Mature epiphany

OK, I know this is a funny entry to post right after I make one about birthday and Christmas wish lists. Haha! But just today, while I was having lunch at home, I was struck by a series of thoughts:

1. I don't need a new bag. I definitely have more than a girl's fair share of bags. 'Nuff said.

2. My current macbook, while almost 8 years old, is still functioning. True, it has quite a number of kinks already, has crashed twice and has been hanging more and more often. But strictly speaking, it still works. And for as long as it still does its main functionalities, I do not need a new one. Yes, the new macbook air is really pretty and super duper light (one of my complaints about my current one when I take it to UA&P to teach with), but again, I don't need it.

3. The wallet I'm using now is the bordeaux-colored Gucci one that I snagged on sale about 6 years ago. I love it, despite its looking like it's been through WW3. Being a leather wallet, some corners look very worn down and there are quite a number of scratches. But despite that, on the outside, it still looks really pretty. And the leather still feels soft... Which leads me to my last point, I do not need a new wallet. This LV style that I quite like is also quite expensive - it's about 500 euros, which is incidentally also how much our quarterly SunLife insurance premium costs. Obviously, the latter is more important as it goes towards our future. I'm not sure it's very wise to put in a quarter's insurance money into a wallet, when the one I have is just as luxurious, pretty and, most importantly, functional.

So, I guess what I'm saying is this: It's really tempting to make a gift wishlist, especially when a milestone birthday is coming up. It's even more tempting when your husband is so generous and offers to get you one of these 3 things for your birthday. But I need to take the high road and be more responsible. I have splurged some this year, and I've also saved some. So I need to continue to strike this delicate balance. Enjoy life, yet still be mostly sensible with money and put some away for a better purpose. We've already planned to go to HK to celebrate my milestone birthday, and I don't need to splurge on a material gift on top of that. Besides, a bigger savings account is also kind of like a gift --- a gift that keeps on giving, in fact :)

OK, I think it's off my system already. Yay! :)

Birthday and Christmas wish list

We're here in China!

Not in the pic are Kendrick, Ellen and Dennis :)

Bag love

I have a lot of bags, and I love them all. So why not start a chronicle of them?

Here's the first bag I'll feature. This bag is about my age and belonged to my grandmother. She's a very simple woman, mind you, so she didn't buy this for herself. Her sister who is based in the US and has much grander tastes gifted it to her. She has never used it though and the bag stayed in its box throughout more than 2 decades. This is why the leather is still so perfect - it still smells delicious, feels so soft, has no scratches and is just perfect! My grandma gave this to me when I got engaged, for it to form part of my dowry. It was the star, actually, because it was the most beautiful thing I owned.

I love it so much because it's something I'll always remember my grandma by, even next time when she's no longer physically with us. I also love it because it's so pretty and I would never otherwise get to carry one had it not been an heirloom.

❤❤❤

Hanging issue laid to rest

I mentioned a few posts ago that there's a career opportunity that I got really excited about - it's actually the one opportunity that got me psyched, in all these 7 years I've worked in Smart. Anyway, I'm officially giving up on the opportunity. It's been more than a month since the last update and I'm guessing that, while I may have made the cut in terms of qualifications, my pay grade may have been way beyond the level they need. Admittedly, if I were honest with myself, I'd say that I am overqualified for the position. I was just really interested because the training I would receive in that place was worth more than the incremental pay I would get. In fact, I was willing to take a paycut, can you imagine! It was that exciting to me. But I guess it's not meant to be. For better or worse, I guess it wasn't meant to be my next professional stop.

I am going for an interesting meeting tomorrow though. I hope that one pans out. :)

China!

Off to China next week for our annual family pilgrimage ;)

Thank you for my family, my husband and Santo Singkong.

2nd year!

Atty surprised me with this today ❤

Thank you, Lord, for him.

Domestic issues

So much issues with our housegirl -- health issues, actually. Praying everything gets resolved soon.

D&G II

In a week's time, we would hit our second wedding anniversary. 24 months of wedded bliss. I'm so grateful to have married the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate and my perfect complement. The past 24 months were not 100% perfect, of course. There were low moments, or more like moments when we were on opposite sides of the fence. But, as I said, these were just "moments", not even days, or mornings or evenings. Moments like an hour... a few minutes... And for that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful to have a respectful, loving marriage, to a respectful, loving person - someone who strives to understand my perspective and who is willing to let his pride and his guard down so we can come to a compromise and come together after taking opposite stands. I strive to be the same type of partner to him, and I hope I succeed more than I fail.

These 24 months were in part totally honeymoony - your typical "I can't believe you're mine forever" feeling whenever I wake up and see him beside me, the random discoveries about each other, the little things that we do for each other "just because" and the totally opposite but totally compatible bursts of realizations that "I can't believe it's already been 24 months" and "I can't believe it's only been 24 months!" Being married to Atty has been the best thing I've done.

These 24 months were also full of learning - about each other and about life. It is of no secret to anyone who reads this blog that we've been praying for our own little miracle to grace our married life. Sure, we did "not try" for the first 6 months of marriage, but the past 18 months have been almost exclusively focused on this dream. And this "dream", by any measure, has been the hardest struggle and harshest trial to-date. Apart from the financial costs associated with reaching for this dream, it is the costs to the heart that ask for a lot of recovery time and recovery love. While the wait and the monthly failure that we've faced so far do take a toll, I have decided with all my heart and mind that there is definitely one casualty that I am not willing to accept or sacrifice - and that is our relationship. I refuse to let our marriage disintegrate into clinical, almost sterile attempts to procreate and I refuse to give in to the negativity that sometimes feels like a magnetic pull. It's hard, I tell you, and sometimes I'm afraid I ask for so much of his patience and understanding, and that I may not be giving him the same amount in return. At times, I'm afraid that I may be pulling away from him whenever I take on the pressure myself or feel that he cannot possibly understand fully how I feel, because his body does not undergo what my body does. I feel those fears whenever I get tempted to shut him out, not bothering to explain how I feel, thinking that no matter how many words I use, he cannot possibly understand how it feels to have a bloated uterus from injection shots or super sore boobs for 8 days only for the soreness to disappear a day before the goddamn bleeding arrives. Or that even if you try to manage your expectations, the PMS-y symptoms buoy up your hopes for good news, and when that comes crashing down, the pain feels like an underwater current pulling you into a deep, unexplainable sadness that, in my head, someone without a uterus or a vagina cannot possibly understand. I try to catch myself though, whenever I feel like this, and try to snap out of the self-pity fog and realize that maybe his pain may actually be much bigger than mine, precisely because he cannot feel what I feel. The mystery behind how things actually feel inside a wife's body may translate into a wholly different level, but just as acute, pain to a husband. I cannot claim monopoly of pain, and he needs comforting as well. I've come to learn this and respect it these past 2 years.

These past 24 months were also about a lot of fun and a lot of blessings. We've been blessed to have visited a lot of places and taken a lot of trips. We've gone to Japan, Singapore, Hong Kong, KL, Paris, Rome, China and Thailand. We've also visited Boracay, Cebu and Davao, watched Broadway plays, tried out new places to eat and reached career goals. We've been able to enrich our savings account and even bought a second condo unit. We've been able to pay down our housing loan to the last 22%, and are on track to finishing the loan by end-2013. So many blessings. So much more than what we expected.

Truly, the past 24 months have been special - both for the good things they have brought (mostly for that!) and even for the tough times that came. I hope the next 24 months will be even happier, and (I just need to say it) also see the arrival of our dream.

Cheers to D&G II! :)

Waiting

Was told over the weekend, through a Buddha-mankind messaging system that we observe in our religion, to wait. To be patient. To know that there is a season for everything. To learn to stay still. To learn to let go, sit back, and... there it is again, wait.

I've been trying, and sometimes I think I'm successful, but there are times when waiting is just too hard and almost feels cruel. Time passes so painfully slowly when you are itching to get moving but you're obliged to stay put and.... wait.

OK, so let's wait.

Thankful for

My team, my boss and my job :)

Sofitel getaway

Had a short staycation at Sofitel from Sunday to Monday -- a way to "delay" the short holiday by way of changing our surroundings and hibernating, at least for about 20 hours straight. Loved it! First off, our room was upgraded to the next level up and to a bay-facing one, to my delight since I had only booked the cheapest room. Second, the room was newly renovated - another plus! The hotel wasn't too full too, I guess coz people felt the 1-day extra day off was "bitin". Glad they felt that way :p

We enjoyed the grounds, lounged around, swam a bit, had a long, leisurely dinner and watched 2 episodes of Suits in our room. This morning, instead of availing of the usual buffet breakfast, we opted for a simple, plated Pinoy meal. Loved the simplicity of the holiday, the serenity and quiet, the seclusion and the really comfortable room. My kind of staycation :p

Promotion treat!

I was not supposed to buy anything anymore, until my birthday when we go to HK. That was what I told myself the other day, after buying myself a top at Tala.

Then, today, while waiting for Atty to finish his meeting, I saw this ballet Mary Janes at Repetto. They had this in a red color and a really light taupe color that was to-die-for. I tried them on and miraculously the biggest size fit me. I was so surprised, because usually Repetto's biggest size would still be a bit of a snug fit on me. Curses, those tiny French feet! But these fit like a glove....

And they were on 45% sale, aka 5,400 pesos cheaper!

Temptation....

Temptation....

Temptation....

Then I told myself, this will be my treat to myself for my well-deserved, long-overdue promotion. I got the salary increase credited to my account last week, and the company kindly gave me the increase retroactive to January -- so 8 months worth of the increase! Told myself I will charge this beautiful pair to that increase, and promise to save the balance. I'll do that first thing tomorrow morning -- that is, withdraw the balance from my payroll and deposit it into our savings account. Promise!

So, yay! New shoes! Love love love. Been wanting a pair of Repetto's since I saw them in Paris when we went last year. Good thing I didn't buy then, and found these today.

Yay!

A promotion and a hanging opportunity

As of yesterday, my promotion to Sr Manager is official. I say it was only official as of yesterday and not as of two weeks ago when my boss told me, because I finally saw it in my payslip. Haha! Let's tell the truth, a promotion is only real when you see the moolah.

Anyway, the moolah ain't that big. It is actually pretty insignificant, I guess because I just got an 8% increase last month due to my annual performance evaluation. Needless to say, it is an achievement I'm proud of, not only because in my heart of hearts, I know I have worked hard for it but also because many people in the organization, and senior people at that, have affirmed it to me. I know that sounds kinda funny because if I already knew I deserved it, why do I need other people's validation? That is true. But I will not hide the fact that hearing it from other people has a different sense of fulfillment :)

There's also a hanging opportunity in the air! Of course, life has to have some sort of suspense!!

I interviewed for an opportunity late last year with a multinational company that has interested me for a while. Nothing materialized then, after that initial meeting. Until about 6 weeks ago, that is. I got a call and was asked to come in to meet several people in the brand management hierarchy. I met with them and am happy to discover that, despite my lack of experience in the area, was accepted into the position.

Alls well that ends well? Not quite yet. It's been about a week since the big boss has come back, and I was told she needs to approve my job offer, which was checked and rechecked by the HR manager to make sure that the salary level I asked for is truly based on my current scheme in Smart. No feedback yet until now. I honestly do not know what to think. I have also flipflopped several times in the past few weeks on whether this is still something I'm interested in. Now that my promotion is in place, I also feel like there's "kahiyaan" also mixed into the equation now.

So what now?! As I said in the title, it's a hanging issue. No resolution yet. I want to and am hoping to see an actual offer to respond to, so I can close out this chapter in my life and move on. I'm counting on this company to be professional and extend me the courtesy of rounding up our discussion and not leaving me hanging. Let's see! For now, yay on the promotion!:)

Ops Smile update!

We received the update from Operation Smile about the little girl who benefited from our donation. Warms the heart in ways that no amount of self-indulging spending can do. :)

We plan to do this regularly, with the next one in October when I celebrate my big 3-0! :)

Exciting purchase

Atty and I went over to the sales office last Saturday, intending only to inquire about the new promotion on payment terms. Little did I know, the visit will end with us confirming our interest and telling the agent that we will be back the following Monday to place our reservation fee.

Yay!

We bought a studio unit at the Tower E of 

Double yay!

I'm excited!! Not only is the property beautiful, it is also poised to rise in value once the turnover is completed in late 2015. The agent also told us that Rockwell bought the adjacent lot to the Grove and will be developing a smaller version of the Rockwell Center there. This assured the logical side of my brain which was trying to forecast the risks and returns of this investment. The emotional side of me was doing cartwheels though, because to be honest, this emotional side of me was envisioning never having to sell the unit and just using it as a half-way house of sorts -- a nearby Anvaya, where we can rest and relax, just to get away from our usual surroundings, without having to leave Metro Manila. All the comforts of "away" without the hassle of travel. Triple yay!

So psyched :D

And so thankful too, for the blessings in our lives that enable us to make this purchase.

:)

Opportunity (like life) is unfair.

Okay, the main thing that marred this past week (the first full week of August 2012) is the rain-with-no-name --- the nameless devil of a waterworld that took Metro Manila by surprise. My family and I were fortunate enough not to be affected by the bad weather. In fact, the second day, Wednesday, my youngest brother even stayed with us in our condo, because I refused to have my dad drive all the way from Laguna to pick him up in Makati then drive back to Paranaque. Not in the middle of that scary-looking 5pm-looking 3pm sky and the relentless rain. I count us to be so incredibly lucky, to have a solid roof above our heads, no water on our feet and enough food in our ref. We have enough resources to get back to normal, even assuming we get affected. I have colleagues who actually got flood damage, but I also still count them as lucky because they are able to get back to normal AT WILL. Choice is really something so crucial and so important in this life, because it's something majority of Filipinos do not have.

There were also a number of relief operations, one of them held in my alma mater and where I currently teach part-time. While I felt bad for the people who lost their homes, I have not been compelled to take action, mostly because I didn't particularly like the idea of providing temporary relief, to tide hunger over, etc. Not that these are not important, take note. I know that they are. But I guess with our many other disasters, and many to the point that they are probably semi-annual at this point, I am guilty in saying I've been a bit desensitized in terms of making the effort and helping out.

That is, until today.

I walked in to my classroom, prepared to start my lecture for the day. Then I realized one of my most diligent students, who always sits on the front row, was absent. I asked his best friend why this is so and she sadly told me that he is currently still stuck in the evacuation center in Marikina and is unable to come to school, because he has no money for fare, no school shoes, no things and no clothes. This is because his family lost everything (whatever small 'everything' that they had) in the flood. He is also unsure as to how to rebuild their lives. I would say that coming back to school is probably not the biggest priority right now.

My heart bled for this kid. You see, he is a full scholar and comes from very humble beginnings. In a school like mine, he is the overwhelming minority. Most of the kids who go to this school come from very comfortable homes, born into this world with a chockful of opportunities, theirs for the taking. I am one of these kids, so I am comfortable in saying that these kids have never had to want for anything. On the other hand, here is this full scholar, a bit awkward and intimidated in this classroom-full of well-dressed, well-heeled students, who speak English more like a primary language than anything else, and who probably never even gave a second's thought to things that constantly worry him. It seems so unfair, for Cris (that's his name) to have worked so hard so far in his life, to be able to go above his humble past and carve out a path for himself, to be forced by circumstances to start all over again. Whereas his other classmates probably relished the 2 days with no classes because they didn't have to endure any major personal damage by the bad weather. To use an analogy, his other classmates have had all resources at their disposal all this time, to build a tower worth of blocks. On the other side is Cris, who is building his tower with dilapidated blocks and an uneven floor. Then nature comes by and knocks Cris' tower down, and nary a block out of place among the towers of the other kids. Makes me want to throw things and scream right into Life's ear. WTF.

I'm not judging rich kids, take note. I'm just saying how badly I feel for kids like Cris, who have had to fight tooth and nail to get opportunities that come so easily and almost automatically for other chidlren. As someone said before, it's the luck of the draw at birth - to get the kind of cards you're dealt.

So I plunged into action and collated monetary help (which is what he needs the most) to give to him to help his family rebuild... and hopefully get him back to school ASAP. I have also offered to buy him new shoes and new school supplies. The last thing I want is for this calamity to affect his studies -- the one way he can work at to improve his family's way of life. I want to do what I can to make sure he gets back on track ASAP. It's not been fair, so I'd like to try to help him get back up.

Just a bitch-out post, I guess. I wish life were just a tiny bit kinder to kids like Cris.

My brother's wedding, some advice and hopes on moving-forward

Some updates of late:

It was my brother's wedding last Saturday. Boy was it an emotional day for me! I cried twice during the ceremony and again during the reception when I gave my speech as matron-of-honor. I couldn't help it - I kept getting overwhelmed by the fact that my baby brother was getting married, and that things are not going to be the same. Granted, they will change for the better, but still, I guess nostalgia is really a huge-assed tearjerker.

The wedding was beautiful! I can't sing enough praises about my new sister-in-law, who was really a master organizer. Every little detail was accounted for and thought about, and she made sure that suppliers really made her dream a reality, all within reason, of course. She's such a joy to watch and to observe, and I really give it to her because I think most of the wedding was prepared by her and not my brother (really, it's brides in charge of the wedding for the most part :p)

It was also a day marked with lots of "are you pregnant yet?" questions. Of course, I expected these and hence was able to take them in stride. I think Atty didn't though (I guess coz boys don't really think of that consciously) and hence was getting agitated whenever a well-meaning (or otherwise, as he would sometimes insist) relative or friend would touch my belly and ask if there's "laman". Sometimes, just to make light of the situation, I say, "oo, may taba". Hehe.

We also got very good advice from the sister (and brother-in-law) of the bride, whom incidentally are also good friends of ours. The BIL of the bride is actually Dennis' good friend from law school. They talked about their journey to parenthood and gave us lots of insights to chew on. Really helpful perspectives, especially coming from a couple who struggled for 7 years before finally conceiving. She's due on Friday. So excited for her!

It's also been a really grueling past couple of days at work for me. These few days were also marked with lots of realizations, on top of lots of stress. My boss is currently on maternity leave and as a result, I am filling in for her as OIC and am getting lots of upper-management exposure. Some people would term this time as a good opportunity for me career-wise. Generally, I would agree. However, with what I've seen these days of what upper management is really like, I think I've most much of my innocence in terms of shedding any romantic ideas I may have had before about our bosses.  And I am now even more hopeful and anxious regarding the next path that I can take, given what I have seen and how I feel about those things. Sorry for not getting into much detail, but just be content in knowing that I am very disillusioned. And I've always said that career movements always have 2 components: a push and a pull. There is a force that is pushing you away from your current capacity and there is another force that will pull you toward it. Simply put, you often have a reason to leave and a reason to join. I'm hoping that the latter can be crystalized soon, as the former is definitely in the bag after what I went through these past 3 days.

Please!!!

That's it. July is about to be done, then it'll be August soon, and then... the BER months will be here! Time flies! 2012, I have high hopes for you! Please bring me everything I wish for!!!! :)

Oh, wait, one more update. This year, for Atty's birthday, since our trip was really ultra cheap (less than 2k for our tickets and free hotel accomodations), he decided to further celebrate by doing a life-changing good deed for someone. So we decided that it will be a child, and the life-changing help will be in the form of sponsoring his/her operation to take out a cleft lip. This led us to Operation Smile, to whom we donated 15k for the full sponsorship of 1 cleft operation. We're expecting the full report tomorrow or Friday, and I can't wait to see it and see the face of the little kid whose life has been improved vastly through our donation. It feels really good to bestow a gift as life-enhancing as this, to a child who does not have the financial means to have this corrective surgery. I also cannot think of a better way to thank God for having brought Atty into my life. Without him, I really cannot imagine how life would be like.

:)

Mini break :)

We went to Cebu last weekend to celebrate Dennis' birthday. While it was probably the shortest (and nearest to Manila) break that we had, it was good enough and it came at the right time. Dennis was having a really long, stressful week before we went, and the trip became the best chance for him to recuperate without the physical stress of travel. He was so relaxed during our trip, and even if some clients still insisted on calling and texting while we were there, I could see that he was still detached from work.
It was a good break made up of good food, lots of downtime, and a precious visit to the temple where we got the best answer EVER! Will share this in the coming months when it does come true :)

Happy birthday to my Atty! :)

13 days to go...

til my brother's wedding!

Excited! :D

Teaching SY2012

Last Saturday was the first day of my teaching stint for SY2012-2013. This is a particularly huge class - I have 43 students!!! That would be challenging in terms of cramming in all of them to do the presentations and output in class within 3 hours, and challenging (on a more basic level) to remember names and faces. Oh well. I can do this!!!!!! (I hope!)


Anyway, just wanted to add that I discovered something a bit peculiar last Saturday. I don't know if it's because this is my 4th batch and I'm gaining a bit of reputation, but I gathered some feedback (both through directly asking and indirectly sourcing) and discovered the ff:


1. The kids are intimidated by me. I officially have a rep for being a tough teacher.


2. The kids think I'm some kind of marketing genius. Apparently, there is a story circulating that to-date, I hold the highest IMC GPA record. I have NO idea if this is true. I only know that I topped my batch in terms of GPA when we found out we made it to the 5th year. Apart from that, who knows?! I actually kinda don’t appreciate this sort of thing going around, especially if the story came from the school itself. I have a feeling it did, because.. really, how else!? I really wish this wasn’t going around.


3. The kids are all happy to have "gotten" me or my class.


4. All my previous batches feel like experts after finishing my class. Last year's class even regard some of their current 4th-year classes as easy, after going through me. This is my fave feedback and makes my heart swell with joy :) The third one is quite cool too. It's really good for self-esteem to find that kids hope to land in my class. But feedback 1 and 2 are really quite strange for me. I already explained why I don’t like feedback 2. But as for feedback 1, I'm now examining myself if I do exude any "terror" or "tough teacher" vibe. All this time, I felt I was a fun teacher. Hindi ba?! Haha!!


This class will be a big challenge for my teaching skills, I know it. But I'm also excited. Last Saturday, I caught some of the usual expressions of comprehension I normally look for when I lecture. And I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels whenever I see that I'm getting through to a student, or that I've imparted something they've never thought of before. It's value-adding and life-enriching, and I'm eternally grateful for this opportunity. Because of that gratitude, all my future students can be rest assured I'll keep trying to improve my teaching so that I can always be a better teacher than the previous year's.

Life's work

My brain (and body) have been so overworked this whole week. Even if there was a holiday on Tuesday, I still feel so overstretched and overworked, having worked on strat documents befitting executives several notches and levels above me. I'm still happy about it though, tired muscles and brain cells and all... Because I got validation that I am : (1) f*cking good at my job ; (2) enjoying my job immensely. With all the crap that goes with it, with the compromises and agreements that the marketing purist in me resists, I really do love my work. And this is the kind of work I've always been meant to do. There's such a sense of accomplishment, of validation and of identity in discovering that where you are professionally is where you are really meant to be in. There's also that special spring in step and special bundle-of-excited-nerves feeling after presenting a deck successfully. There's that sense of pride in having applied what you learned and practiced what you love. In the end, practice is repetition and doing what you love repeatedly can only bring you repeat joy. This is indeed my life's work. No matter how much I may whine sometimes about being a fulltime wife (and even a fulltime mom in the future), I know in my heart of hearts that my happiness will not lie there. There is a big part of me that relishes engaging in marketing work, and I fear that compromising that part, even if it is for personal quests like family, will ultimately lead to a boring, unfulfilled life.

And for that, I'm grateful that this week happened. It feels good to know that my spot under the sun is where I really belong. :)

Take note:

There are multiple ways to make a dream a reality:)

sad day

Yesterday was one sad sad sad day.

All I want to remember of it is my husband comforting me, hugging me and singing to me so I'll feel better. I just want to remember his steady arms holding me firmly as I cried, letting me lower my guard and let all my frustrations and disappointment out. I want to remember his loving words devoid of any judgment or impatience, full only of understanding and love. I only want to retain the memory of him telling me he is 100% with me on this journey and that the way he feels about me will not change regardless of the outcome of this quest. He offered me options, leaving it to me to choose which next step to take - to forge ahead or to take a breather and a step-back. There was no pressure, no questions and no demands. There was only love.

That's all I want to retain of that day. Nothing else.

Next chapter coming up...

Less than 6 months to go until I turn 30. Some people told me there's no difference compared to the 20s, whereas others warned me that skincare will now take more effort (coz beauty upkeep comes at a higher level of commitment when you go past the 30 mark). Let me share some thoughts I have about this chapter-turning event, at least some musings I've had since I started thinking of how to celebrate this milestone.

1. It is not the same as the 20s.

- I mean, let's be practical. When I was in my 20s, at least the early 20s, I didn't know what the real world was like. I didn't have a clue as to what being a full-fledged adult was like. True, I was never what people would label as irresponsible or, gasp, wild, but still, that kind of innocence is something that is (or should be) a thing of the past when you've hit 30. If you still have it, I would tend to judge you for that. A lack of life experience over 10 years is not something to be proud of. I believe I know myself better now, and that I have a stronger handle on who I am, what I stand for, what I believe in, what I want out of life and what I need to do to get there. I also think I have less dependence on my peers and have more self-mastery.

- There are also responsibilities now, which the 20's didn't really include. Granted, I got married when I was 27 and started a bank loan then. But in terms of being fully responsible for my life, I think there's a marked difference between my 20-something self with my current, on-the-brink-of-30 self. I'm definitely what you would call more "boring" when it comes to spontaneous spending. Of course, there's always going to be the retail therapy sessions here and there (I am still a girl, you know), but there's someone else in my life now to consider when it comes to who I answer to. I am no longer just beholden to myself.

2. It's okay that it's over, because I think I used my time well. Good things come to an end, rightfully so.

- The 20s had its run and fun, and it was a good ride overall. I was able to achieve most of the dreams that I started out with, and I think my 30-year-old self will more or less be in the place that my 20-year-old self hoped it would. For example, I'm glad to have gotten married at 27, having found the love of my life 5 years prior. I'm glad to have a stable home and a good-sized bank account to fall back on. I'm also proud to be able to say I love the career I've set up for myself and that I'm in a good place professionally. I've been able to generate and earn the respect of my colleagues, some so much older than me. I've also seen enough of the world to want to see more of it. I've kept my promises and learned my lessons each time I fell.

- I'm also proud to be a "full person" when I turn 30 in 6 months. I mean this in the following ways:

- I'm proud of the person I've become when I met my husband and took the matrimonial plunge. I am glad to be able to say that I do not depend on him for anything apart from just loving me. I can pay for my own bills and can speak for my own mind. I can stand up for and by myself; I stand by my husband because I choose to, not because I need to.

- Same goes for my parents. I'm so happy that we have such a good relationship and I am viewed by them as an adult worthy of being consulted. You do not understand how big of an honor this is until you meet and get to know my parents, who have one of the highest expectations ever created. I am proud of myself for having earned their respect and admiration. I have their love by virtue of being their child, but being viewed as an equal with my own valid opinions and decisions is purely discretionary on their part. Hence, I treasure this in a way that's different compared to having their love.

- I'm proud of the sister I've become - someone that my brothers seek out for advice and depend on for support. Again, I have their love as a birthright. But the rest is purely a gift from them and a testament to the sister I've become.

- I'm at peace with the person I've become, and I think at the end of the day, that's what matters. I can look at myself in the mirror and can sleep well at night, knowing that I've been as authentic to myself as possible. There's no price in the world that can pay for that.

3. It's only the beginning!

- While 30, to be honest, really sounds like a big number to me, I think the best is yet to come and this is only the beginning. Just thinking of how the next 2/3rds of my life (assuming my life expectancy is in the range of the 80s-90s) is enough to get me excited! So much to do, so much to see, so much to go to and so much love to give and receive!

- I read somewhere that the 20s is when you try to figure out what you want to do with your career. Your 30s is when you get the needed skills and exposure to equip you to achieve the career apex you want. Your 40s is about wealth generation. This is when you'll be at your most productive. Your 50s is when you try to wind down and see what else you want to involve yourself in apart from moneymaking. Your 60s to 70s is when you enjoy the fruits of your labor, hoping to have as minimal regrets as possible. So yes, the 30s is just the beginning of my career! Looking forward to better opportunities.

- Obviously, as this blog has said over and over, I want my 30s to be marked with the births of my children. :) This would be the biggest gift ever.

I'm still thinking of how to celebrate this upcoming decade, but maybe as opposed to just celebrating it as a milestone birthday, I'll also think of it as an opening salvo to the next chapter of my life. I've done well so far, in my humble opinion, and I'm so grateful. Now I can't wait to see how the next part unveils :)

Tiny confession

Can I just make a small confession?

A big part of why I strongly believe we will eventually get pregnant and have a baby is because of my husband. This loving, patient and caring person MUST become a father. The child that would have the honor of calling him father would be the luckiest baby ever born.

That's all. Happy Friday!

Karma

Part and parcel of our religion is the concept of Karma - the belief that the universe is composed of energy - always equal and opposite of each other - and what you give off will be what you will receive, in a boomerang fashion that may not involve this current lifetime but the next. Makakarma ka din, (excuse my French) tang-inang scamera ka. You may think that what you got is so big and so valuable that it's worth the repurcussions, but karma doesn't work that way. You'll get what you truly deserve, in this life or in the afterlife - whether you get it directly or your descendants do.

I hate it when evil people hurt the ones I love. Makakarma ka din, bitch.

2nd recourse

Injectible meds start tomorrow. Here's to hoping they work!

Bangkok trip :)

We're back from Bangkok! 5 days of intense heat, lots of walking and lots of eating! I'm happy to report that even if my husband is totally averse to hot weather anywhere, he had fun in Bangkok :) Yay!

Some highlights:

1. We went on a temple hop around Bangkok, and I finally got to see the Emerald Buddha (a misnomer because the Buddha statue inside is actually made of jade. People then didn't have a sophisticated understanding of stones and anything green was just called an emerald). I love love love the Emerald Buddha. It simply took my breath away. Photo-taking wasn't allowed inside. You can only take shots through an open pillar in front of the temple, but even then your camera will only be able to capture the Buddha in a golden sort of light, not in its jade glory. I loved it, as I said, not only because it's so majestic and beautiful, but more because I felt such a sense of peace and an unexplained happiness when I was sitting inside the temple and just gazing at it. I read about it before the trip and had been wanting to see it more than any other sight in Bangkok, and I'm so happy we did!

2. We also got to see the Grand Palace - where the king used to hold office and where he still maintains private quarters. It's the size of 2 football fields!

3. On our way back, we found ourselves in the middle of a royal-family procession (well, they were really just going back to the palace from someplace else). Good thing we had a guide too, because otherwise, we wouldn't have known that we were supposed to stop walking and just stand in attention. I also wouldn't have known that I wasn't supposed to keep holding up my umbrella, as it can be misconstrued as a weapon! I would've been arrested :p Hehehe. It was cool to witness that whole thing. Thai royal police keep close surveillance of the street and they stop traffic to make sure the road is completely cleared. The convoy that was used to "transport" the royals was also done really impressively - makes me think that Pinoys have it all wrong and un-professional. Hehe.

4. We also went to Ayutthaya and saw the ruined temples. The last one was my fave (I'll post pics on FB) and I loooooooved the lunch we had overlooking the river. Such a peaceful place. I love how Thai people were able to preserve as much of their historical sites as possible, and the way that they revere their king is so admirable! I made the mistake of asking our guide "so what does your king do?" He looked a bit shocked that I would even dare wonder about such a thing and said "he devotes his entire life to the people!" Hay. If only we would exude even just 10% of that admiration towards our leaders.

5. Oh and the shopping! Dennis had a lot of fun shopping and if you can believe, he outshopped me about 2:1. Intense! Well, we also found a Kinokuniya there, which is Dennis' happy place, so that also meant a lot of shopping for him. But apart from books, I was so proud of him to have braved Chatuchak Market with me and even happily went about bargaining with the vendors. He also went to MBK with me and waited patiently as I went to my favorite outlet to buy.... underwear! Secret tip: Go to BKK and buy bras and panties at MBK. It's the cheapest Wacoal stuff I've ever found anywhere in the world. They have a wide selection and you can fit the bras too! Winner! :)

6. I gained weight, as I shared so generously over Twitter. Haha! I blame it on the Thai food that needs substantial amount of rice, due to the heat they pack, and the Thai iced tea that I so so so so love! I also discovered a traditional Thai appetizer that's oh-so-yummy! I heart tamarind sauce!!! :)

7. Thai massage - thumbs up! I fell asleep about 3/4s of the time. Haha!

It was a good 5-day trip. We got to do a little bit of everything and the hotel we stayed at was really good value! The room was comfortable and the hotel was a short 3-minute walk to the BTS. And the price! Our room was about 2,600 pesos per night only, WITH breakfast! As they say, "saan ka pa?" :p

Oh and last tidbit: I was wondering why the locals were looking at me in a fascinated sort of way, until our guide told me it's because I resemble a Thai celebrity who does soap operas. Haha!

Loooooved Bangkok thoroughly! Such a relief too, because my previous trips were for work and were mostly confined to meetings. I would love to go back :)

Sawadika!

We're spending Holy Week in the following way:

1. Spending Wednesday evening with the Chans for a family dinner

2. Spending Thursday with the Co's

3. Spending Friday to Tuesday in Bangkok! :) Yay! THis is the third of our overseas trips so far this year, and I'm excited! I've been to Bangkok three times before this, but all three times were for work and I only got to go around in a very limited way, i.e. Patpong with male colleagues and MBK/Chatuchak shopping with female colleagues. That's my impression so far of Bangkok. So I'm excited to go there with Atty and experience Thai culture on a 5-day itinerary-less holiday :) OK, maybe not so itinerary-less. I do have a list of things I want to do and I do intend to book a tour when we arrive, but mostly, this trip will be about relaxing, shopping, eating and getting lots of Thai massages :) It's also our celebration of my MBA graduation, so I don't want to cram the trip with lots of things to do. We feel like chilling, so it is chilling that we shall do :) Have a pleasant Holy Week, guys!

MBA! :)

Finally done with my MBA! Can you say huge sigh of relief??! :)

My defense went well overall. The panel said I had very good stage presence and presentation skills (that's thanks to IMC!) which was half the battle. They also gave me advice on how they think my company should "level up" and how I can help it do that. They also gave me feedback, saying they're very proud of how much I've grown and learned and they believe I will "go far" in the corporate world. They encouraged me not to let politics in Smart get the better of me, because I "have much better things to accomplish than to allow myself to be dragged down." Lastly, they claim not to say this to every student, and encouraged me to take the next step and get a Doctorate degree in Business Administration (DBA). I didn't know how to react because part of me was screaming "nooooo!" Haha!

What's funnier is that hours after the defense was done, I was 20% considering actually taking them up on their offer! Can you say NERD?

I'm so thankful it's over and done with. Now I just have to get my graduation clearance in order, pay the fees and just sit back and wait for my diploma. I didn't elect to join the graduation rites anymore, as DLSU's graduation batches are so humungous and I don't feel like sitting for hours just for 2 minutes on-stage :) I already know I earned this degree anyway - really earned it - so I don't need the actual experience of marching, getting a rolled-up, blank piece of paper to make it feel "real" to me. I'm happy with what I've accomplished as it is :)

I dedicate this to my loving parents who are super supportive and was always there to provide the resources I need. Dennis also deserves just as much thanks, especially towards the latter part of this degree quest, when I almost gave up. Thank you, thank you, winds beneath my wings :)

D-Day

is tomorrow!

At 6-8pm tomorrow, I will be defending my Strama paper to a 3-body professor panel, and doing a spot oral exam on marketing - my chosen topic and specialization.

After that, provided all goes well, I will be officially done with my MBA.

Please pray for me!!!

*fingers crossed*

8, 7, 6, 5, 4....

8 days until my thesis defense! I'm starting to feel a bit nervous, after viewing the mock sessions last Saturday. I am starting to see vulnerable points in my deck, and I don't know how to make them better (ok, I'm panicking, I have to calm down!!!)

Please pray for me!

mommy update

Thank God we got the second opinion. Turns out my mom's operation can be postponed, perhaps even until her natural menopause, assuming the myoma doesn't grow extensively anymore. The biopsy revealed that the mass isn't much to worry about for now. It's a huge relief. I know she wasn't yet emotionally and mentally ready for menopause, plus, there's my brother's wedding coming up in 4 months. I know she wants to be able to 100% contribute and be here with him through these last few months of him being under her roof. So I'm really really grateful.

Thank you, SSK.

mama, it's my turn

It's official. My mom will be getting a hysterectomy in early April. She has a myoma in her uterus that doubled in size and, while there's no urgency to get it out from her body, it is the safer alternative, lest it develops into something malignant and present even worse problems. It's now my turn to take care of my mom, and I signed on to be her caretaker and companion pre and post op. I'm happy to, and I feel I'll probably feel less nervous about the entire thing if I'm 100% involved.

I pray for her safe operation and speedy recovery. The doc (coincidentally is also my OB) said that her recovery will take up to 2 months. This gives her enough time to recover and get better before my brother ties the knot in July. Please keep my mom in your prayers. Thank you.

trip highlights

So Feb was a month of trips! I loved loved loved these 2 trips. Some highlights:

1. HONGKONG
- We had a bit of a non-traditional itinerary, since we only spent about one afternoon in the shopping mall (but that didn't stop me from coming home with loot - more on that later). We went up the Peak Tram to reach Victoria Peak and see 360-degree views of HongKong. We also did the Lantau Island tour- which consisted of a white, shark-infested beach, a traditional fishing village with houses on stilts, the Po Lin monastery where we had a veggie lunch (which was surprisingly good!) and a visit to the Giant Buddha. A great sight to behold, even if you're not Buddhist. Obviously, it was more special for us since it's our faith, and I prayed fervently for the one blessing I hope to get this year.

- We also had the most romantic Valentine's dinner ever. We went to Caprice, the French 3-Michelin star restaurant of the Four Seasons Hotel in Central. It was the most romantic meal I've ever had - with warm, soft lighting everywhere and a sprawling view of Central Pier and the HongKong harbour. Dennis also went all-out in terms of what we got for the meal - we had pink-grape champagne (which I still crave for until now) and really good merlot wine, to go with our 5-course meal peppered with complimentary dishes from the restaurant. The service was also impeccable- they accompany you everywhere, even walk you to the restroom! Haha! At one point, Dennis was going to pass me his plate of bread (to have me try it with the foie gras terrine appetizer), and the head waiter beat him to it! Imagine that! Dennis was already sitting next to me and was just going to pass me a plate, and the waiter who was standing a few feet from us beat him to the punch and got me my own fresh plate of bread! Lovely lovely dinner - something I definitely want a repeat of in the future :)

- Just when I thought I was a good girl and didn't really shop save for 1 top in H&M, I spotted a Marc Jacobs newly-released, airport-exclusive bag in HKIA, after our Saboten lunch and while we were walking to the gates. It was in the Hillier design that I have always loved, but never thought of buying since the all-leather version it originally came in was far too heavy for my scoliosis-weakened back. But this bag that we saw at the airport was in beautiful, soft nylon and in a luscious color of brown! My loving husband saw my expression when I saw it and ordered me (yes, in a serious, commanding tone) to get it. It was "on him" daw. Yay!

So that recaps our short Valentine's weekend in HK. I love traveling with Dennis, discovering new places with him, eating delicious food and just wandering around the city- something that, if you think about, we don't really get to do in Manila. At least not something we can do without any regard for safety considerations. It's a blessing that we get to go on these trips :)

2. SINGAPORE
- This was Dennis' firm's first lawyer's outing that was set outside the country and included the spouses. Originally, the other partners were thinking of going to HK, but Dennis oh-so-cleverly swayed the discussion towards Singapore, because he knew I wanted to go there to watch Wicked, and what better way to do that than on someone else's tab! Genius! Haha! My husband is the best!

- So anyway, we did watch Wicked on our first night and it was the BEST! It's now my favorite play of all time, among all the other shows I've watched. Such a happy and powerful story about friendship and love. I love love love it! And as usual, my spoiler of a husband bought me the official soundtrack CD and a shirt to commemorate the show. I listen to it every chance I get now :p

- We also went to Universal Studios and to the Fountain of Wealth - a staple in all Singapore trips :)

- We also went to new places like Chijmes and St John's Cathedral. I wanted to show Dennis a more suburban, "old" version of Singapore. And mission accomplished!

- We ate so much too - including Din Tai Fung, our dimsum favorite, which we had also eaten in in HK just 2 weeks prior! :)

- I also showed him to Ikea (his first time, isn't that so cute!) and met up with Ranza and Van for a Singaporean night out 2nd edition :) The first trip Van and I took to Singapore was in 2005, back when we were on a tight budget and could only afford a 10-sqm hotel room, and Ranza slept over pa! Hahaha! Those were the days :P

- And, as if the HK bag wasn't enough, this Singaporean trip also had me coming home with bag loot! My friend Van called me when I was in Kinokuniya with Dennis (the giant bookstore is his happy place in Singapore and in Japan), and told me there was a private sale of designer bags just across the street from Ngee Ann City (where Kinokuniya is). How can I not check it out?! So I went and met up with her and found THE Fendi baguette I love! Yay! On 30% off and I get GST refund back too. So it was a definite buy. :) Happily, my husband liked the bag too and gave a thumbs-up to the purchase :)

OK, promise to self: No more bags for 2012. AT ALL. Enough already :p

So that's pretty much what the trips were about. Such a happy February :)

We have another one coming up - Bangkok for Holy Week. And we'll be on business class too, thanks to my parents who gave these tickets to us as a gift. I am excited for April! :)

next weekend, we'll be in...

Singapore- my favorite city in the world!!

To watch--




Yay!! :)

Will do trip-updates after SG nalang so it's in one go :)

This weekend, we're off to...

HONG KONG! :)

I can't wait!

Wrap-up and then what?

I went to DLSU Taft the other day to claim some documents needed for submission before I get approved to proceed to my thesis defense, which is the last step in my quest to get an MBA diploma. Now that I'm on the verge of finishing up this post-graduate degree, the question now begs to be asked, "now what?"

I pursued this MBA degree, despite its many challenges and energy-zapping moments, for two main reasons: I believed it was essential to get a bigger-picture perspective on business, which hopefully opens up opportunities on the career front; and, I also thought it was a good step to take should I want to open my own business venture in the future. I felt the two reasons were good enough, and still do, as an MBA can benefit me both on the career and on the entrepreneurial contexts.

Now that I'm about to finish, I need to then ask myself what my next step will be. Is it ripe time to reap the benefit of the MBA degree by way of aiming for the next rung on the corporate ladder? Or are the benefits better appreciated and milked by finally setting off on my own path and "being my own boss"?

Incidentally, the other day, my husband generously offered me freedom in a related sense. No, we're not separating, if that's what you're thinking. He offered me the privilege (and I say this with much appreciation) to quit my job if it no longer makes me happy and to pursue what I really want to do with my time. He said we'll be able to make ends meet with his work. He'll make it happen, he said.

While grateful, I also felt a bit of pressure in this gracious offer. What, indeed, is it that I want to do? Now that I have, at least from my perspective, sufficient training needed to set off on my own, and now that my husband is giving me the option to bolt the corporate world, what do I do? I didn't expect freedom to raise this much uncertainty. I guess all that free space in front of me makes me a bit scared to decide what to fill it up with.

I guess the confusion also stems from the realization that I feel I'm not completely done with the corporate scene in general. I still do feel I have lessons left to learn and things to contribute, employed in a company with a much bigger purpose than my own. I can still do more and be "more", if you understand what I mean. I also enjoy being with my coworkers, especially my boss. Lastly, I must also admit I love the financial independence it affords me. I can spend my money on things I want to spend it on without having to justify anything to anybody (this is deserving of another thankfulness post) I think my only issue is that I feel that I've worn out my stay in my current spot.

On the other hand, a part of me also longs to finally start up something "of my own." I guess that's why I never considered working for the family business. No matter what I do, it'll never really be my own. Ok, that's a topic for a different day. Back to what I was saying, I look at people who are working on their passion every day, and I envy that sort of non-work work. They love what they're doing so much that they don't appear to be "working" much more than they are "enjoying." I'd like that for myself. But none of the passions I'm currently aware of having are remotely venture-worthy. So I feel... stuck.

What do you think? What do I do? :)

SHG test

Yesterday, I took the afternoon off from work to take an SHG test, as part of our fertility exams. The objective of the test is to check if I have blocked (partially or completely) fallopian tubes. Blocked tubes hinder fertility because the sperm cannot go up the tubes to meet the egg. From my research, this is one fo the toughest obstacles to get pregnant. So naturally I was nervous going into the doc's office yesterday.

I was also nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I know what the mechanics are from a technical standpoint but didn't know what to expect in terms of having it actually performed on me. Also, I knew there was some cramping to be expected. So big fat NERVES.

The procedure took about 10 minutes and when the catether was inserted, I cried out in pain! WTF! Then the water was slowly injected and the cramps started. What made the whole thing better were the ff:
1. The fact that Dennis was there and I could focus on his face whenever I felt pain
2. Our doctor was so patient and kept on talking, updating me about what he was doing or about to do and what he was seeing on the monitor
3. There were plenty of framed photos of babies in the treatment room. This helped me focus on our goal and remember, through the WTF moments of pain, why I was doing this and why this momentary bouts of pain will be worth it in the end.

And then the results. My tubes were okay! Big fat WHEW this time. The doc said that since the water they inserted stayed inside my uterus and did not spill to the outside portions meant that the tubes directed the water correctly and hence didn't have any problems. He also praised me for my high tolerance for pain, to which Dennis proudly said, "yes doc, veteran na yan dyan!"

The next step now is to do follicle observation, so I have another ultrasound on Friday. We'll do this for 3 months, according to the doc, and then we'll see what happens. Because so far, it seems that we should be able to conceive naturally. Though he did say that given the results so far, and given my history with dysmennorhea, he's a bit inclined to suspect mild endometriosis. From his tone, I didn't feel there was any reason to freak out. And he did seem very optimistic we can get this done soon. I really really hope and pray so.

He then prescribed antibiotics to me to take for the next 3 days to minimize the risk of infection and sent us on our way. We then went home to have dinner. I still felt some pressure on my abdomen and some cramping. But this turned out to be an "ant bite" compared to what happened later on that night.

Starting about 2 hours after the procedure, the cramping I felt was accompanied by spasms in my abdomen and uterine areas. OMG. It was so strange because it felt a bit like dysmennorhea (but obviously I didn't have my period) and it also felt like ulcer. It was so strange! Moving was painful and it was tough to find a position I was least in pain in. I also felt nauseous and at times out of breath. I also started shivering and my teeth would chatter, even if I didn't feel cold at all. Again, really strange.

Dennis stayed next to me the whole time and kept making suggestions on how to make me feel more comfortable. He also suggested I take the pain killers that doc prescribed but I stubbornly insisted I will bear it the natural way. I will really try to stand by my resolution NOT to take any unnecessary pain meds, unless I get to the "exorcism" stage - incidentally, this was a term coined by my youngest brother when he would witness before my bouts with dysmennorhea. He said I looked like I was being exorcized :p

I feel much better now. Though there's still some spasming and cramping, it's really nothing I cannot handle. I'm so grateful to have a husband who takes such good care of me and refuses to leave my side until I felt better. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to have someone so dedicated and devoted to your wellbeing. I know that NOT all husbands act this way but mine does and I'm so thankful for him.

That's pretty much it. That was my journey through SHG. Definitely not something I want to do again. Hehe.

Hope we hit the jackpot soon :)

Knowledge is Power

A number of people advised that we should consult a fertility expert if we want to get pregnant right away (or soon). For a while there, I didn't want to, for fear of bad news. At some level, I also felt that going to the doc means that we're giving up on getting this done naturally and conceding. It's hard to explain in detail but essentially I felt then that I just wasn't ready yet for the possible implications and results of going.

Late last year, though, we agreed that it was time to go "scientific" on the matter and find out what's taking us this long. So on the first weekend of January, we went on our first consultation, followed by another consult today. We also did two initial rounds of tests - one for him and one for me - both of which came out okay and normal. One down.

I'm now scheduled for a test called SHG next Tuesday - a test that checks if there are any blockages (or anything wrong, basically) with my fallopian tubes, since my ovaries and uterine wall (?) checked out okay. I'm a bit nervous about that because my preliminary internet research said it might be a bit painful and I should expect cramping. For someone who carries battle scars with dysmennorhea, cramping is still not something I take lightly :s However, since my solemn agreement with myself to divest of all things Ponstan and Advil-related, I will try to do the procedure as medication-free as possible. Cramps na kung cramps.

We also found out other things today that clarified some doubts lingering at the back of our heads. Indeed, knowledge is power. I wouldn't say though that I wish we went to the doc sooner, because I know now that I wasn't ready then to "face my fears". I am now, and I'm thankful to have a partner who is understanding, patient and never ever forces me to do something I'm not comfortable doing. He knows when to push and when to just let me be and hold my hand.

So, next Tuesday it is, doc. Fingers crossed!

thankful for

- having the luxury of waking up at 8:45 and getting up at 9:00 (Haha! I lounge for about 15 minutes before getting up. I check in on my Twitter and FB accounts first. Haha!) It's the bomb, I tell you. The precious time you save by not taking a car to work and by not needing to wake up earlier is.... priceless.

- upcoming trips to HK and Bangkok. We plan to do an "un-Hongkong" trip, meaning a trip that's not about the city side of HK and not about shopping. Haha! I told Dennis that I've been to HK more times than I can count but I've actually never done the touristy thing and have never ever gone to see Ngong Ping or the giant Buddha. So, we're doing that this time :) And then, it's gonna be Dennis' first time in BKK so I hope to be able to plan a good itinerary for that too, so he has a good impression and will take me back there. Haha! Speaking of BKK, I'm also grateful to our parents for giving us the miles needed to claim biz-class tickets for this trip, and on Holy Week dates too! Yay!

- last stretch of my schoolwork which involves getting the most coveted signature of approval to proceed to defense... and actually doing the defense sometime late Feb.

Thank you, thank you, 2012 :)

love for country

This seems to be an appropriate topic today, since the DOT unveiled their new slogan for tourism.

Sometimes I wonder if I really, honestly, truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly love the Philippines. If all my family members and friends move to, say, Australia, and hence I move too, will I still miss Pinas? Will I still feel like I'm not "home", when I suspect my definition of the Philippines being home is only because the people to whom my heart belongs live here (whether by choice or otherwise)?

Something to think about. Because I notice that when thinking about what I love about the Philippines, the answers I mostly come up with have to do with the people I love. There are barely other reasons. Unlike people from other countries like my cousins from Canada who have country-loving reasons beyond their families. They love their systems, they love their way of life, etc...

So, you, do you really love the Philippines? Love it enough to still stay?

And don't say, you cannot separate the Philippines from your loved ones because that just doesn't make any sense.(Haha! Defensive?!) Ask yourself the question I posed above. :)

Thankfulness post for the year that was...

It's 2012! Happy New Year! In line with the new theme I started last year, here's the grand "thank you" list for 2011:

THANK YOU FOR...

- the best husband in the whole wide world. I know everyone probably says this about the man in their lives, but I would seriously enter Dennis in any best-husband competition out there. He is the best partner one can ever hope for.
- the best family, both new and old. I'm referring to my Co family (old) and Chan family (new). This year is when I truly got to know this new family I joined and I'm thankful for the many lessons they taught me and the love with which they showered me all year long.
- the many opportunities that come my way. I've received so many career and academic opportunities this year and I'm so grateful. I hope that 2012 will be the year I can move on from this company, not because of any bitter reason but because I honestly feel that I've learned as much as I possibly can in this place. I feel it's time to move on.
- the financial blessings of 2011. The past year also saw us able to expand our nest egg and be on a much stronger footing in terms of our finances. We were able to pay down our loan a bit and were able to save, while still being able to... (next point)
- the travel opportunities and the luxuries we were able to partake in in 2011. This year also saw us spending the most we've ever spent (so far in our short married life) in travel. Firstly, we went to Europe together for the first time. We also spent Atty's birthday in Macau and spent for most of the expenses. We also went to Bora for the first time, almost on impulse, and spent the holiday vacation in Anvaya, where again, we were "taya" (and were happy to be too!). A huge THANK YOU for these adventures. We were also able to indulge in some luxuries this year, with the new gadgets and the shopping exploits. We also gifted his brother with a very generous wedding gift. Thank you.
- THE thesis. Thank you for giving me the fortitude and strength to go through the hellish 14 weeks of Strama, culminating in the submission of the longest piece of Word document I've ever written in my entire life. No matter the grading outcome (though I'm also grateful for the high grade I got for this class), I'm proud of what I've accomplished.
- the chance to teach again. As I've said in more times than once in this blog, teaching is indeed a calling of mine. It doesn't pay a lot but it is rewarding in so much more meaningful ways. And I'm grateful for the chance to teach again and for having an easy bunch of kids to educate.

2011 did have its lows, mind you. Especially towards the end when the frustration and sadness I felt over not getting the one gift I truly wanted. But my husband saw me through this dark period, and I do believe we emerged a stronger couple after it. I know it probably doesn't make a dent in terms of the more serious trials that other couples have gone through, but this challenge did give me a good look at the metal of the man I married - the kind of inner strength and wisdom he has, on top of the unwavering love and devotion I'm eternally grateful for. So even if 2011 left one wish ungranted, I am still grateful for all the blessings it brought. And it makes me even more excited and hopeful for 2012.

Happy New Year!

keep eyes on the road ahead

The past few days have been about carrying a huge weight inside my heart. After lugging around this pain in my chest, I felt that last night, a message was sent to me through a TV series I was watching while waiting for Dennis to come home. It was advice dispensed by Nora Walker, and it went something like this:

You have to believe that if someone is meant to be in your life, s/he will find his/her way into it. In the meantime, keep your eyes on the road ahead. Stay on course and trust that the road you're on is the one you're meant to be on anyway. If you keep looking at the rearview mirror, you might miss a turn on the road that you're supposed to make and end up even more lost than if you never took a peak backwards in the first place.

So keep your eyes on the road ahead of you. No to rearview mirrors.

That's the Christmas message to cap off 2011.

twiddling thumbs....

Now that my papers are all submitted and the exam has been taken...... I find myself strangely ill at ease. I know I should be enjoying this brief break until the 17th when I find out if I need to revise (rather, what I need to revise because for sure the thesis ain't perfect), or until January when the defense preparations are under way, but I guess all this stress build-up the past couple of weeks just makes me feel anxious over the lack of anything to do now.

Doesn't that sound strange?!

OK, I'll just look up new places we can check out in HongKong when we go in Feb. Maybe that's a good place to start. :P

Pathway

Praying for a new pathway to open up. Willing it. Wishing it. Praying for it.

thank you for...

the most supportive husband in the world! I mean this in the most serious way possible. Thank you for blessing me with a life partner who always believes in me, often much much more than I believe in myself. Thank you for giving me someone who is, in all the possible contexts of the phrase, the wind beneath my wings. Thank you forever and ever for giving me this man to have and to hold forever and ever.

2012 to-do's

Inspired by my brother, I will try to draft up a list of 2012 target milestones :) It'll mark my 30th year of existence, as well as (hopefully) see me cross the MBA finish-line, and maybe even go up the career ladder. Let's see..

Target to have this list up by the 3rd week of December. For now, need to focus on studying for my final exam in Strama and finishing the last paper (can't believe he assigned YET another paper...) and submitting the revised OrgBev refresher paper (paper again?!)

2011 has been such a tiring year, work-output-wise....

Yun lang :)

thesis "the" day

Today's the day the god-d*mn paper is due :p

Since I'm blogging, you can probably surmise I'm done. Well, I'm about 98% done now. What's left to do today is to proofread the paper, review my financials, correct the format of my reference page (need to be in correct APA format) and go over the entire thing to make sure the layout didn't get messed up and it looks pretty.

After this, I go home to eat dinner, head to Copylandia to get this baby printed and bound, then head over to RCBC to stick this paper up the... I mean, submit this to the professor. :P

Then it's just 1 more final exam, and this term is OVER!

Yay!

final stretch...

I have written 115 pages worth of STRAMA paper worthy of at least 100% of my tuition fee paid to the MBA school thus far. And I'm not yet done. I have about at least 80 more pages to go, and one big-ass financial projection to make, good for the next 5 years of SMART.

This is by far the most intense schoolwork I've ever done. And I'm finally on the last stretch - one more week til submission date. I've even filed for 2 vacation leaves just to make sure I have enough time to cover all bases, dot the i's and dash the t's.

Here's to nothing! Please wish me luck!

Bora virgin no more...

That is my husband :P

We went to Boracay last weekend, initialy because I had a conference that brought me there on Thursday, after which we decided to have Dennis fly in on Friday so we can spend the weekend there. It was his first trip to Bora, not being much of a beach person, and I'm proud to say that I've converted him! He now loves Bora and is now talking about our next trip there! Haha!

I think it's largely because we stayed at a really good area - more secluded, quieter, cleaner and much more peaceful part of the beach. Also, our hotel was really nice and the food we had was good. So all in all, it made a really good impression upon him and now, he's a Bora lover already! I feel so proud :)

I'm really grateful to have had the chance to do this with him. Thanks too to my company for the free ticket (for me!) and to the timing, because we went just before peak season came in and still got really good deals for the hotel and his ticket. Thanks too to Kayers for the tips! :)

Thank you for...

long weekends that allow me to:
1. Catch up on my paper-writing (a necessary evil)
2. Catch up on sleep
3. Take leisurely walks around our area with my husband

Thank you for also blessing this long weekend with good weather.

Thank you, lastly, for letting us live where we live. I love this area we're in, for its easy convenience, its peace & quiet during the weekends, and its proximity to everywhere I need to be - school and work :)

Thank you!

hanging up my teacher robes for now

My brand comm management class for SY2011-2012 just ended, and strangely, I'm feeling withdrawal symptoms from this batch of students. I often say it's because their noise level is through the roof, and everywhere else, in comparison to them, sounds sooooo eerily quiet. But I also think it's because this batch is exceptionally talented, and I'm excited to see what their prospects will look like after they've passed the baptism of fire called IMC 4th year. They're such a vibrant and energetic group of kiddos.

Also, I have a few observations about this batch, mostly gleaned through our interactions and in part from this final paper output I assign to every batch called "Brand You." The requirement is to draft a brand strategy paper about yourself, with future employers as the target market. The objective is to link your present self to your ultimate dream or career apex, by outlining the steps you think you need to take or barriers you need to overcome to put yourself in a good position to realize your dream. Typically, most of my students do not have a firm vision yet of their desired futures, and this is something I really expect. After all, they're 18-19 years old only; who at that age would already know where they want to go and what they want to be? When I was their age, I knew I wanted to be in client, but anything beyond that, I had ABSOLUTELY no idea.

What's interesting with this batch is that the majority actually had a concrete picture of their future! I was so surprised to read that 80 or even 90% of the kids in this class already knew what field they wanted to get into, what version of themselves they want to be, and how they think they should improve on their current selves in order to get closer to that "apex" they want to reach. IMPRESSIVE! I was so inspired, I wrote little notes on each paper on my suggestions and friendly advice on how to best navigate their chosen careers, at least the ones I'm familiar with. The ones I only observe and cannot claim to know very well, like theater and law, I only gave general encouragement. I find it so amazing. I don't know if it's going to be a general trend now, with kids being so internet-savvy and being bombarded by so many imageries out there, but I think it's a good sign. I can only be happy in the fact that they seem to have really liked my class and learned a lot from me. I intend to keep tabs on these kids, especially the talented ones that I even intend to hire in the future, just because I think they're gonna be, as they like to say a lot, "BIG".

I'm quite excited to meet 2012's batch and see if they're the same (or better)

:)

dream job?

I read this article where the author worried about this growing sentiment among his peers to want to drop their current jobs and go in search of their one true "dream job", inspired by the life of Steve Jobs and often quoting his famous speech at the graduation ceremony at Stanford. He says he's worried because people might not be seeing the bigger picture and are just choosing to focus on the nice-to-the-ears ideas of going to where your passion lies. Sometimes, what's more material and what's more doable is to change your attitude about the job you already have. Also, sometimes, you idealize and romanticize the idea of your "dream job" and never fully prepare yourself for the "job" part of "dream job", since your head was just brimming full of the "dream" component.

Also, it doesn't always translate that if you like dessert, your career path should be something along the lines of a dessert magnate or a cake queen. Because having a passion for dessert does not mean you have what it takes to get into the dessert business. At the end of the day, it's a business, just one about desserts as the product. If you don't prepare yourself for the qualifications required for the business, you'll just find endless frustration, not to mention expose yourself and your family to a level of risk you weren't ready to take on.

I think those were wise words and should be said as a P.S. to all these quotations of Steve Jobs' famous speech. True, you shouldn't settle and you should always strive to find work that's meaningful to your life and to your heart. But I guess the bottom line is you should also put in the required effort to prepare yourself for that kind of work, and not just assume that having enough passion for it will be enough. Just like with romantic life, love just ain't enough.

Another point to consider is that usually, people think of setting up their own business as the automatic best way to have their dream jobs. This is such a mistake. As I mentioned, business is a field altogether that needs preparation and oftentimes, an appetite for risk - something not everybody has. More importantly, owning a business means commitment akin to the kind you dedicate to a spouse. A business that's entirely your own can require endless hours, every day, including the weekends. It means having no real vacation days, because even when you're halfway across the world, your business is still at the back of your mind. It means never "switching off" or "logging out" completely, sometimes mentally and always emotionally. It means being relied on by other people for their source of livelihood, and sometimes this pressure alone can feel like one million tons. Having your own business means being entirely accountable, all day, everyday. Seeing my dad take this on is enough to make me see the immense responsibility, commitment and dedication required, and I guess, by and large, that's one of the biggest reasons I feel unprepared as of now to launch my own thing. Even if it's about something I like.

The author ended with wishing his friends well- the ones you jumped off the corporate ship and chose to swim alone, carrying their life's passion with them. I guess I'd do the same if I knew these people. There's no one formula in life, I guess, and Steve Jobs' story is just one that happened to work out, in hindsight. It doesn't mean everyone should copy what he did and risk things they may not be ready to. Especially in this world economy. Maybe an attitude adjustment would do the trick for now :)

thankfulness post of the day

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for giving me a dad who :

- loves my mother beyond anything and anyone in this world, including his children, as the best way to love your children is to love their mother

- gave us a stable childhood with all needs met and some luxuries provided.

- is sooooo OC and so adorably a neat and control freak. His compulsions always crack me up.

- takes responsibility seriously and gives 100% hard work behind everything he does ; he taught us about being accountable, "doing first things first", "fast play" aka do things in a fast and efficient manner, and always trying to stay detail-oriented. You can keep talking a big game, but you'll only attain success if you cover your bases and do your homework.

- is a loyal brother and a great friend, who'll make it his mission to help you up whenever you fall

- has such a voracious appetite for knowledge. He's my go-to guy to ask about anything and everything about the world of business and politics.

- gives a whole new meaning to the word "SUPPORT"

I love you, papa. You'll always be the first man I ever loved, ergo the man I will love the longest. I love you so much I feel like I married a version of you. Dennis reminds me so much of you in so many ways, that I feel like God cloned you and put you in the *chubby* body of a Xavierian-Atenean lawyer who's just as OC, control-freaky, responsible, loving, loyal, supportive and FUNNY as you. I can't believe this family is so lucky as you have two versions of you in it :) Love you!

Strauma

This class I'm taking this term in continued pursuit of my MBA is easily THE HARDEST CLASS I'VE EVER TAKEN IN MY ENTIRE ACADEMIC LIFE. The name of the class is Strama, standing for Strategic Management. But I fondly call it Strauma due to the traumatic experience it's giving me.

Reasons are as follows:

1. Every class we have on Mondays requires the following:
- Reading some 25 to 40 pages of readings, EVERY SESSION. And these are not the easy-reading types of readings. They are highly complex concepts and theories. Plus one reading is always a case, which you must analyse together with your groupmates.
- Meeting with groupmates to discuss the readings, analyse them based on the frameworks taught, and make powerpoint presentations itemizing the results of this analyses.
- Reciting in class to cover the readings and to make the presentation
- Listen attentively in class, lest you make an incorrect understanding of any of the frameworks taught and risk failing in the requirement # 2 detailed below.

2. The final output of the class consists of:
- A final exam, which requires studying all the readings (40 pages times 12 sessions)
- A final paper which is on average 150 pages long and written 100% by you and you alone. Research prior to writing the paper is required, since you are expected to quote facts and figures to make your conclusions and recommendations.

It's sooooo stressful, like you wouldn't believe.

There are times I want to quit this class but the following are stopping me:
1. My pride. I don't know if I can face myself calling my own self (haha, I know, you get my drift) a quitter. I've never quit on anything in my life and I think my pride has successfully garnered that achievement on its own. So I will NOT quit this one.
2. This is my last studying term in MBA. After this class and this term, I just have to make further polishing of my term paper and present it in the OCE (oral comprehensive exam) next term. Then I am done. The end is in sight. I did not study these 4 years only to stop 1 term short of finishing.
3. Dennis is strictly not allowing me to quit. If my pride is a strong force, my husband is a much much stronger one.
4. I really love business, even if MBA is purely the theory side of it. And I don't want to quit on studying something I love. Also, I took this up for a reason (reasons, actually) and these reasons are still valid, no matter how difficult the climb to the finish line may be.
5. I've paid xxx,xxx amount thus far. Self-explanatory.

Thank you, Steve Jobs

For someone I've never met, I feel really affected by the death of Steve Jobs. On one hand, he was taken away far too soon. He was way too young. More importantly, I feel like he still had so much to offer the world, but what else he could've come up with, the world will never know.

So much of today's cyberspace activity was devoted to eulogizing this great man. I've never seen this much mourning and admiration pouring in after someone passes. Not a President. Not a King. Not an Artist, even Michael Jackson. Not anybody in recent history. Amazing how one person's life's work influenced and touched the entire world that people feel they've actually lost a good friend when he died.

Apart from admiring the man for the visionary that he was and the sheer marketing genius he had, I also need to thank him for reminding me of a very important life lesson today. To paraphrase him a bit, the only way to live meaningfully is to do great work. And the only time work can be great is when you love it. You spend a great deal of your life doing work, so why settle for one that doesn't get your juices flowing, your heart beating and your tummy all filled up with butterflies? Definitely, work is not meant to be easy. But it won't feel (and shouldn't feel) like a cross on your back if it's work that your heart and mind are destined to be dedicated to. Do not compromise this, just like you wouldn't want to compromise on a choice of a spouse. It's like a love affair- this relationship we have with work. Why? It has its ups and downs, just like a marriage. It has its bad days and rough sailing points, but at the end of the day, you keep going and you never let go because at the heart of it all lies true, unadulterated and passionate love.

I feel this way about marketing and I feel this way about teaching. For that, I'll be forever grateful. But I feel that my love for marketing may not translate to love for my current company. So on this point I will need to keep searching.

I also love the theory side of business but feel a little (okay, a LOT) scared about the application side of it, because it involves risk at a level I'm not sure I'm ready to take on.

But see, I'm not yet sure if any of these two choices are on the "true love" level. I don't know. But at least now I'm reminded once again never to give up searching for it. Just like I wouldn't give up on love (good thing I found it rather soon), I shouldn't give up on finding that one true professional path that constitutes my calling. At the end of my life, I want to be like Steve- someone who did what he set out to do, without compromises and without apology. Someone who played at work and worked when he played. Someone who dreamed and had the guts to make those come true (or at least give it his darnest, best shot). Someone without regrets (at least professionally), as I didn't know him personally at all. I guess it's all part of living everyday as if it were your last - taking away all the bullshit of this world, the unnecessary temptations and distractions clogging our judgment, and focusing on what truly, deeply matters. Using only your inner compass and your very own mirror to show you where to go. Listening to your own voice first and last, even as you consult other people what they think. Knowing who you are, what you're about and what you stand for, and never letting anything change that.

Thank you, Steve Jobs. Rest in peace. This world is a much less interesting world now that you're gone.

Turning 29...

It'll be my 29th birthday in 25 days. Which means I only have 390 days left before I turn the big 3-0. I'll say (silently) my birthday wish now.

..........

There.

Hope it comes true! :)