from shopping, my resolve gave way last night.

I finished early from work, since I was boss-less yesterday and had already finished all pending jobs by 6:30pm. Had to wait for my brother to finish up at his work in the ad agency, so I hiked over to the mall to walk around. Note: Key word is walk. Not shop around.

But, as I said, I failed miserably. After a short detour in Powerbooks where I didn't find the book I wanted, I proceeded to buy myself 1 new skirt, 1 new bag and 3 new tops, and finally had to restrain myself from buying 2 pairs of shoes that I found at 50% off! I could hear the justification rising up my throat "It's getting 2 shoes for the price of one!" Thankfully, my brother texted that he's done, so the damage to the wallet was curtailed. Somewhat.

I knew it-- I should never have left Powerbooks. Now I'm a little bit poorer... but a little bit more fashionable too! Hehehehe.... Despite mourning for my money, I do looooooove the stuff I bought.

=P Wala lang. This is just a-girl-being-a-girl kind of post... =P

eurostar carnival

Finally got to check out the much talked-about Eurostar Carnival.

For 400 bucks, it was actually not very bad. If you're the adventurous type with the guts to go on the scary rides, then your 400 bucks will be super worth it. There was one ride which goes all the way up (ala Anchors Away from EK) and then over, about 7 times, that I got dizzy just looking from down below. At the end of the 7 continuous turns, it stops in mid-air for about 20 seconds, which is enough to turn my insides inside and out =S

Good thing, my beau is also not the gungho carnival fan. So we mostly just walked around, tried 2 rides, including the nice big ferris wheel, and just enjoyed each other's company. The other couples we went with tried most of the rides, while we mostly just waved from down below. I know, I know, KJ-- but hey, I'd rather make sure I get home not dizzy and in one piece than risk it =P

By the way, prior to that, when we were walking to Eurostar, from nowhere came a guy who just blurted to me "Hey miss, do you have the time?" It took my mind about 10 seconds to figure out who it was, and to recognize the person! It was a friend whom I haven't seen for the longest time! He looked different, so at first, I didn't recognize him.

What's funny is, afterwards, my boyfriend told me to be thankful that I recognized the guy when I did, because he (and the couple we were with) actually thought I was being accosted by a stranger. He and his friend, actually, were about to jump into my rescue and clobber the poor skinny guy, when I suddenly yelled "hey! How've you been?!" Hahahaha! He's so cute =) I love him...

best boss to have

You can have a smart boss, a funny boss, a friendly boss, a kuwela boss, etc... but the best thing to have, hands down, is an inspiring boss. Someone who makes you want to become not just a better professional but a better person. Someone who teaches you not only about work but also about life. Not by preaching it but by living it.

Butch J. was made the head of our department when ARM left the company. They're worlds-apart, I gather. For example, Butch tends to be more quiet and subdued while ARM was all over the place. Butch tends to stick to the regular working hours while his predecessor worked round the clock.

The most striking for me, though, is their differences in terms of outlook-- outlook about life, about work, about the world.

Check out Butch's blog (butchgjimenez.blogspot.com) to know more about this inspiring man. I haven't met an executive this family-oriented, this God-centered, yet this successful and this savvy as a professional. No wonder he commands great respect. Because he commands not just respect at work but respect in the realest sense possible.

pet peeve

I really hate clients who push around their agencies and suppliers like they're people with no other purpose on earth but to service them. I mean, hello, they're people too! They have their own agenda, their own time frames, their own considerations, their own lives! I know you pay them to accomplish certain things, but everything can be done with respect and professionalism. Just because you're on the paying side of the transaction does not give you the right to treat other people like pawns on a chess table.

Considering I'm from client side, this may be a bold statement to make. But I really really despise people who make their agencies wait, who make their agencies spin around town like headless chickens to rush something that the client could've informed them about earlier. I understand (boy, do I understand!) that sometimes, shit just happens-- that unfortunate things just take you by surprise and you have to act fast. But c'mon, have some consideration, have some decency, have some tact, have some heart, have some brain, for cryin' out loud!

I really wish that one day, someone can knock some sense into these people. Let it not be me, please, 'coz they'll really get a mouthful.

Grrrr....

Welcome 2006!

Happy New Year!

For some reason, New Year's this year feels a little off-- in the sense that it's not as big a bang as in previous years. I don't know if it's just me-- maybe it's 'coz this year, we didn't have the grand reunion at our house like we've had in these past 5 or so years-- but something about 2005's celebration didn't feel quite... celebratory. Oh well.

Anyway, it was a nice weekend nonetheless. Full of family stuff, as usual, but this time 'family' includes my boyfriend's on top of my own. It's been a nice holiday to get to know people, laugh, relax, unwind, have fun... and just be. After 12 months of hectic frenzy, of working so hard you hardly catch your breath, it was a refreshing 3-days of stopping, of resting, of just plain, simple living.

2005 was very good to me. Looking back, if I make a rundown of the highlights...:
- I lost my dear friend to ensephalitis. Despite missing her to bits, I'm sure she's up there in heaven, finally having the peace she looked for for a long time.
- Li came home after years of being away. Too bad she missed meeting Dennis, but it's okay-- she'll finally get to meet him 3 months from now.
- Speaking of Dennis, I met the most incredible guy in the world and fell in love with him.
- I went to Boracay with my FILC girls, thereby starting (hopefully) a string of new adventures that will last a lifetime.
- I finally quit being a pseudo-banker and landed an exciting new job.
- Dennis took his bar exams, and landed a cool law-firm post before the year ended (yay!).

Indeed, 2005 was a good year for me. It was a year of letting people go, of welcoming new people in, of leaving what's comfortable and giving way for the new and unfamiliar (sometimes scary). It's taking a gamble and cashing in, way before you ever expected to. It's been a great year, indeed, and I just hope 2006 is just as great, if not better.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Christmas! :)

It's been a great holiday so far-- presents and greetings everywhere. It's also the first holiday I'm spending with Dennis, and that makes it even more special. We went out on a special date last night, reminescent of when we were first going out, and I looooooved it! :) After all the parties with friends and relatives, having some alone time, just talking, joking and laughing, with the one person I love most in the world was a welcome gift.

Oh, and the holiday season seems to be filled with wedding thoughts for some people. On the eve of Christmas, our family got very exciting news! My cousin Mary got engaged! She called us all excited, all the way from Toronto, and gave us a detailed rundown (mostly for my benefit) of how it happened-- from Richie's proposal, to the reaction of people they've told, to the pre-wedding plans. How exciting! The wedding is slated for spring 2007-- hooray, family trip, family trip! :)

Dennis' close friend is also getting hitched. He asked his longtime girlfriend for her hand right in front of all her relatives and friends. Totally taken by surprise, she managed to say "yes" in the middle of her gasps and tears. Awww... :) Of course, it's inevitable too that in all the parties we went to, people would ask "kelan kayo susunod??" Without fail, my unfazed beau always replies, "It's in the works. Don't worry." Hahahaha! :)

Merry Christmas to you all and hope you're having a restful, peaceful and blissful season! :)

A very wise person told me before...

when you love someone, love him so much that you'll do everything you can to make his everyday a little lighter, a little easier, a little better.

If you do that, even in a small way, you know you've loved enough.

That's all I'm doing. No need to say thanks or to make apologies. I'm just loving you.

the giant ape and the championships

My dear boyfriend during our movie date today (KingKong): "Ayan, don't go na to tropical or primitive islands ah. A gorilla might fall in love with you and steal you from me."

Grabe, ano beh!

In other news, my dear boyfriend's basketball team won the Ateneo basketball tournament today! Yay! Cheers to the world's best coach and the best world's best boyfriend! =)

What is it?

It is the private joke, the secret glance, that sends a shiver down your spine. It reminds you that he's reserved. Reserved especially and only for you.

It is the knowledge that he's there to hold you steady so you don't fall. When all other ears turn away, his will always be there to catch even your most unspoken words.

It's the active participation in your life, that tells you he will always care. It's the promise of a constant companion through life's ups and downs. Someone who'll bear witness to your every triumph and failure--- and celebrate you all throughout the adventure.

It's the openness of his arms that embrace you at the end of a cold, long day. It's an understanding and an acceptance for the bad, the worse and the worst of you.

It's the healing balm his touch seems to have, that soothes your tired muscles.. or your tired heart. It's the warm comfort of his tone, of his smile, of his eyes, that takes away every scar, every pain, every ache. When it's just you and him, you can never hurt again.

It's the richness of the memories he is building with you, and the possibilities of the future.. that sends you waking every morning, and lets you rest your head peacefully at night. If he's the last person you'll ever love, that's only right. For you're loving your best love now that you have him in your life.

First Day

Today was the perfect way to start off a new job.

Today, I came to understand the big business that is international telecommunications. I also got a detailed look at what my role will be in the group. I was able to pinpoint the demands of the job where I'm weak at (must revisit those old notes and books)... as well as the parts of it that I know I'm strong in (must hone those skills more). It was exciting to meet new people, new faces.. hear of new challenges and new adventures.

Today also, I saw pressure in an almost tangible form. It was bigger and larger than life... looming far larger than I've ever known it to be. Though scary enough to make me palpitate despite the fact that I hadn't had a drop of caffeine today, it was also very exciting. The dynamism of it all was just too enticing to ignore. Hopefully, this is a sign of things to come.

Hopefully, it all goes to prove that I made the right choice. That I jumped ship only to land on an even bigger, even better one.

I don't need a lot of it, but a little validation would certainly do wonders on my anxious heart =)

(crossing my fingers...) Wish me luck!

so long, so long, so long...

You know you've made an impression when your colleagues surprise you with a going-away party complete with cake and ice cream. You know you've made an impression when they gift you with a doll that looks remarkably like you. You know you've made an impression when they wrote you notecards proclaiming how much they will miss you. You know you've made an impression when they sing happy birthday at the top of their lungs instead of saying goodbye.

Hay... I never thought I'd say it but I think I'll actually miss Citi. Not for anything other than the people in it. Citibankers have had a lot said about them in the past (workaholics and chronic usurers among the many) but one thing they certainly aren't is cold. Citibankers are one of the warmest creatures I've ever come across. A stellar example of this is the despedida they threw for me today.

I was too focused scrambling to finish last-minute errands this afternoon that I didn't notice the bulk of people gathering in our floor at about 5pm. As I was frantically composing an email in my cubicle, I suddenly heard a very loud Happy Birthday song being sung. So I jumped up and sang along with them...

Only to realize...

Wait a minute...

Why are they all looking at me?!

Is this party for me?!

But it's not my birthday...

Huh?

Oh!

Wow!

How nice!

Awww......

Not wanting to say goodbye, my officemates instead sang happy birthday! How cute. Hehe ;p After the singing, there were some speeches, some tears... then the gift was presented. They gave me a doll -- a fair-skinned, long-haired and very very long-legged doll dressed in pink! Aww! :)

We took some pictures after that, and then the eating started. So many people wished me good luck, that I will rock 'em at Smart, that they know I can do it, etc etc. Hay, it reminded me of the part of my Citi stint that I will never forget. The people. Citibankers are just a great people-- there's no forgetting them. Ever.

So long, so long, so long, my friends. We'll see each other again :)

1 day left

Today's the day! The last time I'll ever walk through those halls, ride that elevator, sit at that desk, work on that computer, answer that phone, report to that boss...

This lady's Citibanker days are over.

And she never thought this day could ever come =P

Hallelujah!

tick tock tick tock

My pseudo-banker days are numbered--- 3 days to go! I can't wait! :)

Turnover is a pain-in-the-ass, but it's a necessary evil to get past this period of limbo in my life and finally move on to bigger, better things!

3 days-- I wish time will just flash by.

:)

Sometimes, we realize just how strong we really are by knowing when to let go.

And actually doing it.

The truth never leaves a bad taste in your mouth. For as long as you stay true, for as long as you stay real, everything will fall into place.

I'm sooooo proud of you.

i can feel a hangover coming....

Queasy tummy. Bad headache. Ringing in my ears. Impaired vision. A whole lotta giggling.

Aaah... I don't wanna drink anymore. Ever.

Ugh.

Though, many thanks to everybody who insists on throwing me a despedida or a for-old-times' sake party.. I really really appreciate them... :)

Just.... go a little easy on the drinking, friends. I'm only 1 person, and I can only drink so much-- plus, I still have work the next day =P

The TIme Traveler's Wife

I rarely rave about books, but this one I certainly cannot let pass.

The Time Traveler's Wife is the most unusual love story I've ever read. It's a testament to how love transcends time-- It's about a husband who's ill with a genetic disease that causes him to time-travel, as in plucked out of real-time and dumped sometime in his past. He can reappear as a 15-yr-old, as a 28-yr-old or as a 40-yr-old. He meets his wife back when she was a kid. As a result, she's loved him practically all her life-- waiting for the point in 'real-time' when they meet and fall in love. I love how the story takes time out of love's equation, proving in a queer, out-of-the-box manner that love does win above everything. Being in a time-bound body does not mean your love is bound to it as well.

The letter at the end is my favorite part of all.

"Stop waiting and be free. Of me--put me deep inside you and then go out in the world and live. Love the world and yourself in it. Move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element. I have given you a life of suspended animation. And I don't mean to say that you have done nothing. You have created beauty, and meaning, in your art, .... and for me: for me you have been everything...

I love you, always. Time is nothing."

Sigh... I love it, I love it, I love it! :)

weekend update!

1. Party with officemates! Woohoo! Love the girls, love the booze, love the games. Haha! Bye-bye, Lengleng! Happy wedding!

2. Saw HP4, finally! Loved it, loved it, loved it! (I just wish the MTRCB didn't cut out the kissing scene. Tsk tsk...Party poopers..)

3. Did my X'mas shopping, and I'm already halfway down my list. Hoooray!!!

4. Watched my boyfriend coach his basketball team. They won the game, yay! (Though there's this real bitch of a girl acting all prettier-than-thou with her nose high up in the air. Sana madapa ka, gaga!)

All in all not a bad weekend. Too bad I missed Mia's party though. Happy Birthday, Mia!

P.S. Oh, and before I forget, late Saturday night, my former boss texted me to let me know that the Sponge DM I made when I was in MarComm won a bronze award in the Ad Congress Araw Awards. Hmmm... My reaction: "That's... good." =P Mag-fe-feeling na naman si M niyan. Hay...

ranting... while raving on the side...

Ironically, for someone who's filed her resignation, I have an insanely long list of things to finish before I leave. I never knew having your remaining days as a Citibanker numbered meant being dumped a huge to-do list of new programs to launch, systems to update and goals to hit before you cross the finish line.

I hate this. In standard Citi fashion, they're trying to milk me for whatever my remaining days in Citi are worth. And, what's worse is I'm giving in to it. All in the name of not burning my bridges, lest I somehow find myself back in those hollow banking walls, by some cruel twist of fate. You never know. I might just come back to Mama (ugh!)...

I can sigh and cry all I want, but I'm still gonna finish all these anyway. How sad. I work too much for my own good.

What does keep me sane, though, are two things:
1. my Citi-gal pals: They drag me off my chair to steal away for a cup of coffee, usually right when I need to the most. They let me rant and complain and bitch about whatever my problem du jour happens to be at that time. They take my side in arguments and sometimes even help me fight my battles. Truly, I've come this far because I've had such a great support group by my side. They're not just colleagues-- they're great friends. I'll surely miss them when I go...

2. my darling beau: He makes me smile even if we're not together. He knows what to say, when to say and how to say just the right thing to make me feel better. Most of the time, right in the middle of chaos, I get a text from him that manages to take my mind off my problems for a few blissful minutes. My friends often tease me about my up-in-cloud-9 smiles and faraway looks, and they know immediately the reason why. Well, what can I say, I love the guy :)

I'm soooo counting the minutes, hours, days and weeks until I finally leave Citibank. I know it's been a good training ground for me, and I probably wouldn't know what I know now had I not chosen to spend my career's early years in there. I know they've been good to me and have rewarded me for the blood, sweat and tears I've poured at their feet. But I also know the time has come to move on.

I just wish that that time hurries up and gets here already. I'm itching to move... and dump all this remaining work on some other poor sucker's lap.

true love...

The only daughter (and child) of Japan's emperor relinquished her throne as princess in order to marry a "commoner". After the wedding, she'll move from the royal palace into a regular apartment owned by her urban-planner husband. She'll also give up her royal allowance and start working within a household budget. All because she'd rather be a commoner along with the guy she loves than be a princess and be all alone.

Awww... And they said it only happens in the movies....

early christmas

Christmas came early in the Co household. I came home this evening to discover our Christmas tree has already been set up! :)

In the spirit of an early Christmas, I hope to start on my Christmas shopping soon. Perhaps this week. Might as well get it done before the real holiday rush comes in and I'd resort to panic buying =P

i did it!

Effective December 9, 2005, this girl ain't a Citibanker anymore.

What relief!

What excitement!

I can't wait!

tempted

I'm so tempted to accept the offer.

Better pay, better boss, better benefits, higher level, more challenges, more interesting work, travel opportunities, better exposure, office is closer to home...

Am I missing something else or is there no contest?!

What a week!

It's been a great great week! God should really make more of this sort of week. This is what people need-- not those work-packed, overstressed ones that everybody can certainly live without.

After a failed attempt to land in Kalibo, FILC finally arrived in sunny Boracay on Nov 1 and spent a glorious 4-days there. Needless to say, paradise still looked just as I remembered. Beautiful, peaceful, perfect.

Well, during the day, that is. Sadly, I didn't really see much of its nights, as I spent them cooped up in bed, bathing myself in White Flower, watching crappy TV and talking to my beloved as he tried to make me feel better as much as he could from a million miles away. What's so strange is that my tummy only acted up at night! When the sun is up, it's a-okay. But as it sets and darkness falls, parang it misses the sun so much it starts grumbling and complaining. Hay.

Anyhoot, looking at the bright side, I got a semi-tan (as usual, my skin only keeps the semi-tan for about half a day or so) and got to bond more with my beautiful sistahs. Will definitely do it again, though next time our resort of choice shall veer more towards the higher-end (codename for cleaner, bigger and better-smelling) of the available choices.

As soon as I landed, I couldn't wait to see my beau again. I missed him so much! As this was our first time away from each other for that long, we both suffered some separation anxiety and really bad withdrawal symptoms. When we saw each other again and went out to a movie and dinner date, I actually felt naninibago, as if it was weird to see him again (in a good way, of course). I missed you, babe!

Oh, and my parents definitely have a strange way of missing me. I discovered when I got back that my mom had bought me a beautiful, super elegant Jessica McClintock evening bag. For no reason. Just 'coz. Haha! I love being an only daughter! It certainly has its perks :) Imagine, ako na nga itong umalis, ako pa ang may pasalubong!

After a glorious week at paradise and a glorious weekend with my baby, I guess I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow. Well, this week starts off with a meeting with Company S, where hopefully my deal with them pushes through and I'll be off to greener pastures sooner than I expected. Wish me luck! :)

What a great holiday! I wish every year has a week like this. A week full of friends, bonding, laughter, great experiences, sunny skies, a great boyfriend, and a really really nice evening bag. Life can't get much better than this :)

great weekend

(Warning: This entry is sappy and very very cheesy. Proceed with caution. Read at your own risk.)

It's been a great, great birthday weekend.

Yesterday was family day. After watching the new Zorro flick, we came back home for a hearty family dinner to celebrate my birthday. Greetings all around and some presents came my way too. All in all a great evening-- relaxed and steady.. Tomorrow will also be family day-- his naman. Hehe :)

Today, though, was devoted to the two of us. After a spa treat (sarap ng massage-- aaaaahhhh), Dennis and I went to The Chocolate Kiss Cafe along Roces Ave in QC. (Check out http://www.thechocolatekiss.com for more details on this fabulous restaurant.) We both loooooved the food, especially the dessert-- and the price was great too, we ordered 5 dishes between the two of us and spent a little over P600! Wow, what a deal! It was a great date, reminiscent of our first fancy-restaurant date, where good food was abound and so was great conversation.

This great conversation I speak of started with some reminiscing on the part of my beau. He had spent most of his childhood in the QC area, having lived in their family's first house along Scout R (I forget exactly what R stands for... All I remember is R) for the first 22 years of his life. He told me of the benefits of living in that area-- it's secure, it's near all the important places (grocery, school, church, restaurant strip, mall and gym), it's close enough to the highway and is accessible to most nearby cities. Prior to heading to Chocolate Kiss, we actually passed by this old house, whom they had sold to a Filipino family, where he proudly showed off their huge gate and the lavish exterior of the Spanish-style home. It really looked like a nice house, judging from the outside look. He also painted a picture of the interior for me, so I can fully appreciate the beauty he saw in the place.

As I listened, I found myself getting carried away in his story. He recounted the many memories he had in that place, leading up to the day he heard of the sad news of its sale. He told me about how he and his brother would run up to the attic and play countless children's games... He recounted the many times he ran up and down the driveway, anticipating his dad's arrival from work. He told me happy stories, sad stories, and even the mundane, ordinary ones.. He obviously loved the place.

Instinctively, I said "let's buy back the place and live there!" He looked up in surprise, "Really? But you always said you can't imagine yourself living up North, coz you're a Southern girl..."

The next thing I said surprised me as much as it did him. I said, "But I want our kids to grow up in the same place you did." The actual words didn't surprise me as much as how much I meant them. From his stories I saw how much that house meant to him, and I realized I wanted him to get it back. True, the South has always been my home. But now that I'm with him, I realize home will always be where he is. So if that place is up North, so be it.

He looked so happy I thought his eyes were about to well up. But in typical Dennis fashion, he looked away and changed the topic. But before he did, I caught the smile that told me my statement made him happy. Which made me even happier. Because I meant what I said. I really did.

Hay, this is what life is really about. Spending it with someone you love so much that life just won't be life without him.

On my 23rd birthday weekend, that's my biggest learning. Love is what you make it to be.

it's that time of the year again...

Turned 23 today.

Sayang.. Had fun being 22 =P

Thanks to everyone who remembered!

tsk tsk....

1. If only I spend all this time and all these efforts doing something I really like. Hay. It's exponentially more tiring to do tasks you'd rather not do =P

Tsk tsk..

2. I now know how it feels to be the referee and shock absorber of 2 arguing friends. I'd really prefer not to be involved, but hey, it's a little too late for that now. Besides, they were the ones who put me in the middle, and leaving them alone (which was the first idea) didn't seem to help.

Tsk tsk..

168

Everybody is raving about 168. My first trip about 5 months ago was rather short, with the objective of buying DVDs (not exactly a rave-worthy shopping objective), so I decided to give it another try today with my mom.

So off we went to 168. I would think a lot of people reading this blog haven't gone there yet but, just like the rest of the population, are itching to go see what the big deal is. So I've listed some tips to help you-- some I picked up from certain people I saw there:

1. Don't take your car all the way there. We left ours in my maternal grandma's house, which was about 5-8 minutes walking-time away from 168. No way were we taking the car through that horrendous traffic and even more horrendous streets. Should you insist on taking your car, prepare to suffer through an hour or so of mind-numbing traffic. Caused by cars, humans, or both.

2. Do not wear jewelry and watches, and definitely do not take out your cellphone throughout the entire duration of your expedition. In fact, my mom and I didn't even bother bringing our bags with us. Both of us spent a great deal of our childhood years in that area... which gives us plenty of experiences with pickpockets, snatchers and other similar thieves. Do not give them anything to steal, because believe you me, they will.

3. Take note of where you came from and how you plan to go out. There are quite a number of entrances and exits, which all lead to different parts of Tondo. So be careful, lest you come out in the direction totally opposite from what you want.

4. Ignore the horse shit. It comes with the territory.

Now comes shopping time:
5. Haggle. My gosh, only in a place like 168 can my P1,000 stretch like the biggest rubber band ever. And a place like 168 can make you feel like ditching the mall for any kind of shopping need-- EVER. Hehe :) Enjoy.

6. If you plan to buy clothes, wear things that you can easily slip something on top of. There are no dressing rooms in this place. Oh, and it will also help to bring a good sense of what fits you and what doesn't. Otherwise, you'll end up with cheap deals you cannot use anyway.

7. Do not walk around speaking in English. Period. Hay... I overheard these 3 girls talking in outrageously arte Taglish, sounding all naive and innocent... Haay...

8. It would be a good idea to bring a big shopping bag that you can stuff little plastic bags into. It's a hassle to have to carry multiple plastic baggies that only contain 1 or 2 shirts or other small things. It's more convenient because you only have to look after 1 big bag as opposed to loads... and it's also safer when you hop onto a sidecar or a jeep on your way out of Tondo.

9. Take your time when you shop but don't dilly-dally either. Items are sold on wholesale in this place, hence there are very small profit margins per item. Not a lot of vendors are willing to wait the entire day for 1 person to make a selection. Know what you want, check if it fits or if the price is right, then get outta there.

Net-net, I had a super great time. My legs hurt from 4-hours worth of walking, but it was well worth it. I spent a quarter of what I would usually spend on the things I got... and I'm very happy with them. I wasn't at all surprised to find people from Valenzuela and Malabon there-- as in they endured the 2-hour ride to get to 168.. because the goods really are worth the trip. I just think you need to be prepared and level your expectations with the kind of place you're visiting. And, remember that you're there to shop, not to admire the surroundings or relish the sights and sounds and smells... You'll come out happy (almost giddy) with hefty savings and a big bag of great finds. :)

the IMC seniors this year...

Earlier today, I judged the IMC finals on Citibank Clear Card. It felt strange to be on the other side of the coin, this time being the evaluator and throwing the comments/ questions to the presentors. Given that it will be one of my major assignments next year, the client side of me really wanted to get good ideas for Clear. On the other hand, the alumni part of me understood that the students were most likely lacking in sleep and were running on empty. So I was compassionate and quite nice with my questioning. In fact, in some questions that Dr K threw, I even helped them along in the answering...

The SDL presentation was really the best one, objectively speaking. Dr K kept teasing me that they were my favorite, because I myself was an SDL-er. But, really, I honestly think they had a very good deck-- in fact, I want to show it to Citibankers on Monday. They had good research data to back up their strategy, and they defended their plan well. There was a solid link between different parts of their plan, and the budget they worked with was also very realistic. Even how they handled Q&A was impressive. :)

That wasn't the most interesting part though. What really caught me offguard was the team spirit in both blocks. During my time (yuck, that was 3 years ago), our block was united, but when it came to these presentations, it was each team for itself. Some of your close friends may come and attend your session, but mostly, each group just sort of fended for itself when time came to face the panel.

This batch is very different, though. In both presentations, the blockmates were all in attendance to show support and, in most cases, to serve as the cheering squad. Every praise given by the judges were met with an enthusiastic round of cheers and applause. Take note that today is a Saturday. Those other blockmates had no other reason to be in school today but to pull for their respective teams.

Also, the team spirit was very strongly felt in that they regarded team victory or defeat as block victory or defeat. When the SDL Citibank team was pronounced the winner of today's presentations, as well as the overall winner of the finals, the entire block jumped up and down and some were even crying with joy! Haha! I found it so funny! It may have been OA from an outsider's point of view, but considering the amount of stress and pressure the last few weeks must have been, along with the immense pressure to finally win 1 of the pitches (out of the 4 brands this sem, SDL only won one, which is the presentation today. But, sweet, they also won overall.), I think it was just normal, if not expected. It was also cute how those that lost their own presentation cheered and celebrated their blockmates' victory. You rarely see that kind of unity these days, especially in corporate settings.

Hehe. Needless to say, I had a lot of fun today. At times, I found myself reminiscing and recounting some presentations I had myself. But on the overall, nah, I think I like being client better =P

the Citi girls

I don’t know what it is about a four-some group of girlfriends, but it starting to seem like a trend in my life. Presenting my Citi girlfriends:

= Baby Bay: Though older than me, she’s the baby of the group. The most adorably naïve girl I know, she is also the sweetest girlfriend there is. She would bring you a treat when you’re down or a text from nowhere just to say hello. She’s also the kuwento-queen, always packing the latest story or chismis about anything and everything. Don’t think she has nothing between her ears though. She’s one of the fastest learners I know, and the savviest thinkers. :)

= The Hamptons Mama: She’s not much older than me and Baby Bay, but she’s totally the mom of the group. She’s the one who has the 3-way test for shopping—just ask yourself Hamptons Mama’s 3 simple questions to see if an item is worth the buy. She’s also the first one to caution you against making an impulsive move, the first one to give you a lecture when you’re in over your head, and the first one to tell you to go home and rest. :)

= The Vampy Van: Such the hotstuff, she has the assets, the voice and the personality to back up all the hype. She’s also ‘hot’ in the sense that she’s the feistiest of the four of us. Woe befalls those that attempt to hurt any of us. She’s the first to rush to our defense if someone makes us feel bad. She’s the best cheerleader of the group too—the loudest supporter of your wildest dream. :)

These are my Citi girls-- the ones I hang out with day-in and day-out.. companions in late-night SM shopping sprees and mid-day pedicure sessions, daily lunch&merienda-mates, fellow coffee&beer-junkies, comrades-in-war and definitely girlfriends to keep. :)

between a rock and a hard place...

How I wish I were one of those people who know exactly where they wanna go and are on the road to getting there. Or just plain one of those people who are happy where they are, not desiring to end up anywhere else.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for what I've been given. My dissatisfaction comes mainly from my choices, not my blessings.

Second-guessing seems to be second nature to me nowadays.

a Citi-series of unfortunate events

It all started when my good friend "Bay" and I decided to take an afternoon merienda break from work and walk over to the food stalls next to 7/11 in Eastwood for a little chow, namely some sweet corn that was the rage among other Citibankers.

The skies were clear and the weather seemed fine, so we didn't think twice about walking the short distance from Citi. As we started eating and were chitchating a little bit... boom! It seemed as if the skies were going to fall down with the heavy rain that came pouring. At first, we didn't mind it so much, figuring it will slow down before we knew it.

20 minutes later, we were done but the rain wasn't. In fact, if it was at all possible, the rain came down even harder. And worse, the ground was starting to flood up.. Holy crap...

Bay: I know, let's walk to the front and see if the guard at 7/11 has an umbrella we can borrow. After all, our only problem is how to get to CyberMall. Once we get there, we can walk safely na to Citi.

Gladys: Great Idea!

Voila! The guard did not have an umbrella. How now, brown cow? The rain showed zero chances of stopping. And we were about to be late for a management meeting.

Gladys: Oh, let's run the 3 steps to 7/11 and see if they sell umbrellas.

Bay gamely agreed and we rushed to the convenience store. Once inside, whew, finally, something went our way. They did sell umbrellas-- the cheapest of which were the foldable, floral-designed ones that were 63 bucks each.

We looked at each other, shrugged, and just picked one each and paid.

We walked out of 7/11 and opened our cheap umbrellas. Tried to open, rather. 5 seconds went by with us trying to push open the gaddamn umbrellas, whose locks seemed to be non-existent. No matter how many times or how hard we push up, the umbrellas just wouldn't lock.

We walked back in.

Bay: Miss, miss, sira itong payong!

7/11 cashier: (rolls her eyes) Sagarin niyo kasi. (opens the umbrella effortlessly)

Bay and Gladys: (wide-eyed) Wow, ang galing mo, miss!

So we walked out of 7/11 with our open umbrellas and waded through the about-to-flood way to Cyber and then all the way back to home-sweet-home Citibank.

Once inside, you would think our ordeal was over. But no...

As we were waiting for the elevators, we were laughing at ourselves while shaking our 'brellas dry. Just as the elevator doors open and a bunch of guys come out, the tip of my umbrella's handle broke off! And, to make matters worse, 1 guy bent down and picked it up. With a look of uneasy disgust, he handed it over to me using only his thumb and index finger, as if the thing was full of germs he didn't want to spread to the rest of his hand. How embarrassing!!

And so we forged on, wanting nothing else than to have this string of bad luck to stop. We entered the lift along with 2 people from Credit (14th floor). The elevator moved on up and stopped at the 14th floor, where those 2 people got off.

A second after the elevator closed at the 14th floor, brownout! Bay and I looked at each other with disbelief. You've got to be kidding me!

Ironically, it didn't occur to either of us that we should push the alarm button in the elevator panel. We were just too stunned by the series of unfortunate events.. all in the span of an hour!

Sigh... So after a few seconds, the power came back on and we finally arrived safely in our floor and at our workstations. My gohd. All that trouble for corn!? Heck, I'm never touching that stuff ever again! =P

whirlwind romance

She was a friend of the bride. He was the brother of the groom.

They were strangers to each other until the day of the wedding. She found herself without a ride to Baguio, as her friend fell ill that day. He had the family car to himself, as he came to visit from the US and arrived just the day before (everyone in the family had already gone up by then). She gingerly agreed to ride with him, bereft of any other choice.

The first few minutes were awkward. They engaged in small talk, usually talking about the couple—the only people they had in common.

Pretty soon, even before they hit the expressway, they found more topics to talk about—their common interests, passions and experiences. Nothing had ever seemed so comfortable, she felt. It was a total meeting of souls. It felt as if they had known each other forever. Even if, just a few hours ago, they were unaware of each other’s existence.

They spent the entire 8-hour Baguio trip talking—about everything and anything under the sun. They made each other laugh, kept each other entertained and showed each other just what they’ve been missing their entire lives.

The wedding seemed the best place to cap it all off. Every corner screamed romance; everything celebrated love and all its wonders. It was the perfect venue to fall in love. And fall in love they did.

3 weeks later, he had to go. In those 3 weeks, they were inseparable. Now, they were about to be separated by oceans and seas after having been joined at the hip for almost 21 days…

He went back to the US; she stayed behind. Both resumed their old lives, though at the back of their minds, kept alive the memory of those fairy-tale 3 weeks…

A month later, he came back. On a surprise visit.

He came back with the sole intent of proposing to her. Be his wife, he said. I just know our lives are meant to be lived together.

She said yes. Nothing had ever felt more sure.

A year later, they’re about to join hands in marriage.

As she retells the story to me, I realize that these are stories that break even the most cynical of people, the most persistent of love’s detractors. When you’re meant to be, you’re meant to be. It matters not how long you’ve been together, or how many things you know of each other. Love is love is love. Time is but a factor. In her words, you just know.

thought for the day

Maybe at certain moments, it merits checking out the grass at the other side of the fence.

Maybe, sometimes, perception is reality. The statement otherwise just might be the illusion... Not the other way around.. Who's to say the way you see things isn't the way they really are?

Hay.. I don't know if I'm just justifying how I'm feeling, but I just think that there are times when one should assess one's situation relative to others. Not all the time. Just sometimes. At certain moments, for certain issues, in certain contexts... To make certain conclusions.

Dane's baby girl and Dane's chocolates

Went yesterday to visit my friend, Dane, and his wife.. and his new baby! Welcome, Marie Noelle, to the world!

And, another introduction by Dane: The world's creamiest, best chocolates ever!


At first, I thought Dane's gushing was over-the-top-- I mean, c'mon, it can't possibly be that good. Until we had the jetsetting Ronald buy some for us in Singapore...

I finally opened the complicated package ( a box is packed with dry ice, wrapped in plastic and covered in paper wrapper and finally stored in a thick silver foil-looking package), and finally tried 1 choco-powder-dusted little dark-chocolate cube.

Heaven.

Oh my gohd! No chocolate has ever tasted this good!

My Lord! It's pure indulgence-- pure happiness... It melts in your mouth-- you won't know what hit you once you put one of these little cubes of happiness in your mouth....

And that's no overstatement. Believe me.. =)

update!

Sometimes I get culture-shock when I find myself deeply immersed in my boyfriend's world. Such as last weekend.

They had their induction for new brods last Saturday night, and they had this totally elaborate formal affair. As in people dressed up like they do for the prom-- full-on gowns and makeup for the dates and tux and polished hair and shoes for the inductees. But of course, since my boyfriend is one of the barristers, he was not required to dress up. In fact, he was just in shorts and a plain T-shirt. Hehe. My boyfriend-- such the non-conformist. Whatever's comfy, that's what he goes for. =P

Anyway, before the ceremony, they informed Dennis that he was gonna get an award. How cool! It was a presidential citation for extraordinary service to the frat. After learning this, one would expect that he would hastily go back to his room to put on something nicer-- something more befitting an awardee. But no no... My boyfriend pa! He didn't care-- he walked up all confident, smiling and shaking everyone's hands-- and he even wanted to make a speech! Hahahaha! I was laughing my ass off! :)

Hay, finally, it's the last week of the bar exams. I know the stress is piling up now more than ever, especially after that last set of tests... I just pray he pulls through fine... Before we know it, this will be over. And we'll be back to normal.. Well, as normal as normal can be, as one awaits the results to come out 6 months later. =S

Oh, onto other news: Looks like our trip will finally push through (fingers crossed)!! I'm just hoping that the weather will cooperate with us, and that I lose weight enough to look decent in a swimsuit! Waah!... :)

Lastly, I think this dress is gorgeous..... I love the design, the color, the shape-- everything!

un-domestic goddess

My officemates often give me a lotta hell about my un-domesticated-ness.. I can't cook, can barely clean, can't wash clothes, can't iron-- the list goes on and on. At times they'd poke fun at my relatively easy life- about how I've never been required to pick up after myself, or lift as much as a finger to get anything done in the house. They'd tease me that, if left alone, I couldn't fend for myself. I wouldn't be able to survive living alone, if I didn't have the takeout counter, the driver or the nearby laundromat to help me out.

The sad truth is, they're probably right. My mom has even joined the ranks of those who tease me for my non-existent skills at household maintenance. She says whomever marries me is definitely not marrying a housewife. Just a wife.

Hay. I want to start taking cooking lessons soon-- I need to start building my resume for a different sort of a career-- one I'd like to start as fully prepared as I started my professional one. Hopefully, by then, all that my officemates can tease me for is not getting to work on time because I was busy at home. =P

hey, you, people pleaser!

I would really advise you against stretching yourself too thin and being too accomodating... to everybody! I understand the need to belong, the need to be liked and the need to feel comfortable around a certain group of people, but sometimes you just gotta watch your own back.

I find that, for most people, if you allow them to step all over you and take advantage, they will. And, what I find really disturbing is how they would sugar-coat these underhanded tricks by using sweety words and pa-close moves. I really despise such people-- people who think they're so cool and so above-everyone-else that they're entitled to certain favors. And you letting them get away with it does nothing to arm you against their dirty tactics.

Also, I find that people pleasers tend to share too many stories about themselves, (I guess) in an effort to forge immediate bonds and ties with people around them. I would also caution you against that. Resist the urge to share every single detail of every fight, every situation and every secret you have to every person you feel the need to please. Because all that does is give these people (the trust-worthiness of whom are yet to be determined) more ammunition to get the better of you.

I can't believe it, but I've quite possibly found someone more naive than me. Please, I hope you listen to these pieces of advice and choose very well the friends you want to have. It's just one of those things in life where quality totally wins over quantity.

what to do, what to do....?

Do you give up your old life when you allow someone to step into it? Just how much room do you free up for that person, and when you do free that space up, does that mean they have total domain over it? How do you keep the peace yet keep the love?

DH Season 2

I'm so excited! I can't wait!

Caution, this link contains spoilers:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8986378/

balancing act

If I can be really honest, I'm finding it increasingly challenging to balance everybody in my life. As we get older, life becomes more and more a matter of prioritizing and compromising. Keeping everybody happy, while keeping yourself happy, is such a precarious balance... With the simple little tip of the scale, everything can suddenly become uneven, unfair... Everything can turn upside down or go crumbling down, if you're not careful.

Makes me wish I don't have to be an adult. Or that, sometimes, I get a monopoly over my time and my energy... That would make life soooo much easier.