Monday, February 25, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Here we go...
So I guess my new role starts today. With no prior notice and no warning, my (new) boss just invited me to the ManCom meeting today and I guess that was supposed to be my cue to start this new role.
It's just a bit offfooting, to report to someone so senior. Half the time I'm just guessing what I should do next, or if a certain question in my head even warrants being spoken out loud to him. Since his rank is so much higher and he is not the type (and shouldn't anymore be) to delve into operational details, I'm left wondering how to figure out the kinks and the details without his explanation.
Hmmm..
Such strange territory.
Guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along.
Oh and in other news, I got my period on Chinese New Year Eve. As I tweeted, it was such a poetic ending to the Dragon year - the year that was supposed to be "against" my sign. I was counting on it arriving tomorrow, actually, but no no no, as is the tradition between me and my lovely time-of-the-month, "she" just had to show up on such a poignant time. In the past, "she" also never passed on the chance to show up on a big day. When I was younger and in school, she would show her face on exam day or a big day like a student council election when I was running for office, or prom night, or the first day of school. When I started working, it would show up on my first day on the job or during a particularly stressful day. When I started wanting to get pregnant, it showed up on Mothers' Day.. and just recently, at the close of the Dragon Year. Hay. You little period, you. If I didn't know better, I would think you're picking on me. :p
It's just a bit offfooting, to report to someone so senior. Half the time I'm just guessing what I should do next, or if a certain question in my head even warrants being spoken out loud to him. Since his rank is so much higher and he is not the type (and shouldn't anymore be) to delve into operational details, I'm left wondering how to figure out the kinks and the details without his explanation.
Hmmm..
Such strange territory.
Guess I'll just have to figure it out as I go along.
Oh and in other news, I got my period on Chinese New Year Eve. As I tweeted, it was such a poetic ending to the Dragon year - the year that was supposed to be "against" my sign. I was counting on it arriving tomorrow, actually, but no no no, as is the tradition between me and my lovely time-of-the-month, "she" just had to show up on such a poignant time. In the past, "she" also never passed on the chance to show up on a big day. When I was younger and in school, she would show her face on exam day or a big day like a student council election when I was running for office, or prom night, or the first day of school. When I started working, it would show up on my first day on the job or during a particularly stressful day. When I started wanting to get pregnant, it showed up on Mothers' Day.. and just recently, at the close of the Dragon Year. Hay. You little period, you. If I didn't know better, I would think you're picking on me. :p
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Time to get kikay-- 31 is around the corner!
Inspired by the Yahoo article, I want to get this from Benefit!!! It'll help me in the quest to stay "31-looking". Hehehe.
It's all clear to me now.
It's clear to me now which choice to make. Thank you, SSK, for the clarity and the sense of peace. I really cannot have everything. Sometimes, it's a matter of what kind of (potential) regret you will be more willing to live with. It helps decide which sacrifice is best to be made, for the sake of which blessing or choice you would rather have.
Thank you.
Truth be told, the decision was easy to make. Once I got a clearer view of the possible repercussions of each path, it was a NO-BRAINER.
But that's not to say there was no mourning to be done. There was. A good deal of it. For the professional in me. For the part of me that longs for achievement and professional actualization. For the part of me that LOVES this kind of work and LOVES the team I work with. For the part of me that has always been such a go-getter and never a by-stander. For the part of me that attaches a lot of self-worth to my work.
But maybe, all things need to end. Or at least you need to change some things around to get some things to change.
Get it? :p
Now, can we get a move on and get this done?! Game na ako! :)
Thank you.
Truth be told, the decision was easy to make. Once I got a clearer view of the possible repercussions of each path, it was a NO-BRAINER.
But that's not to say there was no mourning to be done. There was. A good deal of it. For the professional in me. For the part of me that longs for achievement and professional actualization. For the part of me that LOVES this kind of work and LOVES the team I work with. For the part of me that has always been such a go-getter and never a by-stander. For the part of me that attaches a lot of self-worth to my work.
But maybe, all things need to end. Or at least you need to change some things around to get some things to change.
Get it? :p
Now, can we get a move on and get this done?! Game na ako! :)
Monday, January 28, 2013
"I Don't Know How She Does It"
If you've seen this movie, you know that strange feeling of wanting to be in 2 places at once, doing 2 things at once, and just basically wishing you can split your body into 2 and fulfill 2 roles.
I know that, in my last blog post, I wished for an opportunity to arrive, to get me excited again in my work days. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my team. But I realized that I feel like I've outgrown my current capacity and that I can still do more. I think this also started from my "subbing" for my boss when she is not around. I'm her right-hand (wo)man, and the time she was on ML and the times she would not be around, I would slip into her role as brand head like fish does to water. And while this makes me feel good that I am able to stretch myself to the next role, it also makes me think, "If I can fulfill that function and work at that (next) level, then how come I'm not yet there officially?"
Anyway, I know that I wished for an opportunity, and I guess when God hears a prayer, he REALLY hears it. Two opportunities are about to cross my way, and I thank the chance to be given a heads-up before I need to make a final decision. Route #1 presents the growth I wanted - to head a brand and be in charge of a business from start to end. Route #2 presents growth that I did NOT anticipate at all, but presents the possibility of a bigger growth trajectory. It is an opportunity with so much potency, which presents a stark contrast from route #1 which is so filled with certainty for me -- I can do that job from Day 1 and hit the ground running. This unexpected route #2 takes me out of my comfort zone and out of the career track I had built for myself. It also means it carries risk that I'm not sure I am prepared for - taking myself out of the "action" and being more consultative than executive. It's so far off from what I'm used to, and it's more full of "maybe"'s than anything.
And today, given that I am who I am, I became struck with an option. As opposed to just Route #1 VS Route #2, WHAT IF... Just WHAT IF... I ask for BOTH!
Wild, right?
I know.
I'm probably the only one who'd even consider such a thing.
But I am excited. It's the best of both worlds! Right?
And also scared. What if the "worst" of these 2 worlds prove to be more than I can handle? It's either I will high-five myself for a good choice made or I will kick myself for getting spread too thinly.
What about my personal dream of being a mother? What if these 2 jobs end up taking me farther away from that?
But then again, if I had to choose, which one?!
And since the BIG boss will be offering me the Route #2, is it even possible to turn it down?!
So many thoughts in my head right now. The overarching feeling is this excitement.. and hunger.. hunger to take it all on and not miss on an opportunity. Yet there's also this fear.. of biting off more than I can chew and being in over my head, and missing out on my personal dream. It's either I go for #1, #2 or a combo of both.
The combo sounds good..
Then again...
There's only 24 hours in a day and only 5 days in a working week. There are limits to my capacities, yet these are the same limits I am excited to push and see how far I can go. I studied so much and worked so well all these years, that I'm so excited to see where it can all take me.. how far up I can go and how much I can accomplish. Then again, when I do get pregnant and have a wee one, will I still relish the fact that my job is so challenging? Or will I curse the day I took it?!
Omg.
I am not making sense. How do high-flying career mothers do it?!?
Wild.
After everything I said, I still have no answer.
:-/
I know that, in my last blog post, I wished for an opportunity to arrive, to get me excited again in my work days. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my team. But I realized that I feel like I've outgrown my current capacity and that I can still do more. I think this also started from my "subbing" for my boss when she is not around. I'm her right-hand (wo)man, and the time she was on ML and the times she would not be around, I would slip into her role as brand head like fish does to water. And while this makes me feel good that I am able to stretch myself to the next role, it also makes me think, "If I can fulfill that function and work at that (next) level, then how come I'm not yet there officially?"
Anyway, I know that I wished for an opportunity, and I guess when God hears a prayer, he REALLY hears it. Two opportunities are about to cross my way, and I thank the chance to be given a heads-up before I need to make a final decision. Route #1 presents the growth I wanted - to head a brand and be in charge of a business from start to end. Route #2 presents growth that I did NOT anticipate at all, but presents the possibility of a bigger growth trajectory. It is an opportunity with so much potency, which presents a stark contrast from route #1 which is so filled with certainty for me -- I can do that job from Day 1 and hit the ground running. This unexpected route #2 takes me out of my comfort zone and out of the career track I had built for myself. It also means it carries risk that I'm not sure I am prepared for - taking myself out of the "action" and being more consultative than executive. It's so far off from what I'm used to, and it's more full of "maybe"'s than anything.
And today, given that I am who I am, I became struck with an option. As opposed to just Route #1 VS Route #2, WHAT IF... Just WHAT IF... I ask for BOTH!
Wild, right?
I know.
I'm probably the only one who'd even consider such a thing.
But I am excited. It's the best of both worlds! Right?
And also scared. What if the "worst" of these 2 worlds prove to be more than I can handle? It's either I will high-five myself for a good choice made or I will kick myself for getting spread too thinly.
What about my personal dream of being a mother? What if these 2 jobs end up taking me farther away from that?
But then again, if I had to choose, which one?!
And since the BIG boss will be offering me the Route #2, is it even possible to turn it down?!
So many thoughts in my head right now. The overarching feeling is this excitement.. and hunger.. hunger to take it all on and not miss on an opportunity. Yet there's also this fear.. of biting off more than I can chew and being in over my head, and missing out on my personal dream. It's either I go for #1, #2 or a combo of both.
The combo sounds good..
Then again...
There's only 24 hours in a day and only 5 days in a working week. There are limits to my capacities, yet these are the same limits I am excited to push and see how far I can go. I studied so much and worked so well all these years, that I'm so excited to see where it can all take me.. how far up I can go and how much I can accomplish. Then again, when I do get pregnant and have a wee one, will I still relish the fact that my job is so challenging? Or will I curse the day I took it?!
Omg.
I am not making sense. How do high-flying career mothers do it?!?
Wild.
After everything I said, I still have no answer.
:-/
Monday, January 21, 2013
Meaning
As I read in a blog, "HAPPINESS fades away, MEANING is enduring."
I've been hoping to "stumble" upon what I hope can be my next professional step. It can be a new position in a new company, thereby replacing my current day-job, or a new project or sideline that can lead to something substantial, thereby adding an extra oomph to my usual day, especially when my day-job gives me the headaches.
I hope to be able to find it soon. I've been so inspired by my brother and sister-in-law, both of whom are happy to report that they've made a business venture out of their respective passions. I must admit it gives work a different dimension -- to be doing something that makes your heart sing and fills up your pocket as well.
Hope to get struck by my own lightbulb moment soon :)
I've been hoping to "stumble" upon what I hope can be my next professional step. It can be a new position in a new company, thereby replacing my current day-job, or a new project or sideline that can lead to something substantial, thereby adding an extra oomph to my usual day, especially when my day-job gives me the headaches.
I hope to be able to find it soon. I've been so inspired by my brother and sister-in-law, both of whom are happy to report that they've made a business venture out of their respective passions. I must admit it gives work a different dimension -- to be doing something that makes your heart sing and fills up your pocket as well.
Hope to get struck by my own lightbulb moment soon :)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Quite nothing like this
Have you ever wanted something with every fiber of your being? Dreamed of it, prayed for it, planned for it, hoped for it, visualized it almost every day. Asked for it, pleaded for it to the point of begging, willing to trade God all other blessings in exchange for this one gift. Knocked on the door of chance relentlessly and get no response. Then see other people get welcomed into the fold seemingly effortlessly.
Today, I hit a different kind of low in this quest to make our dream come true. I was hit by a thought -- I wish I can find a way to want this a little bit less. I wish there was some kind of lever I can maneuver-- a knob of some sort that I can twist downward-- just to minimize this yearning a little, tiny bit. Just enough to give me some respite from the emotional turmoil. I wish I have a way to want it less, so my heart can break a little bit less as well. Unfortunately, in a thing like this, there's no halfway mark. It's either you want it or you don't. And once you want it, there's no unwanting.
My heart is just so tired. It has sustained so much bruising I fear it has changed color already. It has cried a whole river and a half. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow but for now, I just wish there was a parking bay I can take my heart to.
Today, I hit a different kind of low in this quest to make our dream come true. I was hit by a thought -- I wish I can find a way to want this a little bit less. I wish there was some kind of lever I can maneuver-- a knob of some sort that I can twist downward-- just to minimize this yearning a little, tiny bit. Just enough to give me some respite from the emotional turmoil. I wish I have a way to want it less, so my heart can break a little bit less as well. Unfortunately, in a thing like this, there's no halfway mark. It's either you want it or you don't. And once you want it, there's no unwanting.
My heart is just so tired. It has sustained so much bruising I fear it has changed color already. It has cried a whole river and a half. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow but for now, I just wish there was a parking bay I can take my heart to.
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Paying it forward...
I've been blessed to have very good bosses in my 10 years of working, and at this point in my career, I care more about paying this "goodness" forward, rather than managing upwards and impressing upper management. I care more about mentoring young people, caring for their professional development and making sure that they stay inspired. Perhaps this is also why I enjoy teaching so much. For me, there is much more fulfillment in enabling others, rather than helping myself. Of course, this is not to say I don't do anything for myself in the corporate arena. It's just that I derive so much more contentment from the former.
Since I was on leave the last 5+ working days of 2012, I had missed receiving personally the gifts of my team. I'm attaching some of the notes that my younger guys had written me. It warmed my heart to read these notes this morning. What a great way to jumpstart 2013. You know you're doing a good job as a boss when someone refers to you as their "good karma." Being Buddhist, this compliment means 1,000,000 times more to me.
This is the best payoff for all that work done in 2012 :)
Since I was on leave the last 5+ working days of 2012, I had missed receiving personally the gifts of my team. I'm attaching some of the notes that my younger guys had written me. It warmed my heart to read these notes this morning. What a great way to jumpstart 2013. You know you're doing a good job as a boss when someone refers to you as their "good karma." Being Buddhist, this compliment means 1,000,000 times more to me.
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
Hello, 2013!!!
You've been pretty eventful, 2012. Please stand up and take my grateful applause for a job well done. You saw me through the last stretch of MBA school and even gave me the lone distinction honor in my graduation batch. You had us go to HK twice, then to Singapore to catch Wicked, Bangkok to discover beautiful temples and to China with my family. You also pointed us towards the direction of The Grove and gave us enough prosperity to buy our second condo unit. You marked my 5th year as a Marketing Manager and surprised me with unexpected career highlights : a promotion to Senior Manager and the YMMA award! The 5th manager-year also gave me a new Innova (again, prosperity). You also made me a godmother the second time around, and gave my lola's health her nth wind. My brother married the love of his life, and my youngest brother is on his way to jumpstarting his dream business venture. You continued to bless my parents and my husband, especially in terms of their health and respective financial standings. You also gave me a rambunctious new bunch of students to teach, and new colleagues to mentor. You saw me mark my 30th year of existence and allowed me to spend it with my one true love. You brought fulfillment, prosperity and love. Thank you.
You were uneventful in only 1 area of my life -- my sweetest dream -- and while the fruit of this dream didn't materialize this year, you did pepper it with a lot of learning and personal realizations. I am grateful for the new knowledge and the comfort it brings.
And with that, I am fully ready for you, 2013. I know you bring more blessings with you. Always keep my loved ones safe and healthy, happy and together.
And my dream, please. Please let this be THE year. My heart is bursting with longing and excitement. You have no idea just how loved this child will be. Loved beyond your wildest intention and welcomed with the most open arms ever (remember, we are a tall couple with wide arms :p ).
Cheers!!!!!
You were uneventful in only 1 area of my life -- my sweetest dream -- and while the fruit of this dream didn't materialize this year, you did pepper it with a lot of learning and personal realizations. I am grateful for the new knowledge and the comfort it brings.
And with that, I am fully ready for you, 2013. I know you bring more blessings with you. Always keep my loved ones safe and healthy, happy and together.
And my dream, please. Please let this be THE year. My heart is bursting with longing and excitement. You have no idea just how loved this child will be. Loved beyond your wildest intention and welcomed with the most open arms ever (remember, we are a tall couple with wide arms :p ).
Cheers!!!!!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
No need for HK!
Baguio is the place to be in December! Just as cold and just as cozy! But not as expensive! 👍
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Spend here, spend there
We've been spending more than what we earn, for the past 2 months. Bad bad bad.
Well, I guess we shouldn't feel too guilty since a huge chunk of it went to our medical bills with this treatment that appears to be working for us. Then the other half consists of Christmas shopping, bills, 13th month pay of our driver and maid, and remnants of our HK trip. Upcoming ones are the Baguio trip with my in-laws and the Malaysia trip with the Chans in Feb.
Need to be more conscientious come 2013 though. The math geek in me keeps tabs on how much needs to be put back in the account, for all this to break even. Let's pray for good Smart bonus in April so everything can even out.
:)
Well, I guess we shouldn't feel too guilty since a huge chunk of it went to our medical bills with this treatment that appears to be working for us. Then the other half consists of Christmas shopping, bills, 13th month pay of our driver and maid, and remnants of our HK trip. Upcoming ones are the Baguio trip with my in-laws and the Malaysia trip with the Chans in Feb.
Need to be more conscientious come 2013 though. The math geek in me keeps tabs on how much needs to be put back in the account, for all this to break even. Let's pray for good Smart bonus in April so everything can even out.
:)
Thursday, December 13, 2012
The RH debate
Here's the thing. I think people would normally assume because I have firsthand experience with infertility, I would be anti-RH and would be anti-contraception. On the contrary, I am very much pro-RH and am even more convicted about it because of my infertility experience.
The main point behind my stand is that I believe children should be born by choice and not by (unwanted) chance. My experience punctuates this even more. Imagine the joy and love poured upon a child because he or she was wanted, welcomed and dreamed of. Now imagine the reverse when a child is met by unwelcome surprise and dread. I know that children are a blessing (boy do I know that!) so all the more they should be conceived and brought into this world if the parents will be "deserving" of them -- meaning they will be able to give them quality of life, not just an existence of the barest minimum. Sex definitely starts the process of making a child, but being a good parent has nothing to do with sex.
I think this bill is at the heart of it, a population control or a contraception bill. Everything else like maternal care is already provided for by other laws. Sex ed is optional and only for secular schools (which can already mount these already anyway). And this pro-contraception part is what the anti-RH people are getting riled up about.
To each his own. If they feel their religious belief dictates that this is bad, so be it. But I believe in the separation of church and state, and the bill only gives access to these tools. It does not mandate anything. Choice is given to women and I think it's more an injustice to make a woman powerless over her body, than it is to let children go unconceived. An unwanted child is a sadder state to have than an unconceived one. I guess my stand is to spare the child if bringing him to the world will only give him a life of disadvantage. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with that.
So yes, I'm happy congress passed it. Let's go, RHBill!!!
The main point behind my stand is that I believe children should be born by choice and not by (unwanted) chance. My experience punctuates this even more. Imagine the joy and love poured upon a child because he or she was wanted, welcomed and dreamed of. Now imagine the reverse when a child is met by unwelcome surprise and dread. I know that children are a blessing (boy do I know that!) so all the more they should be conceived and brought into this world if the parents will be "deserving" of them -- meaning they will be able to give them quality of life, not just an existence of the barest minimum. Sex definitely starts the process of making a child, but being a good parent has nothing to do with sex.
I think this bill is at the heart of it, a population control or a contraception bill. Everything else like maternal care is already provided for by other laws. Sex ed is optional and only for secular schools (which can already mount these already anyway). And this pro-contraception part is what the anti-RH people are getting riled up about.
To each his own. If they feel their religious belief dictates that this is bad, so be it. But I believe in the separation of church and state, and the bill only gives access to these tools. It does not mandate anything. Choice is given to women and I think it's more an injustice to make a woman powerless over her body, than it is to let children go unconceived. An unwanted child is a sadder state to have than an unconceived one. I guess my stand is to spare the child if bringing him to the world will only give him a life of disadvantage. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with that.
So yes, I'm happy congress passed it. Let's go, RHBill!!!
Monday, December 10, 2012
2012 cycles = not productive
Ok, it's official as of tonight. No baby conceived in 2012.
I wasn't as depressed as I thought I would be. There were previous cycles that were much more emotionally tormenting, definitely. The worst so far was the period that arrived at effing Mothers Day, of all goddamn days. The second I am guessing would be the one in October when I came face to face with the reality that it wasn't going to happen before I turned 30. This month's... Well, I did hope, in the same way I would every other cycle. But I guess what's different this time is the sense of control-- that at least, I have some degree of control over our progress in this journey. And I owe this to our doctor. We have both registered very good progress, especially Dennis and his .. Well, swimmers. I'm happy that at least I know we're moving forward. This also makes me hopeful that our baby is on his way. That time may not be now but my heart tells me it will arrive. It's not going to be a question of if. It's going to be a matter of when.
Itaga mo sa bato. I believe.
That's what's different this time.
And though it doesn't make this period pain-free, the hope does make it bearable.
So there you have it, folks. Dragon really isn't my year, that I now know.
So every 12 years, I gotta keep my head low ;)
One other thing: I have the most amazing husband. He is so gentle with me and so understanding -- a great mix of strength and kindness. The antithesis of me. My other half. The only one in this entire world I will ever need. The only one who knows what my heart yearns for, even before my mouth can give off words to express it. The one I know I live and die for.
This is why our baby will surely come along. How can you pass up a daddy like that?
:)
I wasn't as depressed as I thought I would be. There were previous cycles that were much more emotionally tormenting, definitely. The worst so far was the period that arrived at effing Mothers Day, of all goddamn days. The second I am guessing would be the one in October when I came face to face with the reality that it wasn't going to happen before I turned 30. This month's... Well, I did hope, in the same way I would every other cycle. But I guess what's different this time is the sense of control-- that at least, I have some degree of control over our progress in this journey. And I owe this to our doctor. We have both registered very good progress, especially Dennis and his .. Well, swimmers. I'm happy that at least I know we're moving forward. This also makes me hopeful that our baby is on his way. That time may not be now but my heart tells me it will arrive. It's not going to be a question of if. It's going to be a matter of when.
Itaga mo sa bato. I believe.
That's what's different this time.
And though it doesn't make this period pain-free, the hope does make it bearable.
So there you have it, folks. Dragon really isn't my year, that I now know.
So every 12 years, I gotta keep my head low ;)
One other thing: I have the most amazing husband. He is so gentle with me and so understanding -- a great mix of strength and kindness. The antithesis of me. My other half. The only one in this entire world I will ever need. The only one who knows what my heart yearns for, even before my mouth can give off words to express it. The one I know I live and die for.
This is why our baby will surely come along. How can you pass up a daddy like that?
:)
Monday, December 03, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
BFFs
My best friend surprised me with a Tiffany necklace for my 30th birthday. This gift, on top of it being a complete and utter surprise, meant so much to me because it's from my oldest and dearest friend and because it represented my most precious dream. I always felt the Elsa Peretti bean looked like the tiny bean that shows up in an ultrasound during early pregnancy stages. And getting it for my 30th and getting to wear it around my neck made it ven more special. Thank you, Li! Here's to BFFs who just sense what your heart needs and to friendships that withstand time and distance.
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