Boredom aside, I was struck by a thought a while ago while strolling around the mall after my friends had gone back to work. No matter what the outcome, I already love this little speck of white inside my uterus. I may still feel a bit funny referring to myself as pregnant, but I do feel that this is *my baby* inside me already. It feels so real this early, and I feel as much love and protectiveness over this little white speck, even if implantation hasn't started yet and I'm still 10 days away from confirmation, as I would when day 12 comes. I don't know if that makes sense but at this point, I feel lucky to have this advance knowledge that this little bub is already around. If this was a natural conception, I would not be aware of the little white speck until I miss my period in about 2 weeks. But because we did IVF, I have been fully aware of its existence and been able to love it *this* early. May sound odd to those who've never gone through infertility. But that's how I feel now and I doubt that will change. I had that thought because I caught myself *talking* to it, encouraging bubby to keep growing and to please latch on strongly later. I love it already. I don't know what else to use to describe this feeling.
So while waiting may not be something I welcome, I would gladly go through it. Waiting, praying, waiting, praying. All for you, little speck of love.
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