May 10th

It's not my intention to make this a political blog. I just realized that this 2010 elections is probably my first time to feel this strongly about a candidate, believe in him so much and want him to win so badly I'm thinking of ways on how I can volunteer for him without compromising my safety or my schedule. Whenever I listen to Gibo, I am in awe of his vision for the Philippines and inspired by the clean, honest and respectful campaign he has run to date. I am not surprised at all at his 90% conversion rate- meaning, when people listen to him in any forum, they are convinced 90% of the time that he is the best man for the job. And truly, if you are open-minded and you give him the opportunity to tell you what he has planned, you will be just as convinced as me that he is the best option we have. I think he will represent us very well internationally, and he has a plan on how to move this country forward. He also oozes with sincerity whenever he speaks and I think it's commendable that he has mounted this campaign WITHOUT mudslinging, digging up dirt about opponents or talking badly about them. He keeps positivity at the heart of his campaign and as such, he has garnered the support of the youth. It's also worth considering that not one of his opponents have anything bad to say about him. In the way that Phil politics goes in this country, that is a feat in itself.

I wish soooo badly that he wins on May 10th. To the point that I pray to God that He helps Gibo win. I want this country to be better, to be safer, to be richer and to be stronger for my and everyone else's sakes, including my future kids. Let's vote green! :)

5 years na!

By next Wednesday, Atty and I would have been together for 5 years already. This will also be our last boyfriend-girlfriend anniversary, and that makes me feel a bit sentimental. I remember when we first started going out, the little discoveries we made of each other and the little adjustments that we had to make to make space for each other in our (already quite full) lives. I remember the days when we just met each other, our long talks that go late into the night, our first dates, the first time he met my family, the first time I met his and the first time we went to the temple together. I'm getting a bit wistful going through memory lane, thinking of the journey we've had and how everything has brought us to this point in time, 5 months from getting married and moving into our first home. I'm so grateful I met him. Life certainly became a whole lot more worth living :)

this week...

was one of the most tiring weeks of my life. Emotionally tiring, that is. I hate politics.

the big picture

You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes you find, you get what you need :)

The past few days have really been a growing-up period for me. First off, I had to adjust with the revelation at work that meant I had to get out of my comfort zone and dive in head-first into an unknown area of business and try to perform as well as I possibly can. All this while juggling my other considerations and leaving behind the team that I love so dearly.

Then yesterday was a day of reckoning in terms of my personal life, specifically our expenses and how our financial outlook as a couple will be in the next few years. I crunched some numbers and had the sinking realization that I could either get the honeymoon of my dreams or keep significant cushion money (aka buffer money) for our little nest egg to grow, given that the expenses we'll have when we get married practically equal what we bring home on a net basis. I knew I had a choice-- either I push for the honeymoon I want but pay for the price of uncertainty because that amount of money could've been our safety net... or I could postpone this dream of a trip and relish the security of knowing that I have some stash of money hidden away for a rainy day. I had to weigh my options and to be honest, at the core of me, I knew what the right thing to do was. It's the bratty side of me that was adamant on being able to go where we intended to go, but the mature me already knew what I had to do. Also, when I talked to Dennis, I was also given some discoveries, such as the fact that he had actually not minded where we go for our honeymoon, it doesn't have to be NYC. He just wanted to celebrate being married to me, and he only wanted to go to NYC because he knew how much I wanted it. Even if it meant forcing the issue financially, he would do it because he knew I wanted it and he already felt like I made so many compromises by agreeing to marry him (which, for the record, is sooo untrue). He said he understands our predicament but would support me in any choice I make.

I felt so bad that I had kept my eyes solely on the goal of going to NY that I had totally forgotten about the big picture. That we are in this to build a life together, not just a measly 7 or 8 days abroad. And I realized that the dream already is right in front of me, which is the dream of building a life together with the man I love and putting up a home to house that love. Everything else is a bonus, an optional thing, gravy or the cherry on top. I already have everything I need when I have this man who's willing to do anything he can to make me happy.

So without even waiting for him to ask me again, I've decided to forego the original plans and go for our Plan B, which, I must remind myself, is not that bad and is in fact pretty cool. We've decided to go to Japan instead, and this may actually end up being as good an option as NY, because not only will we be able to indulge in our favorite food (after Chinese, of course), we'll still be able to go to a cold place (which is what Dennis loves) and we will actually be going to a place that neither of us have ever been to. The downside of our original plan of Sing + NY was that both places are not new to me. With this new plan, we get the best of both worlds- Singapore is the place mired with personal history for me, yet we also share the experience of first-time travel in Japan. I don't at all feel shortchanged that the original plans won't push through. I have to admit, I spent the better half of yesterday and today feeling like I lost a dream, but now that I've allowed reality (and maturity) to sink in, I actually feel really good about this decision. This whole thing may turn out to be a blessing through and through after all. I not only feel better because I'm being more responsible, I am actually starting to get excited :) Which is what any honeymoon should be about anyway.

So yeah, this brings me back to the first sentence that starts this post. In the process of not getting what you (originally) wanted, you may just find that you instead just got what you really really needed. And at the end of the day, you find that what you've been reaching so far out for has always been within your reach. Right by your side.

:)

change is good? always?

A new change is upon me. Just when I thought I had enough on my plate, I now have to adjust to a TOTALLY new job effective April 15. I honestly feel torn over my reaction. On the "happy" side lies the opportunity for learning and the chance for professional growth. On the "unhappy" side lies the following:
- The new job is TOTALLY out of my comfort zone, i.e. I may not like it.
- The new job may entail A LOT of local travel, for which I'm not excited. It also can potentially be unfriendly towards my MBA schedule. Not to mention my bridal errand schedule.
- I am required to leave behind my team- composed of people who are not only dependable and loyal but who have become very good friends of mine over the years. This physically pains me, as in I feel a sharp ache in my heart when I think of the prospect of leaving them behind.

I've heard that change is good more times than I care to count, but sometimes I'm not too sure it's always applicable. I'm not sure if change for the sake of change can still be good, because I fail to see how having no rhyme or reason over a certain change can bring about any kind of (deliberately planned) good. It may accidentally become beneficial in the end, but would it be responsible to leave such a consequence to mere chance?

Ohwell. It's not like I have a choice in the matter. The alternative (i.e. protesting against the change or fighting for the status quo) will only make me look immature, not to mention unprofessional. So I just have to suck this up and HOPE that it goes well in the end.

i think i found my wedding shoes!

*just us*

I have a confession to make. These days, the wedding doesn't excite me very much. At least not in the way people would normally expect it to excite a bride-to-be. I don't know if it's because it involves so much stressful discussions, like what color does my MIL want for her dress or whether the cake we're eyeing is worth the cost or when the suits of the male entourage must get done. It may also be because I feel like the wedding is a (happy) occasion that we have no choice but to share with others. Don't get me wrong; I do not feel forced to share our big day with others. It's just that I'm taking it as a matter of fact (and a matter of life) that it's not just the 2 of us who're invested in the wedding. Our parents top the list of "other people who care about the wedding", followed by close family members and friends. And I don't mind that at all. I really don't. I love the fact that there are a lot of people who can't wait til our wedding. It would be really sad if otherwise. But, I can't help but feel then that the wedding is not "just ours", and to be honest, these days, the details about the wedding don't get a "woohoo" out of me as they would normally do.

What does get me excited though is the honeymoon. Imagining us on going to Singapore for the first phase of our honeymoon gets me excited like you wouldn't believe. Dreaming (and hoping against hope) that we get ourselves to NYC shortly thereafter gets me even more excited! So excited I could jump out of my bones in joy! Apart from the honeymoon, I can't help but find myself planning future trips together- I imagined going to Macau for Valentine's weekend next year or maybe even Japan for Holy Week 2011, if we can afford to. I guess it's also partly because up until we're married, Dennis and I haven't been anywhere (far) together, much less abroad. The farthest we've been to together is Tagaytay, and that was just a day trip. Because of our culture and the conservatism it espouses, we've really had overnight trips anywhere, so I guess this also contributes to my enthusiasm that, after Sept 19 this year, we can go anywhere we want to together :) The freedom and the opportunities it offers just can't help but get me really riled up! I can't wait!

Another reason is, because of how certain things panned out in Dennis' life so far, he hasn't really been to many places. In fact, when it comes to going abroad, he's only been to Taiwan and the States, and these trips happened when he was a little boy. He's never been to Singapore or even HK, much less other places I've been to like Canada, the Middle East, Australia, Hawaii or even China or Malaysia. Part of me feels really bad for him, because it seems unfair for him not to have had those experiences I've been fortunate enough to have. I know he doesn't agree, because those hard times in his past fortified him and made him every bit of the great guy he is now. I know those times were instrumental in making him the responsible, strong and grounded person I love so very much, and I'm very grateful. But all that doesn't change the part of me that wants to let him in on those travel opportunities I've had. I want him to see why travel is such a passion for me, how travel can change perspectives and mindsets, and what travel does to a person. I want us to jumpstart our marriage with adventures and discoveries- kickoff our union brimming full of experiences and rich memories. It's not about luxury, that's the least of my concerns, nor is it about indulgences. Far from it. I want to infuse travel into the early part of our marriage, because I know it'll be good for us. It'll be a great foot to start our life off on. I know it'll only be "just us" for a short while, before concerns about baby formula or playschool fill our conversations. So I'll know we'll be grateful to have had a good run at "just us", when we could :)

I don't know where all that outpouring of thoughts came from. I just updated our travel itinerary to Singapore (actually, I just bought us reserved seats), and got to surfing through the rest of Cebu Pac's website. And I got to thinking about this picture in my head of us having the adventure of a lifetime.

I love him. So very much. And I can't count down the days enough until "just us" starts :)

the happy decision

Reminder to self: Happiness is a choice- a decision- and has less to do with circumstances but more to do about your attitude towards circumstances.

MBA updates

OK, I'm wrapping up my 7th term as an MBA student (wow, has it been that long???) and just enrolled into my 8th term (FYI- after the 8th, there are 3 more to go until graduation! CAN THIS BE OVER ALREADY, PLEASE!). While it seems like time stood still for the longest time because of my seemingly unending MBA journey, the rest of my life seems to be going by in record time. Before I knew it, I'm about to enter the 5-month mark until our Mr-and-Mrs Day, and in about a month's time, we would've been engaged for a year already! How fast! Also, in a month or two, our condo would've been renovated already and it's time to bring in the furniture. Again, how fast! Next thing I know, it's my FILC bridal shower, then it's September (which is also budget season in Smart) and then the big day is here!

Anyway, this update is supposed to be about my MBA. Sometimes, I really have doubts on why I'm on this particular uphill battle, when it's completely optional. In fact, an overwhelming majority of my friends and colleagues do not carry MBA degrees, so there are days when I question myself and ask why the hell am I subjecting myself to this kind of torture. Why would I want to stay up some nights and study or read or write papers, when I could be out enjoying the last few months of singlehood? Why would I choose to wake up at 7am on a Saturday to make it to an 8am class in Taft, when I could be blissfully slumbering 'til a more decent hour and enjoy my weekends in full?

Believe me, such doubt-full days have come and they have come aplenty. But in the final analysis, I guess I am doing this for more than 1 reason, and these are all good reasons (at least except on days when I'm tired and stressed and overstretched and I'm cursing myself for being a masochist). These reasons are:

1. While I love my undergrad course, I do feel there are serious limitations and weaknesses to it, the biggest of which is the fact that marketing is not a stand-alone skill, especially when you intend to go up the corporate ladder and be a director or head in a business or corporation. It takes more than just marketing to make a business run, and I feel that a marketing background alone is not enough to arm oneself in debates in the boardroom or even civil discussions with colleagues in the elevator. I feel an MBA will make me more qualified in the next corporate progressions to come, and I want to be prepared. Granted, I still do feel that marketing is my biggest and best skill, but that doesn't mean I have to confine myself with marketing.

2. I do plan to have my own business in the future, so a holistic management orientation would definitely be helpful. As it is now, I find myself understanding the business side of things better than I did when I only had an IMC degree. So I think it's surely an advantage. I hate not being able to understand finance or HR or even operations when they discuss their issues with me; so what better way to understand them than to study what they are talking about. Not because I just want to know, but I feel that to have my own business in the future, I need to know what the other branches of management are dealing with.

3. I want to do this now that I am still single (not for long, I know) and without a baby in my life. I know that my priorities are bound to change and there will come a time when myself is not the only thing I have to think about or take care of. So now that I have the luxury and leisure of doing so, I figure, why not pursue something I've wanted for myself and something I can be proud of as a good, solid achievement? Something I want to be able to anchor myself on when a baby gets too demanding or sacrifices need to be made. I guess, bottom line, I do not want any regrets, which is why I'm pushing myself to make it to the MBA finish line. If I don't, I know I'll kick myself and live in regret in the future. I don't want any what-ifs. I don't want to live halfway.

There you go. I guess that's it. I need to be reminded of these things when I'm sitting at home on a Saturday working on an MBA paper when my friends and colleagues are at the JT concert. Haha! Ok, back to work :P

i surrender..

all my worries and troubles to You. I know You know what's best and I'll trust You'll only give us what we can handle and what we deserve.

Amen.

needs to be met

I know I'm blessed in so many ways, so please do not misinterpret this post as an ungrateful, selfish one, because it's anything but. I do not desire for more than I need, nor do I carry selfish motives in asking for this need to be filled. I just want a comfortable, pleasant home to come home to every night and face the day with every morning. And I believe this is not an overly extravagant thing to wish for.

So, in Chinese and Buddhist tradition, I pray to the God of Fortune to please help us secure the financial means to do the condo renovations and all accompanying costs they necessarily carry. I do not wish for over and beyond the basic things included in our scope of work for the condo. Please please please.

And thank you in advance :)

GIBO!!!!

I know that he's not the most popular candidate, nor the most funded one, but I am proud to tell whoever cares to ask that I'm voting for Gibo. I am a fervent believer that integrity is not a good-enough reason to vote for someone, and integrity isn't even a platform of government. I believe that any government position should be regarded as a profession, on top of being a calling. The "calling" part is hard to validate, as this is something that only the person concerned and God will know for sure if sincere. But the profession part can definitely be checked and ensured. And I know that I definitely look for credentials and competence when shopping for a doctor, for a lawyer (well, I don't need to shop for this, but you get my drift), and even a secretary! So why not expect the same from a president? And by competence, I don't refer to Gibo's Harvard degree or anything on his resume. All one needs to do is to bring an open mind to any of the debates and you will see what I am talking about. This is the guy who has a plan for the problems this country has, and he articulates this in such an eloquent manner that I know he'll do a great job in diplomacy and international relations, something that our country is in bad need for, since we need aid to be readily available for our economy and for disaster relief when needed. Some people have asked me why I didn't choose Gordon, and my answer is, if Gibo weren't running, I would probably be behind Gordon. But since he is, the reason I'm not choosing Gordon is the eloquence part. His verbal style is very abrasive and quite condescending. I don't know if he means to, but he strikes me as a professor or lecturer when he talks, and God knows that's not good for diplomacy. Also, the fact that he cannot endear himself to people by virtue of his dryness does not appeal to me. And it's not because of anything superficial, but I believe public office is also about managing public opinion. In short, you must know how to make people feel better during dire times or make them believe you. And I feel Gordon doesn't do a good job at that.

Gibo may not have the funds of Villar, to enable him to keep his advertising TARPS so consistently high. This is the only tragedy in his campaign, because his conversation rate is more than 90%. This means that for every 10 people who have accessed Gibo's platform and heard him speak, 9 are converted to become his voters. This is extremely high and just shows proof of what the man is made of. It's just unfortunate, because conversion rate is not enough to win this election. It needs to be coupled with awareness, which unfortunately is a function of spend. Hay. Alas, money is what Villar has that Gibo does not.

And don't even get me started about Noynoy. Though I was initially attracted to the whole yellow power thing, now, I am convinced more than ever not to vote for this guy. Not only does integrity not enough for me to pick a president, I do not even think Noynoy has this so-called integrity. He is just riding on the coat-tails of his parents, and who wants a president like that? If all you have to offer is the promise you will not steal, then anyone else on the street can claim that. Not doing something is not enough to anchor a campaign on. And if all you have to offer is your parentage, and your bloodline, then you should just wish we have a monarchy. That way, only the family surname and family tree matters when choosing a president.

Hehehe. That's all I had to say on the matter. Whatever your reasons may be, go ahead and make your choice. As I have made mine too. :)

Corn Silk!

Ok, so a talk with my parents had us rationalizing the work we'll have done in the condo. Essentially, the time-tested adults advised us to minimize the renovation work we'll pay for in the condo, bearing in mind resale value after 5-10 years (our estimated time living in the condo). It's better, they say, to minimize renovation expenses so you don't have to recover so much in total condo expenses when the time comes that we'll be pricing the property for sale. Buyers do not care if you spent a lot in a certain brand of tiles or a certain range of dressers. They also hardly care if you spent big bucks in taking down wall to make the space "breathe" more. For as long as we consider the place livable, we should just do minor tweaks and updates.

They had a good point, no matter how my stubborn bratty side tries to resist it. They've done this before, and their perspective actually comes with a lot of sense. It's just that the girly girl in me got all excited in the renovation and the end-result that the magic of interior design can make you infatuated with. But I guess in the end, practicality wins the game.

Oh well, papel...

So now, I'm occupying myself with going through paint options and seeing what I like and don't like. As of now, this is what I am crushing on as the color of our master's bedroom:

Corn Silk!

Isn't it pretty yet not too girly yet relaxing and shiny & bright? Makes you wanna relax after a long day yet welcomes you into a bright new morning and ready to face the day. :)

Wow, that's a lot of adjectives for a kind of paint ;P

Jute! :)

Got these today, on what was the first shopping trip I've been on ever since 2010 started (clap clap clap!) I only allowed myself to go shopping because we got our 2009 bonus yesterday and I felt like celebrating. Hehehe. OK, enough justifying my shopping urges, here's what I got for myself. I love love love love them. Not only are they comfortable, I love how they look! And, strangely enough, I pictured myself being a mom running around and doing errands as I wear these. Hahaha! I know, how weird :p

P.S. These are called Jute espadrilles and come from Spain. They're made of 100% natural materials, are super duper comfortable and the pricing is pretty reasonable. Super comfy even if they're platform wedges :p

hmmmm

rumble in the jungle???

delinquent bride?

Sometimes I look at my fellow brides and can't help but compare myself with them. Is it normal not to think about your wedding every day? If not, then I'm totally a delinquent bride! I don't know what it is about my personality, but it's just not in my character to focus only on 1 thing in my life at a time. Perhaps that's reflected in how I choose to lead my life, i.e. I am never just about 1 particular thing, even if it means a lot to me. I maintain a good career, teach (half the year, at least), take up MBA, plan my wedding and plan the condo renovation all side-by-side, not just because I want to do all these things, but also because I just cannot stand to "stand" for 1 thing alone. I don't know why, sometimes I do feel I'm stretching myself too far, but overall, I find I'm happier this way.

Which leads me to another topic. Some people have brought up this topic with me a few times, and my answer has always stayed the same. When we do decide to have babies, I do not plan on putting a stop to my career. Not only because of financial reasons (though I admit those are powerful reasons all on their own), but also because I know that it's not the way I'll be happy. I will know my priorities though, for sure, in the sense that I know that my family is the most important thing and the most dispensable thing should be work. I fully intend to drop everything whenever my family needs me.

However, I find that there is more than 1 way to be a good mom, and that does not necessarily equate to staying put at home and mother all day, every day. Don't get me wrong, I respect and completely admire women who make the decision to stay at home. It's just not the way I would do it, because I know I will be unhappy not being productive and my kids and husband will know I'm unhappy. So at the end of the day, it serves no one. To be a happy person, I need to be a rounded person. In an ironic way, to be a good mom, I cannot allow myself to solely be a mom. Does that make sense? Just like, to be a good wife, I know I cannot allow myself to solely be a wife.

I guess the same thing goes for other things in my life. I just cannot stand being boxed into just 1 thing- being a working girl, being an MBA student, being just any one thing. And I guess it looks like I'll carry on living this way even after the wedding and after babies.

Oh, and another thing... It may sound weird, I know, but I also cannot take the fact that both titles- wife and mom- are titles that only exist in relation to someone else. Again, don't get me wrong, I love Dennis more than my heart can ever express, but I cannot live for him and him alone. I suspect the same thing would apply to my children. As much as I love them and would give up my life for theirs, I cannot confine my life to my relationship with them. My relationship with myself- how happy I make myself- also matters. And I happen to think it's only right that it matters. It's not selfish to want things for yourself, to save some hours of the day for yourself, and save some parts of yourself and not give it away to others, even if, by others, you mean your family. It's only right and it's only fair.

OK, am I even making sense?? How did I get to this topic when I was just thinking about being a delinquent bride? I don't remember anymore. The topic just popped back up in my head :P Oh well.

Project Home

is about to start for real! :) I'm soooo excited! Now that we've finalized our interior decoration drawings (thanks to Attorney's cousin, who did it for us for free as a wedding gift!), we're now ready to get the place jobbed-out to a contractor! Yehey! Now I feel like we're actually starting on Project Home already :P

Hopefully, though, it doesn't cost us too much. Within our budget is okay with me; I'm not even shooting for savings. I know that I can't scrimp in areas that need to be spent on (like the kitchen and the toilets), so I'm not going to penny-pinch like I would if we were referring to certain parts of our wedding. I know that it's an investment. I just want to stay within budget so we'll still be able to pay for some other planned items (hint: HM!) Let's keep our fingers and toes crossed! :)

confeeeeermed!

Got confirmed yesterday at Binondo Church. It was an interesting experience, though the seminar was seriously sleep-inducing. I successfully executed my part in the ceremony and even got a gift from my confirmation godparents! :) Hehehe. While it's true that I only did it as a requirement for our church wedding, I must admit I liked the solemnity of the ceremony,and the meaning of the whole thing wasn't lost of me at all, even if I'm not truly part of the faith. After all, I studied it in college. I even remember getting a flat 1.0 in the Sacraments class :)

Dennis was also sweet enough to accompany me through the whole thing, even sitting through a 2.5 hour seminar. He said he wanted to be there with me, even if the task at hand didn't involve him. Guess it's an exercise in marriage too. As my dad says, you don't always like what you do for your spouse, but you just do it :p

ohm.... namaste.... yoga...

OK, I was so tempted to blog about my yoga sessions after, well, the first time I went to yoga class in LKG. But I stopped myself, because I feared it meant I'll jinx this new fitness routine and I'll end up eating my words and doing "ningas kugon" (i.e. never go back after the 1st try). So now that I'm on my second month of doing yoga, I figured it's safe already to formally talk about it (at least as "formal" as this blog goes :p )

First off, I SUPER DUPER love yoga! Because:
1. It's sooo relaxing. It eases your mind of worries or stress and never fails to recharge me after each session. No fail! Since it has a lot to do with proper inhalation, requires tremendous concentration, demands focus on the here and now, and expects you to leave your troubles at the door. It's so calming and has such a nice de-stressing effect on me.
2. It helps my posture. Enough said.
3. It's making me stronger. I don't know if this is just a trick of my own mind's making, but I do feel incrementally stronger since I started doing this kind of yoga. I don't get out of breath as easily or as fast when Guia and I walk to Greenbelt. I can also take the stairs at the office and at home two steps at a time, all in one go (no more than 1 second interval between each two-step). I don't know when I can expect toning of the limbs to happen, but I think the increased strength is such an encouraging result.
4. It's strenuous enough yet it doesn't make you sweat like a pig or get "hingal" in a what-the-F kind of way. Admittedly, these are the main reasons I didn't like the gym. I didn't like how I felt so spent after each time I go. With yoga, I still get those "muscle aches" post-session, but nothing like those I get from going to the gym. So I still feel the workout's impact minus the icky sweating :p
5. There's variation in the yoga poses each time I go, so it never gets boring.
6. It's something I can easily replicate at home, maybe starting my 4th month of doing yoga. I need to get the poses down right first before attempting to do it at home, lest I injure myself. But once I get to do that, I can do yoga in the comforts of my own room. Which obviously, no gym routine can allow.
7. No need for special shoes, clothes or other paraphernalia. Apart from the studio fees, there are no required additional expenses!
8. The center is so near my office (at least for now.. I hear they're planning to move to Rockwell in Sept. Boohoo!). There is no excuse for me to skip my Wed-Fri twice-a-week routine.

Are those reasons enough? Hehe. I'm so happy that, after 27 years of existence, I've finally found an exercise routine I love. In fact, I super look forward to each session, in a way I never ever expected to feel about a physical activity. I never looked forward to gym or to PE. Ever! So this is definitely a good sign. I really love yoga!