Knowledge is Power

A number of people advised that we should consult a fertility expert if we want to get pregnant right away (or soon). For a while there, I didn't want to, for fear of bad news. At some level, I also felt that going to the doc means that we're giving up on getting this done naturally and conceding. It's hard to explain in detail but essentially I felt then that I just wasn't ready yet for the possible implications and results of going.

Late last year, though, we agreed that it was time to go "scientific" on the matter and find out what's taking us this long. So on the first weekend of January, we went on our first consultation, followed by another consult today. We also did two initial rounds of tests - one for him and one for me - both of which came out okay and normal. One down.

I'm now scheduled for a test called SHG next Tuesday - a test that checks if there are any blockages (or anything wrong, basically) with my fallopian tubes, since my ovaries and uterine wall (?) checked out okay. I'm a bit nervous about that because my preliminary internet research said it might be a bit painful and I should expect cramping. For someone who carries battle scars with dysmennorhea, cramping is still not something I take lightly :s However, since my solemn agreement with myself to divest of all things Ponstan and Advil-related, I will try to do the procedure as medication-free as possible. Cramps na kung cramps.

We also found out other things today that clarified some doubts lingering at the back of our heads. Indeed, knowledge is power. I wouldn't say though that I wish we went to the doc sooner, because I know now that I wasn't ready then to "face my fears". I am now, and I'm thankful to have a partner who is understanding, patient and never ever forces me to do something I'm not comfortable doing. He knows when to push and when to just let me be and hold my hand.

So, next Tuesday it is, doc. Fingers crossed!

thankful for

- having the luxury of waking up at 8:45 and getting up at 9:00 (Haha! I lounge for about 15 minutes before getting up. I check in on my Twitter and FB accounts first. Haha!) It's the bomb, I tell you. The precious time you save by not taking a car to work and by not needing to wake up earlier is.... priceless.

- upcoming trips to HK and Bangkok. We plan to do an "un-Hongkong" trip, meaning a trip that's not about the city side of HK and not about shopping. Haha! I told Dennis that I've been to HK more times than I can count but I've actually never done the touristy thing and have never ever gone to see Ngong Ping or the giant Buddha. So, we're doing that this time :) And then, it's gonna be Dennis' first time in BKK so I hope to be able to plan a good itinerary for that too, so he has a good impression and will take me back there. Haha! Speaking of BKK, I'm also grateful to our parents for giving us the miles needed to claim biz-class tickets for this trip, and on Holy Week dates too! Yay!

- last stretch of my schoolwork which involves getting the most coveted signature of approval to proceed to defense... and actually doing the defense sometime late Feb.

Thank you, thank you, 2012 :)

love for country

This seems to be an appropriate topic today, since the DOT unveiled their new slogan for tourism.

Sometimes I wonder if I really, honestly, truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly love the Philippines. If all my family members and friends move to, say, Australia, and hence I move too, will I still miss Pinas? Will I still feel like I'm not "home", when I suspect my definition of the Philippines being home is only because the people to whom my heart belongs live here (whether by choice or otherwise)?

Something to think about. Because I notice that when thinking about what I love about the Philippines, the answers I mostly come up with have to do with the people I love. There are barely other reasons. Unlike people from other countries like my cousins from Canada who have country-loving reasons beyond their families. They love their systems, they love their way of life, etc...

So, you, do you really love the Philippines? Love it enough to still stay?

And don't say, you cannot separate the Philippines from your loved ones because that just doesn't make any sense.(Haha! Defensive?!) Ask yourself the question I posed above. :)

Thankfulness post for the year that was...

It's 2012! Happy New Year! In line with the new theme I started last year, here's the grand "thank you" list for 2011:

THANK YOU FOR...

- the best husband in the whole wide world. I know everyone probably says this about the man in their lives, but I would seriously enter Dennis in any best-husband competition out there. He is the best partner one can ever hope for.
- the best family, both new and old. I'm referring to my Co family (old) and Chan family (new). This year is when I truly got to know this new family I joined and I'm thankful for the many lessons they taught me and the love with which they showered me all year long.
- the many opportunities that come my way. I've received so many career and academic opportunities this year and I'm so grateful. I hope that 2012 will be the year I can move on from this company, not because of any bitter reason but because I honestly feel that I've learned as much as I possibly can in this place. I feel it's time to move on.
- the financial blessings of 2011. The past year also saw us able to expand our nest egg and be on a much stronger footing in terms of our finances. We were able to pay down our loan a bit and were able to save, while still being able to... (next point)
- the travel opportunities and the luxuries we were able to partake in in 2011. This year also saw us spending the most we've ever spent (so far in our short married life) in travel. Firstly, we went to Europe together for the first time. We also spent Atty's birthday in Macau and spent for most of the expenses. We also went to Bora for the first time, almost on impulse, and spent the holiday vacation in Anvaya, where again, we were "taya" (and were happy to be too!). A huge THANK YOU for these adventures. We were also able to indulge in some luxuries this year, with the new gadgets and the shopping exploits. We also gifted his brother with a very generous wedding gift. Thank you.
- THE thesis. Thank you for giving me the fortitude and strength to go through the hellish 14 weeks of Strama, culminating in the submission of the longest piece of Word document I've ever written in my entire life. No matter the grading outcome (though I'm also grateful for the high grade I got for this class), I'm proud of what I've accomplished.
- the chance to teach again. As I've said in more times than once in this blog, teaching is indeed a calling of mine. It doesn't pay a lot but it is rewarding in so much more meaningful ways. And I'm grateful for the chance to teach again and for having an easy bunch of kids to educate.

2011 did have its lows, mind you. Especially towards the end when the frustration and sadness I felt over not getting the one gift I truly wanted. But my husband saw me through this dark period, and I do believe we emerged a stronger couple after it. I know it probably doesn't make a dent in terms of the more serious trials that other couples have gone through, but this challenge did give me a good look at the metal of the man I married - the kind of inner strength and wisdom he has, on top of the unwavering love and devotion I'm eternally grateful for. So even if 2011 left one wish ungranted, I am still grateful for all the blessings it brought. And it makes me even more excited and hopeful for 2012.

Happy New Year!

keep eyes on the road ahead

The past few days have been about carrying a huge weight inside my heart. After lugging around this pain in my chest, I felt that last night, a message was sent to me through a TV series I was watching while waiting for Dennis to come home. It was advice dispensed by Nora Walker, and it went something like this:

You have to believe that if someone is meant to be in your life, s/he will find his/her way into it. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ahead. Stay on course and trust that the road you're on is the one you're meant to be on anyway. If you keep looking at the rearview mirror, you might miss a turn on the road that you're supposed to make and end up even more lost than if you never took a peak backwards in the first place.

So keep your eyes on the road ahead of you. No to rearview mirrors.

That's the Christmas message to cap off 2011.

twiddling thumbs....

Now that my papers are all submitted and the exam has been taken...... I find myself strangely ill at ease. I know I should be enjoying this brief break until the 17th when I find out if I need to revise (rather, what I need to revise because for sure the thesis ain't perfect), or until January when the defense preparations are under way, but I guess all this stress build-up the past couple of weeks just makes me feel anxious over the lack of anything to do now.

Doesn't that sound strange?!

OK, I'll just look up new places we can check out in HongKong when we go in Feb. Maybe that's a good place to start. :P

Pathway

Praying for a new pathway to open up. Willing it. Wishing it. Praying for it.

thank you for...

the most supportive husband in the world! I mean this in the most serious way possible. Thank you for blessing me with a life partner who always believes in me, often much much more than I believe in myself. Thank you for giving me someone who is, in all the possible contexts of the phrase, the wind beneath my wings. Thank you forever and ever for giving me this man to have and to hold forever and ever.

2012 to-do's

Inspired by my brother, I will try to draft up a list of 2012 target milestones :) It'll mark my 30th year of existence, as well as (hopefully) see me cross the MBA finish-line, and maybe even go up the career ladder. Let's see..

Target to have this list up by the 3rd week of December. For now, need to focus on studying for my final exam in Strama and finishing the last paper (can't believe he assigned YET another paper...) and submitting the revised OrgBev refresher paper (paper again?!)

2011 has been such a tiring year, work-output-wise....

Yun lang :)

thesis "the" day

Today's the day the god-d*mn paper is due :p

Since I'm blogging, you can probably surmise I'm done. Well, I'm about 98% done now. What's left to do today is to proofread the paper, review my financials, correct the format of my reference page (need to be in correct APA format) and go over the entire thing to make sure the layout didn't get messed up and it looks pretty.

After this, I go home to eat dinner, head to Copylandia to get this baby printed and bound, then head over to RCBC to stick this paper up the... I mean, submit this to the professor. :P

Then it's just 1 more final exam, and this term is OVER!

Yay!

final stretch...

I have written 115 pages worth of STRAMA paper worthy of at least 100% of my tuition fee paid to the MBA school thus far. And I'm not yet done. I have about at least 80 more pages to go, and one big-ass financial projection to make, good for the next 5 years of SMART.

This is by far the most intense schoolwork I've ever done. And I'm finally on the last stretch - one more week til submission date. I've even filed for 2 vacation leaves just to make sure I have enough time to cover all bases, dot the i's and dash the t's.

Here's to nothing! Please wish me luck!

Bora virgin no more...

That is my husband :P

We went to Boracay last weekend, initialy because I had a conference that brought me there on Thursday, after which we decided to have Dennis fly in on Friday so we can spend the weekend there. It was his first trip to Bora, not being much of a beach person, and I'm proud to say that I've converted him! He now loves Bora and is now talking about our next trip there! Haha!

I think it's largely because we stayed at a really good area - more secluded, quieter, cleaner and much more peaceful part of the beach. Also, our hotel was really nice and the food we had was good. So all in all, it made a really good impression upon him and now, he's a Bora lover already! I feel so proud :)

I'm really grateful to have had the chance to do this with him. Thanks too to my company for the free ticket (for me!) and to the timing, because we went just before peak season came in and still got really good deals for the hotel and his ticket. Thanks too to Kayers for the tips! :)

Thank you for...

long weekends that allow me to:
1. Catch up on my paper-writing (a necessary evil)
2. Catch up on sleep
3. Take leisurely walks around our area with my husband

Thank you for also blessing this long weekend with good weather.

Thank you, lastly, for letting us live where we live. I love this area we're in, for its easy convenience, its peace & quiet during the weekends, and its proximity to everywhere I need to be - school and work :)

Thank you!

hanging up my teacher robes for now

My brand comm management class for SY2011-2012 just ended, and strangely, I'm feeling withdrawal symptoms from this batch of students. I often say it's because their noise level is through the roof, and everywhere else, in comparison to them, sounds sooooo eerily quiet. But I also think it's because this batch is exceptionally talented, and I'm excited to see what their prospects will look like after they've passed the baptism of fire called IMC 4th year. They're such a vibrant and energetic group of kiddos.

Also, I have a few observations about this batch, mostly gleaned through our interactions and in part from this final paper output I assign to every batch called "Brand You." The requirement is to draft a brand strategy paper about yourself, with future employers as the target market. The objective is to link your present self to your ultimate dream or career apex, by outlining the steps you think you need to take or barriers you need to overcome to put yourself in a good position to realize your dream. Typically, most of my students do not have a firm vision yet of their desired futures, and this is something I really expect. After all, they're 18-19 years old only; who at that age would already know where they want to go and what they want to be? When I was their age, I knew I wanted to be in client, but anything beyond that, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea.

What's interesting with this batch is that the majority actually had a concrete picture of their future! I was so surprised to read that 80 or even 90% of the kids in this class already knew what field they wanted to get into, what version of themselves they want to be, and how they think they should improve on their current selves in order to get closer to that "apex" they want to reach. IMPRESSIVE! I was so inspired, I wrote little notes on each paper on my suggestions and friendly advice on how to best navigate their chosen careers, at least the ones I'm familiar with. The ones I only observe and cannot claim to know very well, like theater and law, I only gave general encouragement. I find it so amazing. I don't know if it's going to be a general trend now, with kids being so internet-savvy and being bombarded by so many imageries out there, but I think it's a good sign. I can only be happy in the fact that they seem to have really liked my class and learned a lot from me. I intend to keep tabs on these kids, especially the talented ones that I even intend to hire in the future, just because I think they're gonna be, as they like to say a lot, "BIG".

I'm quite excited to meet 2012's batch and see if they're the same (or better)

:)

dream job?

I read this article where the author worried about this growing sentiment among his peers to want to drop their current jobs and go in search of their one true "dream job", inspired by the life of Steve Jobs and often quoting his famous speech at the graduation ceremony at Stanford. He says he's worried because people might not be seeing the bigger picture and are just choosing to focus on the nice-to-the-ears ideas of going to where your passion lies. Sometimes, what's more material and what's more doable is to change your attitude about the job you already have. Also, sometimes, you idealize and romanticize the idea of your "dream job" and never fully prepare yourself for the "job" part of "dream job", since your head was just brimming full of the "dream" component.

Also, it doesn't always translate that if you like dessert, your career path should be something along the lines of a dessert magnate or a cake queen. Because having a passion for dessert does not mean you have what it takes to get into the dessert business. At the end of the day, it's a business, just one about desserts as the product. If you don't prepare yourself for the qualifications required for the business, you'll just find endless frustration, not to mention expose yourself and your family to a level of risk you weren't ready to take on.

I think those were wise words and should be said as a P.S. to all these quotations of Steve Jobs' famous speech. True, you shouldn't settle and you should always strive to find work that's meaningful to your life and to your heart. But I guess the bottom line is you should also put in the required effort to prepare yourself for that kind of work, and not just assume that having enough passion for it will be enough. Just like with romantic life, love just ain't enough.

Another point to consider is that usually, people think of setting up their own business as the automatic best way to have their dream jobs. This is such a mistake. As I mentioned, business is a field altogether that needs preparation and oftentimes, an appetite for risk - something not everybody has. More importantly, owning a business means commitment akin to the kind you dedicate to a spouse. A business that's entirely your own can require endless hours, every day, including the weekends. It means having no real vacation days, because even when you're halfway across the world, your business is still at the back of your mind. It means never "switching off" or "logging out" completely, sometimes mentally and always emotionally. It means being relied on by other people for their source of livelihood, and sometimes this pressure alone can feel like one million tons. Having your own business means being entirely accountable, all day, everyday. Seeing my dad take this on is enough to make me see the immense responsibility, commitment and dedication required, and I guess, by and large, that's one of the biggest reasons I feel unprepared as of now to launch my own thing. Even if it's about something I like.

The author ended with wishing his friends well- the ones you jumped off the corporate ship and chose to swim alone, carrying their life's passion with them. I guess I'd do the same if I knew these people. There's no one formula in life, I guess, and Steve Jobs' story is just one that happened to work out, in hindsight. It doesn't mean everyone should copy what he did and risk things they may not be ready to. Especially in this world economy. Maybe an attitude adjustment would do the trick for now :)

thankfulness post of the day

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for giving me a dad who :

- loves my mother beyond anything and anyone in this world, including his children, as the best way to love your children is to love their mother

- gave us a stable childhood with all needs met and some luxuries provided.

- is sooooo OC and so adorably a neat and control freak. His compulsions always crack me up.

- takes responsibility seriously and gives 100% hard work behind everything he does ; he taught us about being accountable, "doing first things first", "fast play" aka do things in a fast and efficient manner, and always trying to stay detail-oriented. You can keep talking a big game, but you'll only attain success if you cover your bases and do your homework.

- is a loyal brother and a great friend, who'll make it his mission to help you up whenever you fall

- has such a voracious appetite for knowledge. He's my go-to guy to ask about anything and everything about the world of business and politics.

- gives a whole new meaning to the word "SUPPORT"

I love you, papa. You'll always be the first man I ever loved, ergo the man I will love the longest. I love you so much I feel like I married a version of you. Dennis reminds me so much of you in so many ways, that I feel like God cloned you and put you in the *chubby* body of a Xavierian-Atenean lawyer who's just as OC, control-freaky, responsible, loving, loyal, supportive and FUNNY as you. I can't believe this family is so lucky as you have two versions of you in it :) Love you!

Strauma

This class I'm taking this term in continued pursuit of my MBA is easily THE HARDEST CLASS I'VE EVER TAKEN IN MY ENTIRE ACADEMIC LIFE. The name of the class is Strama, standing for Strategic Management. But I fondly call it Strauma due to the traumatic experience it's giving me.

Reasons are as follows:

1. Every class we have on Mondays requires the following:
- Reading some 25 to 40 pages of readings, EVERY SESSION. And these are not the easy-reading types of readings. They are highly complex concepts and theories. Plus one reading is always a case, which you must analyse together with your groupmates.
- Meeting with groupmates to discuss the readings, analyse them based on the frameworks taught, and make powerpoint presentations itemizing the results of this analyses.
- Reciting in class to cover the readings and to make the presentation
- Listen attentively in class, lest you make an incorrect understanding of any of the frameworks taught and risk failing in the requirement # 2 detailed below.

2. The final output of the class consists of:
- A final exam, which requires studying all the readings (40 pages times 12 sessions)
- A final paper which is on average 150 pages long and written 100% by you and you alone. Research prior to writing the paper is required, since you are expected to quote facts and figures to make your conclusions and recommendations.

It's sooooo stressful, like you wouldn't believe.

There are times I want to quit this class but the following are stopping me:
1. My pride. I don't know if I can face myself calling my own self (haha, I know, you get my drift) a quitter. I've never quit on anything in my life and I think my pride has successfully garnered that achievement on its own. So I will NOT quit this one.
2. This is my last studying term in MBA. After this class and this term, I just have to make further polishing of my term paper and present it in the OCE (oral comprehensive exam) next term. Then I am done. The end is in sight. I did not study these 4 years only to stop 1 term short of finishing.
3. Dennis is strictly not allowing me to quit. If my pride is a strong force, my husband is a much much stronger one.
4. I really love business, even if MBA is purely the theory side of it. And I don't want to quit on studying something I love. Also, I took this up for a reason (reasons, actually) and these reasons are still valid, no matter how difficult the climb to the finish line may be.
5. I've paid xxx,xxx amount thus far. Self-explanatory.

Thank you, Steve Jobs

For someone I've never met, I feel really affected by the death of Steve Jobs. On one hand, he was taken away far too soon. He was way too young. More importantly, I feel like he still had so much to offer the world, but what else he could've come up with, the world will never know.

So much of today's cyberspace activity was devoted to eulogizing this great man. I've never seen this much mourning and admiration pouring in after someone passes. Not a President. Not a King. Not an Artist, even Michael Jackson. Not anybody in recent history. Amazing how one person's life's work influenced and touched the entire world that people feel they've actually lost a good friend when he died.

Apart from admiring the man for the visionary that he was and the sheer marketing genius he had, I also need to thank him for reminding me of a very important life lesson today. To paraphrase him a bit, the only way to live meaningfully is to do great work. And the only time work can be great is when you love it. You spend a great deal of your life doing work, so why settle for one that doesn't get your juices flowing, your heart beating and your tummy all filled up with butterflies? Definitely, work is not meant to be easy. But it won't feel (and shouldn't feel) like a cross on your back if it's work that your heart and mind are destined to be dedicated to. Do not compromise this, just like you wouldn't want to compromise on a choice of a spouse. It's like a love affair- this relationship we have with work. Why? It has its ups and downs, just like a marriage. It has its bad days and rough sailing points, but at the end of the day, you keep going and you never let go because at the heart of it all lies true, unadulterated and passionate love.

I feel this way about marketing and I feel this way about teaching. For that, I'll be forever grateful. But I feel that my love for marketing may not translate to love for my current company. So on this point I will need to keep searching.

I also love the theory side of business but feel a little (okay, a LOT) scared about the application side of it, because it involves risk at a level I'm not sure I'm ready to take on.

But see, I'm not yet sure if any of these two choices are on the "true love" level. I don't know. But at least now I'm reminded once again never to give up searching for it. Just like I wouldn't give up on love (good thing I found it rather soon), I shouldn't give up on finding that one true professional path that constitutes my calling. At the end of my life, I want to be like Steve- someone who did what he set out to do, without compromises and without apology. Someone who played at work and worked when he played. Someone who dreamed and had the guts to make those come true (or at least give it his darnest, best shot). Someone without regrets (at least professionally), as I didn't know him personally at all. I guess it's all part of living everyday as if it were your last - taking away all the bullshit of this world, the unnecessary temptations and distractions clogging our judgment, and focusing on what truly, deeply matters. Using only your inner compass and your very own mirror to show you where to go. Listening to your own voice first and last, even as you consult other people what they think. Knowing who you are, what you're about and what you stand for, and never letting anything change that.

Thank you, Steve Jobs. Rest in peace. This world is a much less interesting world now that you're gone.

Turning 29...

It'll be my 29th birthday in 25 days. Which means I only have 390 days left before I turn the big 3-0. I'll say (silently) my birthday wish now.

..........

There.

Hope it comes true! :)

thankfulness post again!

OK this time, I'm thankful for my co-workers. That is, those specific co-workers who have become very good friends of mine. I know that not a lot of people like the people they work with, but in my case, all my teammates in my professional career so far have been very good people and, thus, very good friends :) I'm grateful for them, most of all for my boss JJB who is not only one of the most brilliant and wise bosses you can ever hope to work for, but is also a boss who has your back 100% of the time, who will push for you and push you to go up the next level and who will fight for you all the time, even if it means taking a few punches from others in the process. It is SOOOOOOO rare to have a boss like that, and I'm so grateful to have worked with her for 5 years and to have known her as a friend :)

Come to think of it, I've been pretty lucky with bosses in my professional life. They've all been able to teach me and make me better, both as a person and as a professional. They're inspiring people to emulate and very good friends to have. Thank you, God!