Tomorrow, I'm set to leave for Doha, Qatar, as part of our brand's world tour 2007- Middle East leg. Alas, as opposed to my splendid Hawaii trip last year, f*ck of all f*cks, this year's budget would only allow for an economy-class ticket for me.
Lest you think me a spoiled rich kid whining about riding with the masses, you must first understand that Arabian airlines' economy-seats look more like chairs off PhilTranCo buses than Singapore Airlines-esque plush lush cushioned seats. What stands between your cheek and your seatmate's cheek is probably about 1 to 1.5 inches. The back rests do not recline and there's very minimal legroom. Also, since this is what one terms as "an OFW flight" (Doha being a prime destination of Filipino workers), it's bound to be a noise-filled flight too. Add to that the fact that Arabs elicit an illogical fear in me, and the flight duration is 10.5 hours! Non-stop!
And the "aroma", I can just imagine...
LORD HELP ME, PLEASE!
On the upside, my darling beau is treating me to an early Valentine's date at Paseo Uno this evening. Sort of a send-off slash Valentine's treat slash consuelo de bobo for the dreadful trip up ahead. Love love love love him!
More updates when I get back. Pray that I'll survive!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
my mom's voice
As much as I may hate it sometimes, my mother's is the voice is in my head. No one else in this whole world can bother me as much as her, I'm sorry to say. Though, admittedly, this fact also swings the other way (in that praises somehow ring nicer when they come from her), she can have this annoying choke-hold on me like no other being ever created. It's so frustrating sometimes, especially when she nags me and tries to make 'predictions' about me and my life.
I know she's just looking out for me, and she just wants the best for me. But sometimes, I just wish she'd stop the doomsday monologue and just be supportive. I just wish she'd stop picking on what he doesn't have and focus on the fact that he makes me so happy and that he's the one person who can make me feel like I'm the center of the universe. That's just not something you throw away.
Her little nuggets of irritation (she fancies her method to be 'tough love' when really, it's just 'tough'-- tough to the ears) just keep going on and on about how terrible it would be if I didn't get the life she got from my dad or will get from a "much more deserving" man. Aarrrgh, Lord knows no one can push my buttons better than my mother. She knows just where to hit. How can she not-- I think she programmed me herself!
Inspite of all this, though, I just can't muster enough courage to tell her off. To tell her that, no matter how scary those "hardships" she describes I'll have to suffer through may be, nothing scares me more than not having him in my life.
There, I've said it. Though not to the one person who needs to hear it most. She'll think me foolish for saying that-- naive, really-- but it's the truth. Losing him scares me shitless. And that fear is the only thing now drowning out my mother's voice. I never thought I'd see the day where something will have as much endurance.
I know she's just looking out for me, and she just wants the best for me. But sometimes, I just wish she'd stop the doomsday monologue and just be supportive. I just wish she'd stop picking on what he doesn't have and focus on the fact that he makes me so happy and that he's the one person who can make me feel like I'm the center of the universe. That's just not something you throw away.
Her little nuggets of irritation (she fancies her method to be 'tough love' when really, it's just 'tough'-- tough to the ears) just keep going on and on about how terrible it would be if I didn't get the life she got from my dad or will get from a "much more deserving" man. Aarrrgh, Lord knows no one can push my buttons better than my mother. She knows just where to hit. How can she not-- I think she programmed me herself!
Inspite of all this, though, I just can't muster enough courage to tell her off. To tell her that, no matter how scary those "hardships" she describes I'll have to suffer through may be, nothing scares me more than not having him in my life.
There, I've said it. Though not to the one person who needs to hear it most. She'll think me foolish for saying that-- naive, really-- but it's the truth. Losing him scares me shitless. And that fear is the only thing now drowning out my mother's voice. I never thought I'd see the day where something will have as much endurance.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
foot caught in the door
Hahaha, saw this online just now and found it so cute. It's a rubber stiletto shoe meant to be used as a door stopper. What a cute gift! And it's only $10!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
paycheck bummer
One of the few perks of working where I work is the number of months you're paid. Now, there's no guarantee of that anymore. What a bummer.
But then again, this is where the famous line of Attorney Chan comes in. When you join a company with the primary reason of you liking the job and not because they happened to be the highest bidder for your services, then the increase or decrease of the number of months you're paid doesn't hurt your motivations as much. It's like the cherry on top of your cake was taken away. As long as you really like the cake in the first place and even though you will still miss the cherry, it's not the end of the world.
So there. It's not the end of my world, granted. Because I really like this job. But I am sooooooo gonna miss that f*cking cherry.
But then again, this is where the famous line of Attorney Chan comes in. When you join a company with the primary reason of you liking the job and not because they happened to be the highest bidder for your services, then the increase or decrease of the number of months you're paid doesn't hurt your motivations as much. It's like the cherry on top of your cake was taken away. As long as you really like the cake in the first place and even though you will still miss the cherry, it's not the end of the world.
So there. It's not the end of my world, granted. Because I really like this job. But I am sooooooo gonna miss that f*cking cherry.
Friday, January 26, 2007
cheesy entry about my folks...
Had a long family meeting last night, where we discussed a broad range of topics-- from why my brother shouldn't quit his job and handle the family business, to what my youngest brother should do after graduation, to what I'm doing now and what I wanna be doing in a few years time. Throughout the discussion, whose mood went from serious to light to funny then back to serious, I caught a glimpse of the inner motivations of parents and was awestruck by a huge "consumer insight" about my folks.
Truly, parents only want the best for this children, and "best" here often means getting opportunities they themselves didn't get when they were younger... And, more importantly, turning out even better, even bigger (not literally, I hope, esp in the case of my brother Kendrick, haha!) than them.
They don't want their children to exactly follow in their footsteps, but instead leverage on what they've started and be an even bigger success, to be an even happier, even more fulfilled persons. It's all about bridging the potential with the actual-- armed with the opportunities and the facilities that they've made available to us, they want to ensure we fill out our absolute potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be.
I just think it was so endearing, and as I mentioned in an earlier entry, I'm grateful to see that my parents have taken a shift in their treatment of us kids-- from mere children who know nothing of the world to young adults who are capable to making decisions but prefer to make them in conjunction with (or under consultation with) our parents. I think last night, they were even more grateful to see the premium we place on what they think or recommend. They've seen more than one example of their friends' children totally bypassing mom and dad and going ahead and making life-altering decisions without their knowledge nor consent. I think, above all, they were happy that we were good kids. No matter how else we turn out (professionally, socially, intellectually, etc), being good kids is definitely a good start.
OK. Enough tooting the Co horn. Just want to say that-- I love my folks and I love my family! :)
Truly, parents only want the best for this children, and "best" here often means getting opportunities they themselves didn't get when they were younger... And, more importantly, turning out even better, even bigger (not literally, I hope, esp in the case of my brother Kendrick, haha!) than them.
They don't want their children to exactly follow in their footsteps, but instead leverage on what they've started and be an even bigger success, to be an even happier, even more fulfilled persons. It's all about bridging the potential with the actual-- armed with the opportunities and the facilities that they've made available to us, they want to ensure we fill out our absolute potential and be the best version of ourselves we can be.
I just think it was so endearing, and as I mentioned in an earlier entry, I'm grateful to see that my parents have taken a shift in their treatment of us kids-- from mere children who know nothing of the world to young adults who are capable to making decisions but prefer to make them in conjunction with (or under consultation with) our parents. I think last night, they were even more grateful to see the premium we place on what they think or recommend. They've seen more than one example of their friends' children totally bypassing mom and dad and going ahead and making life-altering decisions without their knowledge nor consent. I think, above all, they were happy that we were good kids. No matter how else we turn out (professionally, socially, intellectually, etc), being good kids is definitely a good start.
OK. Enough tooting the Co horn. Just want to say that-- I love my folks and I love my family! :)
Saturday, January 20, 2007
birthday bash ala kaye
So Kaye had her little birthday bash yesterday (and delayed celebration na rin of her and Rap's engagement), where we all stuffed ourselves silly (especially with the dessert spread) at Circles. Needless to say, the food was glorious. I had loads of the one item I eat most at buffets (barring the dessert stuff)-- salmon sashimi! And the dessert was heavenly, I can't stress that enough. Thanks, Kaye! :)
After the 3-hour dinner (see, nasulit talaga!), we headed over to M Cafe, for a supposedly 1-round of drinks... which eventually turned into a 5-rounder between Dennis and Ian, and a two-rounder between Rap and Martin. Thanks to the open bar, courtesy of Hennessy.
Let me just say how cute it was to see my beau and Ian talk about political story after political story, sharing their own experiences, talking about "raids at ___clubs"- nonstop while smoking their 895-peso Dunhill cigars. Hahahaha! 'Twas such a riot-- watching them smoke with one hand and carry the cognac on the other. They looked so ancient :p
But in fairness, they both looked the part of a successful lawyer and a successful banker.
The above is truly remarkable, because my beau isn't the type to warm up to people after the 2nd or 3rd meeting. It usually takes longer, and usually requires that the other party stay consistently interested in whatever he has to share. Well, except for me (malamang he had to be the one interested first, kundi walang mangyayari samin! Hahaha!), this is how most of his friendships and relationships have come to form. So, kudos to Ian! :)
and Happy Birthday to Kaye! Wishing you nothing but everything happy and everything good as you embark on a spanking-new part of your life with Rap :)
After the 3-hour dinner (see, nasulit talaga!), we headed over to M Cafe, for a supposedly 1-round of drinks... which eventually turned into a 5-rounder between Dennis and Ian, and a two-rounder between Rap and Martin. Thanks to the open bar, courtesy of Hennessy.
Let me just say how cute it was to see my beau and Ian talk about political story after political story, sharing their own experiences, talking about "raids at ___clubs"- nonstop while smoking their 895-peso Dunhill cigars. Hahahaha! 'Twas such a riot-- watching them smoke with one hand and carry the cognac on the other. They looked so ancient :p
But in fairness, they both looked the part of a successful lawyer and a successful banker.
The above is truly remarkable, because my beau isn't the type to warm up to people after the 2nd or 3rd meeting. It usually takes longer, and usually requires that the other party stay consistently interested in whatever he has to share. Well, except for me (malamang he had to be the one interested first, kundi walang mangyayari samin! Hahaha!), this is how most of his friendships and relationships have come to form. So, kudos to Ian! :)
and Happy Birthday to Kaye! Wishing you nothing but everything happy and everything good as you embark on a spanking-new part of your life with Rap :)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
questions questions....
Need to de-stress. Lifted this off Julette's blog---
FIRSTS
1st time you tried smoking:
college. right outside mia's house. gopal was the B.I.
1st alcoholic drink you had:
beer
1st time you entered a bar:
i think 4th year high school
1st award you received:
best in conduct in grade 1 (hahahaha!)
1st hero:
Ken (as in Barbie and Ken)
1st time you were sent to the principal:
high school
1st college entrance exam you took:
U.P. Diliman
1st teacher in college:
Father Soria
1st job:
Banker
1st goal you achieved:
Being independent (living abroad)
1st crush:
Brad Pitt
1st person na binigyan mo ng flowers?
I think my lola
1st date:
in Pizza Hut somewhere near my school :)
1st friend:
Lianne Siy
1st kiss:
@ 16, hehehe.
1st movie you watched with a friend:
.....err... Apparently, it wasn't that memorable a movie
1st fight with a friend:
Eileen Lim. Forgot about what :P
1st gift you received from a friend:
stuffed toy
1st gift you gave to a friend:
stuffed toy (guess it was the thing back then huh)
1st record you bought:
lea salonga! hahahaha!
1st song you sang infront of many
a Chinese song about a cat and a mouse, back when I was young and impressionable... a.k.a. uto-uto. hahaha!
1st musical instrument you learned to
piano
1st concert you watched:
don't remember
1st celebrity you saw in person
don't remember
1st TV show you really liked:
i think it was batibot! :P
1st book you bought:
nancy drew
1st sport you played:
taguan yata :P
1st sleepover:
high school
1st terrible fight:
my bro. over what, i don't remember
1st prank:
don't remember :P
1st inaanak:
N/A
1st time you spent the night alone
in Singapore when I studied there at age 10
1st bestfriend:
Lianne
1st wedding you attended:
don't remember
1st person who greeted you on your last birthday:
Dennis :)
1st friend in friendster:
I think Lianne :)
1st time you got lost:
don't remember
1st cellphone:
6100
1st cellphone ringtone:
just a beep.
1st collection:
stuffed toys
1st club you joined:
the student council
1st time you felt proud of yourself:
when I lived alone in singapore
1st time you saw a ghost:
N/A thank God!
1st rollercoaster ride:
Star City
1st school you attended:
Uno High School
1st friend you had when you entered college:
Gen Ongchi
1st ambition:
To be a cashier. Kaching-kaching!
SECOND BRAINLESS SURVEY
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think?
A new pimple. Great.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
P2,000
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Chest
4. Favorite planet?
Ours
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Someone from work.
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
The Nokia tune, hehehe.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A Forever21 top I got for $15
8. Do you "label" yourself?
No
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing now?
Tiangge flats.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Julette was bored :P
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Talking to Dennis.
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I love you!" yiheeeee...
14. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Outside my village
15. What's a saying(s) that you say a lot?
Lately, for some reason, it's "O.A.!"
16. Who told you they loved you last?
Dennis
17. Last furry thing you touched?
N/A
18. How many days of school did you miss this week?
N/A
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Too many
20. Favorite age you have been so far?
My age now
21. Your worst enemy?
No one :)
22. What is your current desktop picture:
None
23. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"I love you too" yiheeeee.....
24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
Show me the money, baby!!!
25. Do you like someone?
I love someone :P
26. The last song you listened to?
Anong meron ang taong happy.... nyarks!
27. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?
Carmen Electra, hello!!
FIRSTS
1st time you tried smoking:
college. right outside mia's house. gopal was the B.I.
1st alcoholic drink you had:
beer
1st time you entered a bar:
i think 4th year high school
1st award you received:
best in conduct in grade 1 (hahahaha!)
1st hero:
Ken (as in Barbie and Ken)
1st time you were sent to the principal:
high school
1st college entrance exam you took:
U.P. Diliman
1st teacher in college:
Father Soria
1st job:
Banker
1st goal you achieved:
Being independent (living abroad)
1st crush:
Brad Pitt
1st person na binigyan mo ng flowers?
I think my lola
1st date:
in Pizza Hut somewhere near my school :)
1st friend:
Lianne Siy
1st kiss:
@ 16, hehehe.
1st movie you watched with a friend:
.....err... Apparently, it wasn't that memorable a movie
1st fight with a friend:
Eileen Lim. Forgot about what :P
1st gift you received from a friend:
stuffed toy
1st gift you gave to a friend:
stuffed toy (guess it was the thing back then huh)
1st record you bought:
lea salonga! hahahaha!
1st song you sang infront of many
a Chinese song about a cat and a mouse, back when I was young and impressionable... a.k.a. uto-uto. hahaha!
1st musical instrument you learned to
piano
1st concert you watched:
don't remember
1st celebrity you saw in person
don't remember
1st TV show you really liked:
i think it was batibot! :P
1st book you bought:
nancy drew
1st sport you played:
taguan yata :P
1st sleepover:
high school
1st terrible fight:
my bro. over what, i don't remember
1st prank:
don't remember :P
1st inaanak:
N/A
1st time you spent the night alone
in Singapore when I studied there at age 10
1st bestfriend:
Lianne
1st wedding you attended:
don't remember
1st person who greeted you on your last birthday:
Dennis :)
1st friend in friendster:
I think Lianne :)
1st time you got lost:
don't remember
1st cellphone:
6100
1st cellphone ringtone:
just a beep.
1st collection:
stuffed toys
1st club you joined:
the student council
1st time you felt proud of yourself:
when I lived alone in singapore
1st time you saw a ghost:
N/A thank God!
1st rollercoaster ride:
Star City
1st school you attended:
Uno High School
1st friend you had when you entered college:
Gen Ongchi
1st ambition:
To be a cashier. Kaching-kaching!
SECOND BRAINLESS SURVEY
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what did you think?
A new pimple. Great.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
P2,000
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?
Chest
4. Favorite planet?
Ours
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Someone from work.
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
The Nokia tune, hehehe.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
A Forever21 top I got for $15
8. Do you "label" yourself?
No
9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing now?
Tiangge flats.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
Bright
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Julette was bored :P
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Talking to Dennis.
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"I love you!" yiheeeee...
14. Where is your nearest 7-11?
Outside my village
15. What's a saying(s) that you say a lot?
Lately, for some reason, it's "O.A.!"
16. Who told you they loved you last?
Dennis
17. Last furry thing you touched?
N/A
18. How many days of school did you miss this week?
N/A
19. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Too many
20. Favorite age you have been so far?
My age now
21. Your worst enemy?
No one :)
22. What is your current desktop picture:
None
23. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"I love you too" yiheeeee.....
24. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose?
Show me the money, baby!!!
25. Do you like someone?
I love someone :P
26. The last song you listened to?
Anong meron ang taong happy.... nyarks!
27. Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?
Carmen Electra, hello!!
Monday, January 15, 2007
foolish thoughts
I think my obsession with JL's telenovelas are coming back to bite me in the ass. I know this blog entry will probably make me sound like the biggest closet jologs that ever lived (closet pa rin nga ba?!) but I don't care. I just found tonight's episode of MSKM so fit for my current situation. I think sacrifice is overrated yet underrated at the same time. Overrated because sometimes you just have to be practical and know what your limits are, and accept that there are just some things you cannot do and there are just some fairy tales that do not end happily.... yet it's also underrated because there are times you just have to forego what's superficial to be able to have and keep what really matters. See, all these foolish ideas being fed to my brain by that darn soap I just can't help but follow every night.
.....
Damn... The above is probably the most loser-ish paragraph I've ever written in my life.
Anyhoot..... you know what the say, when the going gets the tough, the tough goes shopping. However, since I just got my credit card statement the other day and am still feeling the remnants of swipe trauma, all I can do for now is window shop. Ain't these nice?
In other news, my friend Giselle and I are currently exploring starting up a travel agency business. She's willing to resign to manage it fulltime while I'm willing to cut back on some free time (whatever little I have) to do the sales and marketing work. We're still in the know-more-about-it phase, but I think it's looking quite good. At least we have the location down pat. We have an accountant and a lawyer (guess who?!) on board. We just need to sort out more details. Hopefully, this is the ticket to... something. Something substantial. Something solid. Something to hold on to. Lord, please!
.....
So many random, foolish ideas flooding my brain tonight. Might be a better idea to just go to sleep now.
.....
Damn... The above is probably the most loser-ish paragraph I've ever written in my life.
Anyhoot..... you know what the say, when the going gets the tough, the tough goes shopping. However, since I just got my credit card statement the other day and am still feeling the remnants of swipe trauma, all I can do for now is window shop. Ain't these nice?
In other news, my friend Giselle and I are currently exploring starting up a travel agency business. She's willing to resign to manage it fulltime while I'm willing to cut back on some free time (whatever little I have) to do the sales and marketing work. We're still in the know-more-about-it phase, but I think it's looking quite good. At least we have the location down pat. We have an accountant and a lawyer (guess who?!) on board. We just need to sort out more details. Hopefully, this is the ticket to... something. Something substantial. Something solid. Something to hold on to. Lord, please!
.....
So many random, foolish ideas flooding my brain tonight. Might be a better idea to just go to sleep now.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
positivity
Really, I'm trying my best to stay positive and still believe that things will take a turn for the better.
Really, that's the only way to deal with this entire thing. As hard-up as things may be, the truth is I love him too much to consider any other option. So what else is there to think about?!
...
So now, I'm just going to keep looking at the bright side until it blinds me.
Really, that's the only way to deal with this entire thing. As hard-up as things may be, the truth is I love him too much to consider any other option. So what else is there to think about?!
...
So now, I'm just going to keep looking at the bright side until it blinds me.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
i can feel a funk looming near...
Here I go again. Just a few days ago, I made the resolve to be more appreciative of what he can give and less frustrated at what he cannot. I made the promise to myself to focus more on the good parts of this relationship rather than mull over the less fortunate sides of his circumstances. I vowed to always remind myself that, despite everything, what I have is a good good good thing.
But what can I do, tao lang... Recent developments cannot help but call back that damn sense of disillusion I felt in the latter part of last year.. that nagging worry about how things will pan out for us in the future. I'm starting to again feel despair and intense sadness wash over me, as I think about what's been deprived of him and how utterly unfair it all seems to be.
I also cannot be so hypocritical as to allege that no part of this is selfish in nature, because, really, if you drill down to the heart of it, all these doom-saying voices in my head stem from my fear about our future... about my future with him... About THE dream becoming more and more challenging to attain. About the possibility flipping ominously onto the realm of impossibility... a.k.a. the ugly place where all dreams go to die...
The picture in my head may very well just remain that-- a picture. Nothing more. Reality may just be that cold splash of water telling me to wake up and live a life so different from what I had hoped for.
Nothing has ever sounded more depressing.
I can sooooo feel a funk looming near. Here I go again.
But what can I do, tao lang... Recent developments cannot help but call back that damn sense of disillusion I felt in the latter part of last year.. that nagging worry about how things will pan out for us in the future. I'm starting to again feel despair and intense sadness wash over me, as I think about what's been deprived of him and how utterly unfair it all seems to be.
I also cannot be so hypocritical as to allege that no part of this is selfish in nature, because, really, if you drill down to the heart of it, all these doom-saying voices in my head stem from my fear about our future... about my future with him... About THE dream becoming more and more challenging to attain. About the possibility flipping ominously onto the realm of impossibility... a.k.a. the ugly place where all dreams go to die...
The picture in my head may very well just remain that-- a picture. Nothing more. Reality may just be that cold splash of water telling me to wake up and live a life so different from what I had hoped for.
Nothing has ever sounded more depressing.
I can sooooo feel a funk looming near. Here I go again.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
it's that time of our lives...
So many people are getting engaged! Latest in the roster are my cousin Ann and my dear dear friend Kaye. Still can't believe Kaye is engaged (si Ann I can believe, she is, after all, 30 years old already and has been with Kenny for 11 years now) Grabe... it is indeed that time of our lives...
In other news, my other friend with a name starting with K had not-so-good-yet-not-so-bad news. The long and short of it is that he will propose this weekend. Finally. I just really really wish it finally happens for her and that all this heartache will have a happy ending after all. Hay. Spent two hours this afternoon with her, dissecting everything that happened, replaying it all in our heads and figuring out how she ended up here. To me, relationships are not easy, but they're not supposed to be this hard either. And hers is so gaddamn hard. I can't believe how much work it's taking, and I can't believe that it's her who's doing all the work... carrying all that burden, all that thinking and analyzing, all that wishing and waiting.
And for him to even have the gall to say she's speeding things up?! Hello, if after 7 years it's still too fast, ewan ko na!! My gahd! He's pushing 40!
I sure hope when my time comes, it won't be as complicated as this. Tsk tsk...
So many weddings, woohoo! I love weddings! I have three to attend this year.. so far.. Hehe.. Time to plan what to wear :)
In other news, my other friend with a name starting with K had not-so-good-yet-not-so-bad news. The long and short of it is that he will propose this weekend. Finally. I just really really wish it finally happens for her and that all this heartache will have a happy ending after all. Hay. Spent two hours this afternoon with her, dissecting everything that happened, replaying it all in our heads and figuring out how she ended up here. To me, relationships are not easy, but they're not supposed to be this hard either. And hers is so gaddamn hard. I can't believe how much work it's taking, and I can't believe that it's her who's doing all the work... carrying all that burden, all that thinking and analyzing, all that wishing and waiting.
And for him to even have the gall to say she's speeding things up?! Hello, if after 7 years it's still too fast, ewan ko na!! My gahd! He's pushing 40!
I sure hope when my time comes, it won't be as complicated as this. Tsk tsk...
So many weddings, woohoo! I love weddings! I have three to attend this year.. so far.. Hehe.. Time to plan what to wear :)
Monday, January 01, 2007
welcome, 2007!
Preamble:
One of the benefits of having a blog is, much like a diary, you get to flip through the past year (or past months) and get a glimpse of the person you used to be, the circumstances that surrounded you then, and the thoughts & feelings you had for the most important and the most mundane aspects of life. I am thankful to have this online journal because it helps me look back at 2006 and see just how good life and God have been to me.
Some highlights:
1. On Work: Finally got a good foothold on my new job, got settled on the new environment, the new culture and the new job scope. Enjoyed my newly increased salary and got pleasantly surprised by my boss when she promoted me upon regularization. Sarap ma-promote! :P Went to a couple of trips abroad courtesy of Smart, too, and I loved loved loved it! Oh, and towards the end of the year, my good friend Guia joined me at Smart.. quite literally, as she really joined me in my cubicle. Hehehe. It's all good though. In a place like Smart, you need as many friends as you can have around you. :)
2. On Family Life: Super thankful that everyone in my family was healthy this year, especially my lola. Though she sometimes has bad bouts of high blood pressure and of recurring palpitations, 2006 was a pretty healthy year for us. I must also say that this year saw my parents change their treatment of us from mere kiddos who know nothing about the world to young adults who may not know everything but can be useful in their own ways. I know it's been a big jump, especially for my dad, to shift perspectives on our contribution in this household, and I'm immensely grateful. Our voices are still not equal theirs in this house, but I'm cool with that. That's how it's supposed to be anyway. :P
3. On Love: Still madly and crazily in love with my darling beau, who continues to make me laugh and make me feel like the most special person on earth. He continues to love me with love so powerful it makes me feel like I can do anything and be anything. He continues to believe in me with a faith so strong that I prefer seeing myself through his eyes. He continues to really be my partner in facing and conquering life, and I'm so thankful to have him next to me as 2006 ends and the new year opens. Great love, great life :)
4. On Friends: Gonna bring all my key friendships with me into 2007, no falloffs :) I love love love FILC, and I love love love my Citi-gals. Even if Baby Bay had to move back to Sing, the wonders of technology keep us connected and updated. It's like she never left :) I love love love digdipper and my Uno barkada. As for my best friend, a big tragedy has befallen her brother this year. Thankfully, despite the odds, he continues to persevere in the tough road to recovery. I continue to pray for her and her bro everyday, and try to keep as much touch as possible, especially when she finds herself in moments of weakness or in puddles of self-pity. I love you, Li, keep faith!
5. On Money: Well, same as last year, I still spent more than I should have :P Hehe.. I doubt I have the willpower to change that sometime soon, but I'm still glad because 2006 saw me start to diversify in my choice of savings instruments. Mustered up enough courage to play with the stock market and started to read up more about other financial tools. One thing I really appreciated about my first job in Citibank is that it oriented me about financial jargon, helped me shrug off any last traces of fear regarding banking products and instruments, and enabled me to at least try them out. Hopefully, 2007 will find me at a better place financially. Please. Especially after my first taste of Christmas bonus at Smart (oh, it really makes me love my job tenfold, hundredfold, thousandfold). My financial goal for '07 is better financial management. That means less clothes and shoes and bags.
Conclusion:
Really, 2006 has been a pretty good year, full of blessings and full of love. So I won't bother God na by asking for more. If 2007 turns out as good as 2006, I'll be very happy already. Thank you again, dear Lord, for 2006.
*Oh, guess what, on another note, finally got that Family Computer console and spent the entire afternoon playing Ice Climber, Bomber Man, Adventure Island and Balloon Fight. XBOX 360 definitely cannot hold a candle to this classic invention. I love it!
One of the benefits of having a blog is, much like a diary, you get to flip through the past year (or past months) and get a glimpse of the person you used to be, the circumstances that surrounded you then, and the thoughts & feelings you had for the most important and the most mundane aspects of life. I am thankful to have this online journal because it helps me look back at 2006 and see just how good life and God have been to me.
Some highlights:
1. On Work: Finally got a good foothold on my new job, got settled on the new environment, the new culture and the new job scope. Enjoyed my newly increased salary and got pleasantly surprised by my boss when she promoted me upon regularization. Sarap ma-promote! :P Went to a couple of trips abroad courtesy of Smart, too, and I loved loved loved it! Oh, and towards the end of the year, my good friend Guia joined me at Smart.. quite literally, as she really joined me in my cubicle. Hehehe. It's all good though. In a place like Smart, you need as many friends as you can have around you. :)
2. On Family Life: Super thankful that everyone in my family was healthy this year, especially my lola. Though she sometimes has bad bouts of high blood pressure and of recurring palpitations, 2006 was a pretty healthy year for us. I must also say that this year saw my parents change their treatment of us from mere kiddos who know nothing about the world to young adults who may not know everything but can be useful in their own ways. I know it's been a big jump, especially for my dad, to shift perspectives on our contribution in this household, and I'm immensely grateful. Our voices are still not equal theirs in this house, but I'm cool with that. That's how it's supposed to be anyway. :P
3. On Love: Still madly and crazily in love with my darling beau, who continues to make me laugh and make me feel like the most special person on earth. He continues to love me with love so powerful it makes me feel like I can do anything and be anything. He continues to believe in me with a faith so strong that I prefer seeing myself through his eyes. He continues to really be my partner in facing and conquering life, and I'm so thankful to have him next to me as 2006 ends and the new year opens. Great love, great life :)
4. On Friends: Gonna bring all my key friendships with me into 2007, no falloffs :) I love love love FILC, and I love love love my Citi-gals. Even if Baby Bay had to move back to Sing, the wonders of technology keep us connected and updated. It's like she never left :) I love love love digdipper and my Uno barkada. As for my best friend, a big tragedy has befallen her brother this year. Thankfully, despite the odds, he continues to persevere in the tough road to recovery. I continue to pray for her and her bro everyday, and try to keep as much touch as possible, especially when she finds herself in moments of weakness or in puddles of self-pity. I love you, Li, keep faith!
5. On Money: Well, same as last year, I still spent more than I should have :P Hehe.. I doubt I have the willpower to change that sometime soon, but I'm still glad because 2006 saw me start to diversify in my choice of savings instruments. Mustered up enough courage to play with the stock market and started to read up more about other financial tools. One thing I really appreciated about my first job in Citibank is that it oriented me about financial jargon, helped me shrug off any last traces of fear regarding banking products and instruments, and enabled me to at least try them out. Hopefully, 2007 will find me at a better place financially. Please. Especially after my first taste of Christmas bonus at Smart (oh, it really makes me love my job tenfold, hundredfold, thousandfold). My financial goal for '07 is better financial management. That means less clothes and shoes and bags.
Conclusion:
Really, 2006 has been a pretty good year, full of blessings and full of love. So I won't bother God na by asking for more. If 2007 turns out as good as 2006, I'll be very happy already. Thank you again, dear Lord, for 2006.
*Oh, guess what, on another note, finally got that Family Computer console and spent the entire afternoon playing Ice Climber, Bomber Man, Adventure Island and Balloon Fight. XBOX 360 definitely cannot hold a candle to this classic invention. I love it!
Friday, December 29, 2006
sad news to open the new year
Still can't believe it. A friend of mine lost his mom and two younger brothers when their house burned down last night. He was in Boracay at the time and his dad was at their store in Alabang when it happened. The fire reportedly started when their Christmas tree caught fire. His mom and two brothers were trapped in the second floor.
What tragic news indeed, especially at this time of the year. My deepest condolences to you and your dad, Hans :(
What tragic news indeed, especially at this time of the year. My deepest condolences to you and your dad, Hans :(
a little holiday glitch
Of course, my perfect holiday just had to have a little icky blemish on its pretty little face. Was forced to come in to the office on the 27th and 29th (yes, today) to implement a rate reduction that the Senate/Malacanang just felt like imposing on the telcos right smack in the middle of the holiday break, and to make sure our ad comes out nicely and correctly in time for the 1st. I hate it when these things come up, and the call of duty is just way too strong for you to ignore. The responsible side of me (or was it just the OC side of me?) just couldn't bear to give instructions and directions from the comfort of my home. Also, due to the Taiwan earthquake, the internet service at home was down, so I couldn't really work from home either. Hassle, man, hassle!
I'll end this day with a pampering massage, using the GC I won in the Christmas party. Was planning to get it this morning, followed by a pedicure and manicure at Nail Spa. But work just had to railroad my beautiful plans. Oh well. I'll settle for the massage nalang. At least it's something :P After that, maybe my beau can get off work early and we can have a nice dinner date to cap off this day.
Happy New Year, everybody!
I'll end this day with a pampering massage, using the GC I won in the Christmas party. Was planning to get it this morning, followed by a pedicure and manicure at Nail Spa. But work just had to railroad my beautiful plans. Oh well. I'll settle for the massage nalang. At least it's something :P After that, maybe my beau can get off work early and we can have a nice dinner date to cap off this day.
Happy New Year, everybody!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
beautiful christmas 2006
Had a rockin' rockin' Christmas!
Besides the fact that I ate and drank way too much (hehehe), I loved loved loved this Christmas holiday. All my gifts rocked, especially the best one of them all-- My darling beau gave me this beautiful pair of hoop earrings--
I love it, I love it, I love it! :)
I loved that Dennis got to spend part of it with me and my family. I loved the grand reunion we had with my dad's side of the family-- the games, the food, the "raffle", the dance, everything! My darling beau was the star of charades, it was so cute! Hahaha! Oh, and he managed to out-win everybody in the mahjong game. My Uncle Robert lost P600! Hahahaha!
We must have taken thousands of pics that day. I love it, I love it, I love it!
Merry Christmas, all! :)
Besides the fact that I ate and drank way too much (hehehe), I loved loved loved this Christmas holiday. All my gifts rocked, especially the best one of them all-- My darling beau gave me this beautiful pair of hoop earrings--
I love it, I love it, I love it! :)
I loved that Dennis got to spend part of it with me and my family. I loved the grand reunion we had with my dad's side of the family-- the games, the food, the "raffle", the dance, everything! My darling beau was the star of charades, it was so cute! Hahaha! Oh, and he managed to out-win everybody in the mahjong game. My Uncle Robert lost P600! Hahahaha!
We must have taken thousands of pics that day. I love it, I love it, I love it!
Merry Christmas, all! :)
Thursday, December 21, 2006
tada... bonus!
One thing all Smart employees look forward to is the annual company Christmas party. No matter what the theme may be, what group presentation your team has to come up with, what caterer they got, etc etc, only one thing really matters-- the bonus. It's an unspoken yet very-much-felt fact that people attend the party only to hear how many months of additional pay they'll get to spend on their families this Christmas.
So, the mighty boss, fondly referred to by his initials MVP, went onstage tonight and announced that this year, they're keeping the employees' total takehome pay to 21 months. Yahoo!!! It's my first full-year of service with Smart, and that means I finally finally get to experience how it feels to have your bank account go ka-ching-ching on Christmas day :-)
I love SMART! :-)
So, the mighty boss, fondly referred to by his initials MVP, went onstage tonight and announced that this year, they're keeping the employees' total takehome pay to 21 months. Yahoo!!! It's my first full-year of service with Smart, and that means I finally finally get to experience how it feels to have your bank account go ka-ching-ching on Christmas day :-)
I love SMART! :-)
Sunday, December 10, 2006
weekend recap
This weekend was special because I didn't really do anything special. Haha, that may sound strange, but let me explain.
This weekend was all about me and Dennis, just hanging out together, just having fun, just "being." Friday night was spent at a good ol' Chinese restaurant where we stuffed ourselves silly with noodles, dimsum and more dimsum! I've been craving noodles all week, and it felt so good to finally get my wish!
We spent Saturday morning lounging around and having a lazy breakfast at home, then we headed off to the mall where we did some Christmas shopping (or just shopping, period). After walking around so much, we finally decided to eat at another good ol' Chinese place where we again had (guess what) hot, comforting bowls of noodles, a platter of dimsum and my favorite raddish cakes. Chinese food, back-to-back, now that's what I call fine dining! :P
After going to the temple on Sunday morning with my family, Dennis went with me to get my nails done (what did I tell you, nothing spectacular or news-worthy about this weekend, really...) He also graciously drove me to Karl Edwards, where I got some last-minute trinkets for people at the office, and then we headed back to my house for a gift-wrapping session. There's something strangely therapeutic about wrapping gifts. Something about transforming a plain, white box into a beautifully-shelled and beribboned package feels calming and... well, fulfilling. Knotting that final bow or sticking that final giftag just feels like a solid accomplishment. I love it!
We then had dinner here at the house, where we had... tadaaa... more Chinese food. Hahahaha! This weekend reminded me again of how much I loooove my beau, how well we mesh together and just how incredibly incredibly incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life.
Really, nothing earth-shattering happened to me this weekend. The crazily intoxicating gift came last year pa when attorney introduced himself into my life. Hopefully, he'll stick around forever and ever.
:)
This weekend was all about me and Dennis, just hanging out together, just having fun, just "being." Friday night was spent at a good ol' Chinese restaurant where we stuffed ourselves silly with noodles, dimsum and more dimsum! I've been craving noodles all week, and it felt so good to finally get my wish!
We spent Saturday morning lounging around and having a lazy breakfast at home, then we headed off to the mall where we did some Christmas shopping (or just shopping, period). After walking around so much, we finally decided to eat at another good ol' Chinese place where we again had (guess what) hot, comforting bowls of noodles, a platter of dimsum and my favorite raddish cakes. Chinese food, back-to-back, now that's what I call fine dining! :P
After going to the temple on Sunday morning with my family, Dennis went with me to get my nails done (what did I tell you, nothing spectacular or news-worthy about this weekend, really...) He also graciously drove me to Karl Edwards, where I got some last-minute trinkets for people at the office, and then we headed back to my house for a gift-wrapping session. There's something strangely therapeutic about wrapping gifts. Something about transforming a plain, white box into a beautifully-shelled and beribboned package feels calming and... well, fulfilling. Knotting that final bow or sticking that final giftag just feels like a solid accomplishment. I love it!
We then had dinner here at the house, where we had... tadaaa... more Chinese food. Hahahaha! This weekend reminded me again of how much I loooove my beau, how well we mesh together and just how incredibly incredibly incredibly lucky I am to have him in my life.
Really, nothing earth-shattering happened to me this weekend. The crazily intoxicating gift came last year pa when attorney introduced himself into my life. Hopefully, he'll stick around forever and ever.
:)
Thursday, December 07, 2006
god bless budget airlines
Thanks to Jetstar for offering round-trip tickets to Singapore for only 7k pesos! Managed to book peak-season flights (Holy Week dates!!!) dirt-cheap, and since we'll be staying over at Baby Bay's pad, we'll also save on hotel accommodations! More money for shopping, food and going-out!! YEBAH!
Singapore, here we come! (next year, that is.. :-)
Singapore, here we come! (next year, that is.. :-)
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
buddha bowl
Isn't this cool, a ceramic bowl with the little nook which lets you rest the entire bowl on the palm of your hand... Ideal for lounging on the couch or for walking around aimlessly while eating. No more spillage! This would be perfect for my dad, who always manages to somehow tip over bowls while eating or let food drip onto his shirt.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
sunshine, rain, or clouds?
Recently discovered a good source of weather forecasts-- www.wunderground.com
They're more precise than PAG-ASA, and nothing beats their 5-day forecasts when planning an out-of-town trip. Try it! :-)
They're more precise than PAG-ASA, and nothing beats their 5-day forecasts when planning an out-of-town trip. Try it! :-)
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
I wish....
Being so far away from you doesn't mean you're away from my thoughts or my prayers. Please always know that I think of you and your family all the time, and always keep you guys in my prayers. I pray for things to take a huge turn for the better, for the pressure to let up on you just a little bit, for the every-day side of things to become easier for you... I pray every day that life becomes just a little bit lighter, just a little bit easier to live. Nothing pains me more than to know you're suffering, millions of miles away from me, and not being able to stand next to you to help you through.
On the other hand, I am also very thankful that you have such a great great great guy beside you, holding your hand, keeping you strong, and holding you up whenever you're too drained, physically or emotionally, to carry on. I derive a lot of comfort from knowing God doesn't let you live through these tough times all alone, that he granted you a support system, a pillar of strength on which you can rely in times of weakness.
This would be your first Christmas with this situation. I know this would be the first of many tough holidays, the first of many challenging occasions to come. I know this is the first holiday to be marked with such difficulty, such pain, such burden... And I cannot even begin to tell you how bad it makes me feel not to be by your side.
I just wish I can be there, I wish we can talk more often, I wish things were different, I wish it never happened... I wish a lot of things. I wish I were a better friend, a friend who's more there than I can ever be right now, given the constraints... I wish my prayers had some sort of express-lane in the land of prayers, so they can granted right away and you would be freed from all this. By being my dearest friend, you carry a part of my heart with you wherever you go... so your pain will always be my pain too.. somehow.
I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make everything bad just go away... just go away forever...
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I wish.
On the other hand, I am also very thankful that you have such a great great great guy beside you, holding your hand, keeping you strong, and holding you up whenever you're too drained, physically or emotionally, to carry on. I derive a lot of comfort from knowing God doesn't let you live through these tough times all alone, that he granted you a support system, a pillar of strength on which you can rely in times of weakness.
This would be your first Christmas with this situation. I know this would be the first of many tough holidays, the first of many challenging occasions to come. I know this is the first holiday to be marked with such difficulty, such pain, such burden... And I cannot even begin to tell you how bad it makes me feel not to be by your side.
I just wish I can be there, I wish we can talk more often, I wish things were different, I wish it never happened... I wish a lot of things. I wish I were a better friend, a friend who's more there than I can ever be right now, given the constraints... I wish my prayers had some sort of express-lane in the land of prayers, so they can granted right away and you would be freed from all this. By being my dearest friend, you carry a part of my heart with you wherever you go... so your pain will always be my pain too.. somehow.
I wish I could take it all away. I wish I could make everything bad just go away... just go away forever...
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I wish.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
it's a miracle!
I have finished a good load of my Christmas shopping! I have presents na for my family (save for my parents who are always a challenge to buy for), my boyfriend, my friends and my teammates! The only people left to buy for are, apart from my parents, my officemates and Dennis' family (which means his parents and his brother-- thank God for small families!). Once that is done, I'm done! I'm free! Free to spend the remaining shopping days scouring for deals for my most favorite gift-recipient--- Moi!
Hahahaha! Thanks to Dennis for being in China this weekend and giving me the free time to complete my Christmas list. :p
Such a relief! :)
Hahahaha! Thanks to Dennis for being in China this weekend and giving me the free time to complete my Christmas list. :p
Such a relief! :)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
shmarty!
I've never encountered anything more intellectually, emotionally and socially challenging than my current job. I feel if I survive all this, I can do anything! You don't just grow day on day here eh... You mature tenfold by the hour and you age (not physically, I hope) way beyond your years. Para kang rubber band kung i-stretch at para kang sponge kung ma-overwhelm ng stuff to absorb.
Hay buhay...
Hay buhay...
Monday, November 20, 2006
a really good weekend and a real downer of a monday
Saturday--
Went to UA&P in the morning to give a short talk in their recruitment event. I'm always glad to do those things, even if sometimes they require me to wake up at an ungodly hour on Saturdays. Not only do I enjoy giving these talks, I also feel like I'm giving back to the school in my own little way.
Anyway, Dennis picked me up afterwards and we headed to Guia's house to look at jewelry. Hay, there's this one pair that was super duper pretty. I was tempted like you wouldn't believe to buy them, but my mom disagreed with the price. Oh well. Don't fret, there will always be a next time.
Went on to watch 007, which I thought was a cool and a really good depiction of how Bond, James Bond started out in his career as a secret agent. I thought it explained clearly why he turned out the way he did in the succeeding installments. After the movie, we walked around Podium for a bit, then headed to Cookbook Kitchen for dinner. Can I just say again just how much I looooove that place? It's so cozy, so romantic, and the food is heavenly. The price is so right too. For dinner for two complete with a dessert course, we only spent P600.
Dennis then dropped me off at Mia's party at Beers Paradise, where the beer is plenty and plenty expensive. (hahaha!) As usual, Martin and Rap chugged the stuff down like it was water. Too bad Dennis wasn't there; he would've loved the place. He later on picked me up so I can follow to Derrick's firm's first-anniv party.
Sunday--
Considering the late-night on Saturday, Sunday had me up bright and early to get a headstart on my Christmas shopping. It was quite successful, in that I got presents na for my brothers and for Dennis. But it was also quite a failure, in that I ended up spending a lot of money on myself too, by buying more clothes and a really pretty pair of shoes from Nine West. Hay.
Then we spent Sunday night watching Friends with Money (the Jennifer Aniston movie made shortly after her breakup with the Pitt) here at home, before the rerun of the Pacquiao fight started. My family made such an event out of it (none of us caught the live telecast during the day), it was so cute. Good thing it finished quickly though, I rarely have patience for these long dragged-out sporting matches. Hehehe.
Monday--
Woke up with a slight fever and a really bad headache, which led me to confine myself to bed and skip work. Though I admit it's quite nice to escape the ol' ball and chain called Smart for a day, I hate being sick. I hate feeling sluggish from all the extra hours napping and I especially hate the funny feeling you carry in your gut after ingesting antibiotic after antibiotic. Eeew.
On the flip side, the Glamour magazine and the DVD of The Producers from Dennis kept me entertained. I looooved the movie/musical! I could totally see it staged live in my mind, and I especially looooooove the end-sequence. Hehehe. I would love to see it on Broadway sometime in my life :-) A total killer of a performance. Everyone should get a chance to see it :-)
OK, time to watch old Friends reruns now... and trying not to go back to sleep again, lest I stay up awake all night tonight.
Went to UA&P in the morning to give a short talk in their recruitment event. I'm always glad to do those things, even if sometimes they require me to wake up at an ungodly hour on Saturdays. Not only do I enjoy giving these talks, I also feel like I'm giving back to the school in my own little way.
Anyway, Dennis picked me up afterwards and we headed to Guia's house to look at jewelry. Hay, there's this one pair that was super duper pretty. I was tempted like you wouldn't believe to buy them, but my mom disagreed with the price. Oh well. Don't fret, there will always be a next time.
Went on to watch 007, which I thought was a cool and a really good depiction of how Bond, James Bond started out in his career as a secret agent. I thought it explained clearly why he turned out the way he did in the succeeding installments. After the movie, we walked around Podium for a bit, then headed to Cookbook Kitchen for dinner. Can I just say again just how much I looooove that place? It's so cozy, so romantic, and the food is heavenly. The price is so right too. For dinner for two complete with a dessert course, we only spent P600.
Dennis then dropped me off at Mia's party at Beers Paradise, where the beer is plenty and plenty expensive. (hahaha!) As usual, Martin and Rap chugged the stuff down like it was water. Too bad Dennis wasn't there; he would've loved the place. He later on picked me up so I can follow to Derrick's firm's first-anniv party.
Sunday--
Considering the late-night on Saturday, Sunday had me up bright and early to get a headstart on my Christmas shopping. It was quite successful, in that I got presents na for my brothers and for Dennis. But it was also quite a failure, in that I ended up spending a lot of money on myself too, by buying more clothes and a really pretty pair of shoes from Nine West. Hay.
Then we spent Sunday night watching Friends with Money (the Jennifer Aniston movie made shortly after her breakup with the Pitt) here at home, before the rerun of the Pacquiao fight started. My family made such an event out of it (none of us caught the live telecast during the day), it was so cute. Good thing it finished quickly though, I rarely have patience for these long dragged-out sporting matches. Hehehe.
Monday--
Woke up with a slight fever and a really bad headache, which led me to confine myself to bed and skip work. Though I admit it's quite nice to escape the ol' ball and chain called Smart for a day, I hate being sick. I hate feeling sluggish from all the extra hours napping and I especially hate the funny feeling you carry in your gut after ingesting antibiotic after antibiotic. Eeew.
On the flip side, the Glamour magazine and the DVD of The Producers from Dennis kept me entertained. I looooved the movie/musical! I could totally see it staged live in my mind, and I especially looooooove the end-sequence. Hehehe. I would love to see it on Broadway sometime in my life :-) A total killer of a performance. Everyone should get a chance to see it :-)
OK, time to watch old Friends reruns now... and trying not to go back to sleep again, lest I stay up awake all night tonight.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
her letter from mommy J
Someone I love wrote this to another person I Iove. I just think it's so apt for her situation, and knowing that these words were said with as much love and as much hope there can ever be, I'd like to post this for everyone to read ----
There has to come a point when you drop all the big words and the big concepts and strip down to the bare, naked truth. It's always nice to keep your head high up in the clouds, but make sure both your feet stay firmly on the ground and you don't forget the realities of life you cannot help but face. Nobody benefits from being in denial and filling your head with nice-to-hear-but-don't-mean-anything-til-you-back-'em-up stuff like "it's gonna work out somehow" or "just believe and have faith in (insert person or dream here)." If life worked that way, nobody would need to work for a living, nobody would have to starve, beg or cry, and most certainly, the word failure will not be in the dictionary. If life worked that way, hearts will never break and dreams will always come true and people will never let you down. Sure, it's good to shoot for the ideal and you should in fact keep hoping for the best of the best to happen, but honey, they call it "ideal" for a reason. Life's not like that. People change, time passes and sometimes, most painfully, we discover that words are just words. Things seldom turn out the way we thought they would, and sometimes, the best-laid plans are the worst-laid plans. Rarely does the picture in your head become the life that you live.
Consider this the little knock on the side of your head from a mom who's been there, lived that. Love you, girl!
There has to come a point when you drop all the big words and the big concepts and strip down to the bare, naked truth. It's always nice to keep your head high up in the clouds, but make sure both your feet stay firmly on the ground and you don't forget the realities of life you cannot help but face. Nobody benefits from being in denial and filling your head with nice-to-hear-but-don't-mean-anything-til-you-back-'em-up stuff like "it's gonna work out somehow" or "just believe and have faith in (insert person or dream here)." If life worked that way, nobody would need to work for a living, nobody would have to starve, beg or cry, and most certainly, the word failure will not be in the dictionary. If life worked that way, hearts will never break and dreams will always come true and people will never let you down. Sure, it's good to shoot for the ideal and you should in fact keep hoping for the best of the best to happen, but honey, they call it "ideal" for a reason. Life's not like that. People change, time passes and sometimes, most painfully, we discover that words are just words. Things seldom turn out the way we thought they would, and sometimes, the best-laid plans are the worst-laid plans. Rarely does the picture in your head become the life that you live.
Consider this the little knock on the side of your head from a mom who's been there, lived that. Love you, girl!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
waaaaaaah!
This entire office can surely use a healthy dose of maturity. Shake off the ego, learn to think and work as a team, look at the bigger picture and transcend one's personal agenda in favor of the greater good.
Just grow up, guys.
Please.
Everyone will be happier. Promise.
Just grow up, guys.
Please.
Everyone will be happier. Promise.
Monday, November 13, 2006
weekend!
Had a fun fun weekend!
Saturday --
Got a treat at The Spa for an aromatherapy message. Divine! Granted, the place was a little small (went to The Spa in GB1) and there were only about 10-12 rooms in total. But the massage was great and the service was excellent. Kulang nalang buhatin ka nila to the room. Hahaha! :) After the massage, Dennis and I watched School for Scoundrels, which is your typical loser-gets-a-grip-and-goes-for-the-girl type of movie. Funny flick, especially with Ben Stiller's cameo role. After the movie, we hiked off to Metrowalk for dinner & drinks with Anna and Ian, Kaye and Rap. Twas fun, though the place had to close early and Kaye had one of her infamous tummy troubles.
Sunday --
After going to the temple, Dennis and I hung out at his house while we waited for his cousin Ven to text us when they're ready to go. Ven and her hubby are visiting from Taiwan and we were gonna take them out in the afternoon before the family dinner at night. Twas so traffic, that we ended up in Gateway around 4pm na. We ate a bit (Ven is 5-months preggy and is constantly hungry) and shopped around a bit too. Ven is so daldal, she's so cute. She had, like, a million questions for me, and was delighted to discover I could speak conversational Mandarin. Her hubby, who couldn't speak a word of English, showered me with compliments, like how I was very pretty, very classy and I was the epitome of the type of girl Taiwanese moms were hunting down for their sons to marry. And he even cautioned Dennis, in all seriousness, that if he doesn't hold on to me, take care of me and marry me, thousands (OA noh, thousands!) will swoop down ready to take over his place. Hahaha! Dennis' face was priceless-- he looked so disbelieving that this guy whom he just met had all that to say to him. Kulang nalang ung thought bubble na:"What the?!" Haha!
The family dinner afterwards was fun too. Dennis' mom was on a roll, telling us stories of Dennis and his brother as little kids. Hahaha! And Ven kept injecting "So when are you getting married?" every 5 minutes or so that Dennis whispered to me, "Why is she so insistent on us getting married? It's freaky!" Hahaha!
In short, I had a blast of a weekend. Wish every weekend was like that. :-)
Saturday --
Got a treat at The Spa for an aromatherapy message. Divine! Granted, the place was a little small (went to The Spa in GB1) and there were only about 10-12 rooms in total. But the massage was great and the service was excellent. Kulang nalang buhatin ka nila to the room. Hahaha! :) After the massage, Dennis and I watched School for Scoundrels, which is your typical loser-gets-a-grip-and-goes-for-the-girl type of movie. Funny flick, especially with Ben Stiller's cameo role. After the movie, we hiked off to Metrowalk for dinner & drinks with Anna and Ian, Kaye and Rap. Twas fun, though the place had to close early and Kaye had one of her infamous tummy troubles.
Sunday --
After going to the temple, Dennis and I hung out at his house while we waited for his cousin Ven to text us when they're ready to go. Ven and her hubby are visiting from Taiwan and we were gonna take them out in the afternoon before the family dinner at night. Twas so traffic, that we ended up in Gateway around 4pm na. We ate a bit (Ven is 5-months preggy and is constantly hungry) and shopped around a bit too. Ven is so daldal, she's so cute. She had, like, a million questions for me, and was delighted to discover I could speak conversational Mandarin. Her hubby, who couldn't speak a word of English, showered me with compliments, like how I was very pretty, very classy and I was the epitome of the type of girl Taiwanese moms were hunting down for their sons to marry. And he even cautioned Dennis, in all seriousness, that if he doesn't hold on to me, take care of me and marry me, thousands (OA noh, thousands!) will swoop down ready to take over his place. Hahaha! Dennis' face was priceless-- he looked so disbelieving that this guy whom he just met had all that to say to him. Kulang nalang ung thought bubble na:"What the?!" Haha!
The family dinner afterwards was fun too. Dennis' mom was on a roll, telling us stories of Dennis and his brother as little kids. Hahaha! And Ven kept injecting "So when are you getting married?" every 5 minutes or so that Dennis whispered to me, "Why is she so insistent on us getting married? It's freaky!" Hahaha!
In short, I had a blast of a weekend. Wish every weekend was like that. :-)
Saturday, November 04, 2006
love @ first sight
Had my eye on you ever since I saw you launched in HK earlier this year. If I had the full-amount in cash, I'd buy you right now. But alas, for now, you're but a dream---
Presenting, the OMEGA Constellation My Choice Iris watch in two-toned white & yellow gold with diamonds and multi-colored precious stones. Beautiful---
Presenting, the OMEGA Constellation My Choice Iris watch in two-toned white & yellow gold with diamonds and multi-colored precious stones. Beautiful---
Friday, November 03, 2006
i don't get you, girl...
My friend K (hmm.. seems like I have lots of friends with names beginning in K to write about, hehehe) told me yesterday that she and her long-time boyfriend have just paid the reservation fee on a condo unit in the Fort that's pre-selling now, for turn-over in 2009. I immediately asked a couple of questions, just to ensure she knows what's she's getting herself into). I asked, firstly, if plans for an engagement are underway.. Really underway-- in the truest meaning of the word. For her sake, I wanted her to have something concrete to hold on to. It doesn't have to be a rock. Just his word. And maybe some demonstrations to prove that he's serious.
I was disappointed. He hasn't given her any concrete assurances about marrying her. The ONLY thing he's said and has therefore committed to is the purchase of this condo unit. He hasn't even told his parents he's buying property with K, which K (rather fumbly, I thought) excused him for by saying they both (really, them both?) didn't want to upset his parents by telling them they don't plan on joining the family compound. I don't care if the freakin' parents get upset; I want him to tell them he intends to marry her. If he can't even utter the words, how in heaven's name will he be able to walk down the aisle?
She told me too that they'll be splitting the condo costs. He'll pay the first 6 amortizations, while she pays the second half. Admittedly, the payments will drain her funds and will even require her to downsize her life for a while, just to keep afloat. She has also enlisted her parents to lend her some money to pay for her share of the reservation fee. All that is okay with me, don't get me wrong. Nowadays, I know how expensive property is, and I know that it's only realistic for her to put in her share too. BUT ONLY if she's definitely, 100% sure that he will not leave her hanging 12 months from now. Darn it, she expects a proposal before 2006 ends and she's already anticipating her wedding next December (even to the extent of telling her boss she'll be on leave December of 2007). My worries even go beyond superstition at this rate. It's not about jinxing things anymore-- it's about jumping in blind faith, with no safety net.
Desperation is what I saw in her eyes and in every word she uttered in her attempt to convince me (or was it really me she was trying to convince?). I felt so bad for her, but hey, what else can I say? What else can I say that will not make this thing even more embarrassing for her, even more painful, even more scarring? She knows all the risks; she's not dumb.. She's just wishing against all odds, hoping against all hopes, that despite her greatest fears, he will pull through for her in the end. Maybe it's not the way I would've dealt with this had this be happening in my life and not hers. Maybe I'd choose to go a different route instead. Maybe I'd gamble my remaining reproductive months or years just to insure my heart and my sense of dignity. I may want to do it another way but hey, bottom line, this is her life and her choice on how to live it. Being her friend, I can hope for her best fortune and can only be there for her if her dreams don't come true.
I really really hope I'm wrong. They say a leopard cannot change its spots and that old habits die hard. Please let him be an exception to the rule.
I was disappointed. He hasn't given her any concrete assurances about marrying her. The ONLY thing he's said and has therefore committed to is the purchase of this condo unit. He hasn't even told his parents he's buying property with K, which K (rather fumbly, I thought) excused him for by saying they both (really, them both?) didn't want to upset his parents by telling them they don't plan on joining the family compound. I don't care if the freakin' parents get upset; I want him to tell them he intends to marry her. If he can't even utter the words, how in heaven's name will he be able to walk down the aisle?
She told me too that they'll be splitting the condo costs. He'll pay the first 6 amortizations, while she pays the second half. Admittedly, the payments will drain her funds and will even require her to downsize her life for a while, just to keep afloat. She has also enlisted her parents to lend her some money to pay for her share of the reservation fee. All that is okay with me, don't get me wrong. Nowadays, I know how expensive property is, and I know that it's only realistic for her to put in her share too. BUT ONLY if she's definitely, 100% sure that he will not leave her hanging 12 months from now. Darn it, she expects a proposal before 2006 ends and she's already anticipating her wedding next December (even to the extent of telling her boss she'll be on leave December of 2007). My worries even go beyond superstition at this rate. It's not about jinxing things anymore-- it's about jumping in blind faith, with no safety net.
Desperation is what I saw in her eyes and in every word she uttered in her attempt to convince me (or was it really me she was trying to convince?). I felt so bad for her, but hey, what else can I say? What else can I say that will not make this thing even more embarrassing for her, even more painful, even more scarring? She knows all the risks; she's not dumb.. She's just wishing against all odds, hoping against all hopes, that despite her greatest fears, he will pull through for her in the end. Maybe it's not the way I would've dealt with this had this be happening in my life and not hers. Maybe I'd choose to go a different route instead. Maybe I'd gamble my remaining reproductive months or years just to insure my heart and my sense of dignity. I may want to do it another way but hey, bottom line, this is her life and her choice on how to live it. Being her friend, I can hope for her best fortune and can only be there for her if her dreams don't come true.
I really really hope I'm wrong. They say a leopard cannot change its spots and that old habits die hard. Please let him be an exception to the rule.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
customized M&Ms
Ain't these cute? Presenting.. customized M&Ms.
You can put anything you want in your own personal version of M&Ms chocolates-- you can put a logo or brand name if you want them as corporate giveaways or a message if you want to give them as a personal gift. You can also choose if you want certain colors only or if you want them all jumbled up in the bag.
Would have loved ordering a couple of bags of these to give as Christmas gifts this season... Too bad they don't ship to places outside of the US and Canada...
In front you have-->
Then flip to the back and you'll see-->
You can put anything you want in your own personal version of M&Ms chocolates-- you can put a logo or brand name if you want them as corporate giveaways or a message if you want to give them as a personal gift. You can also choose if you want certain colors only or if you want them all jumbled up in the bag.
Would have loved ordering a couple of bags of these to give as Christmas gifts this season... Too bad they don't ship to places outside of the US and Canada...
In front you have-->
Then flip to the back and you'll see-->
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
pig-out day
I love days like today where I can just lie in bed, nap for hours and hours on end, lazily read books and magazines, watch old Sex & the City and Friends re-runs, and pig out to my heart's content. It's been a while since I've done this, and I was definitely reminded of how good it feels to just do nothing.
True, I'm probably a few calories heavier now and there are probably a ton of zits waiting to pop out under my skin, from all the chips and cookies I consumed. I think a few brain cells have committed suicide for the lack of intellectual stimulation today, and I'm also feeling a bit sluggish and lethargic from all the napping. It's been truly a day full of everything-you-shouldn't-do-if-you-don't-want-to-grow-old-and-fat. But hey, I may not want to do this everyday of my life, but once in a while, it sure does rock. Who says a girl can't take a break? :-)
True, I'm probably a few calories heavier now and there are probably a ton of zits waiting to pop out under my skin, from all the chips and cookies I consumed. I think a few brain cells have committed suicide for the lack of intellectual stimulation today, and I'm also feeling a bit sluggish and lethargic from all the napping. It's been truly a day full of everything-you-shouldn't-do-if-you-don't-want-to-grow-old-and-fat. But hey, I may not want to do this everyday of my life, but once in a while, it sure does rock. Who says a girl can't take a break? :-)
Monday, October 30, 2006
La Cocina
Still on a high from my fabulous birthday weekend---
I have just decided now: I'll set aside a portion of my yearend bonus to treat my beloved beau to a romantic dinner at La Cocina de Tita Moning. For a change, ako naman ang magtetreat sa kanya to a five-star, two-thumbs-up kind of place.
It's a super-fine-dining restaurant set in an ancestral home within the vicinity of Malacanang. It's supposedly frequented a lot by Pres. GMA... Not that I put premium on what she thinks, but hey, it's interesting to note.
More details here in case you want to know more: http://www.lacocinadetitamoning.com/
You will see if you look at the menu listings that the dishes there are ordered in sets or in full courses.. and they are not very shy to reflect the skyrocketing costs of each menu. Obviously, it's for a special occasion. ... Or for a special person, whichever the case may be.
Great, now I have a reason to save and not spend my money on the trinity of clothes/bags/shoes... (wink wink) Lord please give me the willpower to see this through.
:)
I have just decided now: I'll set aside a portion of my yearend bonus to treat my beloved beau to a romantic dinner at La Cocina de Tita Moning. For a change, ako naman ang magtetreat sa kanya to a five-star, two-thumbs-up kind of place.
It's a super-fine-dining restaurant set in an ancestral home within the vicinity of Malacanang. It's supposedly frequented a lot by Pres. GMA... Not that I put premium on what she thinks, but hey, it's interesting to note.
More details here in case you want to know more: http://www.lacocinadetitamoning.com/
You will see if you look at the menu listings that the dishes there are ordered in sets or in full courses.. and they are not very shy to reflect the skyrocketing costs of each menu. Obviously, it's for a special occasion. ... Or for a special person, whichever the case may be.
Great, now I have a reason to save and not spend my money on the trinity of clothes/bags/shoes... (wink wink) Lord please give me the willpower to see this through.
:)
Sunday, October 29, 2006
birthday weekend
Had the most perfect, perfect, perfect birthday!
The eve of the big day was spent with my darling FILC girls and their respective mates. Except for Anna, that is, because she suddenly got these strange red spots all over her body, which later on turned out to be measles (Get well soon, Anna! Let us know when we can visit!) The evening was full of good conversation and lots of laughs. It was so good to see the guys getting along very well. :)
The main day kicked off to a good start with a phone convo with my bestest friend. Despite the challenges facing her daily life, Li still took time to greet me and to spare a few minutes of precious free time to have a little birthday chat. I miss her no less after the talk and I know nothing beats physical togetherness, but still, it felt really good to hear her voice on my birthday..
Presents abound from all corners, of course-- But by far the best present of all came from Dennis, who gifted me with a beautiful exquisite Swarovski crystal necklace ---
Nothing has ever hung prettier on my neck :)
Wrapped up the evening with a quiet dinner for two and a kick-ass movie. (Watch The Prestige when you can. You won't be disappointed!).
Today, on the other hand, was spent at the temple and with my family. As usual, I'm as full as ever from the enormous dinner feast we had :)
Thank you so much for the gift, babe, I looooooove it! You're the best boyfriend ever!
The eve of the big day was spent with my darling FILC girls and their respective mates. Except for Anna, that is, because she suddenly got these strange red spots all over her body, which later on turned out to be measles (Get well soon, Anna! Let us know when we can visit!) The evening was full of good conversation and lots of laughs. It was so good to see the guys getting along very well. :)
The main day kicked off to a good start with a phone convo with my bestest friend. Despite the challenges facing her daily life, Li still took time to greet me and to spare a few minutes of precious free time to have a little birthday chat. I miss her no less after the talk and I know nothing beats physical togetherness, but still, it felt really good to hear her voice on my birthday..
Presents abound from all corners, of course-- But by far the best present of all came from Dennis, who gifted me with a beautiful exquisite Swarovski crystal necklace ---
Nothing has ever hung prettier on my neck :)
Wrapped up the evening with a quiet dinner for two and a kick-ass movie. (Watch The Prestige when you can. You won't be disappointed!).
Today, on the other hand, was spent at the temple and with my family. As usual, I'm as full as ever from the enormous dinner feast we had :)
Thank you so much for the gift, babe, I looooooove it! You're the best boyfriend ever!
Thursday, October 26, 2006
hmmm.....
Today got me thinking again--
I know I have a future in the corporate world in the sense that I know I can survive (and most probably thrive) in it for most of my productive years. I know that I have enough skills to really last here and make my living out of making companies more profitable... I can probably stay here for a good 10 or 20 years and retire with a hefty pension.. There is stress, for sure, and pressure to make the numbers, but the risk is contained within the company. I will never have to worry about where the business is headed, where to get more investors, who among my children will succeed me, etc. I can enjoy all 15 of my vacation days, and I can live through my weekends in peace.
On the other hand, my brother broached the topic again today of setting up my own business.... It may not make the billions and billions of revenues that my present company makes but at least it's my own.. It's my own labor of love, and it will allow me to take more control of my time and my resources. True, it entails more risk and more worries and pressure, but at least, at the end of the day (or decade), I have a legacy to pass on.. If you gotta be stressed anyway, might as well be stressed over something that's yours, as opposed to getting worried over the revenues of a company who might redundate you once you become too expensive.
Ay ewan!
I know I have a future in the corporate world in the sense that I know I can survive (and most probably thrive) in it for most of my productive years. I know that I have enough skills to really last here and make my living out of making companies more profitable... I can probably stay here for a good 10 or 20 years and retire with a hefty pension.. There is stress, for sure, and pressure to make the numbers, but the risk is contained within the company. I will never have to worry about where the business is headed, where to get more investors, who among my children will succeed me, etc. I can enjoy all 15 of my vacation days, and I can live through my weekends in peace.
On the other hand, my brother broached the topic again today of setting up my own business.... It may not make the billions and billions of revenues that my present company makes but at least it's my own.. It's my own labor of love, and it will allow me to take more control of my time and my resources. True, it entails more risk and more worries and pressure, but at least, at the end of the day (or decade), I have a legacy to pass on.. If you gotta be stressed anyway, might as well be stressed over something that's yours, as opposed to getting worried over the revenues of a company who might redundate you once you become too expensive.
Ay ewan!
Monday, October 23, 2006
the stuff ain't old.. they're CLASSIC...
In spite of the holiday tomorrow, I didn't feel like going out tonight coz I'm still getting over the weekend. Feel like we filled it with too many things.. My body is still aching from all the walking and walking and... you get my drift... My beau feels the way too, so I think I have a valid point..
Anyway, spent a good portion of this evening looking through old stuff.. That is, apart from watching MSKM (Don't get what that means? Don't worry, it's a code only the super cool people alive understand).
By "old stuff", I don't mean ancient stuff hiding in my closet or stuffed under the bed. I mean "soft copy" stuff-- i.e. emails, files, documents in my aging, hanging-in-there-with-age laptop, written or created many many months or years ago... that I still find so meaningful to this day.
They're not meaningful as in tear-jerking stuff. They're meaningful in a that's-so-classic-of-me (or insert loved one/friend's name here). They're frozen in time, only relevant in that span of time it transpired, but still convey as much punch tonight as they did then. It's so cool to go back to old conversations, copies of old YM conference trails, files of old emails and notes that paint a perfectly faithful picture of instances in the past that are so much fun to wist over now. I love it!
Much like how tangible gifts or items can bring back such vivid memories of the past, so can their not-so-tangible, soft-copy versions. These are definitely stuff to cherish, for they are not "old" nor "worthless". They're classic.
Favorite line in a certain email shared with me by a friend -->
We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. So find a partner who will honor that and cherish the fact that you're the kind of person who knows who she is and refuses to live life any other way.
=)
Anyway, spent a good portion of this evening looking through old stuff.. That is, apart from watching MSKM (Don't get what that means? Don't worry, it's a code only the super cool people alive understand).
By "old stuff", I don't mean ancient stuff hiding in my closet or stuffed under the bed. I mean "soft copy" stuff-- i.e. emails, files, documents in my aging, hanging-in-there-with-age laptop, written or created many many months or years ago... that I still find so meaningful to this day.
They're not meaningful as in tear-jerking stuff. They're meaningful in a that's-so-classic-of-me (or insert loved one/friend's name here). They're frozen in time, only relevant in that span of time it transpired, but still convey as much punch tonight as they did then. It's so cool to go back to old conversations, copies of old YM conference trails, files of old emails and notes that paint a perfectly faithful picture of instances in the past that are so much fun to wist over now. I love it!
Much like how tangible gifts or items can bring back such vivid memories of the past, so can their not-so-tangible, soft-copy versions. These are definitely stuff to cherish, for they are not "old" nor "worthless". They're classic.
Favorite line in a certain email shared with me by a friend -->
We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. So find a partner who will honor that and cherish the fact that you're the kind of person who knows who she is and refuses to live life any other way.
=)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
I wonder how it feels...
to feel like the world is your oyster? To grow up never having a reason to think otherwise?
I was chatting with my friend K earlier this morning.. She talked about settling into her new life in Harvard Business School.. furnishing her brand-new apartment, organizing a block get-together for her new classmates, shopping for fall and winter clothes, preparing for her first Christmas in her new home, excitedly going on and on about her new classes, her casebooks, her new schoolmates... her new world... She even showed me some pictures online, but they were not necessary to help me get a picture of the spanking new, spanking cool life she's effortlessly stepped into.
Hay... My friend K... whose freedom and the resources I've always envied ever since we were little tots. The sheer lack of anything to tie her down, the lack of worries on how to afford it all, the lack of accountabilities for being the big financial overhead she's been to her parents all this time... it's such a precious privilege-- and a privilege she's had all her life. She embarks on various adventures and experiences with that characteristic carefree outlook of hers. She lives life to the hilt-- in fact, living it up has been the only way she's ever lived.
I'm sure anyone else would love to be like that. To always feel on top of the world and have all its possibilities at the tips of your fingers. To feel like anything is possible, that the entire world is up for your taking, that you can make dreams come true at will... That you can be anyone you want to be, when you want to be.
I envy her for the rich experiences she's had in her young 24 years of life. At this young age, she's already seen three-fourths of the world. I envy the opportunities she's been presented with by her parents, who demand nothing and give everything. Sometimes I fear she's grown up carrying a false impression of the world and of life, that she thinks everything is so easy to get and so easy to let go of, that everything and everyone will always be available to her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That when a day comes that her parents can no longer be there for her, someone else will step up and fill their shoes. That she'll never be left wanting, or wishing, or needing. I hope that day never comes, but it sure is going to be a cold awakening. When you've been built up so high and you've been configured to expect the sky's the limit, the crash down is going to be a hard hard fall.
I love her with all my heart, and I truly truly hope this day never comes. Because always feeling like the world's your oyster has got to be the best feeling in the world. And all my friends deserve that. :)
Have a blast in HBS, K!
I was chatting with my friend K earlier this morning.. She talked about settling into her new life in Harvard Business School.. furnishing her brand-new apartment, organizing a block get-together for her new classmates, shopping for fall and winter clothes, preparing for her first Christmas in her new home, excitedly going on and on about her new classes, her casebooks, her new schoolmates... her new world... She even showed me some pictures online, but they were not necessary to help me get a picture of the spanking new, spanking cool life she's effortlessly stepped into.
Hay... My friend K... whose freedom and the resources I've always envied ever since we were little tots. The sheer lack of anything to tie her down, the lack of worries on how to afford it all, the lack of accountabilities for being the big financial overhead she's been to her parents all this time... it's such a precious privilege-- and a privilege she's had all her life. She embarks on various adventures and experiences with that characteristic carefree outlook of hers. She lives life to the hilt-- in fact, living it up has been the only way she's ever lived.
I'm sure anyone else would love to be like that. To always feel on top of the world and have all its possibilities at the tips of your fingers. To feel like anything is possible, that the entire world is up for your taking, that you can make dreams come true at will... That you can be anyone you want to be, when you want to be.
I envy her for the rich experiences she's had in her young 24 years of life. At this young age, she's already seen three-fourths of the world. I envy the opportunities she's been presented with by her parents, who demand nothing and give everything. Sometimes I fear she's grown up carrying a false impression of the world and of life, that she thinks everything is so easy to get and so easy to let go of, that everything and everyone will always be available to her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. That when a day comes that her parents can no longer be there for her, someone else will step up and fill their shoes. That she'll never be left wanting, or wishing, or needing. I hope that day never comes, but it sure is going to be a cold awakening. When you've been built up so high and you've been configured to expect the sky's the limit, the crash down is going to be a hard hard fall.
I love her with all my heart, and I truly truly hope this day never comes. Because always feeling like the world's your oyster has got to be the best feeling in the world. And all my friends deserve that. :)
Have a blast in HBS, K!
Monday, October 16, 2006
FILC + boys :)
Had a blast of a Saturday. After a full day implementing a TV launch and a full late-afternoon judging an IMC presentation, I wound down my tired brain with a good dinner and a few drinks with my FILC girls and our S.O.s (plus one British guy). This is the first time we set up plans that included the boys....
The funny thing with that evening, though, was that the four of us didn't really spend as much time catching up with each other and talking as we did checking out how the boys were doing and getting all giddy over the fact that they got along well. Hahaha! It was a riot! Hahaha!
But it was cute to realize how much it really mattered for us to see our boys getting along well and enjoying each other's company. For a first get-together of the 4 of them, it was a smashing success. Dennis doesn't usually warm up to people until, like, the 3rd or so meeting.. but that night, he was on a roll! I was so surprised to see him joking around and laughing with guys he met for the first time that night (well, except for Rap, who's like a regular gym buddy to him now, haha!) The boys totally didn't disappoint! How cool! :-)
The funny thing with that evening, though, was that the four of us didn't really spend as much time catching up with each other and talking as we did checking out how the boys were doing and getting all giddy over the fact that they got along well. Hahaha! It was a riot! Hahaha!
But it was cute to realize how much it really mattered for us to see our boys getting along well and enjoying each other's company. For a first get-together of the 4 of them, it was a smashing success. Dennis doesn't usually warm up to people until, like, the 3rd or so meeting.. but that night, he was on a roll! I was so surprised to see him joking around and laughing with guys he met for the first time that night (well, except for Rap, who's like a regular gym buddy to him now, haha!) The boys totally didn't disappoint! How cool! :-)
Friday, October 13, 2006
lori + gladys = spending money
To maximize the remaining days of Loraine being my officemate, we played hooky this lunchtime and hiked off to Rockwell for a good 2.5 hours just walking around, eating and.. of course.. shopping.
That is, apart from the fact that I had bought a pair of sandals from her earlier that morning-->
Ikaw.. Nadali mo na naman ako-->
And so a number of bills vacated their short-lived spots in my wallet yet again... Hahaha! Oh well... My rationale is: I won't get to see Loraine everyday anymore pretty soon.. so might as well get a few souvenirs to remember the last days by...
YEAH RIGHT! What a load of B.S. Hahaha!
That is, apart from the fact that I had bought a pair of sandals from her earlier that morning-->
Ikaw.. Nadali mo na naman ako-->
And so a number of bills vacated their short-lived spots in my wallet yet again... Hahaha! Oh well... My rationale is: I won't get to see Loraine everyday anymore pretty soon.. so might as well get a few souvenirs to remember the last days by...
YEAH RIGHT! What a load of B.S. Hahaha!
Sunday, October 08, 2006
here we go again....
the jologs part of me only comes out when this happens...
JL has another soap out! YEAH!
After insisting to my boyfriend the other day that we MUST be at home by the time 9:30pm rolls in, because it's the premiere of Maging Sino Ka Man, I was soooo not disappointed. It may very well have no relation to the story, to the production, to the other actors.. but the very fact that my most favorite actor is there... that's enough for me. I was totally unfit for any kind of human interaction all throughout the show-- you could be talking to me, screaming into my eardrums... I wouldn't mind you. My eyes were transfixed onto the screen until the credits rolled.
Haha! This all sounds so pathetic!
But what can I say... I'm addicted. I love JL!
For all you closet jologs out there, you can check out Maging Sino Ka Man via---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNILibA2o0w
JL has another soap out! YEAH!
After insisting to my boyfriend the other day that we MUST be at home by the time 9:30pm rolls in, because it's the premiere of Maging Sino Ka Man, I was soooo not disappointed. It may very well have no relation to the story, to the production, to the other actors.. but the very fact that my most favorite actor is there... that's enough for me. I was totally unfit for any kind of human interaction all throughout the show-- you could be talking to me, screaming into my eardrums... I wouldn't mind you. My eyes were transfixed onto the screen until the credits rolled.
Haha! This all sounds so pathetic!
But what can I say... I'm addicted. I love JL!
For all you closet jologs out there, you can check out Maging Sino Ka Man via---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNILibA2o0w
Thursday, October 05, 2006
citi gals!!
Met up with my Citi gals last night to say so long and farewell to our little Baby Bay. As usual, the night was full of laughs, of jokes, of stories and of little anecdotes about Citi and beyond. Though there was a tinge of sadness at the thought of one of us leaving, the night was still lots of fun. Nothing less usually happens when I'm with this round of friends. Especially now that Dang-dang has a little baby Anton! Welcome to the world! :)
Of course, now that she's no longer preggy, Dang sure made up for 9 months worth of alcohol abstinence that night. Hahahaha!
To Baby Bay: good luck, and may your best life await you as you return to Sing. Love you, girl!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
I’m back!
Back from the sunny beachy paradise called Honolulu!
But before I get to that, can I just say that… there’s no better way to travel than via business class. Granted, it costs double a seat in coach, but heck, it’s worth every penny. Not only do you get express lane when checking in and when boarding, the food is great, the drinks unlimited, the movies all-you-can-watch, and the seats are as good as my lazy boy back home. No annoying crying babies here, mind you (my ultimate pet peeve when traveling), and you can practically dance and do cartwheels with all that legroom. (Sigh)… One of the best things about traveling for work is really the company policy that all international travel going for 5 hours or more automatically entitles you to a business class seat. After several work trips out of the country, I don’t know how I’ll ever go back to economy now. :-p
Anyway, so I landed in Honolulu, and discovered, to my pleasant surprise, that the secretary mistakenly booked my trip two days before the actual conference starts. That means I had two full days of total freedom in Honolulu-- free to do as I please, free to tour and to gallivant to my heart’s content. So off I went, of course, to do some shopping!! :-)
Though I didn’t have as much cash as I would’ve wanted, and though the sales were not as many as I expected, I still managed to make a decent haul. Thank God for Ala Moana Shopping Center and the outlet stores outside of town. Got a Dooney bag on 30% sale as well as a nice black beaded dress originally tagged $250 and marked down to $99. Managed to also get some pasalubong shopping done, too.
The beach was next. It’s true what they say that nothing can ever compare to the sands of Boracay. Even Hawaii’s famed beaches were no match. The only thing, I think, that they have going for them is the cleanliness. Cops are everywhere and ever-so-watchful to make sure you don’t litter. No cigarette butts here lying around in the sand, buddy, and no random candy bar wrapper washing up to you as you swim.
Met lots of Pinoys there too. Well, figures.. since about 35% of the total population there is Filipino. Met a lot of them who see Hawaii as their homeland now, and only look back at the Philippines on a once-upon-a-time basis.. That’s sad, I think.. To water down your own history and to relegate your mother country to an almost non-existent status..That’s just really sad.
I could understand though why they chose to stay and to become immigrants/citizens. Life is so much more peaceful, so much more organized, so much more.. maayos. The systems all work for you—the healthcare system, the banking/credit system, the government systems, etc. Your work always leads to the fulfillment of basic needs and to the enjoyment of life’s little pleasures. I met a restaurant hostess there who’s 2 years younger than me, who was earning $14 an hour and has already managed to buy her own car (paid completely already), can live on her own and can support herself fully. I also met another lady who, at 30, was able to fully pay for her own home and lot. That’s virtually impossible in Manila unless you come from a well-off family, or you got a big inheritance, or you work for the government (hehehe).. It’ll take you, what, 10 or 20 years to pay off a house and lot. It’s because we don’t have a robust banking and credit system here. Nor do we have a good social welfare system. In the US, you can get unemployment insurance which will pay you the monthly salary you enjoyed when employed, for a maximum period of 6 months upon losing your job. In Manila, if you lose your job or your source of livelihood, that’s it. You fend for yourself. The government isn’t going to be of help at all. Heck, our SSS system is about to go bankrupt.
So there… Add those insights to some rather-boring work stuff that thankfully finished much sooner than I hoped, some nights out on nice bars... A fruitful trip, wouldn’t you say? :-p
OK, back to reality, back to work. The good news is, seems like I may have a chance to go back to Hawaii early next year.
But before I get excited about that, I must first work with the situation at hand. Seems like a trip to the Middle East is in my immediate future. AFRAID!
But before I get to that, can I just say that… there’s no better way to travel than via business class. Granted, it costs double a seat in coach, but heck, it’s worth every penny. Not only do you get express lane when checking in and when boarding, the food is great, the drinks unlimited, the movies all-you-can-watch, and the seats are as good as my lazy boy back home. No annoying crying babies here, mind you (my ultimate pet peeve when traveling), and you can practically dance and do cartwheels with all that legroom. (Sigh)… One of the best things about traveling for work is really the company policy that all international travel going for 5 hours or more automatically entitles you to a business class seat. After several work trips out of the country, I don’t know how I’ll ever go back to economy now. :-p
Anyway, so I landed in Honolulu, and discovered, to my pleasant surprise, that the secretary mistakenly booked my trip two days before the actual conference starts. That means I had two full days of total freedom in Honolulu-- free to do as I please, free to tour and to gallivant to my heart’s content. So off I went, of course, to do some shopping!! :-)
Though I didn’t have as much cash as I would’ve wanted, and though the sales were not as many as I expected, I still managed to make a decent haul. Thank God for Ala Moana Shopping Center and the outlet stores outside of town. Got a Dooney bag on 30% sale as well as a nice black beaded dress originally tagged $250 and marked down to $99. Managed to also get some pasalubong shopping done, too.
The beach was next. It’s true what they say that nothing can ever compare to the sands of Boracay. Even Hawaii’s famed beaches were no match. The only thing, I think, that they have going for them is the cleanliness. Cops are everywhere and ever-so-watchful to make sure you don’t litter. No cigarette butts here lying around in the sand, buddy, and no random candy bar wrapper washing up to you as you swim.
Met lots of Pinoys there too. Well, figures.. since about 35% of the total population there is Filipino. Met a lot of them who see Hawaii as their homeland now, and only look back at the Philippines on a once-upon-a-time basis.. That’s sad, I think.. To water down your own history and to relegate your mother country to an almost non-existent status..That’s just really sad.
I could understand though why they chose to stay and to become immigrants/citizens. Life is so much more peaceful, so much more organized, so much more.. maayos. The systems all work for you—the healthcare system, the banking/credit system, the government systems, etc. Your work always leads to the fulfillment of basic needs and to the enjoyment of life’s little pleasures. I met a restaurant hostess there who’s 2 years younger than me, who was earning $14 an hour and has already managed to buy her own car (paid completely already), can live on her own and can support herself fully. I also met another lady who, at 30, was able to fully pay for her own home and lot. That’s virtually impossible in Manila unless you come from a well-off family, or you got a big inheritance, or you work for the government (hehehe).. It’ll take you, what, 10 or 20 years to pay off a house and lot. It’s because we don’t have a robust banking and credit system here. Nor do we have a good social welfare system. In the US, you can get unemployment insurance which will pay you the monthly salary you enjoyed when employed, for a maximum period of 6 months upon losing your job. In Manila, if you lose your job or your source of livelihood, that’s it. You fend for yourself. The government isn’t going to be of help at all. Heck, our SSS system is about to go bankrupt.
So there… Add those insights to some rather-boring work stuff that thankfully finished much sooner than I hoped, some nights out on nice bars... A fruitful trip, wouldn’t you say? :-p
OK, back to reality, back to work. The good news is, seems like I may have a chance to go back to Hawaii early next year.
But before I get excited about that, I must first work with the situation at hand. Seems like a trip to the Middle East is in my immediate future. AFRAID!
Monday, September 25, 2006
one trip down, another one to go
Just got back from a pilgrimage in China. For some reason, even if my family goes every year, I get amazed each time I land on that oriental piece of soil. As this province we went to is as rural as rural can possibly get, the city gal in me just can't help but get disoriented everytime.
I imagine, what if my grandpa didn't make it out of China? I would've grown up in that place, had grown up as unrefined and "in the rough" as all the other girls there.... I would think a clean comfort room is an impossibility and that releasing one's mucus onto the street is as normal as anything. I would think shaving under my arms is a strange thing to do and I would think screaming is the normal way of conversing with people.
It's strange-- I grew up being told that I'm Chinese-- who happens to be born in the Philippines. Granted, my Chinese upbringing has pretty much dictated the way I'm wired-- I find more comfort in Chinese medicine, prefer Chinese food to anything else, go pretty much with the Chinese way of thinking... Just like anyone who prefers to stick to the familiar, I spent my first 16 years of life being at ease with Chinese people and Chinese people only.
However, my college years adjusted that. I learned to associate with the non-Chinese, embrace other cultures apart from my own and find beauty in the unfamiliar. Someone once told me, don't you feel like you're really Filipino-- who just happens to be born into a Chinese family?
After some thought, I came to a conclusion. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why does one have to be the overall definition of who I am, and the other cast aside as a mere incidental, as a small coincidence? When, really, both cultures-- Filipino and Chinese-- make up the person I am today. It's these two parts that make up the whole that is me. Granted, there are times (most of the time, actually) that I feel more Chinese than Filipino, but if I were to be really honest, there are also times when the Filipino in me overrides the Chinese too. Who says these two things have to be mutually exclusive anyway? If they were, I'd be a very confused individual right now :P
Oh, on a small note: Seems like I have premature arthritis. It came as a shocker to me, because I always thought the big A was something that afflicted the elderly. But, oh well, the doc gave me some pills to take and told me to give a status report when I get back from Honolulu. Oh well.
OK, this oldie is signing off na! Time to cram in as much work as can possibly be done today, because I'm off to Hawaii tomorrow! :)
I imagine, what if my grandpa didn't make it out of China? I would've grown up in that place, had grown up as unrefined and "in the rough" as all the other girls there.... I would think a clean comfort room is an impossibility and that releasing one's mucus onto the street is as normal as anything. I would think shaving under my arms is a strange thing to do and I would think screaming is the normal way of conversing with people.
It's strange-- I grew up being told that I'm Chinese-- who happens to be born in the Philippines. Granted, my Chinese upbringing has pretty much dictated the way I'm wired-- I find more comfort in Chinese medicine, prefer Chinese food to anything else, go pretty much with the Chinese way of thinking... Just like anyone who prefers to stick to the familiar, I spent my first 16 years of life being at ease with Chinese people and Chinese people only.
However, my college years adjusted that. I learned to associate with the non-Chinese, embrace other cultures apart from my own and find beauty in the unfamiliar. Someone once told me, don't you feel like you're really Filipino-- who just happens to be born into a Chinese family?
After some thought, I came to a conclusion. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why does one have to be the overall definition of who I am, and the other cast aside as a mere incidental, as a small coincidence? When, really, both cultures-- Filipino and Chinese-- make up the person I am today. It's these two parts that make up the whole that is me. Granted, there are times (most of the time, actually) that I feel more Chinese than Filipino, but if I were to be really honest, there are also times when the Filipino in me overrides the Chinese too. Who says these two things have to be mutually exclusive anyway? If they were, I'd be a very confused individual right now :P
Oh, on a small note: Seems like I have premature arthritis. It came as a shocker to me, because I always thought the big A was something that afflicted the elderly. But, oh well, the doc gave me some pills to take and told me to give a status report when I get back from Honolulu. Oh well.
OK, this oldie is signing off na! Time to cram in as much work as can possibly be done today, because I'm off to Hawaii tomorrow! :)
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
filc days again?! :)
It's nice to hope that there will come a time when FILC days can be replicated.... here naman in my current place of work. It would be nice to have my girls here working at the same place I do... This place can then feel more like home and like a safe haven... :)
Maybe one day, who knows...
Maybe one day, who knows...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
a house of cards
We spent the entire weekend talking about this idea of going-away.. of his going-away... of his going somewhere far away from me, where his luck might be lying, waiting for him... of him going and taking that luck as far as it brings him, then coming home to get me so we can have the life we envisioned together... He talked about sacrifice, about the idea of foregoing the present so we can have a good future...
I had so many mixed feelings about it, I can't even begin to start detailing the why's and the why not's. I don't want to stand in the way of a potentially bright future, especially of someone whom I care so much.. and someone whom I know deserves it more than anyone else in this world. Yet, how can I ever stand going day after day without you here with me? How do I go about my daily life and fill the void you will inevitably cause... and how on earth will I ever stop myself from feeling like you left me here... like you left me behind.... and hold on to the promise that you will come back for me?
It's still an idea far far away in the future.. at least I hope so. I know this kind of thing takes a long time to get done, and I sure hope that the process stays that way. Because until I've figured out how to get used to walking down life's road without you beside me, I pray you never let go of my hand. I pray you never have to leave until I'm ready to see you go. A moment too soon and I'm afraid I'll fall apart like a house of cards.
I had so many mixed feelings about it, I can't even begin to start detailing the why's and the why not's. I don't want to stand in the way of a potentially bright future, especially of someone whom I care so much.. and someone whom I know deserves it more than anyone else in this world. Yet, how can I ever stand going day after day without you here with me? How do I go about my daily life and fill the void you will inevitably cause... and how on earth will I ever stop myself from feeling like you left me here... like you left me behind.... and hold on to the promise that you will come back for me?
It's still an idea far far away in the future.. at least I hope so. I know this kind of thing takes a long time to get done, and I sure hope that the process stays that way. Because until I've figured out how to get used to walking down life's road without you beside me, I pray you never let go of my hand. I pray you never have to leave until I'm ready to see you go. A moment too soon and I'm afraid I'll fall apart like a house of cards.
my lucky's
For some reason, I have such an addiction for Lucky magazines. Ever since the first time I went through one while getting a foot spa, I loved Lucky mags. Every new issue is packed full of clothes, shoes, bags and everything shopping-related... and even if most (if not all) of the stuff is beyond my reach (both in terms of affordability and availability), I can't help but get excited everytime I crank open a brand new issue. My eyes gloss over and get all glittery with all the eye candy inside---
What can I say... when you love it, you love it :P
What can I say... when you love it, you love it :P
Thursday, September 14, 2006
hawaiiiiiiiii!!!!
One of the perks of this job is the travel... Oh, I looooove travelling! :P
And 2 weeks from now, this job takes me to.... HAWAII! A week of glorious glorious Hawaiian sun. Who cares if I'm supposed to be there to attend a convention?! There's always time to sneak in a few sunshine rays and/or a shopping trip here and there....
Super cool! I'm so excited! Can barely wait....
And 2 weeks from now, this job takes me to.... HAWAII! A week of glorious glorious Hawaiian sun. Who cares if I'm supposed to be there to attend a convention?! There's always time to sneak in a few sunshine rays and/or a shopping trip here and there....
Super cool! I'm so excited! Can barely wait....
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Is it, is it??
Sometimes I don't know if I'm asking for too much.. Or if I'm asking for it all too soon... Maybe everything really happens in due time, if at all they're meant to happen. Maybe the more you're searching for something, the more you can't find it. Maybe you should just sit still, and somehow, good things will come and find you instead.
People have been known to surpass the odds and go beyond the initial cards life deals them.
Yet again, people have also been known to disappoint. Horribly and heartbreakingly.
I don't know.
People have been known to surpass the odds and go beyond the initial cards life deals them.
Yet again, people have also been known to disappoint. Horribly and heartbreakingly.
I don't know.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
online window-shopping
Recently discovered this blog, and I love it! It's so full of gorgeous & interesting bags that I often turn to it whenever I feel a shopping urge which MUST be contained. Hehehehe.
Check it out: http://www.purseuing.com
Check it out: http://www.purseuing.com
Monday, September 04, 2006
......
My ultimate fear and what would be the greatest failure in my life is being unworthy of you. You're offering me your everything, yet I don't know why it doesn't seem to be enough for me. I don't know why I feel this way, but I'd rather sound cruel than be a liar.
I'm scared to death to find out that, in the end, this beautiful thing we have will die not because of what you don't have, but what I can't give. Contrary to what you think, it's my own limitations, my own weaknesses and my own cowardice that's keeping us apart this way.
How's that possible-- I know I can't lose you, yet I don't know how to keep you. Maybe my problem really stems from focusing on what I'll lose, rather than on what I'll be gaining at its cost.
Postscript: When all in the world seems to look wrong and you feel like your insides are being torn up to shreds and you dread looking at yourself in the mirror in case you'll see someone you never wanted to end up being, it sure does feel good to have real friends you can depend on, who will take the time to listen to your ramblings, despite running only on a couple hours' sleep, and who will not judge you, no matter how despicably you judge yourself. It may not solve the problem or take your troubles away, but it sure does make you feel less alone. Especially on days when you feel so damn crappy, you can barely keep your head above water. Thanks, friends, your support is my lifeline.
I'm scared to death to find out that, in the end, this beautiful thing we have will die not because of what you don't have, but what I can't give. Contrary to what you think, it's my own limitations, my own weaknesses and my own cowardice that's keeping us apart this way.
How's that possible-- I know I can't lose you, yet I don't know how to keep you. Maybe my problem really stems from focusing on what I'll lose, rather than on what I'll be gaining at its cost.
Postscript: When all in the world seems to look wrong and you feel like your insides are being torn up to shreds and you dread looking at yourself in the mirror in case you'll see someone you never wanted to end up being, it sure does feel good to have real friends you can depend on, who will take the time to listen to your ramblings, despite running only on a couple hours' sleep, and who will not judge you, no matter how despicably you judge yourself. It may not solve the problem or take your troubles away, but it sure does make you feel less alone. Especially on days when you feel so damn crappy, you can barely keep your head above water. Thanks, friends, your support is my lifeline.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
teaching assistant
In a twist of life, I've somehow found myself in a weird position. For 2nd sem of SY 2006-2007, yours truly shall be the teaching assistant of Mr. Bong Mojica, who will teach the class Brand Management to UA&P IMC seniors, who incidentally also happens to be my boss here at SMART.
Ultimately, it's a non-paying job that will expose me to additional hours with my boss outside of the work setting. Great. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing... :P
Ultimately, it's a non-paying job that will expose me to additional hours with my boss outside of the work setting. Great. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing... :P
Monday, August 28, 2006
obsession, compulsion and me....
I don't know what's wrong with me----
1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...
2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.
Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!
Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....
1. I seem to have an obsession with shopping and a compulsion towards parting with money. Despite a resolution to lay off the clothing/shoes/bags acquisition binge I've been on for the longest time, I found myself with new stuff again this weekend. Got a cute cute dress at Topshop and new shoes from Chocolate and a new book from Powerbooks. And on top of that, I'm looking forward to the sale at New World and the book fair this coming weekend. Hay... I should find a cheaper hobby to occupy my energies with...
2. I've never been one to envy other people. This stems mainly from the fact that I've led a pretty privileged life since birth. I've never had to go without, so there was never really a good reason to be jealous of someone else's life. My parents taught me to be thankful and to never be presumptious as to feel entitled to something I don't have, simply because God has already given me so much.... Despite all that and despite myself, I couldn't help but feel jealous of the ease with which some people crossed over to the next stage in life called marriage. I couldn't help but envy the way that things just happened for them or the way that everything just fall on their laps. They go from dream to reality with just a snap of their fingers. They wake up with a house already purchased in their name or a honeymoon package to the Caribbean with their name on the tickets, appearing like magic, without them having to do anything but just be there to receive the bounty. On the other hand, I look at this wonderful man I'm with, and wonder why, of all people, he has to be the one to bear the burden of the future on his shoulders. Unlike most of his friends or people we know, he has the seemingly Herculean task of making something from nothing. He doesn't have any of the restbacks or fallbacks that most people we know have. He is feeling the pressure, I know, and he is trying his darnest. For that, I'm very very very proud of him. Though, in the same breath, I look at others and I can't help but envy.
Just a thought... If you envy on behalf of someone else, does that count?!
Tsk tsk, two evils: shopping and envy... must shake off these compulsions. Must, must, must....
Friday, August 25, 2006
Monday, August 21, 2006
not a wasted holiday
Unlike every other working person in the Philippines, I had a non-holiday weekend. Due to a pre-arranged seminar at AIM, I had to attend a lecture today instead of lounging around with my family. At first, admittedly, I dreaded it. Blasted international school--- they don't honor special holidays.
But, I was pleasantly surprised and won over by the very articulate, very enlightening marketing professors. Today proved not a total waste of a holiday after all! The topics were very interesting, and the insights were very valuable to a department such as yours which values niche markets more than the mass-based groups. Oh, and for the case-study workshop, we were even grouped with the people working for the arch-nemesis, and guess what, we were able to collaborate and come up with a collective answer to the problem! Who would've thought! :-p
Apart from the seminar (which continues onto tomorrow and Wednesday too), my weekend went really great. Saturday was spent exclusively in the company of my beau, with the evening filled with great food paired with great conversation by great company. I must admit, my boyfriend's friends are seriously starting to grow on me. I find that, underneath all the lawyering shit-shit, they're pretty cool! :)
Oh, and how can I forget-- Sunday. The day where I again spent more than I intended (which is PhP0.00) I ended up visiting Lori at the Rockwell Vintage Bazaar and instead of just showing support, I found myself leaving the venue 30 minutes later carrying 1 top and 3 pairs of shoes. So much for not shopping anymore :-p
The non-holiday weekend was ended with a flourish by a grand family dinner. Even if I gained 3 pounds post-celebration, I had lots of fun. I love my family, I love my beau, I love my job... What else can I ask for? :)
Oh, and my boss told me today that I can take a leave anytime I want this week or next week to make up for the holiday I spent working today. SWEET!
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
life lessons
Just doodling random thoughts---
Ang buhay, patibayan lang ng loob, patigasan lang ng mukha, at pagalingan lang ng diskarte.
1. Patibayan lang ng loob
Real life is not for the faint-hearted. Success is dependent on your resilience and your ability to take the hits and survive the blows, whether deserved or not, anticipated or not. What can help is the strength derived from a good family, a good set of friends, a good relationship with God, and a good sense of self. These are armors to protect you from setbacks and misfortune. Oh, and of course, a good upbringing is amunition so rare these days.
2. Patigasan lang ng mukha
This does not mean rudeness or thick-facedness in the crass, tactless way. This pertains to your ability to swallow your pride and resist the temptation of "face-saving" when doing what's right or when righting a wrong. It also refers to your ability to balance confidence with humility, and your adamant refusal to let yourself cross the line over to arrogance. For a swollen ego can blind you like you wouldn't believe.
3. Pagalingan lang ng diskarte
Life lessons are not learned from books nor are they obtained through lectures or sermons. Life is like a chess game where only strategy matters. You may have certain advantages gifted to you prior to the start of the race, like good looks, an established family or even a big fat inheritance. But once the race starts and the game is played, what will get you through the finish line is not any of the frills you donned, but the way you go through the hoops, jump through the hurdles and crawl through the maze. There's no hard-and-fast rule-- no set formula. There are a million ways to navigate through life, and no one holds the secret to the winning recipe. We all have to find it ourselves. Or get lost trying.
In that sense, life is fair.
Ang buhay, patibayan lang ng loob, patigasan lang ng mukha, at pagalingan lang ng diskarte.
1. Patibayan lang ng loob
Real life is not for the faint-hearted. Success is dependent on your resilience and your ability to take the hits and survive the blows, whether deserved or not, anticipated or not. What can help is the strength derived from a good family, a good set of friends, a good relationship with God, and a good sense of self. These are armors to protect you from setbacks and misfortune. Oh, and of course, a good upbringing is amunition so rare these days.
2. Patigasan lang ng mukha
This does not mean rudeness or thick-facedness in the crass, tactless way. This pertains to your ability to swallow your pride and resist the temptation of "face-saving" when doing what's right or when righting a wrong. It also refers to your ability to balance confidence with humility, and your adamant refusal to let yourself cross the line over to arrogance. For a swollen ego can blind you like you wouldn't believe.
3. Pagalingan lang ng diskarte
Life lessons are not learned from books nor are they obtained through lectures or sermons. Life is like a chess game where only strategy matters. You may have certain advantages gifted to you prior to the start of the race, like good looks, an established family or even a big fat inheritance. But once the race starts and the game is played, what will get you through the finish line is not any of the frills you donned, but the way you go through the hoops, jump through the hurdles and crawl through the maze. There's no hard-and-fast rule-- no set formula. There are a million ways to navigate through life, and no one holds the secret to the winning recipe. We all have to find it ourselves. Or get lost trying.
In that sense, life is fair.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
missed those banking halls for a little while there...
Earlier this week, an FGD happened to coincide with the day I decided to take some hours off from work, so I figured, I should join. Why not? The token pay was P800 and the topic was something I could discuss for hours. The point of discussion (or research, in this case) is related to my previous job, and given this background of mine, I had a wealth of inputs to give to anyone who'll listen.
The token pay was good-- hey, who wouldn't appreciate pocketing P800 for 2 hours of talking and giving your opinion?-- but more than that, I picked up a sense of nostalgia towards my old job. It was not enough of a nostalgic sense to want to go back but just a warm feeling of appreciation for my first professional pitstop. That place, for all its limitations & faults, was a good one to learn the basics and grow corporate legs in. I appreciate it all the more vis-a-vis by my current work, because without that initial exposure to corporate life, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground running in this place. I'd probably be eaten alive by the politics, scared shitless and unsure of the when, where, how or why.
Just wanted to say thank you. To the people filling up those hallowed banking halls. Spending my professional infancy in your care is proving to be the best move to set-off my career. You're such an underrelated corporate launching-pad. I don't think I ever appreciated you this much. It's true what they say-- hindsight is always 20-20.
Well, better late than never :)
The token pay was good-- hey, who wouldn't appreciate pocketing P800 for 2 hours of talking and giving your opinion?-- but more than that, I picked up a sense of nostalgia towards my old job. It was not enough of a nostalgic sense to want to go back but just a warm feeling of appreciation for my first professional pitstop. That place, for all its limitations & faults, was a good one to learn the basics and grow corporate legs in. I appreciate it all the more vis-a-vis by my current work, because without that initial exposure to corporate life, I wouldn't be able to hit the ground running in this place. I'd probably be eaten alive by the politics, scared shitless and unsure of the when, where, how or why.
Just wanted to say thank you. To the people filling up those hallowed banking halls. Spending my professional infancy in your care is proving to be the best move to set-off my career. You're such an underrelated corporate launching-pad. I don't think I ever appreciated you this much. It's true what they say-- hindsight is always 20-20.
Well, better late than never :)
Monday, July 31, 2006
more prayers needed
My dear friend, I will continue to pray for your brother. He's in my nightly prayers ever since the accident happened. I know things look dim right now and the doctors' diagnosis looks bad, but keep up your faith-- people defy the odds and prove doctors wrong all the time. I know he'll pull through, I just know it.
To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.
To everyone viewing this page, please please pray for Remington Siy's speedy recovery.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
working smart vs working at smart
Just found out that a friend's business grosses 500k a month-- about 6M a year. It's divided among her and her two partners, sure, and they mostly bankroll it back to their business as working capital, but still.. that's still a lot better than her current paycheck. The long-term promise of this is also better than staying in the corporate world. At least her business will always be hers; it will never fire her or treat her badly.
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
My gosh, if I re-channel all my work-related efforts towards setting up a business and managing it, I can very well gross that much too and be able to have more free time for myself. Hmm...
That little discovery has jumpstarted my desire to be entrepreneurial. I'll rehash the research work I've compiled thus-far on setting up a little business establishment. Let's see where this goes this time.. :)
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
growing up at the speed of light
The past week was composed of the following: one baby shower, one bridal shower, one baptism and one hecka shopping trip hunting down gifts for the three events mentioned above. I can't believe how fast life is going for these friends of mine. On top of these three, I have three more who are getting married in the next 12 months, and one who's seriously considering/discussing the prospect with her significant other, and two who're worrying about the feasibility of their ever-getting-hitched before 2008.
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
As I said, life is speeding by really fast. Looking at people in my age range taking the plunge of married life and taking the even deeper plunge of babyhood, I can't help but feel totally unready. I'm not mature enough to even qualify as a wife, much less a mommy. I have things I have yet to achieve, milestones I have yet to land, before I can even attempt to think about the long-term. I know I've found the man I want to be with forever, but I just can't see even a vague timeline in my head. I know it's easy to claim a date or a year to make that big jump, but I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Much like any big project, there are mini-projects to accomplish in the short and middle term, all of which I doubt my capacity and ability to tackle on. It's easy to say "I'll be married by this time" or "I'll start a family by this time", but how does one ever know if she's ready? Being "married" is not just a label; it's a reality. And it's a touch-move. Once you've made it, you've gotta live it. Don't like it much? Suck it up. There's no replay and rewind with this one. I'd hate to wake up one day and think "what the f*ck did I get myself into?"
There's no hurry, I know. But part of me thinks these things must already be considered, lest I get sidetracked completely and lose sight of the end-goal, daunting as it may seem right now. I do want to be married; I do want to have kids. That much I know. When and how exactly I'm gonna get there are TBA.
Hay, I don't know! Bahala na!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
promoted!
I didn't think it would actually happen this early. As a friend warned me, in this company, it's rare to have people promoted upon regularization. Given the level of politics that's at play within these halls, it's challenging to rise one-rung up without jumping through unbelievably fiery hoops.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
But it did. It happened!
I was promoted yesterday. Not totally unprecedented, as my boss said, but very rare. So I should be proud.
I am. But more than that, I'm just deliriously happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
love, people, love!
A lot of people downplay attraction, intensity and passion in a relationship. A lot of reading materials and a lot of advice out there center on the security, practicality and compatibility in a relationship. They insist these things matter more, and that the stuff that makes your eyes glitter and your heart flutter is all fluff and nothing else.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
I've never realized how much I disagree with that until now. I've seen people fall into relationships without that spark in their eyes or that spring in their step. I observe people around me who are with their partners only because it works or simply "Why not?" I'd like to challenge these people to ask "Why?" Why are you with this person and not another one? What makes you stay with him and not prefer to be alone? If he undergoes mid-life crisis 30 years from now, what's going to keep you from going insane living with him?
I think a relationship should always have that extra something. Because that extra something is what would carry you through a crisis, is what would bond you together in the face of adversity, is what would enable you to trust blindly in the face of doubt, is what would allow you to forgive transgressions and forget lapses in judgment. That extra something inspires loyalty, erases hurt, eases tension and preserves your relationship from the everyday wear-and-tear of life. It's what's gonna keep you from cheating or from taking him for granted. It's what gonna keep you together.
That extra something would fortify your relationship year on year and bridge your union from decade to decade. Friendship doesn't do that. Kilig or infatuation doesn't do that. Real love does. What commits you to the person and what spurs you to stand by that person as your lifelong partner isn't friendship, isn't compatibility, isn't practicality, isn't reason--- it's love.
I'm not saying forget rationality and go crazy with love. I'm just saying that let's not miss the entire point of being in a relationship. Love has been severely underrated, people. Sure, security is good-- no one likes to be left hungry or wandering the streets for money. Sure, compatibility is good-- you can't live with a messy person if you're extremely OC. Sure, practicality is good-- it's a little difficult to be with someone who lives in Mindanao. But you gotta remember what it all boils down to, what it's all supposed to be about. You've got to love that person. You're not supposed to say "I like his personality", not supposed to say "he's okay", and certainly not supposed to say "eh why not?" You're supposed to jump with joy and giddily acclaim "I love him!" If you're the shy type, you can just giddily whisper this to yourself and to God, I don't care. As long as you do. Otherwise, you're not just fooling the person you're with. You're robbing yourself of an experience, a gift and a treasure to last you a lifetime.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
my birthday beau
My beau is now 27 years old. Hehehe. We celebrated yesterday by taking leaves from our respective jobs, and having a super-dragged-out lunch buffet at Spiral. Armed with my dad's privilege card that entitled us to 50% discount, we stuffed our faces silly of food, food and more food at the buffet spread at the Philippine Plaza. I don't remember eating that much in my entire life.... this year. Hehehe. Ooof-- the diet goes out the window.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
We spent the rest of our day together walking the calories off and going baby-clothes shopping for an upcoming baptism and an upcoming baby shower this week. He complained about the heavy amount of walking usually associated with shopping with me, but it was just fake whining. He was happy, I could see. Nothing could break his mood yesterday. Not the rain, not the walking, not anything.
Mass and dinner with his family ensued. The happy and contented look on his face mirrored mine, which made our very simple birthday celebration even more perfect. We didn't have to do anything special or out-of-the-ordinary, yet the feeling you take away from the day is one of happiness. Of pure, unadulterated happiness.
If only every day is filled with as much love and happiness as the 17th of July, 2006:
I love you.
Monday, July 10, 2006
need your prayers...
Shoutout to everyone viewing this page:
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
My best friend Lianne's family needs your prayers. Her brother was in a terrible car accident last weekend on a road trip to Calgary. Though he's emerged from a successful operation which realigned his spine, the doctor's prognosis regarding lower body movement is dim. He's also still in the ICU, with machines helping him breathe. Please help us pray for him to recover quickly and be able to walk again. Hopefully, if we all pray loud enough and hard enough, Lord will heed us.
Life can change so drastically in a heartbeat. One moment, you're off to a vacation and you can't wait to unwind and relax. Then the next moment, your life is turned upside down and you find yourself in the middle of a tragedy. It pains me to know that my friend is in a lot of distress right now and there's not a lot I can do a million miles away but pray. I want to comfort her, hug her and assure her that everything will be okay. I want her to derive strength from me so she can face day after day with resolve & hope. Sure, the mobile phone is a good way to communicate and stay in touch with her, but nothing beats physical presence and face-to-face conversations. There's only so much comfort you can send through phone wires.
I've never known distance to be this frustrating.
How I wish I can be there with you right now.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
a heartbreaking story
I have a friend who's been ready to be married since I'd met her two years ago. She's been with her boyfriend for 7 years now, and has been waiting so badly for him to take the plunge and propose to her already. She wanted to have kids already and was ready to settle down and give up her career to have a family.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
February of this year, after much struggle with herself, she decided to sit him down and talk about their future: What's the plan? Am I part of your future, because if I'm not, tell me now and let me go.. let me go so I can be part of someone else's life. I deserve someone who'll go the distance for me.
Sadly, he replied with a feeble I'm just not ready and bargained with her to give him until the end of this year. My friend, who's loved this guy for so long that it's taken all her guts to even start that conversation, resignedly agreed. After all, what's another year after seven have already gone by? She hadn't for once questioned if his readiness is only a function of time. Or if it's the way things will always be. She loved him too much to question him further. She didn't know if she was ready for the truth. It's much easier to just wait for the other shoe to fall, whenever that may be.
Fast forward to 5 months later: Just a few days ago after a routine executive checkup, she found out that her once-very-healthy ovaries have suddenly become polycystic. And that it would be very difficult for her to concieve. It's unknown when or even if this condition would reverse itself. There is treatment available, but the outcome is not definite. Few women have come out of this situation pregnant.
After the initial shock wore off, she cried. She cried out of misery and frustration, angry at fate and angrier at herself for letting so much time pass. She was angry at fate for being so cruel-- if this is fate's way of telling her waiting for him to come around had been the wrong decision, if this is her punishment for putting someone else ahead of herself, then it's way too harsh, almost inhumane. As for her boyfriend, she couldn't even look at him straight in the eye after finding out, because a part of her blames him for his inaction. His indecision had ultimately cost her her long-standing dream of being a mom.
She looked at me with tear-strained eyes, asking me what she did wrong. She was angry at herself for putting her life on hold for a guy who may never ever be ready to be with her for the long haul. She had shelved her future to accommodate this person in her life, unwittingly throwing away her chances of ever having babies. And for what?
I realized, as I looked at her, that you can never really plan your life. Sure, you can plan your next vacation or the next color your room will be painted. But you cannot, sure as hell, plan the big things. This friend of mine enjoyed her youth to the max and scheduled when her life's milestones will happen. She got herself an MBA degree and a well-paying job to fund all her indulgences. She initially planned to get married around 25 or 26, but when her boyfriend seemed unready, she rescheduled marriage towards her late twenties. She told herself many women married late these days and, like them, she'd just start motherhood late and would still be able to catch up. Alas, she discovered, she's wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong. Her best-laid plans had failed her, as did her ovaries.
Who knew a woman's system could change at lightning speed? My friend cried buckets more as she reeled from the pain of realizing her body, as well as her entire life, wasn't totally in her control. Society has come to condition women to think that they can do whatever they want and be whomever they want to be, but really, ultimately, a higher and much stronger power is calling the shots.
My heart broke for her, as my ability to speak comforting words escaped me. What could I really say to make her feel better? She did postpone her future, but she did so because she loves this guy. Who was to know that this is the price she'll pay for that love? As for him, he's always struck me as a self-involved guy (not selfish, just self-involved).. the kind of person who has his hands full just taking care of himself. He's the kind of guy who'd never be able to make space for another person in his life, because it's taking up all his power & energy just to keep himself afloat. He's the kind of guy who's just not the marrying type. He loves her, make no mistake, but he will never be the man she needs him to be. He will not let her go, but he will not commit himself fully either. He's not evil-- just limited in that sense. And everyone has limitations. Who am I or my friend to judge?
It's not fair. And it's sad. It's too sad for words.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
this is the real thing...
You know you have real friends when they defend you to the ground in front of anyone who dares attack your good name. You know you have real friends when they cry as you cry and they hurt as you hurt. Good times do not mark true friendships. It's the bad ones.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Real friends. They're rare, but once in a while, you chance upon them.
I thank my lucky stars for the real friends I have in my life.
Monday, July 03, 2006
relationships, relationships...
Relationships are complicated.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
That's my conclusion from the various developments that arose today.
First, there is the work stuff. It's no big secret how big a factor politics is around here. I guess all companies have that, but this place is somethin' else, man. Grabe! All projects here not only have financial and marketing weight, they also have loads of political repurcussions. It may be entertaining at times, but it sure is fucking draining to contend with egos and personalities day in and day out. The big boss sat beside me today and advised me that the exposure I get here is training for the real world. Coming from this place, I can survive anywhere. I can even run for public office at this rate. Hahahaha!
Then there's romantic relationships. God knows how complicated those can be. When political relationships are based on power-juggling and influence-manuevering, romantic relationships are about emotions and the payback (or ROI, in marketing terms) of your emotional investment. Unrequited love sucks like day-old milk, and everyone's in a romantic relationship hoping, if not expecting, to be loved. True love must be unconditional, but that doesn't mean you have to be an unloved martyr. Let's face it, you're in the relationship because you expect something out of it-- requited love, earned trust, unwavering loyalty, unquestioning acceptance. If not for those things, why the hell would you even bother? I guess that's the reason behind the nasty name-calling, backbiting and blackmailing that characterizes a lot of breakups. You break my heart; you gotta pay.
OK, enough of all this relationship talk. I'm hungry. Time to meet up with my girls.
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